BEING THE CHILD TO AN OVERBEARING MOTHER who never failed to find a reason to blame her daughter for anything that went wrong in life, Valina spent a good chunk of time not feeling too fond of the holiday season. Although, it hadn’t started off that way. The childlike wonder that every tiny human seemed to be born with was once something the woman had possessed, completely enthralled with the pretty lights and over the top decorations that every home but her own covered itself in. While her own guardian didn’t show her the attention and care she required, the others she found herself crossing paths with as a child had been kind, offering her smiles and spreading the holiday cheer with hopes that she would get exactly what she asked for. Just as long as she was good. She was polite, friendly, excellent in school, always eager to help and overachieve, and yet when the days of celebration rolled around, there was never anything for her. Disappointment and self-doubt began early, but she dare not ask about why nothing was gifted to her. It was ungrateful. Her mother did everything for her, so why should she deserve any special treatment? It was undeserving. Maybe if she tried harder next year. As she grew older, the kindness shown from adults lessened and no matter how many years passed, she never seemed to work hard enough to get as much as a ‘Thank you’ for the things that she did. Holidays that were meant to be happy and filled with cheer were quickly replaced with dread and sadness, feelings that were carried well into her adult years.
Ten years earlier was when Valina had made the decision to move out of the town she had spent a majority of her most formative years to begin a new life. One filled with a lot more love and happiness that she never quite felt like she deserved, and with a person who was more than willing to do whatever it took to give her exactly what she wanted. Kora had always been that way. She was the first person to ever show Valina true care and kindness that she had spent so much time believing she wasn’t worthy of. That time spent together, away from the physical shell of the voice that lived within her mind offered some healing as time went on, that childlike wonder returning in small doses that her long-term partner was more than happy to support despite her own complicated feelings, but it wasn’t the holidays themselves that she found herself looking forward to. It was the memories she could continue to create with the person who spent every day mending a heart she didn’t break. And little to her knowledge, she was about to receive another that would completely silence the idea that she would never be good enough to receive something that made her feel important.
