#kr diary entry

[mashkaromanova]

Alexandra Feodorovna, 1896

“How sweet and friendly she [Alexandra] is; it’s only a pity that she finds it so difficult to overcome her shyness.”

- Grand Duke Konstantin Konstantinovich, 10th/22nd April 1896

[mashkaromanova]

Grand Duke Konstantin, 1904  

“I am fasting, trying to attain the remission of my sins, or rather of my main, mortal sin, and hope that I will be successful. It torments me to think that: I sin, I become worse the whole time. I deserve God’s wrath, but instead receive only God’s favours. My sin is known to no one, I am loved, praised and promoted beyond what I deserve, my life is happy, I have a beautiful wife, who is appreciated and respected by all; delightful children; and finally have received a special mark of favour from the throne - a mandate recognizing my services; a girls’ gymnasium has been named after me. How is it I can’t deal with it?”

- KR, 14th February 1904

“My mind is in a bad way again, I am again pursued by sinful thoughts, recollections and desires. I dream of going along to the bath-house on the Moika or to have the baths heated up at home, I can picture the familiar attendants, Alexei, Frolov and particularly Sergei Syroezkin. My predilection has always been for simple men; I have neither sought, nor found, partners in sin outside their circle. When passion speaks, the arguments of conscience, virtue and reason are silenced.”

- KR, 19th April, 1904