My mom realized something once, she told it to me one night when we were laying in her bed, talking about whatever. And now it keeps sticking in the back of my head. Just shows up occasionally out of the blue every once in a while. I'll never dream of being in highschool.
Not because I don't dream -- No, in fact I dream some genuinely weird shit almost every night -- but because I didn't go. My last in person school experience was 8th grade. Because after that the world fell apart. But that's a different post in and of itself entirely lmao.
Point is: I will never stress dream of wandering long hallways, already late for class. I will never have weird dreams of fictional characters being my teacher. Instead, my dreams will perpetually only portray my middle school friends as they were. Stuck in time. Because after that, I moved, and I rarely talk to any of them anymore. I don't know what half of them look like now. And therefore I cannot dream of them being any older than they were.
And that's weird! That's genuinely weird!!! Like, yes, I'm glad I didn't go to highschool. I'm glad I will never have to have those batshit stress dreams people get. But the trade off is I get to be years older, attending middle school in those dreams, and having to rationalize that I'm not thirteen anymore, why am I here? All while being surrounded by essentially time capsules of people I won't talk to again.
Do you know how weird it is to only have school dreams on one small campus? My middle school was not a big school. In fact it was a small, 5 room 2 bathroom building. It had MAXIMUM 60 kids attending at any given point in time. It was connected to earlier grades to make a grand total of maybe 250 kids. That's it.
And no matter how warped my dreams can make that campus look, connecting it to streets it wasn't attached to or making the rooms look different than they were actually furnished, I will still only ever be on that campus in my school dreams. Because I don't remember enough of what my earlier school years were like to get those places.
There's not really a point to this post. But I hope that the emotions I feel when I think about this fact is conveyed correctly. It fucks me up thinking about it for too long.
