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I just want to sit under a veranda in this rain and sing songs with my friends

#ktowwn #0nehundred-years #atravilliondollars #misandjolras #dreamsofawallflower

I just read a poem and thought of Kaylee. *tears*

"Things that don't fit inside of us properly"

* A collaboration between me and Kaylee *

1. No, I have never made my best friend cry, but I have slipped pushpins into the soles of her shoes before and watched as every step she took left marks. I did not mean to, but I knew exactly where to poke the stick to show everyone the way she could move under the microscope, to prove to everyone that I could make her. I didn't look away as the sadness started pooling in her eyes and I didn't look away as it entered the world through eyelash doors. She didn't make any noise, she didn't make a sound and I wasn't grateful and I wasn't relieved and I didn't collect every single one of her tears to press onto my shoulder blades when I got home and looked in the mirror and I didn't apologize and she didn't ask me to and we never talk about it.

2. No, I have never flushed someone else's puke down the toilet, but I have almost suffocated on the smell of how meaningless it all is sometimes. Her clothes were clinging to her loose-fitting skin and her bones stuck out when I pulled them off. She kept apologizing apologizing apologizing but it was only her body's reaction to the room spinning, it was only an attempt to keep the corners of her vision from getting any more black and I didn't feel the night dragging its fingers down my back and I didn't want to empty myself on the floor next to her tired appendages and I didn't even hope that she'd be okay. I only washed the trash can and covered her with a blanket and shut off the light and fell asleep with icicles hanging from my ribcage.

3. No, I have never felt like my body was full of anything after sex even when there was liquid leaking from my mouth it looked like overflowing drool, like thawed love, like all of the pieces he tried to shove into me when I wasn’t looking A beaver can swim underwater with their eyes open just as long as they are glazed, and every time I woke up with a leg swung lazily over my stomach I felt a film settle over my whole face and I could not breathe through the thick of it so my teeth formed seaweed roots, I began to blow bubbles so big it would cage in the both of us only he wouldn’t know. He could never tell. I was the only one who ever popped on the landing.

4. No, I have not eaten in three days but it is not because I am not hungry I am starving I am starving for things that stick to my tongue whenever I open my mouth and then I cannot speak over dinner for all the kindling but no one has a match that won’t get lodged in my throat while its burning so I keep drinking coffee, just coffee, only coffee have you ever seen wet sticks burn? they don’t and then they sit piled and abandoned while the rest of the world drinks and blooms so no I am not eating, I am not drinking, I am holding my throat and punching my stomach waiting for something to fill me.

#poetry #spilled ink #creative writing #collaboration #ktowwn