#kuna zero

[amountingtozero]

I feel so insignificant, a writer trapped in thoughts of love while hurricanes destroy homes, and nuclear tensions escalate. ...

All these years of writing have been spent fueled by romance, love, and heartbreak, and I am so tired of it. It feels like I’ve written 400 of the same poems, rehashing the same thing over and over again, pretending like things were different. Consider this the death of a romantic.

[amountingtozero]

For so long I felt like a porcelain monster, an unchangeable bringer of pain, on my shoulders an ever-growing world of guilt, a ...

I am typically someone who easily falls victim to guilt. Guilt can make you feel lost forever, that the sins committed in the pass are unforgivable, that even death is merciful for all you've done (a bit of an exaggeration, but you understand). Partially inspired by Marianas Trench’s song “Porcelain”, this poem is about feeling trapped in guilt on the verge of falling apart, only to have someone with only a few words lessen the burden and show you the truth. Enjoy!

[amountingtozero]

By Now

And this melancholy feeling has consumed me. It cries out for heartbreak, for guilt, for self-hatred. It drives me to thoughts of her, of thoughts I know should be long dead by now. By now, all this should be gone, like a summer’s breeze disappears soon after it appears. 

And I know that this isn’t the real cause of the melancholy. It’s a consequence of it, my giving myself more to place on my shoulders, more to remind me of my inadequacy. I wasn’t enough then. I failed to understand what was there, and what it was to love, causing for things to spiral afterwards. 

But I can’t feed it anymore with these songs. I have to stop.

[amountingtozero]

A new poem up on my blogspot about the approach of winter! It’s a bit of a love poem by the end of it. Enjoy!

[amountingtozero]

The Struggles of 2014 - A thanks to Eppic

      This past year I was faced with death, despair, loneliness, and isolation. There were too many times that I grew too passionately in love with rage and sorrow and gave into them, turning on my friends and family. I tried to find a sanctuary in a past long gone and consequently found myself worse off than I had started off.

       But if there was anything that kept me strong, that kept me from caving in once I had realized I had fallen, it was Eppic's music. When my heart was struck with jealousy, anger, or overwhelming sadness, I would put on my headphones and play his music, from his remix of Phillip Phillip's "Home" to the always appreciated "By No Means". 

       Eppic always reminds me of the Flames (which is my way of saying God, I'm sure the name doesn't matter), and to stay faithful even when everything is falling apart. He reminds me to stay true to myself, trust in my ambitions and my abilities, as well as in the Flames. Essentially, he reminds me not to fall, to stand strong against all adversity. It's no wonder he's my favorite artist. His pen writes lines that resound deep inside my soul and not to my anger or weakness. 

       Below you will find a poem of mine that draws heavy inspiration from his songs that have brought me through this hard time. In a way, it's a dedication to him, a thank you to him, although at the same time it is also an expression of the voice that guides and unites both of us in this life we live. Enjoy, and stay true to yourself.

His Unwavering Voice

“You are not alone.” His voice is a song Trapped in my heart and mind, Infinitely repeating.

Sometimes it's hard to believe When I'm lost in the desert, Not a living thing for miles, But still he sings.

Even worse is the plague. It sweeps past me, Leaving my body intact, But murdering my loved ones.

Demons with smiling faces creep up, Offer me a life of truth, If only I give in, Roar with sorrow and fury.

But still he sings, unwavering, “You're stronger than this. Trust in me when you doubt. Lean on me when you're weak.”

I ignore him, Then go to claim he forsook me, Raging with demonic blindness, Pretending he no longer sings.

Things get worse, The smiling demons laughing: “This is a life of truth,” they say, “A life of absolute solitude!”

“You are not alone.” He appears before me, His skin and hair black, But his eyes infinite fires.

“Trust in yourself, And trust in me. Lean on me, Together, we overcome all.

“When the ground crumbles beneath you, And threatens to swallow you whole, Look to the sky and remember You've always known how to fly.”

This time, I listen. His words fill the void with radiance. The fear runs scared. The demons of doubt disappear.

The desert turns to a forest, And the light welcomes me home. The plague turns to bounty, Does not restore, but makes anew.

When troubles brew, I face them with renewed strength. I had been broken, But now I emerge triumphant.

It was the storm before the calm, And I was consumed by doubt, But I have found my way home, And by no means will I abandon it again.

-Zero

Eppic's Youtube found here.

My short story and poetry blog can be found here.

[amountingtozero]

The Pain of an Eternal Spark

I feel you in every breath,Every moment, And in every passerby.

I don't hear your voice, Except in my dreams, Where you sing, A sweet siren Of Death and Loss.

Yet, somehow, You manage to suck The Life right out of me. The thought of you Turns me into a silent screamer, Seared by the spark we shared.

Why can't I fade away? Turn to ashes To blow in the wind, Forever lost and scattered, Far away from you.

-Zero

[lifeislikealemon]

The night is quiet. No rustling. No chirping. No breathing. Where are you? The bed is empty. Made. Four am. No sleep. I miss you. You're asleep. Grinding teeth. Mumbling nonsense. Snoring lightly. I wish I was there.

— The Silence Screams the Truth by Kuna Zero

[lifeislikealemon]

"The Beginning of the End"

I used to think that was one of the most clever titles I had ever heard... and now, all of a sudden, it starts showing up in every aspect of my life!

...is this a weird coincidence, or am I just going crazy?