The Ravenclaws // Of Eagles and Snakes by NotLostAnymore
Gavin Free never expected to be told he was a wizard at eleven years old, nor did he expect a single one of the things that happened in the seven years that followed. Somehow, even among all the craziness that greeted him at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, falling in love was the biggest surprise of all.
We’re Falling Faster Than We Can Fly by NotLostAnymore
Tim Drake died. Bruce mourned him, the Titans mourned him, the whole world did. Only now there’s a familiar looking young man with no memory of his past lost in the world, desperately trying to find his way back home.
I just want to let you know that you are 110% the reason I've spent the last four days marathoning Ballum's scenes and then getting caught up on the last two weeks of episodes after having not watched EastEnders since Dirty Den died (the second and final time). I don't even remember how or when I followed your blog but the cute gifsets finally convinced me and now here I am in a torrent of emotions because of the severe trauma whiplash of their storylines... but thank you for bringing them into my life. Have a wonderful day!
omg wow this is incredible!!!!!! i’m so glad and i’m also so sorry 😂😂❤️❤️
a physical phenomenon produced by the motion of electric charge, resulting in attractive and repulsive forces between objects.
the ability to attract and charm people.
Warnings: past verbal abuse, drug mention, bullying
Word Count: 10,108 words
They were staring. He wasn't a stranger to the feeling of being stared at by his peers, but it was strange that Mr. Sorola was staring, too. It took him a moment to realize that he had apparently been asked a question, and, instead of answering, had continued to stare into his abyss of physics-induced confusion. With heat rising on his cheeks, he finally, meekly, responded, “I’m-I’m sorry, sir, can you repeat the question, please?”
Snickers from behind him served to only deepen his embarrassment, and he found himself sinking in his seat automatically; no matter how many times he was laughed at or stared at, it never got any easier.
Mr. Sorola simply gave him a look before repeating his previously unanswered question, “Can you tell me, what is the difference between centripetal acceleration and centrifugal force, Ryan?”
“Um…” Ryan, internally, was panicking, trying his damnedest to recall the reading the night before that he had only partially grasped, even with diagrams and copies amounts of Google searching. Chest tight, he stuttered out a quiet reply, “Centripetal acceleration is the velocity of an object traveling on an arc, and centrifugal force is the imaginary force felt by the object in an arc?”
Mr. Sorola nodded slowly, giving Ryan a small smile, “That definitely covers the basics, but there is one important point you left out of your definition. Anyone know what that is? Marcus?”
“Centrifugal force is based on an unrestrained object, and acts in opposite of the direction of centripetal acceleration, which points to the center.”
“Good!”
Ryan breathed a sigh of relief as attention was taken away from him and back to the whiteboard in the front of the classroom, where Mr. Sorola was writing the textbook’s definition of the two words, along with some terribly drawn examples. Mechanically, Ryan jotted the words down without really processing what they meant; he had never been good in science classes, with the exception of computer science. Most of his talents went to the arts, specifically English and theatre. So, Physics? Yeah, not exactly his specialty.
But he needed this class to graduate in the Spring, or risk having to retake it again for a December graduation. He was already one of the few black sheep in the school; he didn’t really want to make himself an even bigger target for ridicule.
The bell rang, braking Ryan’s once again wandering train of thought, and he closed up his notebook, Mr. Sorola stopping him with a hand on his desk, “Wait a sec, will you, Ryan? I want to talk to you.”
Never one to argue with authority, Ryan nodded, “Of course, sir.”
The classroom emptied fairly quickly, teens all hurrying to their next classes, eager to avoid scoldings or detentions from tardies, something Ryan himself would have been worried about if his next class hadn’t been with Mr. Ramsey, the most laid back AP English teacher Ryan had ever known. As long as he showed up and seemed to “know his shit” — Mr. Ramsey’s words, not his — the teacher could care less if they were on time.
“So, Ryan,” Mr. Sorola began, hopping up on the counter that occupied the front of every science classroom in the building, Ryan staying perfectly still at his desk, waiting for the inevitable scorn that every science teacher seemed to give him. Instead. the teacher seemed thoughtful, “I can tell you’re doing the reading, but you’re having issues with putting together the concepts, right?”
Ryan nodded, “Right. Science…hasn’t exactly been my strong suit.”
Mr. Sorola laughed quietly, “Well, Physics isn’t exactly the easiest of the core three. Some people get it instantly. Most take a bit of work; trust me, you aren’t the only one having a bit of trouble.”
Somehow, that did manage to put Ryan at ease a bit, “But, you are my only senior. And since this course is only offered in the fall, I don’t want you having to fall back a half of a year just because of this.”
“I…don’t really either, sir. I’m trying, but it just…goes right over my head no matter how many times I read it.”
Mr. Sorola held up a hand, stopping Ryan’s upset ramble before it could ever take off, “I know. I see how hard you’re trying. And I want to make sure you pass this class. So, I wanted to ask if you’ve ever thought of getting tutoring?”
Ryan wanted to laugh, a bitter feeling rising in his chest, “No, sir, because I didn’t think there was anyone who would be willing.”
The slightly annoyed look only stayed on the man’s face for a second, and, somehow, Ryan knew it wasn’t annoyance with him. Teachers weren’t blind; they could see how most of Ryan’s class seemed to hold him in contempt, not making an effort to get to know the shy and quiet senior.
Before Mr. Sorola could reply, an accented voice interrupted the quiet in the classroom, “Mr. Sorola? You said you wanted me to stop in?”
Ryan stared as Mr. Sorola waved in the lanky British teen, glancing back to Ryan, “Yeah, I did, Gavin, thanks for coming by. It’s about that tutoring thing you and I talked about a week ago, remember?”
Gavin nodded with a bright smile, “Yup! You said you thought you might have someone?”
“I do,” Mr. Sorola motioned to the so far silent Ryan, “Gavin, this is Ryan Haywood. Ryan, this is Gavin Free, one of my AP Physics students.”
The introduction wasn’t really necessary for Ryan; who in the school didn’t know Gavin? Star runner on the Cross Country team, Soccer team captain and forward, popular with pretty much anyone who was anyone in the school. He didn’t seem to have any enemies, much unlike Ryan, and had more friends than Ryan could count on his hands, also unlike Ryan.
And this was the tutor his teacher had in mind? Oh, he was screwed.
Gavin kept the bright smile, nodding to Ryan as if he had just made a new friend, “Nice to meet you, Ryan!”
Ryan could only manage a quiet, “Likewise.”
It didn’t seem to offend Gavin, at least.
“What do you say, Ryan? I think having someone help you work though it all might help you out. But, you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Mr. Sorola raised his eyebrows in question at his student, Ryan glancing between Gavin and his teacher a bit uncertainly. Dimly, he heard the tardy bell ring in the now mostly silent hallway.
“I guess, if you’re willing to, Gavin…I…I can give it a shot,” Gavin’s smile turned beaming at his soft reply.
“Of course! Do you get here early? Or would you rather stay after?” Gavin seemed more excited for this than Ryan was, but he was starting to feel a bit better seeing the younger teen’s enthusiasm.
“I tend to get here early,” Ryan replied, voice rising a bit in volume, “My aunt normally drops me off at about 7:15.”
“Alright, then, meet in the library at about 7:20 or so? And we can take a look at some of the stuff giving you issues, yeah?”
Ryan nodded, finally managing to give Gavin a small smile, “Yeah, that sounds like a plan.”
“Great!” Mr. Sorola finally spoke up, giving them both grins, “Now that you two got that settled, what teachers am I going to have to suck up to now that you’re both late?”
Gavin laughed, and Ryan was surprised by how…almost infectious it was; he found himself smiling a bit wider.
“Gotta apologize to Mr. Heyman for me, Mr. Sorola,” Ryan even chuckled at the groan that came from the Physics teacher, “Sorry.”
“Mine’s just Mr. Ramsey,” Ryan replied, Mr. Sorola seeming a bit more pleased by that.
“In that case, Ryan, here’s a note for Mr. Ramsey, and make sure he knows that it’s 100% true, alright?” Ryan wasn’t quite used to the mischievous grin on his teacher’s face, but had to stifle a snicker at the bright yellow note that proclaimed that Ryan was late because “Physics is way better than English, and you know it, Ramsey.”
“Thanks, Mr. Sorola,” Ryan said, getting up from the desk and grabbing his things, glad he was already prepared with the small paperback Mr. Ramsey had them reading right then, “I’ll see you in the morning, Gavin.”
“See ya, Ryan!” Gavin said with a small wave, Mr. Sorola looking less than pleased at having to deal with Mr. Heyman. Ryan almost laughed again when he overheard the teacher’s next words.
“Come on, Gavin, I might as well walk you down there, since Heyman would only think the note was a forgery or something.”
The next morning, armed with his Physics homework and a carton of orange juice, Ryan entered the library, giving a sleepy wave to the librarian, Ms. Ward, a sweet Australian woman whose love of books was only surpassed by her love of her husband, Mr. Pattillo, the school’s beloved woodworking teacher.
Gavin was already set up at one of the tables, and he grinned as Ryan plopped down, offering up a cheery greeting, “Mornin’, Ryan!”
“Morning,” Ryan said in a mumble, still not quite awake enough to function. At least Gavin seemed more amused than annoyed by his grogginess.
And that’s how it started. And that’s how the next morning started. And the next and the next. It became a routine, Ryan plopping down in the library across from Gavin and the two working together to decode Ryan’s homework. And, in return, Ryan was able to help Gavin: while he was amazing in Physics and most sciences, the arts were much harder for him to grasp, and the arts were where Ryan excelled.
And Ryan, well, Ryan was starting to enjoy Gavin’s morning company, starting to enjoy having at least one friendly face in the flood of apathetic and vindictive peers. Part of him wished he could see it more often, outside of the library and in the halls. But he didn’t dare approach him any other time, not when he was surrounded by some of the most popular athletes in the school, like Michael Jones, star quarterback; or Jeremy Dooley, champion gymnast and wrestler; or even Lindsay Tuggey, the Volleyball center who scored the winning point in last year’s state championship.
Yeah, Ryan had no chance with those people. He had nothing in common with them, that he knew of at least. He knew very little about sports, enough to get him though the mandatory PE classes, but that was it. He was more likely to be found reading or working on his latest computer program that he was probably accidentally going to make work. Or daydreaming about acting, but not actually auditioning. The only thing he could count in the “common interests” category was Gavin.
But, sometimes, like the saying goes, “necessity is the mother of invention”, and that’s how he found himself hesitantly approaching their uproarious table after picking at his lunch, the combination of nerves from needing to approach Gavin outside their usual setting and the nerves from his upcoming Physics test turning his stomach inside out. But, putting on a brave face, he stepped up behind Gavin, the table suddenly falling silent as the opposite side stared at him, Jones eyes narrowed in a glare that almost had him giving up on the whole thing. But, Gavin turned, and his bright, genuine smile eased a bit of his tension.
“Hi, Ryan!” Gavin made a motion for him to sit in the chair beside him, seemingly oblivious to the awkward silence that had befallen his normal friend group, “Take a seat. You doing some last minute studying for Mr. Sorola’s test, yeah?”
Ryan stiffly sat, focussing on Gavin and trying to ignore the others watching their interaction like hawks, “Yeah, but, uh…I wanted to see if…if I, uh, had this right?” his voice was shaking, a tremor that appeared when his nerves were on high, “Do you mind…giving me a hand?”
“Not at all!” Gavin said, turning to face him fully, Ryan gingerly setting his book down on the table and motioning towards one particular section that was giving him issues, “Ah, yeah, this is tricky. Why don’t you tell me what you know, and I’ll see if we need to fill in any gaps.”
With a wavering hesitance, he started to speak, his jitters causing him to stumble over his words, to get confused and backtrack, but all the while Gavin stayed patient, giving him encouraging nods when he got things right, but he knew the others at the table were watching him. He could feel their judging stares on him, and he felt like his heart was going to beat straight out of his chest.
Then he made the mistake of glancing at Jones and Tuggey, his gaze glossing over to Ray Narvaez, well known stoner and long-time best friend of Jones; then along to Meg Turney, cross country runner who won Regionals the last two years. And they all were watching him with a sort of pitying humor, like the kind of smiles you gave to someone you thought was slow. And Jones…Jones was trying his damnedest not to laugh.
And that was when Ryan’s resolve crumbled.
Gavin furrowed his brows when he trailed off, before following his eyes over to his friends, Gavin’s own gaze raking over them. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what had made Ryan stop his jumbled explanation of motion, Gavin finally leveling a glare at Jones.
“Michael,” it was a soft warning, one that Jones not only didn’t heed, but laughed in reply to.
“That was the shittiest fucking explanation of fucking motion I have ever heard,” Jones crowed, clutching his sides as he laughed. Ryan closed his book quietly, shrinking in his seat, bowing his head, flinching when Jones continued, “Fucking idiot.”
“You’re a fucking idiot, James. A useless fucking idiot.”
With a voice he hadn’t heard in two years ringing in his head, he stood, grabbing his book, not looking at any of them as he moved to make a quick exit, “Sorry for disturbing you. I’ll see you in the morning, Gavin.”
“Ryan, wait!” Gavin was standing up, ready to stop him, but Ryan was already bolting for the cafeteria doors. The last thing he heard before the door closed was Gavin’s angry, accented voice rounding on Jones.
“Michael, you are the biggest prick I have ever met.”
The telling off brought him no comfort.
Ryan contemplated not even going to school the next day, but, with no solid excuse as to why to convince his aunt, he found himself trudging into the library as he did every morning, head down and trying to make himself as small as possible. His wave to Ms. Ward was half-hearted, and even his smile to Gavin was barely present. Gavin, in return, was watching him in concern, not moving as Ryan pulled out his Physics homework for Gavin to look over. Ryan couldn’t look him in the eye as Gavin started to speak, quiet and gentle.
“Ryan, I’m sorry for yesterday. What Michael did was horrible and I made sure he knew it.”
Ryan kept his gaze fixed solely on his textbook, his own voice low and tired, “No, you don’t need to apologize. I’m used to it. I shouldn’t have bothered you, anyway. I’m sorry.”
“Ryan, you shouldn’t be used to it. Those kind of actions…no one deserves that, let alone you. And you weren’t bothering me,” Gavin paused at Ryan’s soft snort of disbelief, “I’m serious! I like spending time with you, Ryan.”
Ryan finally did raise his head slightly, warily looking for any sign of a joke, but all he saw was pure sincerity, and it confused him, “You…you do?”
“Yeah,” Gavin said simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “You’re funny. And you are smart…very smart, in fact. And you’re always willing to help me figure out what the bloody hell this literature is trying to say. You’re a good guy, Ryan, and I really do want to get to know you better.”
Ryan was honestly surprised by that, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up; if Gavin did get to know him, there was that chance that he would’t like what he discovered, and that would leave Ryan alone again. But…it’d been so long since anyone his age had been kind to him, and Gavin sincerely seemed to enjoy his company. Maybe…maybe he finally had a chance.
Then he remembered.
Looking away again, he quietly mumbled, “You were with your friends, and I shouldn’t have interrupted yesterday.”
“You’re my friend, too, Ryan.”
Ryan’s head snapped up, staring at Gavin as if Gavin had just told him he was actually God himself in disguise as a high school student. Gavin himself seemed startled by Ryan’s sudden reaction, and he quickly put two and two together, expression turning sad and worried, “Ryan, when was the last time someone called you a friend?”
He honestly had to think about it. He had to think back quite a ways to find the last person to call him a friend, “Years ago. Elementary school, I think? I’ve been the odd one out for quite a while, but I got used to it. I had to.”
“Jesus,” Gavin breathed, running a hand through his hair, making it stick up more than it normally did, “Whelp, you better get un-used to it, you sausage. Cause you got yourself a friend.”
Ryan wasn’t sure what part of that sentence he wanted to focus on more, so he went with the part that would be least likely to make him get his hopes up even more, “Did you just call me a sausage?”
Gavin started laughing, quickly quieting down when Ms. Ward gave him a look, though she still had that kind smile on her face, Gavin Giving her a sheepish wave before replying to Ryan’s incredulous question, “Yes, I did, because you’re a sausage, and a silly sausage at that.”
“What does that even mean?”
“It means you’re a sausage.”
“Are we talking breakfast sausage? Or, like, Italian sausage? Or am I a hot dog?” Ryan finally smiled when Gavin dissolved into stifled giggles, shaking his head in amusement.
“You’re a silly sausage,” Gavin stated matter-of-factly when he managed to control his laughter, “Which, speaking of breakfast, I got you something as an apology for yesterday.”
Ryan started to protest until Gavin tossed him a paper bag, Ryan unable to resist peeking in, eyes lighting up at the two donuts and the chocolate milk inside. They were even his favorite kind, he discovered as he pulled one from the bag along with the milk: chocolate iced and creme filled. He hadn’t expected Gavin to remember their conversation a couple weeks back when they talked about donuts and how badly they had wanted some that morning, but he had, and that gave him a small spark of joy knowing that someone else cared about what he liked.
“Gavin, you didn’t have to,” Ryan said, looking back up at him, Gavin seeming pleased that Ryan liked his gift, “But thank you. I didn’t get breakfast this morning, so I’m starved.”
“It’s the least I could do after yesterday,” Gavin replied, amused when Ryan dug into the donut as if it was the best thing he had ever eaten in his life, “Now, while you devour those, lemme see your homework, yeah?”
Gavin managed to surprise him again later that day, when he quietly trudged into the cafeteria, making a beeline to his normal table in the corner, only to find it already occupied. Gavin was waving cheerily from the seat to the right of the one he usually sat in, but he wasn’t alone. Jeremy Dooley, the school’s star gymnast, known for his skill on bars and rings, sat across from Ryan’s seat. Next to him was Meg Turney, giving him a kind and apologetic smile, obviously remorseful about what had transpired 24 hours ago. Ryan approached, and Gavin obviously saw the confusion in his expression.
“Hey, Rye!” Gavin greeted happily as he sat down, warm smile putting Ryan’s nerves at ease, “Hope you don’t mind a bit of company.”
“No, n-not at all,” Ryan smiled, though still a bit wary of both Dooley and Turney watching him, though it seemed like neither had any sort of ill feelings toward him. Especially when Dooley speaks directly to him with a friendliness reminiscent of Gavin’s.
“Gav was worried you’d be mad we took your spot,” Dooley tells him in a playful stage whisper, ignoring the indignant huff from Gavin, “He worries about shit like that.”
Ryan chuckled softly, raising an eyebrow at Gavin; teasing Gavin he could do. That was something he knew he could do, “Aww, you’re so considerate.”
Gavin sulked, though the happiness was still alight in his eyes, “You both are awful. Meg, make them stop, Meg!”
Turney laughed and patted Gavin’s arm consolingly, “Sorry, but you’re on your own, Gav.”
“I need new damned friends, that’s what I need!”
There was a warmth in Ryan’s chest at being included in that statement, being considered a friend to someone, especially someone like Gavin, a someone normally so unreachable to someone like Ryan. High school was all about what box you fit in, and making sure to stay in that box. But Ryan…Ryan’s “Weird Loner” box couldn’t have been further from Gavin’s “Popular Jock” box.
But, yet, here he was, chuckling at Gavin’s sulk.
“Oh, shit, guess I should have, you know, actually been polite and introduced myself, huh?” Dooley looks a bit sheepish as he looks at Ryan, “I’m Jeremy! Though, most people just call me J, anymore, lazy fucks. It’s nice to finally meet the Ryan that Gavin’s been telling us about for weeks.”
“Lillll J!” Gavin chirps, Jeremy tossing a balled up napkin at him in faux offense.
“Hi, Ryan,” Meg finally waved, still a bit apologetic, “If it’s okay, I’d like to start over. I’m Meg.”
Ryan smiled shyly at them both, “That-that sounds good. It’s nice to meet you guys, too.”
Gavin looked overjoyed to see all his friends getting along with each other. Well, almost all. Ryan knew they were being watched, and a quick glance confirmed it. But it wasn’t a hostile glare they were receiving from Michael Jones, but a considering one. As if he was trying to figure something out that he hadn’t thought about before. Lindsay Tuggey was quietly talking to him, it seemed, and he wondered if they were talking about the day before, or if Ryan himself was just dwelling too hard on the past.
“Gavin says you’re really into literature,” Meg broke his train of thought, and he gave her a smile and a nod.
“Yeah, I am…turns out I understand words better than science,” Ryan said, pleased when Gavin laughed, “I, uh, I actually really like theatre, too.”
“That’s where I know you from!” Jeremy suddenly burst out, Ryan looking at him, surprised, “You took Theatre 1 the same time I did! You did that really fucking awesome monologue that Mr. Ramsey still, to this day, denies that he cried during.”
“You’re kidding!” Gavin seemed impressed, obviously familiar with the story, Meg also looking quite delighted and awed, “You were the one that made him cry in class with the monologue? That story is bloody legendary!”
Ryan was pink by this point, ducking his head in pleased bashfulness, “Yeah, yeah, that was me. I don’t know that it was legendary, though. It was good, and I’m still really proud of it, but I wouldn’t go that far.”
“Dude,” Jeremy laughed, “Mr. Ramsey still isn’t over it. “
“Trust me, I know,” Ryan sighed in mock suffering, “He brings it up every time we read a play in class and he gives me a part. Tells me not to make him cry again.”
“You absolutely try, though, right?” Meg grinned, and Ryan found he liked that they had the same ideas as he gave her a devious grin.
“Of course!”
Gavin was gigging squeakily buy this point, nearly off his chair, and Ryan grabbed the back of his hoodie to keep him from falling to the floor, “You’re awful, Ryan! If you make him cry again, please get video of it.”
“Just because you asked, I will.”
“Aww,” Gavin parroted his words from earlier, “You’re so considerate.”
Ryan raised his eyebrow again, schooling himself into ‘unimpressed’, “Or maybe I won’t”
“That’s mean, Ryan!”
Lunch continued this way for a week, Ryan getting to know both Jeremy and Meg, and them getting to know him. He learned that Jeremy was very musically inclined, and liked to write his own raps and songs and could play piano since he was a kid. He had learned that Meg was actually just as nerdy as he was when it came to video games and anime, and they often geeked out about new things, making Gavin just shake his head in lost, but fond, exasperation.
He was learning that there was more to them than just the popular facade he had first seen.
A full week since the day that he had been laughed at by Jones, he was once again surprised at lunch, because, not only was Gavin, Jeremy, and Meg sitting there, but three more had joined them. Jones, Narvaez, and Tuggey looked quite unsure of themselves, probably just as much as Ryan himself did. But the smiles of his friends — a word he still couldn’t believe he could use — reassured him as he sat down, placing his tray lightly on the table.
There was an awkward tension between them all, Gavin giving Jones a very pointed stare until Jones finally spoke directly to Ryan, “Look, Haywood, what happened last week? I was a dick. I giant fucking dick, and I’m sorry, alright? I’m not gonna make any fucking excuses, because I don’t have any. I judged you on petty shit, and I shouldn’t have. So, uh, yeah. I wanted to apologize. You seem like a cool dude, from what I keep hearing from Gavvers, Lil J, and Turney. So, what do you say? Truce?”
Ryan looked from Jones to Gavin, Gavin’s expression telling him that it was all up to him. He sighed quietly before nodding, “Truce. Just, um, please don’t do it again?”
Jones shook his head, and Ryan could tell he was being sincere when he replied, “Not a problem, dude. It was a shitty thing for me to do anyway, but I think Gavin might actually kill me if I did it again.”
“Nah,” Gavin said with a grin that told them it wasn’t quite true.
“RIP,” was Narvaez’ rather succinct addition, “Rest in fucking pieces, dude.”
“Ray, please.”
Gavin sighed, rolling his eyes, “Guess they aren’t gonna introduce themselves, are they?”
“Nope,” Tuggey laughed, before waving to Ryan from the other end of the table, “I’m Lindsay, that asshole’s girlfriend.”
“That asshole being Michael,” Gavin explained unnecessarily, “Who is, indeed, an asshole.”
“I get it, you fucks.”
“Hey,” Narvaez leaned forward around Gavin, giving Ryan a nod, “I’m Ray, the very abused and very unlucky best friend of that asshole.”
“Oh, fuck you, Ray.”
“Sorry, not interested, bro. Lindsay might, though.”
The banter continued, and Ryan shot Gavin a look that just asked if this was normal. Gavin could only nod with a playfully resigned smile. And in that moment, Ryan found himself with three new friends, who, once he got to know them a bit better, found they were just as inviting and playful and kind as Gavin had been in the beginning.
Winter break came too soon, in his opinion, with finals the last hurdle between them and three weeks of freedom. And with finals, came Ryan’s panic. He had to do well on his Physics final. He had to. And it seemed like Gavin had caught on to his panic, and was doing everything he could to help Ryan prepare. In turn, Ryan helped him, and, surprisingly, all their friends, prepare for English. Their study groups in the library before and after school became a routine, Ms. Ward welcoming them every time with a cheery wave, and, sometimes, candy that they always thanked her for.
It was a week before finals that he discovered something new about Gavin, that seemed to be common knowledge to everyone else. And it came in the form of Mr. Ramsey.
Their after school study session was starting to wind down, their focus moving towards the game of Halo they had played the night before, teasing Gavin about how bad he had done and praising Ryan for his game-winning shot, to which Ryan was bashful. Their conversation was interrupted by the entrance of three members of faculty, one instantly moving to kiss his wife on the cheek. That was Mr. Pattillo, a kindhearted man who taught various shop classes and was one of the most loved teachers in the school. Beside him was Mr. Sorola, who stopped to chat with Ms. Ward. Finally, the last was Mr. Ramsey, who didn’t hesitate to stride right over to their group, all of them greeting him happily.
“Look at you guys, being good students for once! Ryan, you gotta be some kind of miracle worker,” Mr. Ramsey grabbed one of the chairs, flopping down in it carelessly, “Actually, no, I know you’re a miracle worker. I never thought I’d see the day these guys would understand literature so well. Especially Shakespeare.”
“Apparently,” Ryan offered, small smile on his face, “You just have to tell them to expect that every line in a Shakespearian play is a dick joke.”
“Damn, I’ll have to make a note of that. Who knew, high school kids like dick jokes,” he deadpanned, making the group laugh before he smirked at Gavin, “Whaddaya think, kid? You ready to head home?”
“Yeah, I guess. I have to finish your homework, anyway, so I can play some more Halo,” Gavin stretched, flipping his Econ book closed.
“You mean get your ass kicked again,” Michael teased, shoving his rather abused notebook into his bag.
“Language, Jones,” Mr. Ramsey playfully scolded as Gavin finally seemed to catch Ryan’s rather curious look, his eyes flicking between Gavin and Mr. Ramsey. Gavin’s eyes widened in realization before he gave Ryan a rather sheepish smile. Mr. Ramsey didn’t miss the exchange and seemed to realize the same thing at the same time, sighing deeply, “Gavin.”
“Yeah?”
“You never told Ryan, did you, buddy?”
“Nope.”
“Told me what?” Ryan finally asked, feeling completely lost as he looked between the two, the rest of their friends obviously realizing, Meg laughing.
“Oh my God, Gav! You’re such a piece of shit!” they were all laughing, and Ryan was ready to shrink down in his seat out of habit, though they were all laughing at Gavin and not him.
“It never came up!” Gavin defended, before turning to Ryan, shrugging, “Sorry, Rye. Geoff here is my adopted dad; he took me in when I was little. So, yeah.”
“Oh,” Ryan rather eloquently, blinking in surprise, “Never would have guessed that.”
“Because he sucks at English?” Mr. Ramsey snorted, a grin telling Ryan that he was just teasing, “Because I considered disowning him. Or sending him back or something.”
“Sorry, Geoffrey,” Gavin grinned, “No returns.”
“I knew I should have asked about the damn return policy. Griffon wouldn’t let me, though.”
“It’s because she’s cooler than you, Geoff,” Jeremy added in, Mr. Ramsey just nodding solemnly.
“She really is,” he said, a wistful note to his voice before he returned his attention to Ryan, “So, long story short, I adopt this lovable idiot and I can’t return him because my wife might kill me. Also, outside of school, call me Geoff. Mr. Ramsey feels weird.”
Ryan laughed finally, nodding, “Alright, noted. Also, if you do send him back, please make it after my Physics final.”
“You got it, buddy,” Geoff laughed, Gavin squawking in indignation.
“Ryan! I thought we were friends, Ryan!”
Ryan grinned brightly, “We are. But if he deports you, I gotta have my priorities straight, here.”
“He’s just looking out for his best interests, Gavin,” Lindsay agreed, grinning at Ryan, “Smart man.”
“Thanks, Lindsay.”
“You lot are awful,” Gavin huffed, crossing his arms, “The bloody worst.”
“Nah,” Ryan said, smirking, Gavin cracking into a smile, “We’re obviously the best.”
Murmurs of agreement went through the group as they all nodded seriously, or as seriously as they could get. Gavin just groaned and let his head hit the table with a ‘thunk’.
Finals came and went, Ryan actually managing a B on his Physics final, a feat he never thought he would achieve. Winter break was filled with gaming and hanging out, both around town, and at the Ramsey house. Ryan found that he really enjoyed spending time at Gavin’s, even if it was just him and Gavin without any of their other friends. Geoff and Griffon definitely seemed fond of him, as well, making a point to keep Ryan for dinner the nights his Aunt, an ER nurse, would be working, if just to ensure he ate something better than a bowl of Fruit Loops and three Diet Cokes.
As the days passed, Ryan found himself growing ever closer to Gavin, and ever more fond. He enjoyed spending time with him, even if it was just lazily lounging in Gavin’s room, playing some awful indie co-op game, and just taking in the addicting sound of Gavin’s laughter.
But, as Spring semester started, he slowly began to realize that, maybe, how he felt about Gavin wasn’t as simple as friendship. Not that he really had anything to compare it to, but if he went off his other friendships, Gavin was much more important to him.
Not to say he didn’t care about his other friends, no, not at all. Jeremy and Meg were his biggest fans in Advanced Theatre, and the three managed to pull off a comedy skit that had Mr. Ramsey in tears (true to his word, Ryan got video of it and proudly showed Gavin). It was Meg that introduced him to Blaine Gibson, the President of the school’s Drama Club and Mr. Ramsey’s assistant for any plays that the school put on. Through Blaine, he met Miles Luna and Kerry Shawcross, two aspiring screenwriters whose work was quite good, from what they had allowed Ryan to read.
Michael, obviously still trying to make up for his original treatment of Ryan, became his personal bodyguard, standing up for Ryan to anyone who dared to mock him for his reserved and quiet personality. Once they got a tongue lashing from Michael “Dynamite” Jones, they never said a word against him again. Lindsay had introduced him to some of the girls she knew from volleyball who were also interested in acting: Barbara Dunkleman, Arryn Zech, and Kara Eberle to name a few. Both her and Meg had introduced him to Mica Burton, as well, who had worked on a few of Mr. Ramsey’s productions as costume and makeup crew.
And even Ray, who he honestly thought he would have nothing in common with, proved to be a solid friend, who seemed to know when Ryan needed a breather from the sheer amount of people who suddenly seemed to know him and would lead him to one of his many hidey-holes. When Ryan would thank him, he would just shrug, “We’re the R & R Connection, man.”
But Gavin remained his go-to, his default when he needed a friend. At first, Ryan labelled him a best friend, a phrase Ryan never dreamt he could ever use, and one that, when softly and shyly uttered to Gavin one night in the Ramsey’s dining room as they worked on homework together, his Aunt working a double, had Gavin hugging him tight; the next day had him playfully bragging to them all about being Ryan’s best friend, and seeing Gavin so proud of the title only seemed to make the fondness grow.
It was only when his group in English were discussing whether the protagonist of their current reading had a crush on another character or i they were just really close, that he started to really examine how he felt about Gavin.
He approached it like he would a novel, trying to read between the lines, but real life wasn’t like a novel; novels were only one section of the characters’ lives, but reality was everything. You couldn’t read between lines that weren’t there. And that was far more frustrating than Ryan cared to admit.
Gavin meant a lot to him, he knew, but whether it was because Gavin had been the first person his own age to treat him with kindness, or if he really was crushing on him, he honestly didn’t know. He’d never managed to get this close to anyone to really know what it felt like, nor had he ever wished to get romantically attached to anyone.
But, sometimes, all it took was one thing to bring light to the answer. And that light came in the form of Gavin’s right hook.
Soccer season was in full swing, which meant Ryan was spending more time at school after the last bell rang than he ever thought he would. He was also, rather helplessly, trying to understand the sport Gavin was quite passionate about. That Wednesday evening was warm, and Ryan reclined on the metal bleachers next to the soccer field, watching the team run drills, smiling at the gleeful expression on Gavin’s face as he ran around the field (“Pitch,” Gavin had very sternly corrected him the first time he called it a field).
He had noticed the guys loitering around most of the time he was there, but paid them no mind. At one time, Ryan would have been wary, but it seemed having friends had relaxed the guard he had always kept up.
He knew he should have been more worried when they finally approached him.
“Sup, Haywood,” one of them, the ‘alpha asshole’ as he’d heard Michael refer to the type as, was towering over his sitting form, “Shouldn’t you be at home with your mommy? Oh, wait.”
Ryan froze, breath catching in his throat as he stared at the laughing teens before him. No one had known why Ryan had moved here two years ago from Georgia save for him and his aunt. But, somehow, they knew.
“E-excuse me?” was all he could manage past the tightness in his chest.
“We were doing a little digging, Haywood, and we found a bit more than dirt. But just a bit,” one of the others snorted, the third continuing.
“Your daddy left and your mommy in jail. So fucking tragic, isn’t it?”
Ryan felt sick, so very sick.
“Your life’s a fucking tragedy, isn’t it, James? A useless idiot with no Daddy and a Mama like me.”
“What do you want?” Ryan just wanted them to leave him be, for everyone to just leave him be. Was understanding too much to ask?
He never got his answer.
Gavin had noticed the commotion in the stands, as had the team, and their coach, and Gavin was approaching, two of the team’s defenders standing nearby, ready to assist if need be. In that moment, Ryan had never been so happy to see Gavin, to see anyone, in his life.
“Is there a problem, here, lads?” Gavin said, false cheerfulness dripping from his words.
“Yeah,” Asshole One replied, “Your little boyfriend doesn’t fucking belong here, Free. He just needs to go back to the crack den he crawled out of and stay there.”
“He belongs here as much as I do,” Gavin’s voice had gone cold, as cold as Ryan’s body felt, that little self-critical voice in the back of his mind saying they were right. They were right. He didn’t belong here, and he was an idiot for believing he did.
“You think you’re so much better, don’t you, James. That you’re above me. You’re wrong. This is what you’ll always be, son, so get fucking used to it.”
Asshole Three scoffed in Gavin’s face, “Which is to say you don’t. You think you’re so high and fucking mighty because a couple of teachers took pity on you.”
The defenders had stepped closer, and Ryan shakily stood, placing a gentle hand on Gavin’s tense shoulder, “Gavin, it’s fine. Ignore them. Go back to practice.”
“Listen to your boyfriend, Free. Wouldn’t want to get in trouble with mommy and daddy would you?” Asshole Two mocked, “Maybe you should share, since Haywood’s are busy not giving a shit about him.”
“There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t regret having you. You ruined everything, James. Everything.”
Gavin’s voice was cutting when he replied, “Sounds more like your mom. Wasn’t she having an affair with your uncle?”
It seemed that was the breaking point, that they couldn’t take what they dished out, and suddenly a fist was flying, Asshole One missing Gavin as he ducked, Ryan not as lucky, the fist striking him in the jaw and sending him down to land hard against the metal of the bleachers, wind knocked completely from his body. He could hear the coach’s whistle as he ran forward, and the defenders trying to stop anything else from happening.
But, they didn’t manage it before Gavin’s own fist was connecting with the face of Asshole One.
The rest of the time was a blur as he was escorted to Mr. Hullum’s office, ice pack pressed to his jaw, Gavin with a pack on his fist, as they waited their turn to tell the story. Ryan stayed silent, heart still racing, chest still tight, body still cold. Gavin had tried to talk to him a couple times, to no avail.
Their turn came far quicker than Ryan liked, the trio of Assholes escorted out to sit in the chairs across from them, the two being beckoned in by a solemn Mr. Burns, Mr. Hullum leveling them with a critical stare.
“Well, care to tell us what happened?”
Ryan opened his mouth to speak, but Gavin beat him to it, his voice so much stronger than Ryan’s would have been, “Those guys approached Ryan wanting to start trouble. Ryan was just sitting there, he wasn’t doing anything wrong. And I saw them talking to him and I saw Ryan start to get upset so I asked coach if I could take a second to maybe diffuse the situation. When I got up there, they were saying horrible things about Ryan and then they started saying horrible things about me. And Ryan just wanted me to ignore it, but I…I just made it worse. And I saw them hit Ryan and I just saw red.”
Gavin glanced over at Ryan for a moment, looking back at Mr. Hullum and Mr. Burns, “Ryan did nothing wrong. I did.”
“You know, Mr. Free,” Mr. Hullum began, watching them both, “Fighting on school property is grounds for suspension from extracurriculars.”
Ryan didn’t think his chest could tighten any more than it did, the sick feeling turning his stomach.
“I know,” Gavin lowered his head, voice so soft, defeated, and Ryan couldn’t stand it. This was his fault.
“It’s always your fault, James. Remember that.”
Ryan found his voice in his desperation, “Please. Please don’t do that to him. He was trying to defend me, because I’m apparently too weak to do it myself, or I would have. Please, don’t…this…this was my fault, not his.”
It looked like Gavin wanted so much to argue, but had the sense to stay quiet this time, both of them watching the Principal and Dean, awaiting their fate. Mr. Burns was eyeing Ryan with something contemplative in his gaze, but Mr. Hullum was still watching them with the calm air of authority.
“No, we’re not, Mr. Haywood. But, you can’t go without punishment; the handbook is clear on the penalties for participating in a fight. So, I have notified Mr. Ramsey as well as your aunt, Mr. Haywood, of our decision to suspend you for the remainder of the week. Mr. Ramsey has agreed to bring your assignments to you, and you may return to class on Monday morning. It is your responsibility to make up anything you may miss.”
“Yes, sir,” Ryan murmured, Gavin echoing him. A feeling of relief loosened the binds around his abdomen, knowing that Gavin wasn’t going to be kicked off the team he loved just because of him. He never would have forgiven himself.
Geoff was waiting for them outside, the trio of Assholes gone, presumably home where they, too, would be suspended. He wore a disappointed frown as he offered them their bags, though that frown would later become a bit more understanding as they explained to Geoff and Griffon what had transpired.
Together they sat on Gavin’s bed, the dim light of his bedside lamp casting long shadows on the various objects scattered around the room. But they were quiet, Ryan’s jaw aching, purple bruise forming where the fist connected. Gavin’s fist was darkened, bruising as well, and he assumed it ached just as bad.
He still felt so cold, even next to Gavin, like he had been dunked in ice water and left there. It had felt like ice water when he had heard their words. And now Gavin knew, too. Gavin, who had been so kind, and meant so much to him, now knew his darkest secret.
And now, he was so sure he was about to lose him. After all, who wanted to care about someone whose own parents didn’t care about them?
But Gavin didn’t know everything, and he wanted him to know the full story before cutting ties. He deserved that much.
“I left Georgia two years ago,” he started softly, gaze not wavering from the bedspread he was toying with, “Because my mom was arrested for possession. Meth. And because I had no other family and am still considered a minor, Social Services granted my aunt custody.
“But it had been going on for so much longer. My dad left when I was two because he couldn’t deal with it. I don’t even know his name. I grew up with it, all around me. It was a small town, and everyone knew her reputation, and I was guilty by association. No one wanted their kids playing with a druggie’s son. I grew up alone. I took care of myself, because no one else would. And my mom…it was like two different people. One minute she’d be loving and doting, the next…she’d be angry, screaming at me, telling me she wished I had never been born. It…it was confusing to a kid. And I guess…that’s why I never really tried to make friends here. Some part of me believed her when she called me useless and an idiot. It still does,” Ryan closed his eyes, trying so hard to hold back the tears he wanted to shed, because he didn’t believe he deserved them. That Gavin deserved to deal with them.
But Gavin’s hand was suddenly warm on his, and Ryan looked up, meeting his gaze, Gavin looking just as upset as Ryan felt, and he couldn’t look away, “You’re not an idiot, Ryan. You’re smart, so bloody smart. And kind. And brave. And just wonderful. You came from a shite place, but look at you now. Look at how much you’ve accomplished, Ryan. So many people care about you, and are proud of you,” Gavin took a breath, swallowing thickly, “Including me.”
Ryan wasn’t sure he could speak through the knot in his throat, and settled for gripping Gavin’s hand tighter, Gavin giving him a small, sad smile. For the first time, he felt like someone understood. That he wasn’t being judged for the sins of his mother.
He didn’t feel so alone.
“Since you shared with me,” Gavin said softly, looking at their hands, still together, “It’s only fair I share with you.”
“You don’t have to, Gavin,” Ryan was quick to soothe, to assure him that he wasn’t expecting anything in return, but Gavin shook his head.
“You’re the first person to really make me feel like I belonged here. I want to tell you, Ryan.”
And all he could do was nod.
“My mum,” Gavin started after a deep breath, “was an American woman. Geoff’s sister, actually. And, while in college, fell for a foreign student from the UK. Eventually, she agreed to move across the world for him, and they got married. Everything was great…until I came along. He…he didn’t like that I took so much of my mum’s attention from him. He resented me. My own father wanted nothing to do with me. And, so, he left my mum.
“Well, without stable income, in a foreign country, my mum realized she couldn’t care for me as well as I deserved, but she still wanted to amend things with my father. So she called Geoff. Geoff flew over and agreed to take me in until she was ready. Apparently, she never was.
“She got back with my father, after a few years of dating off and on, and she got a stable job. They actually remarried. I was thirteen when Geoff finally told me the truth, sat me down and gently told me that they had gotten remarried when I was four. And that they had two more kids. I have a damned brother and sister and I didn’t even know it until years later. My mum…my mum told Geoff that it was easier without me. That I reminded them too much of the bad times. Geoff, of course, was furious. I don’t think he’s talked to her since then, actually.
“So…I…I know how it feels, Ryan, to feel abandoned and let down by the people who are supposed to love you no matter what. To…to feel alone, even when there are people who love you all around,” Ryan gripped Gavin’s hand tighter, Gavin giving him a sad smile, “But…you…you really helped with that, Ryan.”
“I-I did?” his voice came out soft, and Gavin’s smile became a bit wider.
“Yeah, you did. I didn’t feel so alone with you. I…I didn’t really know why, either. Not until recently, at least.”
“Oh?” Ryan felt a nervous sort of hope flare in his chest, and he found himself brushing his thumb along Gavin’s knuckles gently, Gavin’s gaze flicking down then back up, smile so fond, so soft, “And what did you discover?”
He hadn’t really realized how close Gavin had gotten to him until then, how their bodies were warm against the other’s, and Ryan’s eyes never left Gavin’s as Gavin got even closer, a shy hesitance to his movements, as if waiting for permission to act on what they both wanted. On what they both had wanted for a while, if they were being honest. And whatever had been in his eyes seemed to give Gavin all the permission he needed, Gavin’s lips pressed gently to his, his eyes fluttering closed as he pressed back, both of them unsure and inexperienced, but letting gut feeling guide them. Ryan shyly reached up to place his hand on Gavin’s cheek, lips pressing a tiny bit harder together.
He had never felt like this, like everything was finally right. Like he had finally found home. And he never wanted it to end, never wanted to lose that feeling. The feeling tied so much to Gavin. The feeling that had always been tied to Gavin, even when he couldn’t put a name to it.
He rested his forehead against Gavin’s when they separated, hand still sweetly cupping Gavin’s cheek, and he had never felt more content in his life. And, from the smile on Gavin’s face, he was feeling it, too. There was a happiness bubbling in his chest, and he couldn’t contain the little elated giggle that passed through his lips, Gavin joining in within seconds.
“I like your discovery, Gavin,” he said matter-of-factly, causing Gavin to erupt in fresh giggles, Ryan finally reaching out and tugging Gavin close, hugging him, Gavin’s own arms wrapping around him as the weight forced him back against the wall, and Gavin to settle in his lap.
“I was worried you wouldn’t, Rye, but I guess I didn’t have to, huh?” Gavin shifted, lightly resting his head on Ryan’s chest, Ryan relishing in the gentle contact, far more starved for tactile comfort than he thought he was. Gavin was always handsy, with everyone, but this was different. This was another level. And he was quickly growing fond of it.
“Nah,” Ryan smiled warmly, and, on impulse, pressed a shy kiss to Gavin’s forehead, Gavin glancing up looking just as bashful, both of them giggling and blushing, Ryan relieved to know they were in the same boat. Meeting Gavin’s eyes again, he allowed himself to ask, “Can I k-kiss you, again, Gav?”
Gavin nodded, licking his lips, nervous excitement filling them both as Ryan pressed their lips together again, this kiss a bit less chaste than the one before it. Another kiss followed that one. And another followed that. And another. Each kiss was different than the last, each filled with wonder and curiosity and pure fondness for the other.
At some point they had curled up together on Gavin’s bed, legs tangled, hands gently exploring the other, not seeking to do anything more than learn the curves and angles and planes they found under their fingertips. Their kisses were more brave, but still so soft, and as exploring as their hands were.
They fell asleep curled together, neither one wanting the other too far away, Ryan finding it far more comforting sharing a bed than he ever thought he would, the solid warmth by his side soothing him into the best sleep he’d had in years.
Voices interrupted Ryan’s peaceful slumber, and he groggily started to listen, taking a moment to realize that he was still at the Ramsey’s and that it was Gavin cuddled so close to him, a fact that made butterflies fill his stomach, unable to contain his smile.
“Griff, look,” It was Geoff’s voice, something gleeful in the not-so-quiet whisper, before the door to Gavin’s room creaked open and Ryan had a moment of panic. Either he could try to move, or pretend he was still asleep. It seemed like the second option had been the right choice, “Look at them!”
“Shhh!” Griffon admonished her husband, much quieter than he was, “You’ll wake them.”
“Sorry, but it’s cute, okay?”
“And you say you aren’t a sap,” Griffon teased, Geoff huffing, “But, yes, it is cute. I wish it didn’t take a fight for them to finally admit that they liked each other.”
“Hey, whatever works,” Geoff laughed quietly, and Ryan heard the slap and whiny ‘ow’ that followed, “Alright, alright. Fight bad.”
“Yes, fight bad. Come on, leave them to their sleep, you have a class to teach that articles are overrated.”
The door clicked shut and Ryan found himself relaxing into the bed once more, dozing off for another few hours, at least, until Gavin stirred, and they both shyly made note of their position, and what had occurred the night before.
Together, they made themselves breakfast, a note sternly warning them not to burn down the house courtesy of Geoff, and they settled on the living room couch to eat, both content to lean against the other, still testing the boundaries, learning what the other was comfortable with.
But Ryan still had one last question.
“What are we, Gavin?”
Gavin turned to him, both of them eager and needing to know the answer, “What do you want to be, Ryan?”
“I-I dunno. What do you want us to be? Just friends? B-boyfriends?” he felt a blush creep onto his cheeks as he said the last word, Gavin’s own cheeks flushing.
“Are you asking me to be your boyfriend, Ryan?”
“What if I am?” Ryan answered, emboldened by Gavin’s bright smile.
“Well,” Gavin pretended to consider his answer, “I would have to tell you that I would be delighted to be your boyfriend. And what if I asked you to be my boyfriend?”
Ryan grinned widely, “I would probably tell you that I would love nothing more than to be your boyfriend.”
Gavin threw his arms around Ryan’s neck in an instant, kissing him firmly, still not moving past the stage they were comfortable with, Ryan wrapping his own arms around Gavin.
Finally, he was happy. Finally, he was home.
He pulled the classroom door open with an apologetic smile to Mr. Sorola as he stopped his lecture to his AP Physics students, giving Gavin a warm smile. It had been a little over a month since the fight, and a little less than a month that the whole school discovered that popular jock Gavin Free was dating the quiet loner Ryan Haywood, a move that seemed to shock the gossip circles of the school, but surprised no one that actually knew the couple. In fact, their friends had been fiercely supportive, and dared anyone who had a problem to take it up with them.
“Ryan, what can I do for you?” Mr. Sorola smirked, not missing the glance between the two partners. It sucked when your boyfriend’s adopted dad was best friends with almost every teacher in the school.
Ryan handed him the note, “Just delivering some mail.”
His last hour of the day was spent assisting the offices, often running early dismissal slips or Dean’s summons to classrooms all over the building, though this was the first one to Gavin’s class.
Mr. Sorola read the note, nodded, and passed it on to the student it was for, and Ryan turned with a final smile at Gavin to return to his post in the main office when Mr. Sorola stopped him, “Hey, Ryan, can you give me a hand?”
He turned back around curiously, but nodded, not one to deny a teacher, “Sure, what can I do?”
“What do you remember about magnetism? And I know that was last semester and you no longer care now that you’re free from the evils of Physics,” Mr. Sorola said with a long suffering look, his class laughing quietly and Ryan grinning, “But these guys seem to be having a problem. And I remember you doing well in that unit.”
“Well,” Ryan started a bit nervously, eyes flicking over to Gavin, receiving an encouraging smile in return, one that helped him continue, “Magnetism is the physical phenomenon caused by the motion of charge resulting in either attraction or repulsion between objects. Magnetism is where we get the expression ‘opposites attract.’”
“And why is that?” Mr. Sorola prompted, Ryan realizing what he was doing as he asked it, and he found himself giving Gavin a grin.
“Because in electrically charged magnetic fields, positive and negative fields, when placed together, will attract, as the fields are attempting to reach a stable point. Two positive or two negative fields will only cause repulsion, as the fields cannot achieve stability together.”
“See!” Mr. Sorola gestured to the class, “It’s not hard, guys! Use his explanation if mine doesn’t work for you, because it’s just as accurate!”
Gavin’s smile was beaming with pride, and Ryan felt the same pride in himself. So much had changed since that moment in this classroom so many months before. When he felt compelled to accept the offer of tutoring from someone he thought was his polar opposite.
But, they had more in common than he ever realized, and, in this situation, were the magnets, opposite in charge, Ryan so negative about the world around him, and Gavin always positive no matter what.
They had been pulled together from the start, an attraction they didn’t understand. But they knew now. They absolutely knew now.
Alone, they were left searching for something to make them forget the past. Together, they found that, and so much more.
Summary: Once upon a time Ryan made a promise that he and Jeremy would always stick together. Then he broke that promise.
Warnings: N/A
Word Count: 3,919
"We go together. Always. No matter what."
It was a simple promise, one that had bound the boys together for what at first felt like life. It ran deeper than any simple friendship, made them closer than brothers even. It felt like a constant, the one thing that made sense to Jeremy in the complicated wasteland that was high school.
It had all started when Ryan had first interfered with the gang of bullies who had Jeremy cornered outside the lunch hall. The freshman hadn’t been afraid to stand up to himself but when some much taller and stronger juniors had started pushing him around and mocking him there was little he could do. There was nothing particularly creative about their threats - the same old "You're gonna get a swirlie" and "Hope you like hanging out in dumpsters." Jeremy had tried not to think too much into it. He would fight back where he could but on the whole he was utterly useless to defend himself. That was when Ryan had stepped in, every bit as tall and strong as the bullies and had seen them off with no more than two well-aimed punches. The rest of them scrambled, terrified of the lacrosse player’s silent fury.
"You alright?" Ryan asked, his voice soft as his features relaxed from anger into a look of concern. For a few moments Jeremy had no control over himself, his words locked away in his mind as he struggled to vocalize his thoughts. It had hardly been the first time he’d been the target of bullies but never in his four months at the school had he actually had somebody stand up for him. Even his own friends ran for their lives whenever somebody decided to have a little fun with the shortest kid in freshman year. It was humiliating and infuriating but it was just how his life went and Jeremy had started to get used to it even if he didn’t particular enjoy it. In fact he fucking hated school, he just knew that there was no point rebelling because he had another three and a half years left. The torture would stop eventually though, he knew it.
"Yeah, I’m great," Jeremy replied in a shaking voice, forcing a weak smile onto his face. He didn’t feel particularly brave anymore but when did he ever? School was more hassle than it was worth but he couldn’t exactly give up either. He just had to accept the fact that he was never going to be popular or even left alone, he was doomed to be the school punching bag and that was just the way it was. Life couldn’t be fair to everyone after all. He just drew the short straw, all puns aside.
Jeremy never liked to think of himself as a Damsel-in-Distress type but it became something of a recurring motif when the next time he was cornered by his bullies Ryan stepped in again. Every time they spoke the younger boy felt a strange twisting feeling in his stomach that he couldn’t quite identify. Was it envy that Ryan was clearly so confident and capable of looking after himself that he was extending that privilege to others or was it something more sordid? Jeremy’s own feelings towards his sexuality had always been a little complicated but he didn’t want to give people more reasons to consider him an outcast so he swallowed those feelings and forced a smile onto his face. “We need to stop meeting like this, huh?” he mumbled, glancing from Ryan’s face down to his feet.
"How about you sit with me at lunch instead?" the older boy asked, catching Jeremy by surprise. Was he insane? Why on Earth would he want to be seen with a social leper like Jeremy? No, this had to be part of some bigger prank. The request couldn’t be genuine, he refused to believe it. "Hey, I’m not kidding. You seem pretty cool and I don’t like seeing people sit alone at lunch. Come sit with me," Ryan continued, a smile ghosting along his perfectly kissable lips. Jeremy couldn’t help but mirror the expression on his decidedly less kissable lips as he gently nodded his head. Damn, he was so fucking screwed, wasn’t he?
It took a considerable amount of courage and fighting off his initial hesitation but after that Jeremy began sitting with Ryan at lunch. He sat at a table with a handful of other Junior boys who merely smiled as the freshman joined them at the table before focusing back on their discussion. It was Ryan that engaged him in conversation mainly, asking him about his classes and his hobbies. It was days and weeks before Jeremy really began to open up but Ryan made it so easy, his smile as welcoming as it had been the first time he’d swooped down to his rescue.
For months Ryan was like a shining paragon of light in Jeremy’s life, a model of perfection for him to aspire to. Then the shine began to wear off a little and Ryan’s flaws began to slowly expose themselves. It didn’t ruin the younger boy’s opinion of him though, in fact it made their friendship even closer. He didn’t give a fuck if Ryan liked to get high several nights a week or regularly cheated on important tests. If anything it brought Ryan down to Earth, exposing him as a regular human rather than the angel Jeremy had suspected him of being.
Every now and then the boys would cut class and escape into their favorite hidden spots all across town. Jeremy had been hesitant the first time the other boy asked if he wanted to bunk science but then he remembered something Ryan had said to him once and forced himself to smile. "We go together, right?"
Ryan just grinned back. "Always."
That Christmas Ryan bought him a collector's edition Batman comic, something he'd mentioned in passing over a month ago. Suddenly Jeremy's gift of a home-baked pie seemed rather pathetic in comparison. "You made this yourself?" Ryan asked, beaming at him. Jeremy clamped down on his nerves and nodded. "It's glorious," he continued, helping himself to another mouthful. The younger boy was pretty sure that he'd never blushed so hard but Ryan just grinned at him and everything suddenly felt okay. He had a way of doing that, calming Jeremy down whenever he began to panic. He seemed to know exactly what to do at any given moment and even though it was clear that Ryan wasn't perfect, he still seemed like some sort of angel descended from Heaven. Maybe it was cliché to think that but when all the recent good developments in Jeremy's life seemed to come from the same source it was hard to see him as anything but.
Jeremy realized he was in love with Ryan when the boy showed up on his porch one night early in the year, face bloody and nose broken. "What the hell happened to you?!" the younger boy exclaimed, doing his best to keep his voice quiet. His parents were still asleep upstairs and as much as they’d liked Ryan every time they’d crossed paths, he was fairly confident that they wouldn’t be too impressed with him showing up at two in the morning with his face mashed in.
"Fight," was all Ryan grunted in response. “Any chance you can clean me up? Don’t want my folks seeing me like this.” Any rational person would have told Ryan to go to a hospital but by this point Jeremy was past being rational. He all but pulled the older boy into his house, sat him down at the kitchen table and began to patiently clean up the blood. Slowly Ryan’s handsome face became more visible and Jeremy was suddenly aware of just how close their faces were. Everything about Ryan was so beautiful, from his long eyelashes to the grin that was somewhere between cocky and charming. It sent a shiver down Jeremy’s spine and that was the exact moment he knew he was totally fucked. How typical was it that he would fall in love with his only friend? The friend that would never see him as more than somebody who needed to be protected at all costs.
Jeremy wasn’t sure when they had taken the step from good friends to best friends (and there was a difference, he felt very strongly about that) but he was certain it had been solidified by the time he was present for Ryan’s first big argument with his parents. It came as a total surprise for everybody besides Ryan apparently, as he announced at the dinner table that he’d failed his senior year and was being forced to repeat. It felt like a hurricane had suddenly erupted inside the Haywood home and Jeremy was in the middle of it, holding on for dear life.
When Ryan began to storm out, Jeremy chased after him and grabbed him by the hand. Ryan’s lips curved into a frown as he looked at him but Jeremy wasn’t scared anymore. "We go together. Always," he reminded the taller boy.
"No matter what," Ryan echoed back at him before pulling him in and stealing a brief, chaste kiss from his lips. Jeremy's heart felt like it was going to explode and his grip on the other's hand tightened for just a second. When Ryan pulled back, that same grin was on his face and Jeremy's cheeks flushed pink. Well that was unexpected.
The summer was full of a lot more kissing than Jeremy had expected. They weren’t necessarily together - at least not in any traditional manner of the way - but they were never apart and Jeremy’s feelings for the other only grew stronger with each passing day. He fit in the other’s strong arms so easily and every time their lips met his heart beat a little faster. Ryan was everything he had ever wanted and it was strange to think that maybe he was the same for the other too.
"You know, I never thought I'd be so happy to be a damsel-in-distress," Jeremy declared one day. Ryan had just laughed and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. The younger boy only blushed in response. It was just another perfect moment in a summer that he was sure he would never forget. It was a promise that maybe the next school year wouldn't be so bad after all.
And then, on the first day of Jeremy’s junior year, Ryan never showed up. He didn’t turn up for the whole first week and when Jeremy very reluctantly went to the Haywood home, Ryan’s parents told him that they hadn’t seen him in weeks.
It took Jeremy a long time to accept that he was gone. He kept glancing over his shoulder, expecting to see the other boy walking down the corridor with a big smile on his face. Ryan had never been arrogant but he walked with a confidence that showed just how comfortable he felt in his own skin. Jeremy had always been a little jealous, wishing he was that at peace with himself. Even when he found a place on the school's gymnastics team early in the year he still didn't feel totally okay with the boy he saw in the mirror. His ears were too big, his arms too thin, he was too damn short. If Ryan had been there he probably would have said he was perfect as he was. Ryan was gone though and as weeks and months passed, Jeremy slowly began to accept it.
Ryan had left without him. He had broken their promise.
High school changed a lot after Jeremy started participating in competitions as part of the gymnastics team. By the end of his Junior year he had won a number of championships and had somehow stumbled into becoming one of the popular kids, not unlike the ones who had given him grief just a few years before. Jeremy never let himself get cruel though, he took inspiration from his runaway friend and watched out for the kids who couldn't look after themselves, the kids he saw so much of himself in.
It took a long time to get over Ryan. Even though they hadn't technically been together, losing him still crushed Jeremy and he didn't feel ready to move on for over a year, at least until a cute British transfer student caught his eye. Gavin Free did his best to impress him the way Jeremy was sure he'd tried to impress Ryan and against better he was charmed. It wasn't enough to make him come out - he wasn't going to risk the popularity he'd built for himself when he wasn't even sure what it was he and Gavin shared - but it was nice and it was different. They weren't sneaking out of class, they weren't getting high every week and Gavin wasn't showing up at his door with a broken nose. It was safe and ultimately it wasn't what Jeremy wanted.
Gavin wasn't the only person who took a pass at Jeremy's heart but none of them came nearly as close as Ryan had. Even though it had been almost two years since he'd vanished into the night, the shadow of his old friend still hung over Jeremy and he couldn't shake it off. Every time he thought about it, a cocktail of emotions erupted inside him. Anger at being abandoned, fear that he'd never get over it, love because no matter what his heart still beat a little faster every time he thought about him. Mostly of all though, it just hurt because no matter what they had promised, he hadn't been enough for Ryan. That's what it really boiled down to.
Every now and then he would still phone Ryan's number, just to check. It would ring and ring but he would never pick up. The answerphone message hadn't changed in years but Jeremy still left messages, retelling all the parts of his life that Ryan was missing. It was unhealthy clinging onto the hope that he was listening and he knew it but he couldn't stop. It was the last bit of the other that he could still cling onto.
Come graduation, Jeremy had come to terms with the thought of never seeing Ryan again. High school was almost behind him and it just made sense to put Ryan behind him too. He'd scored a good scholarship for university, he was going straight onto the gymnastics team and maybe that was actually going to take him places -
Only then Ryan turned up to graduation and suddenly Jeremy felt like he was that scared fourteen year old freshman again.
The missing years had treated the older boy kindly. The stubble was new and Jeremy's first thought was to wander how it would feel against his skin when they kissed. Ryan's body was a little less firm but his shoulders were still broad and his biceps were defined enough for Jeremy to wonder just how strong he was. He couldn't help but soak in the image of his long lost friend for several moments as his brain struggled to catch up with the situation.
"Hey Jeremy," Ryan greeted, his voice soft and his expression guilty.
There were a thousand things Jeremy wanted to say in response to that but it was as if he had no control over himself anymore. "What are you doing here?" he asked finally, a hard edge to his voice that he hadn't been expecting. Ryan winced, caught off guard, but Jeremy didn't have it in him to feel bad. All those negative thoughts and emotions were bubbling back to the surface and he couldn't control it anymore. He was glad that they were at least far away enough from his family and classmates for them to not see the meltdown that was surely coming.
"I wanted to see you graduate," Ryan replied, shrugging his shoulders as if that explained absolutely everything. "I missed you." Did he really think that was enough? Was he crazy? Jeremy's hands were shaking and he shoved them into the pockets of his graduation gown just to hide any sign of weakness. He didn't want Ryan to know just how badly he had gotten to him, even though he was sure it probably showed on his face.
"Where were you?" he demanded, standing his ground. He wasn't sure if he even wanted the answer but he couldn't stop himself. He'd spent two whole years wondering where Ryan was, whether he was still alive. Theorizing that maybe his parents had locked him up in the basement or had shipped him off to some 'pray away the gay' camp. Every possibly scenario that could explain why Ryan had just left him had played through his mind and each one hurt more than the one before. Now he was back and Jeremy was forced to accept that none of those had happened.
Ryan shifted uncomfortably, moving a hand up to scratch the back of his neck. "I had to go. I had to clear my head, to find out who I was, I had to..." He trailed off, gazing into the distance with wet eyes. Jeremy didn't have it in him to feel sympathetic.
"You should have told me!" he snapped in response, wringing his hands and fighting back against the tears threatening to form in his own eyes.
"I was going to, but - but I knew you would have followed me," Ryan explained, gaze drifting towards Jeremy's feet. The fact he couldn't even look him in the eyes made Jeremy's blood boil even more.
"You promised that you would never leave me!" Jeremy roared, his voice breaking as he struggled against the emotions spilling out of him. "We go together. Always. No matter what!" he recited, the words twisted with bitterness. It was an empty promise, one that Ryan had broken without a second thought.
For a long time Ryan was silent. The momentary peace allowed Jeremy to calm down, his exclamation having let out some of the tension that had been twisting his heart like a knot for years. Promises like that were supposed to be lasting and Jeremy knew that Ryan was right - if he had said he was going, Jeremy would have followed in a heartbeat. He would have followed because he believed in that promise. He wondered if the same could be said in reverse. If he had decided to skip town all those years ago, would Ryan had followed?
Given the evidence, he wasn't sure that was the case.
"I couldn't do that to you, J," Ryan croaked, drawing Jeremy's attention back to him. Ryan's cheeks were wet and he'd finally forced himself to meet his eyes again. "I couldn't stop you from having a life, that was too much to ask."
"I would have done anything for you," Jeremy muttered, hating himself more with every word. Ryan had him twisted around his finger and he knew it. God, why had he ever let himself get this bad? He'd had years to move on and he still hadn't.
"Exactly. But I couldn't let you do this." Ryan's voice was soft and steadier than his teary eyes would suggest. The voice instantly reminded Jeremy of his freshman year, when Ryan had been his rock. The only constant that really made sense to him. "I'm sorry I broke the promise, I am. I never meant to hurt you."
But you did. Jeremy didn't have the strength to fight back anymore. It wasn't fair that Ryan could come back all these years later and still hurt him like this, as if he was nothing more than a puppet who was just waiting to have his strings pulled. This was supposed to be one of the best days of his life and yet here he was, reduced to a blubbering wreck with no idea how this scenario could possibly end happily. "Why did you come back?" he asked finally, wiping the tears away with the back of his hand.
Ryan didn't reply straight away. His glanced down at his feet and then up to the sky before finally looking Jeremy in the eyes. "For you. I came back for you," he replied tenderly. "I know you've probably got your life set up without me but-- but I miss you and now I've sorted myself out, I want to be a part of your life again." There was a momentary pause before he added: "If you'll have me."
The world felt like it stopped turning. Jeremy stared at the young man before him and all he saw was a scared little boy, so unlike the Ryan he had known all those years ago. Ryan had always feel strong and confident and here he was, so vulnerable and willing to expose his heart. It was like everything Jeremy knew had been turned on his head and he had no idea what to think. "I go to college next month," he pointed out eventually. He wasn't sure what else he could really say.
"Then I'll go with you," Ryan declared. "We go together, right? I mean it this time."
Jeremy so badly wanted to believe the other. He really did, but how could he believe in a promise that had already been broken once? His heart was aching, so desperate to fall back into the other's arms but his brain fought back, reminding him of the hurt he'd endured that first week when Ryan never showed up or responded to any calls or messages. The crushing realization that he probably wasn't coming back, that their perfect summer had been tainted by a cruel twist ending.
Things suddenly seemed a lot clearer in his mind.
"Thank you for coming back," he said delicately, finally closing a door in his heart that had remained open for far too long. "But I don't think we can go together for this one." He hadn't quite realized it but even when he was gone Ryan had continued to shape Jeremy as a person. His absence had forced him to grow up, to fight for himself and become the kind of boy who didn't hate looking in the mirror and wasn't afraid to take risks for his own happiness. It had come at the cost of his best friend but in the end, hadn't it all worked out? "You found out who you are. Now I've gotta find out who I am without you," he finished, cupping Ryan by the jaw as he leaned in to place one final kiss on his perfect lips.
Jeremy didn't feel scared when he walked away, back to his family and the friends he'd made over the last few years. A part of his heart would always belong to Ryan and every time he looked at the prized collector's edition in his comic pile his heart would skip a beat but he knew now that he didn't have to give his whole heart away. Ryan was always going to be an important part of his life but he was just that: a part. Jeremy still had so much left to experience and maybe there would be a reunion with Ryan somewhere in his future.
For now though, he had the closure he needed and that felt like the best graduation present he could get.
