And I am back...
I’ve been out of commission for awhile, letting myself drown in self pity, stewing in misery in my self imposed solitude. I’ve put a stop on my life, cut my friends and loved ones off, stopped doing the things I loved, just because life threw a few hurdles my way.
I guess it’s time to pick myself back up from the gutter and climb my way back up, fix myself and my life and start heading somewhere.
But baby steps. Rome wasn’t built in a day and I don’t expect to be back up and sprinting any time soon.
It’s a new year, a fresh start. I guess instead of new year’s resolution (which I never follow through), I’ve given myself ten goals for 2017, and here they are:
1) Draw and paint again. Not just commissions and fanarts of characters I and others play but art which actually has meaning, which speaks of the things my lips can’t say, of emotions I cannot portray. My goal would be to sketch, draw or paint something once a week.
2) Read books more. I’ve stopped reading, I don’t know why. I badly need to get back into losing myself into worlds that aren’t my own creation, and live the lives of people I will never meet but in my imagination. My goal for 2017 would be to read 2 new books a month.
3) Write again. It doesn’t need to be perfect. It doesn’t need to be even good. I just need to let the words flow out of me once more. Goal: 3 poems,1 short story/essay a day a week. 1 short novel for 2017.
4) Craft again. Clay, paper mache, dresses or items for pets, accessories.. it can be anything. I need to create with my hands again even if they’ve become stiff, even if it hurts. Goal for 2017: craft something once a month
5) Learn a new skill. Heck make it three. I need to learn to do something new.
6) Study again. I’m not sure what yet but I want to study again. Even if just a short course. Take at least one short course this year.
7) Travel again. I badly need this. Whatever happened to my wanderlust that I’ve stayed stuck for this long? I need to travel to new places, see new sights, immerse myself in new culture. For 2017, I want to travel to at least 3 new places.
8) Take pictures again. Get reacquainted with my camera. Take a picture once a day for the rest of the year.
9) Rebuild bridges. Get in contact with old friends and the world. I don’t have to be alone in this. People will help if I’d let them.
10) Get better. See doctors again, take my meds, get the surgery if possible. Not knowing and not caring isn’t enough anymore. I need to know what’s wrong so I can fix it. The doctors can help even if I hate them. I need to get better. For myself and for everyone who cares.