send a shot of whiskey for my muse to mistake yours as someone they hate
His voice was ringing in her head on repeat; she hadn’t been able to get it out of her head since they had talked the other day. She wished he would leave her head and her dreams and that she could quit thinking of him altogether. He had not existed to her for over twelve years and she was not about to let him back in her life.
She angrily slammed her glass onto the counter, unfazed when the glass shattered and scotch splashed onto the floor. There was plenty more where that came from. Stepping over the glass, she went to reach for the broom, but she heard a knock at her front door and left the kitchen, trying to make herself look a little more presentable as she approached the door.
What possessed her to do what she did next, she hadn’t a clue. She’d been drinking since five that day and had also smoked some of the herb one of her ‘friends’ had left behind the other night when she’d thrown a small get-together. Maybe it was a mixture of the two substances that had her seeing things, because when she opened the door, her mind did not register that it was Kyung-won looking back at her; instead, she saw the face of the man who had walked out of her life when she was fourteen years old. The same man whoh had contacted her, informing her that her half-sister wished to meet her and that, while he wasn’t happy about it, he couldn’t say no to his princess.
Princess. He’d called her princess once upon a time, back when he acknowledged that she was his flesh and blood and not just the child he’d abandoned and forgotten. “Why them, huh?” she shouted, stepping outside, invading their space, still seeing the face of her father. “Why not me and mom? We were a family and you left us. And I know you didn’t love mom anymore, but you didn’t have to disappear from my life,” the words left her quickly and were spoken with resentment and anger. Tears stung at her eyes, but she forced them back.
“What’s so wrong with me that made you not want to stay?” she choked out as the tears started to fall despite her best efforts to keep them at bay. ‘What is it about me that makes the men in my life want to walk out of it?” She wiped at her tears angrily, fire in her eyes as she let her gaze meet his. “I hate you— I hate you for making me this…. this person who pretends to be one thing but is really another and who pushes those who love her and those she loves away because she doesn’t trust them not to leave. I’m losing the best person I’ve ever met and the only person I’ve loved because of what your disappearing from my life did to me. You fucked me up and I hate you for it.”
It was only when she heard, “Vik— Vikkitori, it’s me, Kyung-won,” that she managed to snap herself out of it. She blinked; their face was blurred, but instead of seeing her dad, she now saw Dandelion. She swallowed thickly, her expression melting from one of hate into one of sincere apology. “Oh, Dandelion, I’m— I’m so sorry.” Her heart felt heavy as she looked away from them and a few more tears slid down her cheeks. She was a mess and now one of the persons she had hoped would never see her this way had seen her this way and all she wanted to do was go to her bedroom and consume more alcohol until she passed out.
