#l.j.w.

[kidsinlovve]

I still miss you.

things i wish i could say//L.J.W.

[kidsinlovve]

It started as a drug-induced suggestion. You told me you wanted to take me on a road trip. Just you, me, and the open road. I think of the idea wistfully and laugh lightly knowing you won’t remember this conversation tomorrow. Then you show up at my house. It’s summer so the air conditioning is full blast in your truck. I say I’m going out and my parents ask when I’ll be home and I shrug and say I’ll text them. We sing along as loud as we can to the music blasting through the radio, the sunlight filters through the windows and your eyes stay focused on the road. You brush my hair out of my eyes at a gas station and whisper that I’m beautiful. And as the sunsets we sit in the bed of your truck on a dirt road, the sounds of the highway distant behind us and we breathe. Nothing else in that moment matters. No one exists outside of us for those precious hours. Then we get back in the car and you drive again. With other cars rushing past the illusion is shattered. I dream and dream of the future we could have, making pancakes in the morning and falling asleep is each other’s arms at night. I dream and dream and dream until I stop. What use is dreaming if I know it will never come true? A permanent future is not possible for a temporary boy like you.

L.J.W.

[kidsinlovve]

We were two kids drunk on the idea that one day we could be more than a maybe.

now i'm hungover and i know we can't//L.J.W.

[kidsinlovve]

And now, I look at my old poems and my heartbreaks.

Because I know exactly where I changed “she” to “he”.

- I’m not afraid of pronouns anymore

[kidsinlovve]

Do you ever feel like you’ve driven off the path you were supposed to take? And you maybe you thought it was a shortcut or maybe there was something on the road that made you swerve into a tree. But you’re off the highway now and you’re lost and you can’t find your way back and it feels like you’ll never get back there and it’s far too late to go back. I fucked up and now I’m off the highway and it’s dark and I don’t know where I’m going. There’s no directions or right answer, just regret, just wishing I’d never left the highway.

[kidsinlovve]

Stop putting so much of yourself into someone who doesn’t give a shit about you. Never let yourself be used. Never.

[kidsinlovve]

I don’t sleep until it’s impossible to keep my eyes open

Because when I close my eyes

All my worst fears come to life

So 3am and I have become fairly acquainted

And I great 1am like an old friend.

[kidsinlovve]

Pull yourself up off the ground, wipe those tears away, you’ve got a world ahead of you. Today is not the day you die.

Note to self//L.J.W.