#la politesse

[radioalpes]

[leclubdeshachichins]

Pour saisir les nuances délicates d'une pensée, des connaissances générales sont nécessaires qui manquent trop souvent au spécialiste. La littérature est aussi vaste que la vérité dont elle est l'expression. Celui qui en aborde la critique sans s'être préparé par de fortes études, celui qui ignore la science et la philosophie, sera fatalement amené à négliger le fond pour la forme, l'idée pour le mot.

La Politesse, Bergson.

[diremercivoila-blog]

Scholarly source: Although this article is on historical pragmatics and thus seems little relevant to teaching pragmatics to secondary students today, Kerbrat-Orecchioni does touch on the nature of politeness in French, which she purports to have remained unchanged for centuries. Politeness, she states, deals with “relation management” and includes all behavior that “aim to preserve…harmony in interpersonal relationships” (Kerbrat-Orecchioni 135). The author bases her research on the Brown and Levinson (1978, 1987) model of politeness conceived in terms of face-threatening and face-flattering acts. She elaborates that politeness is “a collection of strategies [to spare] or [enhance]” another’s face to preserve social order (136).

This balance, she maintains, though at times leading to a “double bind”, has been the same since at least the classic age in France and holds true for many other cultures as well, although its manifestation may vary. Kerbrat-Orecchioni quoting Renaud Camus (1985) states, “Politeness is an art of reciprocity” (152). Politeness distilled to this formula is simple enough to introduce to adolescent language learners. If translated to more relatable language and supplemented with examples from the learners’ environment, this could be a valuable concept for helping learners beginning to negotiate the step of politeness procedure in their first language as well as the target.

Kerbrat-Orecchioni, C. (2011). From good manners to facework: Politeness variations and constants in France, from the classic age to today. Journal of Historical Pragmatics, 12(1), 133-155. Retrieved February 9, 2015, from Ebsco Host.

[jaimemonmetier]

Quand on te demande ou tu fais imprimer tes badges, zines et autres goods sans dire ni bonjour ni merci ni merde

[xsparrowx-blog]

La politesse de français

So today I was told that my behavior last week has been rude and shocking, not only to the French, but it would also be considered very rude to Americans. The problem was my lateness, specifically to an excursion in which I had made everyone wait for me, but also because I had been late to my class earlier that week. I think they also counted the Monday that I missed class when I was sick against me as well.

She talked to me and basically said that I needed to change my behavior, that being late is not acceptable in French society, that it's considered very rude, that I hadn't apologized for being late, and that they had been very shocked and offended, that I needed to say Bonjour <<first name>> whenever I see the staff, that I needed to say Excusez-moi, est-ce vous êtes libre maintenant? before asking a question, and other points of French politesse that I needed to remember. And I also didn't want to be the bad example of the rude American.

Suffice to say, I was pretty embarrassed and humiliated.

I was tearing up--I hate that I cry so easily. I cry when I'm angry, when I'm sad...ugh. But I also hated how I apologized profusely for myself. Not for apologizing, because I had been late, and both times were my fault because I had missed the bus, but the way I always tear myself down for the benefit of someone else. I didn't tell her the reasons for my being late, I just automatically went to appeasing her by agreeing with her/their assumptions of my character. I think I'm always hypersensitive about things. I think too much about things to the point that I seem brisk/rude. For example, I don't go through all the niceties like, Hello, how are you? Good and you? I'm fine thank you. that preclude asking for something, because I don't want to take up too much of someone's time, especially when I'm stumbling over French, and I know that it's close to their lunch breaks, and I'm keeping someone waiting outside, and I'd be taking up even more time.

For me, I might be a little too considerate and overthink things. I think alot of it comes from the fact that my parents have never taught me really any semblance of manners. Both of them are immigrants and come from really poor backgrounds. They don't exactly have respect for us children, and we're so familiar with each other they don't practice manners at home, something that I didn't even realize was so different until I visited this white boy's home in high school, and saw how polite they were too each other, even at home. Other than thank yous and excuse mes, everything that I know about manners comes from observation, and having to tell myself to act a certain way because that's what other people did. I would copy set phrases, mannerisms, approaches to certain topics, learn social questions for small talk--all at school, or watching how my other friends would interact with another friend's parents.

It's hard to explain the difficulty when the majority of people grew up with this. But I have never grown up with this manner of doing things, and I'm constantly still learning (as proven today) that some of the things I do is considered rude, or that I go about things completely wrong. For me, I don't know how to apologize for something using those pretty words that everyone seems to know, and inclusive of everything that one has done wrong. It takes being able to perceive what one has done wrong in order to include it in that apology. And if my perception is different than others, since I never mean to be impolite, then I rack up even more negative points. Does that make sense?

It's not that I want to make excuses for my behavior. It is one of my really bad habits, being late. And I am working on it. This week I have been more careful about it, and hence I haven't been late yet (knock on wood). But the manner in which I'd been reamed out, when my "pattern of behavior" consisted of two instances in which I was late, within the first week and a half of being in France, kind of makes me angry now that my eyes have stopped watering so easily.

I was jetlagged, I hadn't slept very well--hadn't slept for two nights in a row really, I was working on a paper, I'm oh I don't know, getting used to France? brand new country and all? and on top of that, we're thrown into this intensive language program from 8:30am-3:30pm, plus extra time spent after class going over visa process, student orientation, course selection, homework, studying, making new friends--coming home after dark to shower, eat, and sleep, with really no time for anything else. It has been too grueling. This on top of my own personal problems and I have just been too polite to unload on someone else why exactly I've been struggling to keep up.

But none of this was asked. I think I was asked only once if everything was alright, and that was followed immediately by a, because you've been late and then missing the visa orientation because you didn't read the email carefully... It's like, the code of conduct is more important than anything else. Not what the behavior could indicate, not the person really--just that the rules haven't been followed and I am personally offended by this lack of la politesse from a rude American. Maybe it was a bit too much to ask, but I was hoping for more understanding, warmth, and leniency, given that I'd only been here a week and a half.

I know that I was in the wrong but it wasn't necessary to tell me what I did wrong in such terms. If you had approached it better, if you hadn't assumed, as you clearly had, that I wasn't sorry and wasn't trying to reform my behavior, I would have gotten the same point, without feeling so humiliated. How is it that rules of conduct precede consideration for another person's feelings. To me, that is most important. And more indicative of someone's character than rules of politeness.