The Importance of Being Gege (AKA why MC doesn't always stand up to Caleb when she definitely should)
[spoilers ahead for Spotlit Gaze]
Finally got around to watching Spotlit Gaze (Caleb's very excellent new Promise card) and it got me thinkin about MC and Caleb's relationship and why she puts up with it when he lies or avoids telling her the truth, and how that gets under my skin sometimes. (For the record, that doesn't happen in this card, but you'll see why I thought of it if you keep reading... Also the reason may have been painfully obvious to you this whole time, but I only just got it 🫣.)
It's not the fact that Caleb lies or does other problematic things that bothers me. That's part of the story and his character and I ADORE Caleb's crazy like 95% of the time.
What gets to me (or used to get to me) is when he lies to her and she lets it go. When he keeps secrets from her, VERY IMPORTANT ONES, and she lets him off the hook, despite the fact that those behaviors are not signs of a healthy relationship AND the fact that MC is not the type of person to stand for being treated poorly in any way. Caleb's not just her gege anymore, he's her partner too, and while he's not alone in having moral grays (looking at you, literally all the guys except for maybe Zayne), no one does it quite like Caleb.
I don't want him to stop those behaviors necessarily. Conflict makes for good drama and tension is key for desire. I think that's why Caleb hits different than the other LIs, even Sylus. Caleb is the only one who low-key threatens MC's autonomy. Not maliciously, but he can be manipulative and evasive in ways that the other four just aren't. It makes him (you HAVE to forgive me for saying this) juicier.
But even so, I have trouble accepting the way MC responds to Caleb's more red-flaggish behavior and I think it's because I treat the game as roleplay.
Roleplay (to me) is similar to self-insert, but not quite. I don't see myself as MC when I'm playing. I sort of project myself INTO her, take on her thoughts, feelings, abilities, experiences as much as possible. I would never make some of the choices she makes in game, but I feel what it would be like to be someone who would make those choices. But when she makes the choice to give Caleb pass after pass, I balk. I can't understand why MC, who is a straight baddie and headstrong af, would let some of that shit slide.
True, there is a lot of trauma there, and I know a big part of it is not wanting to lose him again, but that never seemed like enough to me. Backing off here or there, sure, but she does it to the point where I couldn't believe it wasn't coming from somewhere else too. MC has flaws, but she's mostly secure in herself and who she is and knows what she wants and how she deserves to be treated. When she finally refused to let Caleb deflect her in Lingering Lust, I said "thank you!" out loud because FINALLY. THAT'S the MC I know. (It's like she pushed back hard that one time in Hidden Waves and then barely ever again until LL.)
Only today after finishing Spotlit Gaze did the thought occur to me that her letting these things go is not just a trauma response or low self-esteem. It's because he's her older brother.
I'm an eldest sibling, so I did not get the full weight of this at first, but something about SG just made it click. For all the teasing MC does to Caleb, all the ways he dotes on and caters to her, there's power in him being older. He says it several times in game, how she used to follow him around and look up to him, how she used to try to compete with him, likely because she wanted to be just like him. In Spotlit Gaze, she has a bunch of recordings of him humming to himself when they were younger, showing she was admiring (and possibly in love with) him on a deep level from the very beginning.
Caleb must have seemed so much wiser than her growing up, so capable, so smart, so caring. He was a golden boy, he could do no wrong. He would never do anything to harm her, even indirectly (or so she believed). He's still kind of like that even today, as we see in the way people are drawn to him in cards like Chasing Summer. So MC still has him on that pedestal in some ways because that is her gege.
From a relatively young age, Caleb practically raised her. I think about how long it took me to stop feeling like a kid around the people who raised me, and how easily I can still slip back into that role without even noticing. I think that's what's happening to MC when Caleb decides to be on his bullshit. She's not dismissing Caleb's behavior out of insecurity or a lack of self-respect. She does it because of that part of her that still recognizes him as her big brother.
In the 4-star art for Spotlit Gaze, Caleb looks like an idol, towering over us but looking down with a beatific smile, lights shining around him like a halo. That's how MC sees him sometimes. She worships him. (And you know what? SAME, GURL. SAME.)
It must be hard when a person you love that much, someone who you've trusted on a core level to look after you, lies to you or hides themselves from you. She can stand up to everyone and anyone else, but Caleb? He's always been the one in charge. If he truly puts his foot down, then that's that. And on top of that, he almost always gives her what she wants anyway, so she doesn't always know how to deal with it when he doesn't do that. She's always seen him a certain way, so when he insists on only showing that side of himself, the path of least resistance for her is to let it lie, another reason why she may have held back being honest about her less-than-familial feelings for him.
And that I get. I really do. Part of what draws me to Caleb is the fact that I've never really felt that kind of security at any point in my life, even now. He scratches that itch, offers a facsimile of what it would be like to have someone look out for you in that way, someone who is everything to you and WANTS to be everything to you. (Only he isn't that secure, because he's always lying and disappearing, but we won't get into that today.)
And not for nothing, but can't no one convince me that Caleb only wants a romantic relationship with MC and wants her to stop seeing him as gege entirely. Ain't no way. He wants both. And if MC's responses have been any indication, she's trying to let him have it. Whether or not that's sustainable remains to be seen.
TL;DR: MC lets Caleb lie to her and keep secrets from her not from a lack of self-respect, but because part of her still sees him as her big brother who can do no wrong, who she trusts as a caregiver and guardian, who has that authority over her. Even if her adult mind knows better, deep down, that's still her gege, and gege knows best.
A Tale of Two Calebs (AKA Imperial Thronesong is the card I wanted Indulgent Scheme to be and I'm not sorry)
a/n: I don't usually do this for essays, but this one gets into some "mature themes," so ya know, this work is rated NC-17, minors do not interact and adults proceed at your own discretion. Lots of blue material and no-no words, you've been warned.
I offer unto you now a late, late, LATE analysis of two very divisive cards, one of which needs a metric ton more love and I will not-at-all-briefly explain why.
Usual disclaimer that everything written here is just my opinion, other interpretations of Caleb and these cards are equally valid, but this is the internet and I get to yell things like everyone else.
Content warning: this essay accepts and supports Caleb's original trope. I'm a gege truther and even though I personally wouldn't have implied blood relation in Thronesong, for me it was a bold choice that paid off. That's all I care to say and I have no interest in debating it, there's been enough of that. (Not to say that your feelings aren't valid if you disliked it, they are and my heart goes out to you. I hope you find a space more aligned with your comfort level and preferences, thanks for stopping by.)
Now, if you're ready to get freak-nasty with gege (aka think deeply and critically about characters in a 3D otome game like it's Moby dang Dick), read on!
Imperial Thronesong is goated fr and here's why.
First, a little context: I've had a post in the works about Indulgent Scheme for a long time. That card made me BIG MAD and BIG SAD when it landed, slapping me in the face with relationship strife and domestic conflict that undermined one of the central conceits of Caleb's character when all I wanted was cute, sexy kitchen times with gege, end of list.
I never got around to posting it out of fear of being exposed as the completely delulu, parasocial freak that I am, but after some time passed and I reflected more on the card and embraced more of my cringe, I came to an important conclusion: Indulgent Scheme, while it has many excellent qualities, including shirtless Caleb in an apron, STILL makes me mad and sad... and Imperial Thronesong is the best Caleb card ever released.
For my money, Thronesong did what Indulgent Scheme WANTED to do and it did it better.
What did Indulgent Scheme want to do? As far as I can tell, the story of the card was meant to:
depict the difficulties Caleb and MC have as they settle into a new dynamic
show the effects of Caleb's choices on MC and on his relationship with her
have MC recognize and accept Caleb as flawed and see him as his own person (yet still deeply bonded to her)
have exciting sexy times
On nearly all of those fronts, Imperial Thronesong kicks Indulgent Scheme's ass and it would be a KO, if not for how GODDAMN EDIBLE Caleb is in that apron/no shirt/jeans combo.
Anyway, here are my reasons why Imperial Thronesong is the greatest Caleb card to date and why Indulgent Scheme can go KICK F*CKIN ROCKS.
1) Thronesong creates a novel, intriguing conflict between Caleb and MC and gives the player an engaging dynamic from jump.
It's made clear from the beginning of Imperial Thronesong what's causing strife in MC and Caleb's relationship. They sit in two separate seats of power, each vying for primacy over the galaxy while being emotionally beholden to one another at the same time. MC says "what I like must belong to me" and in their youth, Caleb said his job was to bring her everything she wanted. Now, as adults, they want control over the same thing. Bada-bing, bada-boom. Perfect conflict, great for exploring themes of their canon universe dynamic with a fun, added twist.
What's the central conflict of Indulgent Scheme? Caleb wants to show up for MC like a boyfriend, meeting her at the hospital and being her date to parties, while still acting like a brother by "protecting" her from the reality of his work... and he be LYIN' LIKE A RUG trying to get away with it, stressing MC (and me) tf out.
Now to be fair, Indulgent's Caleb needing to maintain secrecy about his job is not his fault, and he does everything he can to be with MC whenever possible, but it's frustrating to watch him try to step into a partner role when he can't even do her the courtesy of a simple "I'm sorry" when she catches him on the phone with work during his precious free time with her, instead choosing to lie about it.
And to what end, Caleb?? Y'all grew up together, she knows you, my dude!
I swear all that man does in that card is look unspeakably good, charm everyone's pants off, and LIE. Anyway.
In Imperial Thronesong, Caleb and MC have a romantic and sexual relationship that is well-established, but their roles as adversaries are relatively new since MC has just become Empress, and the stakes and challenges of them having such a relationship are engaging to watch, particularly the shift in power dynamics between them. In this universe, Caleb relishes his autonomy and enjoys contending with MC's. He doesn't gaslight her about his motives, he knows she knows he's doing dirt and likes her playing those games.
And play she does! Empress MC is very willing to oppose and thwart Caleb, even trying to manipulate him by acting like a cutesy "baby sister" when the situation calls for it, such as when she agrees to see the flowers with him to buy time for her army to arrive after he "captures" her.
They're very up front about their conflicting interests, often to the point of being openly hostile. When High Marshal Caleb has loaded guns pointed at MC in that opening scene, allegedly as a "joke???" I was shook. Main Story Caleb would have LOST. HIS. MIND. And Empress MC genuinely thinks about killing him too, but (if you choose not to in-game) she says she doesn't do it because plans to "savor" their power struggle.
That said, it's not a purely antagonistic relationship. They still care about each other, in their own, blatantly toxic way. Though it seems like they try to hide it (somewhat) from others, they both accept and embrace their attraction, which is a refreshing and juicy change, especially coupled with the EN version finally introducing Caleb's original trope directly. (I love the whole "taboo feelings holding them back" forbidden love thing in the main universe, but their chemistry when they're not holding back is PEAK. When MC bites him during that first kiss hard enough to draw blood, I knew we were in for some GOOD SHIT.)
2) Thronesong presents an enigmatic, complex, and more independent version of Caleb, envisioning him as a man of ambition who is struggling to deal with impact this has on his only real relationship.
Both Scheme and Thronesong seek to show Caleb as a more autonomous character by giving him external motivations that are (or are implied to be) unrelated to MC, and it shows both characters struggling with the effects of this.
Indulgent's Caleb is constantly immersed in his Fleet stuff, but he still wants SO badly to be that Perfect Golden Boy that he (somewhat correctly) thinks MC has always believed him to be. There's the admittedly fantastically written sequence of the ski trip where he "saves" her phone charm (it has possibly my favorite line delivery by Caleb's EN VA in the whole game, please ask me about it so I can gush), and later we get a long monologue about him writing her name over and over again in the snow, him wanting them to have their own island in the sky, just so much full-throttle yearning, AND YET, not long after, there's more lies about how much danger he was actually in on a mission, which understandably confuses and upsets MC. (She ALWAYS finds out, my guy, what you doin???)
High Marshal Caleb's choices also drive him and MC apart but UNLIKE Indulgent Scheme, his motivations are clear and add to the development of Caleb as someone who does not exist purely for MC's happiness instead of BLINDSIDING ME (uh, I mean us, blindsiding US 👀) with it.
As much as Indulgent Caleb infuriates me, that's how much High Marshal Caleb fascinates me. Thronesong shows us what Caleb is capable of when his actions aren't entirely for MC's benefit and when he has goals outside of being with and taking care of her. Even though he could have been a commander in the Empire's army easily, staying with MC to protect her, he instead chooses to go to the Federation because it's the best military academy, regardless of what that choice means for their relationship. He's simply someone who enjoys having authority and influence, and it's so interesting to watch how that plays out. Turns out Caleb is a conniving bastard! Instead of trying to play the perfect older brother, he's out here invading space stations, making shady deals, and blowing up ships! And I'm here for it!
Hell, I even liked it in the Throne of Eros event story when MC tries to win him over to serving her in the "hunter v. goddess" play but Caleb has the hunter choose independence. He somewhat backpedals after the play ends, saying that he may identify with the hunter but he knows the difference between fiction and reality, implying he may have made a different choice in real life, but only IMPLYING it. If you're going to have ambiguity, if you're going to have a Caleb who exists for another reason besides MC, for me, this is how its done in terms of compelling narrative AND the satisfaction of a personal fantasy. (If there's one things I've historically and unconsciously been drawn to in partners, it's ambiguity. Gotta repeat those traumas, bros!)
(That was a joke. Do not repeat the traumas, bros.)
I think the best illustration of the differences in these portrayals of a more independent Caleb comes from Indulgent Scheme's infamous "line" and its Thronesong equivalent. It shows why Thronesong's method of directly confronting MC with the reality of Caleb's autonomy is better, or at least more narratively rich. OR AT LEAST MORE PALATABLE TO ME, DAMMIT.
3) Thronesong offers a more mature portrayal of MC learning to accept Caleb as his own human being while successfully maintaining the unique intensity of their bond.
Both cards want to have MC accept Caleb as flawed and see him as distinct from (yet still intrinsically bound to) her. Both cards use a statement from Caleb is make this point, i.e., "I can't pretend it's all about you" vs. "I'm the one thing you can't control or claim as yours."
Indulgent Scheme's crash-out causing "I can't pretend it's all about you" is an admittedly rough translation, but even if we take one of the more favored fan translations, "I can't pretend that my reasons for leaving are all about you," we still have a couple unsettling (for me) implications on our hands. To wit:
Caleb realizes his fixation on MC is unhealthy (or at the very least, impossible to maintain) and it seems like he's trying to set some kind of boundary, however reluctantly. Good for him. He's growing. That's great... I fucking hate it. This man is supposed to want to be one with her soul and he's setting boundaries? Get tf out of here, boundaries are only sexy in real life, where is the man who wanted to be her toothbrush???
It forces MC into the position of "recipient of Caleb's attention," not "equal participant in the relationship." Over the entire card prior to this, MC is obviously concerned about multiple issues: Caleb's health, his safety, his trustworthiness, and their ability to move forward as a committed couple. But his statement only addresses his perceptions of what she needs, not the effects of those perceptions and what she's actually asking for. That element of needing Caleb to be there for her in certain ways, of wanting that level of care is definitely present, as we see in the hotpot scene where she feels bereft at the thought of Caleb not being the one to take care of her, but it's only one issue in a tapestry of fuckery.
And EVEN IF you go with the third option, the possibility that Caleb is purposefully obscuring his meaning or intentions when he says this, just so MC won't feel guilty if he dies, you know what that is? A little something called a MFing LIEEEE.
And instead of calling him on his nonsense, MC just... accepts it.
Actually, as I've been writing this, it's become clear to me that this is where my real irritation with Indulgent Scheme lies. It's not the conflict. The conflict is actually great now that I think about it, not as exciting as Thronesong, but lots of emotional depth there. It's the attempted resolution that I hate.
Because MC, baby girl, the man not only just told you out of nowhere that you are not the center of his universe when he's been trying to make you believe you are exactly that for your ENTIRE LIFE, he ALSO said he's going to keep secrets from you, his LIFE PARTNER, about CRUCIAL INFORMATION in situations where his LIFE MAY BE IN DANGER, and that it's NOT just because of the nature of his work, but because that's THE KIND OF PERSON HE IS. I know he is hot (just so unbearably, life-ruiningly, god-angeringly hot, lord savior and spirit give me just one night to match his freak lord-), but you have to show me you understand how fucked up this behavior is before you just accept it like that. You're so glad he's finally being honest with you (a red flag in itself), but you're not paying attention to what he's being honest ABOUT.
I don't mind Caleb being problematic, in fact I love it, it's what makes him such a rich character, but I am clearly #triggered by MC's response to it. Something I recognize is a personal problem, but a problem nonetheless! At the end of Indulgent Scheme, I simply could not suspend disbelief enough to accept that someone could say something like that to their partner, not addressing their real concerns none at all, and the partner goes "okay, that's fucked up, but you're being real with me tho, right?" and they're like "yeah" and then we're banging it out and giggling over breakfast the next day. Ain't no way. Only yanderes get to do fuck like that. You want a healthy relationship with boundaries but then you say some shit like that? Hell nah. Get the couples' counselor on the phone, sweetheart, cuz you can't have it both ways.
Now take all that versus Thronesong's "I'm the one thing you can't control or claim as yours."
Ooh, sweetie, sign me THE FUCK UP.
It's arguable that people were too focused on the incest aspect to be as upset over this line like they were over Scheme's, but my view is that there was no outcry because this line is just a great fit for his character. It accomplishes the same thing that Scheme's line does without undermining that obsessive love and primordial bond the two of them share, and it gives MC her rightful power in the dynamic.
High Marshal Caleb and Indulgent Caleb each say in their own way that they're gonna stay on their bullshit, but Marshal Caleb follows it up with "we've always belonged to each other," because he understands that it goes both ways. He's not really asking MC to accept him being fucked up, he's asking her to understand that they are both fucked up.
Thronesong Caleb and MC were both warped by their upbringings like their main story counterparts, but they're much more aware of what that has done to them. That's why Empress MC can't give up fraternizing with Caleb even though it's an obviously unhealthy situation: even if he's a arrogant, conniving s.o.b., he's the only person who makes her feel human.
It's why she doesn't predict the blockade he springs on her, but she also doesn't get upset about it because she knows she's trusting someone she shouldn't. In the ceremony around the mid-point of the card, she notes that Caleb's hand is still warm and comforting while her scepter is cold. Both of them know that power and ambition have stripped them of most of their compassion and humanity, so they're clinging to each other as the last parts of their authentic selves. Empress MC can't control or claim High Marshal Caleb because he knows she cannot fully exist as a human being without him. However, he still belongs to her because he can't fully exist without her either. It is TWISTED AF, but it is an equal partnership.
There's no reason for Indulgent's MC to take Caleb's foolishness lying down other than he is FINE AS HELL and she's afraid of losing him... okay, those are actually both very good reasons, but STILL, Thronesong handles this better. Empress MC makes the conscious decision to put up with Caleb's bullshit because she literally needs him in order to feel human and she knows that. Which brings me to:
4) The sex scene in the bedroom in Imperial Thronesong is better than the Kindled for Indulgent Scheme YEAH I SAID IT.
The depiction of their intimacy in that scene is absolute cinema and it ties together everything that makes Imperial Thronesong such a masterpiece of a card. You can't do "sexually intense but emotionally toxic relationship" any better than this.
The intimate yet dangerous tone, the tête-à-tête, the threat of violence underpinning the presence of lust, it's HIGH ART. These two are so enmeshed, it's CRAZY. There's no 'saying some fucked up shit and then fading to black while pretending it's not that bad,' no, it very much IS that bad and they don't give a damn. Plus, for the writers to spend the entire card openly acknowledging the familial relationship and then fully describe an obvious sex scene, KNOWING how divisive this would be in the global fandom?? I respected the hell out of it. And on top of doubling down on that, they absolute nailed the writing (pun only somewhat intended).
I mean, "I take his hand and guide it to my warmest depths?" Girl. Girl. GIRL. GIIIRRRRRLLLLLLUH.
"Intense pleasure and faint melancholy... wash over me in waves from where we're connected."
Excuse me? Where you're what? Why is it so hot in here someone open a window wtffffuuuu-
"He wants to embed himself in my very being."
... I am deceased. Expired. PERISHED. The text really pulls no punches on their intimacy. That man is INSIDE OF HER. (And not for nothing, but Caleb's EN VA stepped up his kissing sounds like WHOA, goddamn sir, please, I don't want to have children, why are you out here trying to get me PREGNOOT?)
It's not just the sexiness though. MC says best what this moment illustrates. Their "passion isn't born from understanding and trusting each other." It's clinging to what little of their humanity remains that only lives through the other person.
"If this is what love is, then we're in love."
Is that even more fucked up than what's happening in Indulgent Scheme? Most definitely. Do I love it more for that? Yes, I do. If you're going to be toxic, do it in the sober light of day and don't gaslight my girl into thinking that loving someone is a good enough reason to accept harmful behavior. Let her KNOW that it isn't a good enough reason and choose to do it anyway like the bad bitch she is.
5) I'm through with Scheme, but I'm not done gushing about Thronesong, here are some other things in it that I just really REALLY loved.
High Marshal Caleb takes Main Caleb's trolling to the next level. He pisses me off SO MUCH and I love it. You're seriously going to blow up a starport rather than let MC have it dude?? And then he tries to act like "oh I have to control this because it's near my galaxy" or whatever. Bitch, it's near her galaxy too! And the way he worked around her for that deal, getting the Lorne Galaxy to be taken over by the Federation's candidate? It's low-key giving actual sibling vibes, that is peak older sibling behavior and I would be seething if he did that to me. MC bit him in revenge, but I probably would have shot his ass, ngl.
Caleb's voice when he says "don't talk to me like that." I came. Goated card for this line alone.
Caleb says "you'd rather play with another man?" and a new dialogue box pops up saying the speaker is Another Man. ABSOLUTE CINEMA, 10/10 (I also love the implication that MC has casual sex.)
The Kindled. The action and cinematography are stunning. Caleb shooting the missiles back at the ships, his coat billowing, in his power stance, FUCK DUDE. Plus the line "you may have ambition but haven't lost conscience" gave me goosebumps because I am a whore for theming.
Also, when you don't take his hand and he glares and then picks you up with his Evol? Fuuuuuuuu- 🥵💦
The conflict in story isn't just internal, it has real consequences in the story. The threat of them going to war is there and then they actually go to war, it's not miraculously avoided at the last second.
I don't want to say it too loud because I don't want the company to notice, but I love the nonbinary dog, Tayby. It's probably the only time we'll ever see a character with they/them pronouns, so I'll take it.
TL;DR: Indulgent Scheme has the skiing scene and Caleb in an apron and for this we must give it its flowers, but Imperial Thronesong has better story-telling, handles portraying complex and slightly (or in its case, extremely) toxic relationships in a better way, and has much better spice than Indulgent Scheme. Also, Indulgent Scheme sucks because "goober?" That's what replaced the iconic "pipsqueak?" GOOBER? Y'all better stop playin' with me.
Real talk, I thought no other birthday card would ever compare to No Return Night for me. It was just too iconic (the way I screamed out loud when I first saw the PV was ridiculous), so I set my expectations for Your Skyblue at “this will be a fun, fluffy Caleb card where we finally get to see him as a pilot and that's it.” I’ve always wanted a card where we fly with him, so I would have been happy if that was all it was.
But now? Now I must fall to my knees and beg for forgiveness because omg, I loved this card SO goddamn much.
It's not only cute, it’s some Next Level Cute. Weaponized cute. Hurt my heart, cuteness aggression, many poignant feelings about Caleb’s childhood and his bond with MC, CUTE.
Not only that, but it made me appreciate the fact that Caleb loves something besides MC. He has something he’s good at and enjoys and is passionate about that has little or nothing to do with her. When the writers implied this kind of life separate from MC in Indulgent Scheme, I was PISSED. When they openly show it in Your Skyblue? Perfection.
[SPOILERS AHEAD]
One of my first impressions from the PV was the look of delight on Caleb’s face in the cockpit that made me imagine what he must’ve been like as a little boy, and I was so excited when the card actually alluded this theme of childhood. When Caleb meets Iann and geeks out with him over planes? DEATH BY ADORABILITY, but also death because Caleb is great with kids despite hardly getting the chance to be one himself. Aerospace stuff was really his only outlet for that side of him and it’s never gone away, even after everything he’s been through. It’s giving that Undertale “despite everything, it’s still you” moment and it makes me want to WEEP OPENLY. (Honestly, the whole thing makes me want to do a deep dive into Caleb’s childhood or lack thereof and how that affects him, but first I have to gush.)
All that said, in my reading, Caleb would not enjoy planes and flying without MC because he would not enjoy living at all without her, but since he has her, he DOES enjoy them. As they describe in the part with the tree blessings, while the two of them are connected at the root, they grow individually, albeit side by side. If you cut them apart, they would wither and die, but together they’re able to express their true natures as their own beings. I thought I didn’t like seeing their relationship progress in this way because I was so attached to Caleb's yandere-esque side, but I think that was Indulgent Scheme’s fault for being a bunch of hooey. (No, I will never stop being salty about that card. To quote Lemonette, "leave me alone!")
The relationship growth in Your Skyblue is the kind of progression I would like to see. It still has the possessive flavor (Caleb’s tone when he asks who you’re texting when you talk to Gideon, saying that the pilots who were doing an air show FOR HIM were “stealing your time”), but it also really feels like they’ve found their footing. It’s kind of the opposite of High Marshal Caleb in that they’ve settled into a healthy dynamic instead of a toxic one (both are good, I love High Marshal Caleb, he can do whatever he wants to me). This is also reflected in the setting, where they've gone somewhere that's the exact opposite of where they used to be (openness instead of secrets, fulfillment instead of longing, expression instead of repression), yet they're still connected to where they were (always from the same source).
Anyway, long story short, I'm in love with this card and this Caleb and I'm gonna run it back tonight because it's PRECIOUS.
Final thoughts:
Hugging the trees? STFU, why so sweet??? And the Decoherence/Main Story reference (Giant Tree-01!) made my heart soar.
Dude, MC is SO good at birthdays. Not just for Caleb, but the Arctic trip for Zayne in Dawnbreak Promise, taking Sylus to the animal park in Where Hearts Live, it’s so much time and effort and planning way in advance. She goes all out for all the boys and I love it. OOOH, I would love a card where the boys plan a birthday for her, that would be so fun.
The “if you’re worried about your surprise not landing” pun made me 😫😫😫.
Gideon is such a good friend and not to be crass, but he can f*** me to death with his voice, I am down so bad for him. Sorry, gege.
The (Mer)man That You Are: Rafayel’s Relationship with Masculinity
First off, don't come for me, I'm not here to rehash the "controversy" of some players saying Rafayel was hotter or more masculine as the Lemurian Sea God. That's not a controversy, that's just an opinion. Maybe on X those things coincide, but not here. Not in this mojo dojo casa house.
That said, I am curious about why/how such opinions might be formed. Even prior to LSG, I saw random comments about Rafayel being “soft” or looking “feminine,” despite the fact that other LIs have similar characteristics. Posts have also popped up here on Tumblr about Rafayel being underestimated as a lover because of his features and behavior. Not a lot, but it stands out because I never see the same kind of posts about any other LI.
Is this all just social media brainrot nonsense? Probably. But I’m going to pretend there's something to it because I want to yap about it so…
Rafayel is more masculine than he appears (to some folks) and here’s why.
CW: light discussions of misogyny and this thing is long as hell, I couldn't keep track of how many things I spoiled, so let's say all the Rafayel spoilers ahead
DISCLAIMERS:
As per all my LaDS commentary posts, a disclaimer that this is JUST MY OPINION. I haven't seen all of his content yet, I'm only going with what I know so far and other interpretations of Rafayel are EQUALLY VALID. But this is the internet and I get to yell things just like everyone else.
Usual caveats when it comes to actual credentials: I have none. I do basic research things as part of my day job, but I’m not a sociologist. Also, I’m American and while I do my best, that comes with all the myopic baggage we tend to have. If a CN LaDSer wants to dunk on me because all my takes are super Western and I miss a shit ton of nuance, well I am here to get dunked on, go off, my liege.
Basically, my only qualifications are that I think too much and I have access to the internet. Now that you all have your grains of salt to take with all this, let’s goooooo….
Prologue
To start, let’s define what I mean by “masculinity.” As I use it here, I mean masculinity in the traditional Western sense, the stereotype of it as a set of qualities associated primarily with men. I’m aware that there is more to masculinity than these qualities, that all genders can and do share in them, and that ideas of masculinity vary wildly from culture to culture, but this admittedly narrow perspective is what I’m going to focus on to keep this post from becoming a dissertation. (I said I wasn’t going back to grad school and I meant it.) Keeping all that in mind, we’re going to start with how Rafayel performs masculinity (or doesn't) on a surface level.
1) At face value, Rafayel's more feminine qualities are played up more than other LIs', and he is the only one with a less masc profession.
We know that Rafayel is very powerful. Between his godhood and his Evol, he might even be the most powerful of the LIs, greater or at least on par with Sylus, who could arguably be considered the most masculine-coded of the five. Raf’s Evol is fire, an element tied to yang energy, associated with maleness or masculinity. Rafayel is confident, assertive, independent, literally physically strong (I mean that body, whew), and brave. There are definitely more feminine aspects of him, but I would argue that all of the LIs have traits more commonly associated with “feminine energy” and that’s why this game is great: it recognizes that most humans contain these multitudes. So why would some people get all up in Rafayel’s sexy-ass business about his energy specifically?
One possible reason is greater visibility of this aspect of his character. It’s not only his behavior towards MC that’s gentler and less emotionally restricted, it also shows in how he dresses and acts. Rafayel is always fashionably dressed, a trait he shares with Sylus, but with less emphasis on the stereotypically “male” fashions that Sylus wears. Rafayel’s colors are brighter, his fabrics more flowy, and his waist is SNATCHED. Like goddamn. Also our boy is DRA-MA-TIQUE. I doubt Rafayel has ever heard of stoicism and if he has, I’m sure he wants nothing to do with it. He loves to get in his feelings, frivolous or otherwise, which makes sense considering his godly domain (the ocean notoriously gives zero fucks). As for his facial features, to me Xavier is more feminine in looks than Rafayel and while I could get into why I feel that way, I don't find facial features as important compared to other factors. When it comes to those aesthetics, my take is that it's truly a matter of androphilic people having varying tastes and probably also China having different standards for masculine beauty.
Aside from Rafayel's appearance and affect, another thing that’s easy to overlook is his “soft” profession. Look at the other LIs: Hunter, Soldier, Crime Boss, Doctor. Usually, these are roles that Western society associates with men and manliness. Don’t get me wrong, male power structures have gatekept the shit out of art as well, but artistic men may often be perceived as more sensitive or moodier, i.e., more feminine. (Note: this is an exceptionally Western take, even with my caveats, so I want to point out that this stereotype of the “sensitive” artist may not be true in China, especially considering the immense popularity of Rafayel there.) The other LIs have tough, physically intense jobs. Rafayel paints and sings. He is an assassin, but that doesn’t come up nearly as much and is more of a side hobby than an actual vocation. But historically, while “artist” was something only men did, it was not considered by the prevailing cultural norms to be exceptionally “manly.”
For example, this might just be me and my lack of education and largely useless art degree, but I can name a handful of famous female artists off the cuff. Mary Cassatt, Alma Thomas, Adrian Piper. But ask me to name a famous female soldier or crime boss or even doctor? Uhhh… I mean, Jane Goodall is a doctor, but not the right kind…um… I will pass for now, but I’ll get one eventually, come back to me later.
Point being, Rafayel's less masculine traits are more front and center than the others, so it's easy to read him as more feminine even when that isn't true.
2) Rafayel is not afraid to be vulnerable. In fact, he insists on it.
I don’t think I’m breaking any new ground by pointing out that stereotypes of “masculine” people generally don’t involve being vulnerable. LaDS doesn’t really fall for this trope, the LIs all show vulnerability quite openly in their relationship with MC, only differing in how long it takes them and how they express it.
However Rafayel shows his vulnerability the most and the soonest. His fear of MC disappearing/abandoning him manifests as a kind of neediness in the beginning. It’s true that Caleb is also clingy (wild understatement), but he’s known MC his entire life and often that clinginess is expressed by trying to “protect” her (masculine-coded… but also mom-coded). Sylus too is desperate right out the gate, but he hides his vulnerability behind a tough guy act. Zayne and Xavier take AGES (AKA a reasonable length of time for a normal person) to become vulnerable enough to express their true feelings. (... Although that might only be Zayne, it’s possible Xavier is just clueless, that sweet baby.) Whereas Rafayel, who to MC is someone she only met fairly recently, comes hard out the gate with “promise you’ll never make me wait for you” at affinity level five. (There are 250 affinity levels, Rafayel, pump your brakes, sweetheart... But actually don’t, I ily so much, I will never leave your side.)
Let's look at the first bond events.
Zayne: I enjoyed having lunch with you, here is a seal.
Xavier: ME WANT PLUSHIE… oh, you got it? Cool, let’s team up.
Sylus: I let you, a stranger, run around my house like a maniac and feel me up in my robe while I pretended I wasn’t tented up like crazy. Let’s go blow up an auction as our first date. (Not exactly normal, but you can’t tell me it isn’t masculine).
Caleb, who MC has known practically all her life: I’ve protected you all this time, please let me keep doing it or I will literally have a breakdown.
Aaaand Rafayel, whom she met like three weeks ago: What do you mean you have a JOB?? I could have DIED by now and I thought you’d been MURDERED, don’t EVER do that again!!! 😠😭😭😭
His second bond is also more intense. Zayne shares a personal memory in Nostalgic Sweetness, Xavier and MC open up about their feelings a little more in A Night of Warmth, but Rafayel is quite literally at his most vulnerable in Ebb and Flow, telling MC he is helpless against her and revealing his true identity as a Lemurian.
Even though in his other content (four star cards, phone calls, etc.), he doesn't seem to be any clingier than the other LIs, that early baring of his soul and the role he assigns MC in his life (a bodyguard, someone to always be close to him even though he doesn't need protecting), gives an air of vulnerability that's not as present in their stories, despite them being just as obsessed with her.
It makes sense why Rafayel would act that way though. Based on his past with MC, he is not taking any chances with her not knowing how he feels and disappearing from his life. But too often vulnerability is equated with weakness which, if you grew up in a patriarchal society, is equated with femininity. It's a wrong belief and can and should be overcome, but it does exist.
But on the flip side of this raw vulnerability is Rafayel's hiding of his true strength.
3) Due to his trauma, Rafayel often hides his more masculine side behind a mask of carefree indifference.
So I know the game is Love and Deep Depression for every LI, but I feel like Rafayel gets a particularly raw deal.
In their myths, Sylus and Xavier knew the costs and made their choice to die/kill a bunch of people to spare MC. Zayne and Caleb were mostly helpless against Astra and EVER respectively, but Rafayel...
Well… okay, this may be a departure from canon, but I don’t think Rafayel knew refusing to sacrifice MC would destroy all of Lemuria. I think he knew something bad would happen, but where I get hung up is if he knew all of Lemuria would instantly collapse and kill everyone, how did he expect MC to escape? I'm sure there's an answer to that, but when I watched the myth, the impression I got was that Rafayel was sacrificing himself, making way for the next incarnation of the Sea God. I'm almost definitely wrong and please correct me in the replies with what actually happened if you want, but it would explain (or at least contribute to) why Rafayel so rarely exerts his power as a god: He thought he was saving MC's life but then he ended up destroying his entire civilization. And even if he did knowingly make the choice to destroy Lemuria and die for MC, it didn't even work and he was chained up for thousands of years. Then he tried to die for MC again and was caught off guard when she used their everlasting bond oath to MAKE HIM STAB HER TO DEATH. And then when he finally found her again, what did she do? GHOSTED HIM. Not on purpose, but still. Hasn’t the man been through enough??
It’s different from the others because they either knew they had no choice, or they had a choice and made it. Raf thought he had a choice, but he didn’t. TWICE. And because of that insecurity around his power, Rafayel hides himself. He's often intense but he's rarely serious and keeps his life pretty peaceful and comfortable, which makes it easier to forget/not notice how in charge and in control (i.e., masculine) he really is.
So many of his Tender Moments are sweet and mellow, but that “Other Raf” still shows up from time to time: Scorching Rain (beating up a stalker), Lost In Your Eyes (going to a black market auction and immolating his own painting on stage), that one Promise card where he remorselessly murders that one dude. (The guy had it coming, but Raf was so stone cold about it, not even that angry or like hungry for revenge, just standing on business. Scary, but also hot.)
In the main story, that moment of Rafayel under the water when MC asks him to save her is the first time we see him a bit more in control and it was almost jarring to me how different he was. That part of the story also happens to be the first appearance of the Sea God side of him, but we'll get to why that matters in a moment.
Overall, Rafayel's true power wasn’t entirely hidden, but it may have felt too low-key to be meaningful in some cases due to the foregrounding of his superficially feminine aspects, his unabashed vulnerability, and that nonchalant mask that he uses to cope.
4) Lemurian Sea God was not necessarily more masculine, but he was definitely less inhibited.
So now we’re at the part where I admit that I lied to you and I AM going to talk about people saying that Rafayel got “hotter” even though his physical form was EXACTLY THE SAME. Not to start shit, but to analyze why it was a catalyst for some people that got them into Rafayel.
My take is that it wasn’t his physical form that changed (again, it literally didn’t), it was the vibes. Without his present-day trappings, without his vulnerability creating an impression of neediness, and no longer disregarding his power, Rafayel feels more adult. And grown-ass men who are true grown-ass men are hot (if you are attracted to grown-ass men, that is.) To me, when he’s putting on his drama king performance and downplaying/sidelining his strength, Rafayel seems the most immature compared to the other LIs. Lemurian Sea God drops those behaviors while still retaining Raf’s lovable character.
Even when he had a similar look as God of Tides, the vibe was still very youngish. Compare his LSG look to GoT: The nail polish, the tattoos, the toga, the “non-conformist” attitude. It’s giving ancient Greek teenager who shops at Hot Topic, versus a shirtless, even more tatted up, godlike figure (that long hair def reminds me of Zeus and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was referencing a Chinese mythical figure with long hair either) in a low slung tunic OR with a powerful, hip-thrusting fish tail. HOOOOT. (I mean, they’re both hot, but whatever.) Not only that, but Raf is fully owning his power in Tears of Romirro: threatening MC when she asks what he’ll do if she doesn’t free him, stopping that storm and defying a prophecy and acting like it was no big deal, and calling in a skeleton shark monster to go to that Sea God palace in the ocean and WRECK THEIR SHIT.
I know for me, until I got Lemurian Sea God, Rafayel wasn’t on my radar as an LI, even though I loved his character. When I got LSG, I didn't find him more attractive because he “looked more masculine.” I found him more attractive because he was finally owning his true power and I could see who he was underneath what I'd already been shown.
“But Del!” you say because I wrote that you said it, “Doesn’t this mean that you were one of the people underestimating him?” to that I say: WHY, YES.
THAT’S RIGHT, I WAS THE ONE UNDERESTIMATING HIM. IT WAS ME ALL ALONG! When I said some people might perceive his look, behavior, and profession as less masculine, it was me. I was people. When I said his style of vulnerability might make him seem weaker to some people, even when you know he isn’t, I was people. When I said his masculinity may have felt too low-key in his cards because his masking was hiding it from people too incurious to look, it’s because I WAS PEOPLE. It wasn't something I was conscious of at all, but I did think of Rafayel as the "softboi" of the LIs.
And I was SO very wrong.
Knowing what I know now, I am genuinely embarrassed about not recognizing the fullness of Rafayel’s character. And I don’t just mean traditional definitions of what is considered manly. Raf has all of that, the physicality, the authoritativeness, the competence, but he also has the depth and sensitivity that are found in truly mature men as well. Like all of the LIs, he is multi-faceted in addition to being devastatingly attractive and I’m so glad Paper Games slapped me in the face with Tears of Romirro and showed me what a fool I’d been.
In conclusion, TL;DR, Raf is hella masculine and people who think otherwise have probably not been paying attention, and I can say that because I was one of them. But no longer! That sexy fish is in the harem now, even edging out Sylus who ALSO had a myth that I needed to see to get a full picture of him…
...
Oh my God, am I the problem??
[If you made it to the end of this, WOW. Thanks for reading this monster. How do you love Raf? Count the ways in my replies and/or reblogs if you want.]
