hello there! oh, i think he was talking to both:to kate because she wasn’t supposed to mean that much to him. but it’s funny because the moment he saw her, he was instinctively protective towards her. “you do what i tell you when i tell you, and you’ll get out of this without any bumps or scrapes". like, ‘idk this girl and her family but i don’t want her to think that i’m a fucking asshole’ (like, when he went back for jacob). she awakened something in him that only she could, there were things he’d only do for her. so when she asks him if he wants some company. he says yes because it’s her. in that moment, he needed the light that she brought to his life, even tought it wasn’t enough to keep him strong. 3 months later, he’s all fucked up, more complicated than ever, but she’s still there. they argue everyday but they love each other in some way and that’s why she didn’t leave him before. they pulled off their first job together, and things went a little dicey and he found out that she wans’t safe with him anymore, so he decided to leave her for her own good. but how could he imagine she would be even less safe without him? so she dies and all he thinks about is that he never should’ve left her, he should’ve protected her like he promised her he would. and her death haunts him.and to amaru because after six months he’s getting used to his new life, he’s not happy or comfortable, but he’s settled. he hasn’t forgotten about her but the wound is healing. then she comes along. and it’s kate’s body, kate’s face, kate’s eyes, kate! and suddely that’s all that matters to him, he almost loses a fight, but also, he finds the strenght to keep fighting because of her. and he had hope again. at first he thinks it’s her, but it’s not. then, he thinks he can save her from amaru, but burt tells him that he can’t. and all was lost again. he was back to the grieving and he’d lost her twice now. so i think these were the reasons why kate/amaru fucked up his life.
