Not me having a slight existential crisis because of TFA Blitzwing. Like, I’m writing a fic and I decide that I have to have a few scenes from his POV (one thing I tend to dislike about fics featuring him is that they often are completely from another character’s POV so I always feel like romance in the shippy-er situations lacks a little oomph) and I really liked that one person I reblogged a few days ago that likened him to a computer running virtual machines -
And I know that the character I am writing in this fic is the TFA Blitzwing that lives in my head, so it’s not like there’s not already an element of me putting myself into the character. Yeah I’m riffing on what I remember of canon (should go back and watch TFA properly with the kidlets and maybe my husband since he’s still stuck in G1) but this interpretation of Blitzy is absolutely mine -
And it’s not like I’m over here worried that I have alters or a system because while I understand somewhat how systems work (I’ve hung out with a few systems and listened to people discuss their alters before) I decided that I didn’t want to try to write Blitzy that way because as he’s presented in canon is one, a very pop culture understanding of DID and related disorders, two, I’m not 100% comfortable enough with my understanding of those disorders to try to correct that, and three, he reminds me a lot of how I mask.
That’s where the minor existential crisis comes in.
When I was in college my beloved music Ed professor said something that resonated with me far before I’d ever learned about neurodivergent masking. He said that we all have a “teacher mask” that we have to put on when we’re in the classroom. It’s what helps us stay professional and helps us do our job.
I didn’t realize until I sat down to write Blitzwing’s POV, how I interpret his own opinions of his multiple faces, just how much I mask and how it explains why I can’t understand other people’s behavior sometimes. Like especially professionalism kinds of situations - you set a boundary of behavior in a certain situation, you stick to it. I cannot understand how other teachers and volunteers can’t separate their personal feelings about students from how they dealt with them professionally. My teacher mask is by no means a solid wall or a completely different person, but it is a defined persona. Mrs. KnightSkye the teacher will present both sides of a conflict as evenly and unjudgementally as she can, refrain from profanity and innuendo, and dress in a neat and tidy manner. LadyKnightSkye the person beneath the mask was raised in a barn - she’s got strong opinions, language, and doesn’t mind her tits hangin out or her panty line showing as long as she’s comfortable.
Mrs. KnightSkye is not a separate piece of my psyche, but she is a costume I put on and take off. I am mentally a cosplayer, a clown down to the depths of my soul.
And I figured it out while trying to write a romantic comedy featuring alien robots.
I love you TFA Blitzwing you beautiful son of a bitch
