I had an upsetting interaction with a panphobe today and it made me feel like it would be easier if I just gave in and started calling myself bi (bi ppl are great, I'm just not one of them) and I hate feeling like that :( it's okay if you don't want to answer this since it's a downer and not even a question, I'm just really sad and trying to find support n positive stuff :(
ugh i'm sorry that happened. you don't deserve to be feeling that way. the fact that people can make us feel like this about ourselves and our identity when we aren't doing anything wrong or hurting anyone is so fucked up.
would it be easier to just identify as bi? possibly. but at what cost? we'd lose our sense of self, autonomy over our identity, our community, our pride. it'd just be another closet. and we deserve better than that.
being pan doesn't hurt anyone. if someone claims otherwise, it's their own insecurity and internalized issues speaking, and those things don't get to dictate our identity and label and how we express ourselves. being pan is lovely and wonderful and we deserve to take pride in that and celebrate it.
i know panphobia is horrible and constant, but those people will just find something else about us to hate and police and blame for all negative things they feel about themselves. changing who we are, or rather, repressing it, won't make their self-hatred go away, or make them stop taking it out on us.
(if we identified as bi instead, they'd probably just turn biphobia on us and claim we're not truly bi or we're bi in the wrong way. they'd never be satisfied.)
we have a lovely community of supportive people who are always going to be there if you need someone to talk or vent to, who will lift you up when you're down about panphobia, who will remind you how perfect and valid you are as is when you forget it or someone tries to tell you otherwise.
panphobia is draining and i understand thinking maybe giving in is easier, but this is what community is for. you're never alone. we have each other, ya know? we can help each other through doubt and internalized panphobia. whatever you're feeling, another pan person has felt too, and got through it, so you can, too. and even if you're not quite there yet, knowing that can make a hell of a difference.
hang in there and know you're not alone, that it's okay to be pan, and there's a whole community rooting for you and doing their best to drown out the hate with love and positivity.
i don't know how helpful or positive or whatever this is. but i hope it makes you feel maybe a bit better? if anyone else has some kind, positive words, please do share!
