“You're a shit leader, Lucifer.”
A pause. The tension was palapable. “I’m a what?”
“Lucifer, you’re a shit leader.”
“A shit leader, Lucifer.”
“Yes, Lucifer, you’re a shit leader.”
A beat. “But I’m just Lucifer.”
“Well, ‘just Lucifer’, you’re a shit leader.”
“No,” Silas raised his eyebrows, “you, Lucifer, are a shit leader.”
“Listen here, Silas,” he glared, “I’m just Lucifer."
“No!” He snarled. “Lucifer, you are a shit leader.”
“I’m not a shit leader, Silas, I’m just Lucifer!”
“Listen, Lucifer, you are a shit leader!”
“No, Silas, I’m just Lucifer!"
“Lucifer, for God’s sake--” well, not for His sake, really, “--you are a shit leader."
“A shit leader!” The rest of the council are still silent. “I’m just Lucifer.”
“No, ‘just Lucifer’, you are a shit leader.”
“I’m not a shit leader, Silas, I’m just Lucifer.”
“No, ‘just Lucifer’. You’re a shit leader.”
“I’m not a shit leader, Silas!”
“LUCIFER! You are a shit leader.”
He snapped. “Listen here, Silas, you FAT OAF. I’m not a fucking shit leader.”
“For God's sake Lucifer, what is with this language?! You're a FUCKING SHIT LEADER.”
“I don't give a FUCK you FAT HAIRY BASTARD!” Lucifer bared his teeth. “I'm not a FUCKING SHIT LEADER!”
“Listen, Lucifer, you're going to go to the gates of Heaven and do DESTRUCTION and SHIT. And you're going to be FUCKING pleased about it!”
“I don't WANT to do your FUCKING DESTRUCTION you BASKET CASE! Stick it up your fucking DICK-HOLE!”
A beat. “My fucking WHAT?!”
“Silas, y'er pushing me over the FUCKING line!”
“No, I'm not,” Silas seethed. “You - are a shit leader! You're going to go to Heaven, you're going to destroy, you'll get revenge, you'll get a fucking Mikhail, it'll deliver your godly messages - DEAL WITH IT. YA TWAT.”
Lucifer’s eyes went bigger than Emilia Clarke in her greatest Daenerys Targaryen rage. “I'M GOING TO FUCKING PUT MY DICK IN THE MIKHAIL.”
The silence went on far too long. “I did that when I was younger, and that was a bad move. You, are a shit leader.”
Another pause. “I'm a WHAT?!”
“YOU'RE A SHIT LEADER, LUCIFER, FOR FUCKS SAKE, LISTEN TO MEH!”
“Silas, I've been through this.” He lifted his chin. “I don't give a BLOODY FUCK WHAT YOU THINK.”
He snarled. “This is NOT negotiable! You come with me you SPECCY BOWL-HAIRED CUT FUCK SMALL DICK SKINNY CUNT EAT MORE WANKER."
“I'LL FUCKING SET YER HAIR ON FIRE.”
“'MON THEN YA LITTLE SPECCY CUNT, SQUARE-GO LIKE!”
“I'LL FUCKING BURST YE'!”
“Right you, you little wank stain.” Silas growled. “If you don't get your act together, I'm gonna drag you to Heaven. You'll destroy shit, you'll get an Mikhail that'll deliver your SHITEY messages and that'll be that and you'll enjoy it ya' cunt.”
A returning hiss. “I'll fucking NAW yer ARM off, Silas!”
“Listen you, get near my arm and I'll slap you across the face like a little BITCH.”
“SUCK MAH PIXIE DICK YA CHUBBY ARSE--”
“I'll RUPTURE YOUR FUCKING ANUS WITH MAH MASSIVE BEAR COCK--”
“I'll RIP YER GIANT DICK OFF AND BASH YE ACROSS THE JAW WITH IT--”
“LET'S GO RIGHT NOW BRING IT ON YA LITTLE WANK--”
The Council are still in shock.
