#lame things

[nnnlazyshit]

Some lame doodles.

[hopeless--not-romantic-blog]

Dylan

Everything you'll read here is what I've done any time I missed you or wasn't with you when the urge to write hit. I have many more I never put on here too. Take it all with a grain of salt, it is all just poetry so it's exaggerated quite a bit

[hopeless--not-romantic-blog]

Why was I surprised

When you told me you weren't in the right place

For THIS particular relationship?

Why didn't I see it coming

When you were distant for weeks beforehand?

You couldn't bear the weight of disappointing me

Because of the lack of time you had

So instead of trying to make time

You decided to just leave

You don't like unintentionally causing me pain

Yet here you are, doing it intentionally.

"don't worry, we're still friends"

As if that makes things so much better

Why was I surprised when you broke my heart

Just as I had opened mine up to you?

Just as I had told you how I felt?

Just as I thought I was once again safe

To accept what I feel and to trust it...

Why was I surprised

When everything I feared

Came to be?

[hopeless--not-romantic-blog]

Things I love about you:

You sing in the car like your life depends on it

You don't care if anyone sees that, except you fuss when I watch you.

You're always so much happier when it's just us, even when you've had a bad day.

You're determined and stubborn

You challenge me to better myself

You showed me I can learn to love spending time alone

You make me fearless just by being by my side, but a healthy fearless. Like I'm not afraid to be myself, not that I'm going to do dangerous things.

You make the good days amazing, and the bad days not so bad.

Mostly, though, I love that with you, I am brave enough to be in love with you

[hopeless--not-romantic-blog]

Today's the kinda day that my heart hurts

I don't know how to handle it

The silence and complacence

You're perfectly content without me

As much as you are with me

This lack of caring is hard

For someone like me

Who is genuinely happier

With you in my life.

Usually at least

Because lately I've felt as though

You haven't wanted me around

Or to even know me

I miss you

I miss how you were and what you can be

I miss the stolen kisses in passing

And the lingering touch as we brush against each other.

I miss the conversation

Just whatever went through our heads

Was spoken about at length.

I miss all the time spent

Just being together.

I miss you

[hopeless--not-romantic-blog]

I've seen the look of love in his eyes

of longing and of desire

though it never lasted long

I've felt the sound of his laugh

cut like knives to the bone

when he teases me

for getting annoyed or frustrated

I've felt his arms around me

all night into the morning

I've fallen asleep feeling safe

and warm.

I've been at home in his arms

and when I would get up to leave

he'd hold onto me tight

as though his world would crash and burn

if he were to let go

I've heard his voice

telling me about his life and his past

as we stargazed through the night

"I'm a hopeless romantic" he said

and he was, for a very short while.

but that was before...

before he kissed me for the first time

as though his life depended on it

and apologized for ten minutes

because even though I kissed him back,

As though my heart might stop when I did,

he didn't want to cross a line.

as if there was a line to be crossed

because to me he was an angel

and everything I wanted

but that was before I got too attached

before he asked me to be his.

I've felt him pull away

and dodge my affection

when I get close

it's like he was more interested in the chase

than actually being with me

but I am in love

and he doesn't realize.

I've held his hand

and felt his kiss

but his eyes are moths

dancing between bright lights

and I am going dim.

[hopeless--not-romantic-blog]

To Dylan

I know you don't love me

you can barely stand to see me

Though it breaks my heart,

Because I'd give you anything

Everything,

I understand.

My eyes are a little too empty

My smile, a little too sad

You didn't believe me when I told you

That you'd get tired of me pretty fast

That I'd annoy you to no end.

I try

Dear Lord I try

To change my desire to talk to you

To be with you.

I swallow it and let it eat me alive

But my heart is heavy

And my stomach drops

When you tell me HE called you

And you talked for a while

Yet he "pushes your buttons"

And always leaves you angry

But I guess to you

Feeling angered is better than feeling loved

Because I have to fight

For even one reply

One conversation

While he simply has to call

And you jump to answer.

I know why I love you

And I know it'll kill me in the end

Because I cannot help myself

When I look into your eyes,

Though what I once saw inside is no longer there

I still fall deeper

And I don't know why.

I know you don't love me

I know you don't care

And if you ever read this

You'd just laugh,

Nothing can be serious to you,

Not when it comes to me or us

How can I compete

When you don't even want

Anything to do with me.

But you won't let me go

You won't admit it.

And I can't leave you

Because I'm too in love

And being with you, though you couldn't care less

Is still better than having to see you every day

And not call you mine.

[hopeless--not-romantic-blog]

Days like today I remember why I love you

I remember why looking into your eyes

Gives me, not butterflies, but an overwhelming sense of safety.

I feel like a storm cloud and you're the sun breaking through