#lando slander

[elementalmoments]

Zandvoort Quali thoughts

Yes, Daniel!! I'm not annoyed enough with Lando to wish him poor results, just better results for Daniel lmao.

I really love Pierre's race engineer, he's so positive

Oh no, George! Disappointment

Ugh. Just thinking how much I like Nico in the booth and off he goes again. Such a rollercoaster with this one.

Love Jenson Button being like, where's the Gasly love? We don't talk about Pierre enough!

Oh no Williams! Bummer of a day after the result in Spa

[thirstyandbeautiful]

If he wasn't in love with her, he would tell her to fuck off and come back if other daddies turned out not to be the daddy because it's lvl Lando, he only cares about his dick, in this essay I will

in this essay i will explain how lvl!lando is heartless and only cares about the pussy he gets and he hasn’t had sex in a while so-

[elementalmoments]

Watching Episode 15 (Bahrain GP weekend!) of F1 2020 season like:

• Oh, is this Grosjean's crash week?

• Omg did Lewis get covid celebrating his title? Also... must not be Grosjean's crash? I know Lewis was there.

• Ahhhh, okay, clicked into the wrong Bahrain race.

• Restart: the night races look so cool but give me a whole new kind of anxiety

• I'm interested to learn more about how the cars evolve through the year. It seems like RBR and Racing Point really made strides to Mercedes as the year went on.

• The reliability failures are the worst for me. Imagine if Carlos' car cut out like that mid-race?

• I believe I've said this before but it is simply unacceptable that the marshals in F1 are volunteers.

• The lights really do make the cars look spectacular and to be clear I would love to drive on this track

• The Merc is SO sexy

• Lewis saying he didn't celebrate the seventh title. Okay babe.

• Why does he touch his tummy like that 🥺 I love him so

• Oh man. A 3:50 run time? Hold me.

• I don't know when this crash happens I'm a mess

• Seb as a "sly, cunning old fox" - not the way I'm abruptly having deranged Charles/Pierre fox & the hound au feels what the ACTUAL fuck, self

• Oh no, Valterri!

• Oh shit oh fuck it was lap one???

• Two minutes before the broadcast confirmed he was okay... jeez

• I gotta say I appreciate that actual humans reviewed and made decisions on what replays could be shown, as opposed to the way the NBA and NFL handle life-threatening and/or graphic images.

• Again I say DON'T MARSHAL YOUR RACE WITH VOLUNTEERS!!!!! Not that they did anything wrong but the concern that one of them may have been hit? Three people on the other side of that barrier.

• The more fully you understand what happened the more amazing it is that Grosjean survived

• It doesn't even look like a car anymore, just incredible

• Oh gosh, what a good point about how fortunate that he didn't lose consciousness!

• Stop calling them concrete blocks they are Jersey Barriers please

• Not these men seriously suggesting Grosjean might race next weekend? Wtf

• I love hand gestures. People are so amazingly creative in our ability to convey complex concepts with our hands. Idk just watching the pot lane and people obviously explaining crash logistics and safety concepts with their hands.

• I don't recall the DtS episode being clear that this was driver error and not a reliability issue. If it had been a fault in the car I'm not sure how they could've asked Magnussen to go back out for the restart.

• Pierre's lil reaction drill looks fun

• Okay, take 2

• Aaaaand safety car

• "I'm okay I'm hanging upside down" lmao Lance. Do I enjoy this weirdo now?

• This race is just a proof of concept demonstration for the halos at this point

• Why do they lift the cars from the top and not the bottom?  It looks so unstable!

• Valterri always feels less imposing on a recovery race than Lewis...

• I have 16 laps to go and an hour on the recording... should I be concerned?

• Ohhhh, Checo ☹ that's devastating. But also. TURN THE FUCKING CAR OFF IT'S ON FIRE!!!

• Finishing a race behind a safety car feels un-American

• I mean, good on Lando to note that guy running across the track in case he'd needed to take evasive action but also maybe DON'T MARSHAL YOUR RACE WITH VOLUNTEERS

• Cute of Max "I'm a good teammate I swear" Verstappen to shout Alex out on the radio lol

f1tv to mute recaps

[elementalmoments]

Interview recap time, Zandvoort edition!

Tragically the camera angles this week were such that I could not identify leg posture. I am devastated. Few things I love in life more than tracking useless data and applying mediocre statistical analysis to it (ask me about the oreos sometime)

Anyway! Onward:

Carlos & Max

Love that Max knows who designed the track?

Love Carlos roasting Lando "he beats me ONE time"

Max was so annoyed with that question about booing. "As long as it doesn't bother Lewis, that's what you want to hear"

Latifi & Charles

The Ferrari red is SUCH a good color

Charles being like, UM the car is fine there was a monsoon at Spa what do you mean? is very funny to me

Weird to ask them about George? 🙄 but Charles casts his vote I guess

Valterri & Yuki

Ah, the drivers who may need a seat

Oh poor Yuki, that was not the answer of a man who has had clear and productive conversations about his future

"E-bike. For fitness?" "It's faster" lmao

Sebastian & Daniel

Index finger ring my beloved. I think about Daniel’s hands... so much. Lmao.

"Do I honestly know where I stand with Kimi? No" 😹

"The dutchies are always a good time" Oh ARE they Daniel? 👀

Pierre & Kimi

I need to read Kimi's book one of these days

They should've done his interview alone I think and put Pierre in a threesome

Do love the ripped jeans over leggings look

Nikita & Lance

I like that Lance seems self-aware

Nikita is an odd one for me

Esteban & Mick

Esteban seems a little less mousy these days.

Mick's accent wanders fascinatingly

Mick's thighs are like twice Esteban's

Lewis & Antonio

Lewis seemed to have a weird energy all interview. Like sure it's not your JOB to go talk to the environmental protestors but you have been super vocal about the environment and the eco-concerns of F1 and your own way of being in the world so it's really not unfair to be asked, "what would you say to them if you met them?" Like even if all you gave was a pat "Formula 1 is committed to systematically reduce the CO2 emissions generated by our operations, events, logistics and race cars to Net Zero by 2030." You've answered the question?

And then idk he seemed cagey.

Also since when is his favorite movie not Cool Runnings? Lmao (I say as someone who is incapable of having a favorite ANYTHING but I thought I knew this answer!)

And someone needs to tell him that you can't actually be too old for Harry Potter... (also I think technically he would've been in the target demographic at the time, I believe he would've been 12)

I enjoyed their little back and forth about the movies

Checo & Fernando

Interviewer: "How much are you going to miss Kimi?" Alonso: "Not much. What do you mean? " *ded*

No points the last three races??? That's like a decade in RBR years ☹ poor Checo

Lando & George

George's Kimi story is A+ content

God JUST as I'm thinking how much I'm impressed by Lando as a driver (this year and last) and how maybe he might be kind of okay he comes in with "well how good is the driver" BITCH I WILL CUT YOU

And what the fuck was this weird "He's old he likes wine" back and forth they did? Idk felt like asshole high-school cool kids with mean in-jokes. Blargh. Bummer way to end the interviews.

[elementalmoments]

PSA: Below is a short working list of individuals or entities for whom, if I am discussing them, slander is likely implied:

Heavy Slander, Active Dislike

Jos Verstappen

Mild Slander, Mild Dislike

Red Bull Racing (to include Helmut and Christian)

Guenther Steiner

Nikita Mazepin

Ferrari (re: team strategy/execution)

The commentators (when they get on their racist and out-of-pocket shenanigans)

Mild Slander, Vague Problematic Affection

Nico Rosberg

Lando Norris

All rights reserved to add or delete as necessary

[elementalmoments]

LMAO just imagine Lando as teammates with Nico