~F.A.Q.~
There’s some questions I‘ve been asking
from my self, some more, some less
Mostly: are these lines I‘m drafting
really me? I must confess
Some might be, some less than others
Some are dreams, but I disgress -
I am used, so used to masking
Lying to my friends and brothers
Up until it all just shattered.
——
Doubt is bladed thin, it is
easy, easily to miss
Before I knew my heart had paled
bled out from wounds I never felt
(Dig my words, don’t dig to deeply
Breathe in that smile, it’s sugared sweetly
It’s the best I have to give
Don’t blink, I don’t want
you to miss it.)
——
I hid, escaped, too young to notice
now the same old fear is mine
If I act like they’re in focus
keep my eyes up there, aligned
All made up, for their convenience
nothing true but in their mind
(With you, I need not act, I dropped it
No need to hide
from eyes so kind.)
——
I have known all along
that my needs are troublesome
Took me long enough to put
into song what I hated
all that "fake it 'til you make it"
Oh, I knew I was good
Just could not be good enough
Never met the strangest standards
never gotten useful answers.
But I listened all along
Until I just
shut down.
——
I was scared to know myself then
Still am troubled, in advance
I hear you question my conviction
every step along my dance
I did not realise my affliction
could ever be a chance.
All I needed was some freedom
to explore, express my wants
Now I think I understand
that there is no contradiction
in the way I dance
(I fuel your addiction
with my quickest glance.)
——
All I ask for is some space:
All of us have different hearts
Some like talking face to face
some would rather fall apart
Some take time to find their place
Some prefer a different pace
Some are rather safe than smart
Some are deeply, deeply scarred
So some now yearn
to bow with grace
Some have learned
to love the chase
Some find solace
in disgrace
(Some need to answer your gaze
all dressed up in lace.)
——
There’s nothing wrong, it’s how we heal
if we learned too early not to feel
if what we knew we knew to conceal
secrets we died for, but never reveal
We lived a life under lock and seal
lied so smoothly with faces of steel
and now we fear
anything real.
——
Those voices that won’t shut up inside?
The very ones that forced us to hide
They are so scared we might regain our pride:
"You’re not alone if you take on the fight
You choose who’s fighting on your side
You choose with whom you spend your night
You choose who’s fit to be your bride
You can choose and you decide
It‘s your body,
it’s your mind."
——
"It’s not wrong to crave release
Trust the process, get some peace
Understand that truth ain’t treason
it’s called love for a reason:
It was smart to be safe,
and you are safe now either way
You have long since escaped,
this is choice, not a prison
You stand tall now, phoenix risen
you control the situation
You’re a beauty, that you are
but not pressed for presentation."
——
That’s the truths I had been missing
all those years I could not breathe
while you preached wine I suffocated
drowned in pretense sickly sweet
Freedom called but had no meaning
Trust? Another word for cheating
Each nice word I thought deceit
Spent my best years medicated,
troubled girl, so complicated
uppers, downers on receipt
Now I know it was your poisoned
words so sick they made me bleed
You had me convinced I‘m crazy
I had basic needs.
——
I read my own words on repeat
and slowly, maybe, I believe.
So, for anyone still listening:
You are meant to be free
don’t waste time, spend years in prison
Find a better place to be.
-
-
-
Original Poem by Lemma D. Prime
-
I hope you enjoyed <3