seen from Greece
seen from South Korea
seen from Australia
seen from Netherlands
seen from China
seen from South Korea
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from T1
seen from Malaysia
seen from Australia
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Switzerland
seen from China
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United States
Abbey Knight (57) James Knight (60)
Spencer Knight (25)
Emily Knight [sibling] (27) Blake Hanley (26)
Kayleigh Knight (30) Felix Knight [sibling] (30) Charles Knight (5) Shane Knight (3)
Kitty Knight (32) Sebastian Knight [sibling] (33) Annie Knight (2)
Poppy Link [sibling] (35) Armin Link (37) Cathrine Link (7)
Jessica Blaid [sibling] (38) Kenneth Blaid (40) James Blaid (16) Jamie Blaid (13) Karen Blaid (4)
The Blackwoods & the Rheiders
“If you care to read about them at all, there’s a whole personal essay here for you.”
The Blackwoods (Or, at least, the ones still in Lanford)
Andrew Blackwood | Father | June 21, 1969 “Paycheck giver. Businessman. Quiet and kind, yet so apathetic.” Eliza Blackwood (née Rheider) | Mother | October 28, 1971 “Whiny bitch. Passive-aggressive queen. Obnoxious and pointless.” Samantha “Sam” Blackwood | Self | February 5, 1995 “Best fucking person you’ll ever meet.
The Extended (And not-so-distant)
Jodi Rheider | Maternal aunt | July 1, 1975 “Rich bitch. Anti-vaxer. Vegan. Cunt.” Jenna Rheider | Maternal cousin | April 14, 1994 “I’ve only heard about seven privileged words from her. Ever.” Connor Rheider | Maternal cousin | November 2, 1999 “Quirky. Genius. Loves drones. Probably in charge of WikiLeaks.”
Luke Rheider | Maternal uncle | May 4, 1966 “Pretentious. Thinks old money is anything over a year. Total sports douche.” Charli Diamond | Maternal aunt-in-law | October 31, 1982 “Second wife. Thinks Luke’s gonna die soon. Loves FormDecor. Refused the name.” Bastien Rheider | Maternal cousin | January 28, 1988 “One of the two actually cool people in this family. Sarcastic. Sick. Sweet.” Evie Rheider | Maternal first cousin, once removed | September 12, 2008 “Do 8-year-olds have personalities?”
Paul Blackwood | Paternal uncle | October 6, 1965 “Loudly republican. Loudly terrible. Winged armchairs and corporate whatever.” Charlotte Blackwood (née Gilfrey) | Paternal aunt-in-law | May 10, 1967 “If Ann Coulter was slightly younger and somehow slightly worse.” Kim Blackwood | Paternal cousin | August 1, 1987 “Thinks she’s Kim Kardashian’s heir apparent. Kim K has taste.” George White | Cousin-in-law-to-be | November 7, 1980 “They always say women go after men that remind them of their fathers. Kim sure did.” Lisa Blackwood | Paternal cousin | April 9, 1989 “She really, really gets along well with my mom. Mini-Eliza. Should’ve been aborted.” Salvatore Stracci | Cousin-in-law-to-be | October 22, 1976 “Tall, dark, Italian and scary.” Alessandro Blackwood | Paternal first cousin, once removed | May 31, 2010 “Had to hold him at a party once. He spat on me.”
Michael Blackwood | Patnernal uncle | May 1, 1967 “I legitimately don’t know if he and Paul are different people.” Natalie Blackwood (née Gainsbourg) | Paternal aunt-in-law | July 1, 1968 “Quiet, but clearly judgmental. Alopecia. Clings to Michael desperately.” Heather Blackwood | Paternal cousin | March 14, 1990 “Second cool person in the family. Goddess. Soul sister.”
Matthew Blackwood | Paternal uncle | Stillborn August 8, 1970
“And who gives a fuck about grandparents? Not I.”
The Parker Clan
Alan Parker (69) - Calculus Teacher at Lakeside School in Seattle, WA (John Ratzenberger FC) Sophie Parker (66) - Biology Teacher at Lakeside School in Seattle, WA (Sigourney Weaver FC) Zoey Parker-Prewitt, PhD (28) - Librarian for Haverford Library in Lanford, NY
Ex-Husband: Max Prewitt, PhD (28) - Lead Researcher at NYU’s Tandon School of Engineering (Iain de Caestecker FC)
