Qin Huanghou was sitting in her room in Fangfei Mansion, while her maids got her ready. She's scheduled to meet the harem members at the the harem palace in a while. However, something grew inside her.
Qin Su: Bicao.
Bicao: Huanghou.
Qin Su: Do you ever feel.....territorial?
Bicao: As in?
Qin Su: I believe that the concubines should take a break from serving their Huangdi so intimately. In the meantime, they should, I don't know, get some work done.
They shall take a one year break.
Bicao: That's a marvelous idea Huanghou!
Wang Lingjiao: Yes! You deserve to have your hubby all to yourself. I would've done the same.
Sha Hualing: As you should, Meimei.
Qin Su: Exactly. Now, how do I look? Would I seduce the emperor?
Wang Lingjiao: You're hot!
Sha Hualing: Yea! Incredibly hot.
Bicao: Huanghou, your beauty is always unparalleled.
Qin Su: Zewu Jun and the harem keep simping over my husband.
Though I know it's a powerful harem, I also want the emperor to myself.
Wang Lingjiao: Yea, that's how it's supposed to be. How dare those concubines steal your super sexy emperor husband.
Sha Hualing: What do they even do?
Wang Lingjiao: Nothing at all I guess. They only care about being fruity.
Lan Xichen can't keep his two swords and Liebing in his pants.
Sha Hualing: Zewu Jun feels like he's the empress sometimes, and owns the place.
Wang Lingjiao: He feels like he owns the emperor.
Sha Hualing: No wonder team dimple are intimidated by him.
Qin su: *scoffs* Enough about Zewu Jun. Their one year break will be in effect.
Hualing, Jiajiao. I have some tasks for you to do.
Wang Lingjiao: *giggles* I'm up for it!!! Who do you want me to strangle?
Qin Su: *glares*
Wang Lingjiao: Sorry. I got excited.
Sha Hualing: Obviously she'll ask me to strangle someone.
Qin su: You're not going to strangle anyone.
Just a little sabotage. That's it.
Wang Lingjiao: As you wish!
Bicao: Will I have a part to play?
Qin Su: Certainly. But incognito.
~~
Harem Palace 📍.
Thereafter, Qin Su arrived to the harem palace, and took her seat up front.
Concubines: *kneeling* Greetings Qin Huanghou.
Qin Su: Discard the formalities.
Concubines: Thanks, Huanghou.
Qin Su: How are you all?
Xichen: I'm great, Huanghou. Thanks for asking.
Shen Jiu: Quite blessed to see you, empress.
Xue yang: I want to harass Jiggy.
Mo xuanyu: I dreamt that.....I was cleaning Hensheng, and I believe it was a metaphor for something.
Jiang cheng: don't make me throw up.
Mo xuanyu: Yao gege was so approving in the dream.
Jiang cheng: Shut up.
Shi Qingxuan: You have to clean Huangdi's hensheng then! With some good polish.
Xue yang: Aww Shi Qingxuan. May you remain inocent.
Shi Qingxuan: What do you mean?
Xue yang: *whispers in their ear*
Shi Qingxuan: *screams in hysteria* Ahahahahahaha omg!
I thought it was only Wangxian?
Su she: It happens with team dimple too. Even though Wangxian is ugly and not team dimple.
Mo xuanyu: They keep trying to copy us.
Su she: Anyway. We're all fine, Huanghou. *blush* Thank you for your concern.
Qin Su: Ah. I'm always intrigued by you three.
*sips wine*
I have news for you, but promise not to explode or whatever.
Wang Lingjiao: Give your dicks a break.
Concubines: *gasps*
Shi Qingxuan: But I'm in my feminine form!!
Wang Lingjiao: Give your---
Qin Su: Wang Lingjiao. Let me tell them. Please.
Save your dignity.
Wang Lingjiao: *bites her nail as she grinned*
Xue yang: Calm my what, Jiajiao?! Did you say that to Wen Chao?
Wang Lingjiao: *slaps him across his face*
Xue yang: *laughing*
Qin Su: I want the harem to not intimitely serve Huangdi for a year. You are to do your work, pay respects to Huangdi and visit the Guanyin temple monthly.
Sha Hualing: The Fox Goddess Meng will cleanse you of your horniness amd dirty minds.
"Cleaning Huangdi's sword, my ass!"
Qin Su: I will serve Huangdi for the year while you partake in austerity. You'll need it.
Mo xuanyu: But i can't stop kissing him! Can I at least sniff his hair and clothes?
Su she: I can't be without him, Huanghou. I play the guqin for him.
Xue yang: I'm not good at following rules, Huanghou. You may see me in his bed tomorrow.
Qin Su: You dare test me?
Shi Qingxuan: Oh no. Are you going to poison Yangyang?! Like the Empresses in the novels?
Qin Su: *sigh* no.
No one can tell what I would do.
Xichen: I will miss kissing him.
*chuckles* we had a sexy water date, you know. In his hot spring.
Mo xuanyu: That's so unfair!
Shen Jiu: Even though i will miss intimite times with Huangdi, i know I must humbly obey.
Unlike some horny concubines.
Jiang cheng: Well, Huanghou. I'm not the romantic type.
Qin su: Mn. I know how you are.
Su she: He's always cold towards the emperor.
Mo xuanyu: Like. Why isn't he arrested yet?
Xue yang: You're a criminal.
Qin Su: That's all for now, I guess. I hope you enjoy your one year
Shi Qingxuan: Then when does that start?
Qin Su: Today, Shi guifei. *stood up and walks off* See you concubines later.
~~~
Next day, At Lan Xichen's residence in Jing Manor, Wang Lingjiao enters and made herself tea.
Already on the move, Lan Xichen returns to his residence, only to sense an intruder.
Xichen: *shakes his head* Team dimple again, i guess. But then we're all under some sort of curfew. What are they doing here?
Xichen: Ms. Wang. *surprised* What.....are you doing here?
Wang Lingjiao: How don't you have maids? Are you poor?
I had to make my own tea.
Xichen: I just have four, and I'm afraid they don't take orders from anyone else.
Wang Lingjiao: Oh. Well that's lame. I'm closest to the empress, and her maids serve me too. Well, obviously, if I threaten them enough.
Xichen: Aha.
Wang Lingjiao: So you're Huangdi's favourite?
Xichen: Yes I am!
Wang Lingjiao: Oh, you're the trophy husband!
Have you ever thought of being the empress?
Xichen: Not at all. It's a dream, yes, but everyone has their place.
Wang Lingjiao: And Qin Su might hang you by your ball sacks.
Xichen: How are you so vulgar?
Wang Lingjiao: Ask your brother. And his freaky husband.
Xichen: hey!
But you have a point.
Wang Lingjiao: *laughs* Huangdi's favourite. No wonder the harem hates you. And especially Shen Qingqiu.
Sha Hualing told us all about him.
Xichen: Well, I know that Sha Hualing knows him more than me. But personally, I think he's chill.
Wang Lingjiao: Yes he is.
(Wang Lingjiao: Qin Su told me to cause drama, so here I am. Let's see how you two are going to fight for the emperor's attention now)
Xichen: But without a doubt, team dimple is jealous.
Wang Lingjiao: That's right. But it's not about them, I came here to show you these berries. *hands him a box* When i was on my way here, Shen guifei told me to give it to you.
Xichen: Oh how kind, but what type of berries are these?
Wang Lingjiao: stop Zewu Jun! They're poisoned!
I know nothing about herbal cultivation, so instead of discarding them, I sent it straight to you to identify them!
Xichen: *looks closer* I know these berries.
They aren't poisonous, but I can't recall what do they do.
Wang Lingjiao: One way to find out.
Let me eat them for you!
Xichen: No! You'll get sick! *bites one of them*
After he swallowed them, he felt a crippling punch to his stomach.
Xichen: My guts has detached!!! *tries not to throw up* I need a physician. Now!
Wang Lingjiao: You what?! Listen! Zewu Jun, if I call an imperial physician, you might get Huangdi's attention.
Xichen: So?! I'm married to him, aren't I?!
Doesn't he love me?! How could you say such a thing, Wang Lingjiao?!
Thereafter, Xichen experienced a gush of blood, which came with an episode of dizziness.
Xichen: Shen Jiu! You bitch!
Wang Lingjiao: *startled* Zewu Jun?
Xichen: *staggered over to his bed, and laid down* if you don't call the emperor, I'll behead you with Shuoyue.
Wang Lingjiao: Yea, no shit. I don't want to wipe up your period blood.
Xichen: My? What?
Wang Lingjiao: I think those berries give men periods.
Xichen: For how long?!!!
Wang Lingjiao: You ate one, so it may go on once a month for a year.
Xichen: You know so much about this!
Wang Lingjiao: Because I'm a woman, Zewu Jun! Duh. Now stop being a baby. The cramps will go away.
Xichen: I'm talking about the berry.
Wang Lingjiao: Your rival told me. He's out for you.
Xichen: Am I gonna die?
Men aren't made to handle this! I feel beaten up.
Wang Lingjiao: No.
The physicians, accompanied by Yao Huangdi, came a few minutes later. Lan Xichen on the other hand, laid in bed like a damsel in distress, while letting out little coughs.
Jiaoqiu: I specialize in Fox spirits, and far less a cultivator, but what I'm seeing here is that you have onset MENstration. You just need to take these pills, and stay hydrated.
Xichen: So. My guts and male anatomy
aren't falling out?
Jiaoqiu: No. All your organs are in tact.
Xichen: You know I have to get a cane. I can't walk. My legs are paining me.
Jiaoqiu: You can. But, i heard that it's like that for the first 2 days.
Xichen: And it's once a month, right?
Jiaoqiu: 5 to 7 days.
Xichen: WHAT?!
Oh god. I'm going to bleed to death.
Wang Lingjiao: pfft! So weak.
Yao: A-Su goes through this every month, and she doesn't bleed to death.
Xichen: So comforting, A-yao. Please come next to me.
If I die, I want you to be the last person I see. *sniffles* Shen Jiu did this to me.
Yao: He did?!
Xichen: Yes.
Shen Jiu: Me?!
I was busy tutoring Rusong Dianxia!
Xichen: But you did indeed sabotage me!
A-yao.
Yao: *sat next to him and held his hand* Everything will be fine.
Xichen: I need water. I'm so thirsty, and dizzy.
Yao: Here you go. *feeds him*
Xichen: I don't know how to explain. I don't feel like eating, but I still want to eat the unhealthiest things.
Yao: You must eat healthy things, and on time too. Before you get gas.
Xichen: Yes Huangdi.
I love you.
Yao: *kisses* I love you too.
Xichen: Huanghou had ordered the concubines to partake in austerity and not serve you intimately. For a year.
Yao: Oh I see. My empress has taken charge, hasn't she.
I'll still kiss you. *kisses him again* Take care ok? And hydrate.
Xichen: Yes my love.
Yao: *to his staff* make sure that Lan guifei gets his tea, food and medication on time.
Staff: Certainly, Huangdi.
~~
Meanwhile, Team dimple were under house arrest, where Bicao supervised them.
Su she: *doing paperwork* Bicao, thanks for the company, but I don't think we need supervision.
Bicao: This is Qin Hianghou's order, Su Xiandu.
Su she: But I'm Huangdi's closest henchman, concubine and Xiandu.
Mo xuanyu: *sniffles* So you should fear Shanshan. *sniffles*
Bicao: Mo Guifei, why are you wet and shaking?
Mo xuanyu: I was horny and frustrated.
Xue yang: *leans in* Look. Bicao. How about Minshan pays you, and you let us go.
Bicao: I don't accept bribe.
Su she: why should I pay her? You do it.
Xue yang: You're Xiandu, meaning you have money to spare.
I've also spent all my money on candy and Nsfw comics. I promise it's for research purposes.
Su she: I knew it.
Bicao: *overwhelmed* research purposes?
Mo xuanyu: We ask Yao gege to use those techniques on us. Because, you know, we're submissive to him.
Xue yang: I just love it when he brings out the whip.
Bicao: Ah, that's too much information.
Xue yang: *laughing* Bicao. Don't be scared. There's no whip involved. Well. No one knows. Only us.
Bicao: What's that supposed to mean?!
Su she: It's a team dimple thing.
And Huangdi loves to lock us up in his secret room.
Bicao: *terrified* What is wrong with you three?
~~~
On the other hand, Jiang Cheng wakes up on a boat, when the sun shone through a crease in the board and then exactly in his face. He looks around confused, wondering how he ended up here. Jiang cheng only knew that he was doing paperwork in Jing Manor, and then he blacked out.
Jiang cheng: F*ck.
Sha Hualing: *looking at two demons rowing the boat* row faster!
Demons: Yes Saintess!
Sha Hualing: Consort Jiang. You're up?
Jiang Cheng: Where are you taking me!!
Sha Hualing: Yunmeng.
You can do your stupid paperwork there.
Jiang Cheng: how dare you! Those are my sect affairs you're referring to.
Sha Hualing: My Qin Huanghou is richer than you and your sect.
Jiang Cheng: Thanks for stating the obvious. Now why did you kidnap me!
Sha Hualing: Kidnap?
*laughs* Dear. I'm giving you a ride. You should thank me.
Jiang cheng: Are those two....demons?
Sha Huaing: I'm a saintess. Obviously they are. But don't worry. They only listen to me.
I could ever row a boat?
Jiang cheng: Now untie me.
Sha Hualing: Nop.
Sha Hualing: *sighs* Consort Jiang. Do you want me to drop you off at Zixuan Huangdi's place?
Jiang cheng: Hell no!! That emperor is insane!
Sha Hualing: Oh dear. That's treasonous.
Plus, he's your brother-in-law.
Jiang cheng: Exactly.
Sha Hualing: In my opinion, you're so lucky to have two emperor brothers share you as their concubine.
That doesn't happen often. So lay on your back and stop complaining.
Sha Hualing: pfft! Who the hell are you fooling.
Jiang cheng: Sometimes I wonder why the emperor and the empress keep around you boorish people!
Sha Hualing: And who are you supposed to be?
Master Jiang.
Jiang cheng: *rolls his eyes*
Sha Hualing: Want to hear a secret?
Jiang cheng: No thank you.
Sha Hualing: I'm just as stubborn as you, so I'll still go ahead.
Wang Lingjiao and I are targetting the concubines to suppress them. Shi Qingxuan is a wind god, and she posts no threat. Lucun has no threat either. And Shen Qingqiu. I was going to send him to Binghe for a month, but decided not to. He's, you know, quite resourceful.
(Sha Hualing: Qin Huanghou says that he's Taizi's tutor. If we mess with him, he may get corrupt and vengeful)
Jiang Cheng: Don't you two have anything else to do than harass people?
Who put you up to this?!
Sha Hualing: *cheerful* No one.
Jiang cheng: Sabotaging the emperor's concubines.
Sha Hualing: Why are you so contradicting?
~~~
In the meantime, in Fangfei Mansion once again, Qin Su cuddles with Meng Yao, and feeds him jujubes. He was worrying about Xichen's health, but Qin Su diverted his attention to her......and her alone.
Qin Su: A-Yao. Do you think that the harem is a lot quieter.
Yao: Mn, certainly. It's kind of strange.
Qin Su: Yea. *wraps her arms around him* I cherish our intimate time, Huangdi. Remember when you. *blushed* gifted me a hairpin and gave me a kiss on the neck. *turns red*
Yao: *kisses her hand* Of course, my dear. You're beautiful, and deserving of kisses.
Qin Su: *rests her head on his chest*
Yao: Empress.
Qin Su: *smiles* Emperor.
Yao: *caresses her cheek* I believe that the harem's quietness was orchestrated by you.
Qin Su: *startled* Huangdi, I can explain!
Yao: *puts his finger on her lips*
I don't need an explanation.
Qin Su: You don't?
Yao: Not at all. But I'm quite surprised that you can sabotage an entire harem.
Qin Su: That's why we're such a perfect pair, Huangdi. Like you, I get what I want, and will go to any extent for it.
Yao: My dear empress is quite fierce. Well, it's expected of you being the wife of a powerful overlord.
Qin Su: Mhm. *kisses him* Yes, my sexy overlord taught me well.
