My muse has died. Send ‘note’ for a goodbye letter my muse wrote to yours as a precaution, in case something, like it has, should happen
Remember that time we stood on in the Presidium, holding our coffees and watching the people go by? I never said it out loud, but that was the moment I knew I loved you. It was just us and everything was so easy... So freeing. It was like something had changed inside me and instead of being on the brink of another breakdown I was at peace. A peace I wanted to hold inside me forever.
I tried to keep your memory alive when you died. Tried to remember how it felt to have you look at me and see something besides the freak. But it was hard. Harder than I thought it would be, and I slipped back into my old ways without you. And then you came back, and I was so happy. So relieved to know that there would finally be someone that would see me for me again.
And I was so happy for you two. My two best friends were together and happy and feeling the same bliss that I had. How could I not be happy? It hurt though. It hurt a lot. And instead of rising back up I stayed down knowing that the feelings I once felt wouldn’t be mine again, but I never let you see anything but the happiness.
Sometimes I look at you, and I wonder what I could have done differently. What I could have said to make you see how I felt and thought when we met on Horizon. But I think nothing could have changed it. Maybe it’s all for the best. He makes you happy. Happier than I ever did, and I see the way you two look at each other. And I’m glad that there’s someone in the galaxy who can make you feel like that.
I love you, Jenna. I know that I don’t get to say that anymore, too much has changed, but I do still love you. And I know that I’m not going to make it through whatever’s coming tomorrow, so I’m saying it one last time. Please remember it. Remember that once upon a time you made me feel human and happy and loved and for a while I was so happy.