monday
first day of the last week of senior year!!! last orchestra concert of my life, last COF day of my life WOOHOOOOO im so happy ^_________^ tehee. well this weekend was definitely one of the roughest weekends of my life. :( booo.... PROM was so tiring.. i had to take care of too many people but yeah it was good... thankful to have had a completely free-of-charge prom and justin took care of me well! ^_________^ but sunday was insane............ just stressing out about the second project acts 2 praise night and the praise team isn't sounding so hot and i had to be nazi but i don't like being the nazi cus im ALWAYS the nazi and people think i like being the mean person but i really dont -__- but someone has to do it and it always ends up being me and yeah with the wp (word + prayer) accountability thing, it's just been disappointing and i'm getting weary having to always tell people to get on it. :( and oh yeah, i also woke up sunday morning getting ready to go to church on 4 hours of sleep and all of a sudden my brother tells me that they're going to visit mom.... so unexpected and i was freaking out cus of course i wanted to go. i ended up being able to go but i was SO emotional (partly because i'm almost on my period, partly because the lack of sleep) but as I am growing older and starting to become a woman, she comes to mind often. It's getting better, I'm not so much bitter and angry but more sad and a little wistful (is that the right word?) hrm but definitely grateful to have so many espc moms and strong older women figures in my life but it's different! of course I still am sad but now I'm more curious. I think it's natural for me to be searching for a woman figure in my life because I want to grow up to be a strong, God-fearing woman. And of course, thinking about my mom leads to thinking about family and of course that always takes me back to the past and I always think I'm over it but if it keeps coming up I'm not exactly over it yet, right? I think God wants me to work on these issues with Him and find peace and victory over them. Can't honestly say I'm SUUUPER excited to do that because I know it will be hard but at the same time I'm happy that He is searching my heart and refining me. I really really love the Lord. So overall, emotionally CRAZY this weekend!!!!!!! oh and today is the 15th year ... anniversary.. (? o__o) LOL of my mom's death. so i guess that's why I was so blaah today but God sent KC, Annie, Andy, Elleen, and a lot of my other friends to make me feel better. So blessed still and there's always rejoicing in the Lord. I hope this post wasn't too confusing. It's more for me than for you guys hahaha. :) What a crazy start to the last week of high school! Excited to see how God's going to move .. and tmrw is pray-for-other-people day with Aftershock..!!!!!!!!!!!!! nervous! excited! yaaaaay!! Praise the Lord :"""""""""""""))))))))) love you girls <3