#late night scribble

[sanddollarpoems]

It's like me to miss out

To find a way

To pull away

And disengage

It's like me to wallflower

Years of hurt

Low self worth

Just reinforce it

It's like me to lose hope

What I want most

Is always close

But never close enough

[lythecreatorart]

Two bastards in Outertale (late night) doodle

I think one day I need differentiate 404&inkRE version of these two to the OG. 404&ink might be just glitch timeline that separated from THE original, but I just found how I draw these two are different from OG design by accident.

[plantsucc]

gnc mlm plant characters with anime hair

[latenightscribbles13]

We will be okay (pt. 5)

23:31

Hey, are we on for tonight?

00:13

Sorry, practice.

00:15

Still? But it’s past midnight already? Anyways, getting off work as we speak, ttyl.

1:30

Somebody forgot about me...

4:02

Hey, so sorry we r on our way to the dorms. Gotta get up at 6. Call you tmrw.

8:00

Morning, babe. Sorry, I was a bit cranky cause you left me waiting. Hope you’re not too tired.

11:40

Guess you’re still at practice. Anways, I’ll go out for lunch soon, so if ya wanna join me…

12:54

Hey, babe, I already ate. I’ll call you tonight, dunno when we will wrap up. Love you, bye.

13:23

Sure.

18:17

Honey, everything okay? Answer the phone. I’m waiting at my friend’s café. I will have to go soon. Please, come by. Love you

20.43

I’m home. I’m so happy you snuck out. I’ve missed you like crazy. Hope the meeting doesn’t drag on, you need some rest. Keep me posted. Love you always

00.59

So sleepy, I can barely keep my eyes open. Let’s talk tomorrow. Get some sleep!! Night night xx

**

 10.35

Heeey, did you land? Told ya to let me know when you do!! I’m having a chill Sunday, jealous? Work hard so I won’t have to in the future.

10.35

Juuuust kidding.

10.36

Or am I?

10.36

Seriously, did ya land, tho?

11.45

I checked the news and no planes crashed. Also checked your fansites and you’re all in one piece. At least the reporters and fans have my back. Asshole.

13.22

Was the asshole part too much? Sorry.

13.25

But not as sorry as you will be if you don’t reply soon.

13.55

Really, nothing?

14.02

I guess I will really have to be patient. Your label is no joke.

20.34

Sooooo sorry, they took our phones. This is our manager’s, don’t write back. All good, lots of work. Thinking of you

**

22.30

I watched the show, you were amaaaazing. All of you. But especially your chatty booty. Like the host dude said, you will be the shit. Or sth like that, I’m a bit tipsy already.

 22.44

Yaaay, did you see me? How hot is your boyfriend, huh? And talented, and smart … ha. Don’t drink too much.

22.46

Maybe you’re talking about sb else’s boyfriend. Mine is a forgetful ass that was supposed to drink this wine with me. Now I have no other choice than to drink it alone. Come and stop me.

23.07

I want to, I really do. It’s just that we got so much work and somebody is always checking up on us… Sigh.

23.10

Did you actually type out a sigh? Eye-roll.

23.11

No worries. This wine is too good to share.

23.13

I’m so proud of you.

23.22

Thanks, babe. I can’t wait to see you. I will make it up to you wink-wink.

23.23

Seriously, tho, don’t finish the entire bottle on your own. Love you

23.44

Babe?

23.45

I gotta go get some rest, I’m exhausted. I wish I could be there. Sweet dreams xxx

00.15

Sry, had to fnish the winw. Missyou.,lova you, gniht.

2.15

Sigh.

**

3.31

Did they take your phones again? It pisses me off when they do that. You’re not their property, you know? Whatever, I’m too tired to care right now. Worked on the night program that is shit since you left on a whim. Tell your boss to be more responsible next time. Good night.

**

19.09

Hey.

19.10

What’s up?

19.10

I tried to call you but I got disconnected.

19.11

It’s been a month. I can’t believe I haven’t seen you for a month.

19.30

Just wish you could write more often.

22.04

Does this make any sense to you? Do we make sense anymore?

22.22

I’m going out.

02.13

Nothing makes sense without you. I hope you will come back.

6.33

We wrapped up the MV filming. I need more time to

8.26

Hi…Need more time to what?

14.31

Call me.

**

It’s been a week since I last heard from him. First, my heart nearly stopped as he wrote he needs more time, and didn’t even finish the damn sentence. He told me he pressed send quickly because the staff came in. Luckily, he didn’t say he needed the time to think about us. If we made sense anymore. No, he just wanted to talk about us in peace, when he wouldn’t have to hurry and worry about getting caught. But neither of us knew when that moment would come. He was so busy for the last few months. Recording, practices, shows, filming. It was taking a toll on him, and us, as well. He was always tired and he became much more careful. His cheerfulness and free spirit were what I loved about him the most, but I guess that had to change for the sake of his career.

I didn’t know how to feel about this. At first, I was very understanding and supportive. But after a while, it gets tiring having monologues through the phone, always coming home to an empty place, never seeing him at work anymore. I missed him so much. I was really proud of him for everything he has achieved, but each day it seemed we were drifting further and further apart, and that hurt. A lot.

After trying to talk it out, he hand to hang up quickly, because his manager called. He said he would call me right back.

He didn’t.

And so I left him alone. No texts, no nothing. I didn’t even bother trying to call him as I knew the phone would be turned off. They often took their phones away so they wouldn’t be distracted.

If that’s the path he chose, there was nothing I could do but move on with my life while pretending there was still something to hold onto. I would either work, or stay out with some friends or colleagues. Or drink at home.

I have been coping very wisely and maturely with the first “trouble in paradise”.

**

I’m already half-asleep when I hear a knock at the door. It is so light and gentle I believe my mind is playing tricks on me, so I just roll over and doze off. Then, from somewhere in the distance, I hear the front door open, but I am too far gone to react.

First, I feel one side of the bed sink a little, when a tall figure lies down next to me. Next thing I sense is a familiar smell. The smell itself gives me such an aching feeling inside my gut that I slowly open my eyes, just a little. Maybe some people would be scared by the whole situation, but I guess my sleepy-self grasped on what was going on.

‘You’re here,’ I murmur burying my face into his clothed chest, squeezing my body as close to him as possible.

His arms wrap around me, and one hand begins to stroke my hear, while he peppers kisses on my head and forehread.

‘I’m here,’ he whispers, placing his head on the pillow, next to mine. ‘I’m here.’

Like that, we slowly fall asleep, and in that moment, it all makes sense.

We make sense.

We will be okay.

[sketchlm]

Kane has a twin sibling that's twice as dramatic and I'm leaving that shit to you for what gender they are

[latenightscribbles13]

I Am Not (part I)

Day 1

I did it. I DID IT!!!

 Now, I wait.

 Day 2

I don't really know what day it is. The concept of time ceased to exist. One day passes into another, tomorrow merges with the day after, and so forth. We do not need to know anything else. Everything is decided for us. They wake you up. They tell you when to eat and what to eat. They realized eating food for pleasure is a waste of one’s body. So they serve us all the important nutrients in forms of tablets, capsules and powders. Any sort of pleasure is being eradicated. It is not necessary for survival and can only cause distraction. We all have a special purpose in this network, and it has been assigned to us the moment we set our foot in this complex. You will be safe here, they said.

We are. But this is not living. We are not. We simply are not. What, you ask? We are not alive. We are not humans. It’s not how it’s supposed to be. Sterile, white surfaces. White jumpsuits. Blank expressions.

It’s not how it’s supposed to be.

I know that much. I was brought here very young. They tried to mould me into a productive member of the new society. I spend my days in the lab, researching for new, easier ways to enslave people’s minds. I play my part perfectly. But I know. I know.

They lied. Everything they said was a lie. I keep dreaming about the past. They don’t know it. I plug all the newcomers to the dream machine. We can extract all the necessary information from dreams to reach into the person’s core, and tear it out, replacing it with molecules that encourage obedience and loyalty. Sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively. I escaped the machine by volunteering to operate it and analyse the results. If they saw what was inside my head … I would be long gone.

I remember my mother. She was a hearty woman, with long and shiny hair, and a kind smile. She would always take me out for long walks through the forests and the fields. We didn’t have much, but it was enough. It was everything we needed. Sometimes, the bright colours of nature hurt my eyes. Around me, everything is white, white, white. It can drive you insane.

I would have jumped off of a roof a long time ago, had it not been for another dream. It started a long time ago, I think. First, I saw one young man, coming towards me, with a message in his hands. I would always wake up before reading it. Then, the boy was joined by more and more similar dark figures. Until there were nine. They were all wearing hoods, so I couldn’t see their faces properly, but I could feel their rebellious spirit. It made me excited and nervous, all the same. One night, the leader of the group handed me the message, as many times before, and I held onto it with all my might. I could feel the reality barging in already, distant voices disturbing the peaceful landscape of my dreams. Before I opened my eyes, I caught a glimpse of the short simple message.

I am not.

That’s all it said. I am not. And yet, I knew. I knew what it meant and what I would have do. The rebellion was near. The end of this fucked up reality was near. And I needed to do what I did best. Make a drug. An antidote. Something, that would keep the mind clean and free from any sort of control.

Yesterday, I succeeded. That’s why it’s called day 1. It’s the first day of the rest of the life that we know. All I have to do now, is wait. Wait for the boys from my dreams to come. They will know what to do.

 Day 3

I shouldn’t be writing every day. It’s too dangerous. I could be caught at any moment. They are already careful around me when exchanging confidential information. It wasn’t always like this. Usually, they could hardly notice my presence. They thought I was less than a fly on the wall. I’m pretty sure they didn’t even know if I could speak.

But now, they are more cautious. I can feel all those suspicious looks piercing my back whenever I pass them by. They don’t trust me. Maybe they noticed I have been spending more time in the lab, and brought in less successful drugs and analyses than before. I need to be more productive in the following days.

I hope the boys will be here soon.

 Day 5

I didn’t dare to open my notebook yesterday. I spent all day in the lab, improving the dream machine, whilst also coming up with a new drug. I needed to feed them something. They seemed quite pleased, but I still felt uncomfortable under their scanning eyes.

They smell something.

I need to throw them off.

 Day 13

I can keep track of days by drawing tiny dots on the wall behind my bed. It feels good knowing how much time has actually passed.

I dreamt about the boys again. This time, they didn’t bring me a message. They just kept walking towards me, but could never reach me. They just kept on marching and marching, the sound of their army boots resonating through the empty plain.

I woke up sweaty and anxious. What did all of that mean?

 Day 20

This morning, I realized I might’ve gotten it all wrong. I had another dream, but it was all mixed up. I was working on the dream machine, when they brought in a newcomer. They laid him on the bed, and he obeyed without a word, as they had drugged him before, surely. I placed the electrodes to each side of his forehead, and ran the machine. As I tried to feel his temperature, his fingers suddenly latched around my wrist, and his eyes flew open.

I recognized him immediately. It was the Leader from my dreams. What was he doing there? He kept his grab on my wrist, and the machine began printing out images of our meeting. He dreamt of the same thing, as I did. And now we had it on paper. I was paralyzed.

Before I could react, the guards flew in, and dragged me away.

They know

They know

They know

 I sat straight up in bed, heart beating against my ribcage, sheets drenched in my sweat. My mouth was dry, and I kept murmuring the same line -  they know, they know, they know.

It took me a long time to calm down. The waiting was taking a toll on me. Every day was a nervous battle. I kept the antidote with me at all times, it was safer that way. I had to be very, very careful not to lose or break the eprouvette. That would ruin it all. I need to be stronger.

When I calmed down, I realized another thing. Maybe, the rebels will not arrive in tanks or aeroplanes, armed with guns and bombs.

Maybe they will arrive in handcuffs.

 Day 26

I am carefully scanning each and every newcomer. It’s slowing down my working process but I can’t afford to miss any details.

But I am sure they are the ones that will make it happen.

Day 30

No luck so far.

 Day 41

I haven’t dreamt about them in a while. I hope I don’t forget their faces.

I do dream about my mom a lot, though. We are always running around the field, laughing, being free. Then, they come and take me away. I never see my mom again.

 Day 60

I’m starting to lose hope. I am getting sloppier with my work, and I don’t sleep much.

What, if it had all been a mistake?

What if they inserted that dream in my head to test my loyalty?

What if they had been doing that all along?

I’m going crazy.

 Day 99

He is here.

 Day 100

I couldn’t believe my eyes. Internally, I had already stopped hoping for somebody to come. I focused on my research and my everyday tasks to keep my head straight. All the conspiracy theories and all the guessing almost drove me mad.

So I went back to my usual self. I was quiet, invisible, and efficient. How they want me and need me to be.

The antidote was still safely tucked in my bra. It was the safest place, trust me.

I was going about my day, as the prisoner bus pulled up in front of the building. Well, I called it the prisoner bus, but officially it was the volunteer bus. It was full of taken children and young adults that would be trained and brainwashed to serve the system in any possible way. That’s where I came in. I analysed their thoughts and dreams to deduce the optimal position for them. Where would they be of most service?

There were at least 40 new people waiting to be examined. Most of them were scared and confused, but some of them showed stoic resistance. If they only knew how fast the system can break their spirit into a million distorted pieces. Then, they pick them up, one by one, and arrange them in their own way, they paint a new picture that will hardly resemble your old self.

I would know.

Before the night fell, the last of the newcomers was brought inside. He was laid on the bed, and I began my procedure. I washed his face, dried it, applied light blue gel on each side of his forehead, and attached the electrodes over it.

I almost ran the machine, when I realized I forgot to inject him with sleeping medicine. Everything happens for a reason. It was either a really long day, or I subconsciously felt that I shouldn’t put him to sleep.

When I glanced towards his tranquil face, I knew. It was him. The Leader. There was no doubt about it. My heart was racing, and my hands were shaking. The whole body knew.

I nudged him lightly, hoping nobody was watching me from the outside. When I nudged him for the third time, he slightly opened his eyes. He was drugged so he probably wasn’t thinking or seeing clearly. I just wanted him to see my face. It will stick with him, surely.

It was all I could do at the moment.

Then, I put him to sleep, and ran the machine.

Now, lying in bed with this notebook, an important question popped into my mind - where are the others?

[latenightscribbles13]

XXXVIII

¡Los suspiros son aire y van al aire!

¡Las lágrimas son agua y van al mar!

Dime, mujer, cuando el amor se olvida

¿sabes tú adónde va?

(Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer)

  Where does the love go? Once all is said and done, awkward smiling, shaking hands, turning backs on each other, and walking away. Where does the love go?

Does it get recycled, waiting somewhere near by to bloom again when the time is right? Or does it get torn off, fall on the floor, rot, turn to dust, and is in the end blown away with the wind? Leaving you with a tiny bit of emptiness, every time it happens.

I said we might get another chance at one indefinite time in the future. I truly believed it. I hoped for it. I just couldn’t keep my word for the present.

You said if I walked away, I would never return. And you were right. I used to be afraid of moving on, I didn’t want to let go. Of you, of our memories, of our tiny little bubble of happiness. But sooner than I would’ve cared to imagine, I didn’t need you anymore. I didn’t want you. Now, I hardly even think of you, and you used to be my future.

I believed that. But that part of me is missing. And I don’t want it back.

It makes me scared. How easily we all forget. How things change, and nothing is here to stay. People promise each other everlasting love.

In a few years, they do the same with someone else.

It makes me lose faith. My own emptiness makes me lose faith. That’s why I never dared to make promises I knew I couldn’t be sure to keep. I felt weird and too rational because of it. With you, I tried to open up. I made a few promises. I got carried away. Too far away. I couldn’t keep them. I’m sorry.

Maybe love isn’t meant to stay. Maybe it’s meant to be recycled over and over again. Or burned off whenever it gets too painful. Maybe there is nothing wrong with that.

But still to this day, I catch myself dreaming and hoping that’s not the case. That we all actually have a chance at a “once in a lifetime” moment, a foolish love at first sight, when you can tell straight away that it’s the one. And that one day, it will come to stay.

[latenightscribbles13]

(Many Faces of Love) Part Two: Obsession

Her

I don't need to check the street below my window to know he’s there. He’s there every night. I usually pretend not to notice him and try to go about my things as per usual. At an appropriate hour, I turn off all the lights, hoping he would leave. I peek from behind the curtains every now and then, to check if he’s finally gone. I can’t fall asleep knowing he’s down there, staring at my window for hours at a time.

I jump when the phone rings. Even though it’s been ringing every night. It’s either calls or messages. I let it ring out, and only then can I breathe normally again. My heart is still pounding in my throat.

I bought thicker curtains last week. And an extra lock.

I can’t believe it’s come to this. He used to be the sweetest person. He treated me like a queen, and we had so much fun together. But after a while, his sweetness began to suffocate me. He was always around. If he couldn’t meet me, he would constantly check up on me. How are you? Where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with? When will you go home?

It was driving me crazy. I tried to talk it out several times before I finally gave up and called it quits. He just wouldn’t change.

A week went by, and I was beginning to adjust to the newly single life, going out with my best friends on a Friday night. We had a great time, drinking and dancing, when suddenly I felt a shiver down my spine. I turned around and spotted him. He was standing in the corner, alone, glaring into my direction. I waved at him, smiling awkwardly, and then subtly asked my friends to go somewhere else.

However, I realized soon enough that there wasn’t a safe space in town for me to hide. He was everywhere. At the supermarket, the hairdresser’s, the movies … He showed up at my job on many occasions, lurking around the building until I was done with work. At first, I was greeting him kindly, trying to be polite. Then, over the course of few weeks, I became colder. In the end, I just pretended not to notice him, anymore. And it didn’t bother him in the slightest.

The letters started coming soon afterwards. Long, desperate letters, accompanied by all sorts of gifts. I threw them all out. He even left a photo album at my door that was full of our pictures from happier times. He even added some of the pictures of me that he took when I was walking home or when I was standing by the window, checking something on my phone.

It’s been months.

I thought I could handle it and he would give up eventually. He was just hurt a bit, but he would get over it.

Now here I am, crouching by the window, peeking outside. His usual spot is empty, and I let out a sigh of relief. I sit on the floor for a few moments, still and silent, just in case. When I’m sure the coast is clear, I get up, and head for the bedroom. There’s a knock on the door and I scream.

***

Him

I see her moving behind the curtain. She bought new ones. They make it harder to see what’s going on inside, but I can still make out her silhouette. It’s all I need.

I don’t understand how it got this way.

We were so in love. I gave her everything. I would die for her if she asked me to. But that wasn’t enough for her. She was all I ever thought about, and I made sure she knew it. This way, she could never say I didn’t love her. I couldn’t allow for any misunderstandings

But she didn’t seem as interested in me. She would only reply every few hours. She wouldn’t always tell me who she was with, and I didn’t like that very much. Whenever I could, I would sneak out of work to check up on her. I needed to see if she was safe and sound. Sometimes, she would be at lunch with work colleagues and they would laugh. A lot. She didn’t laugh like that with me, anymore.

Maybe I would need to pay more attention to her.

And that’s exactly what I did. And then she told me it was over. I couldn’t believe it. At first, I thought she was joking or was just a bit confused. So I left her alone for a week. I mean, I still waited around her work and her apartment to see what was going on with her. It bothered me a bit, that she didn’t seem too upset, considering the circumstances. So I knew I needed to meet up with her. I went to her house on Friday, hoping to catch her alone to talk. But she was on her way out with her friends. So I followed them. I waited in the corner of that noisy, smelly club just to talk to her.

She finally saw me and smiled. She hasn’t gotten over me, either! I took one step into her direction, when she turned on her heels, and walked away.

I guess I would have to be more persistent.

I’ve been trying to get her attention for months now. She’s always in a hurry or walks right past me. She must be really busy and tired. It’s okay. I can wait. I even sent her letters, trying to explain how much I love her and why we belong together. I bought her many gifts. Then I thought she might prefer something I made myself. So I put our best pictures in a photo album, and also added some of her recent ones that I took. She looked so pretty I was sure she would want to have them. I left it at her doorstep as the album was too big for the mailbox.

Texting and calling her was like second nature at this point. Sometimes I didn’t even realize I was doing it. I only kept her number in my phone so I couldn’t make a mistake. How could she not see my feelings for her?

Maybe …

Maybe, I need to tell it to her face. She will see the sincerity in my eyes, and feel the warmth of my touch. It will be like the old times again.

With that thought, I almost run to the front door and up the stairs to her apartment. My heart is pounding from the excitement. This is it! It will all go back to normal. I just have to see her.

I take a deep breath, and knock on the door.