Dec 17, 2024
i always try to tell myself im not a lesbian but i lie awake at night wishing my boyfriend was a woman
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i always try to tell myself im not a lesbian but i lie awake at night wishing my boyfriend was a woman
Finding out you are queer late in life is hard, like the fuck am I suppose to do with the life I built?? I have a whole ass husband! What do I do with him now?? Just lose my best friend? Shit keeps me up at night...
Day 4
I missed Day 3. It was pretty uneventful day and nothing to blog about. But as I sit here awake at almost 6 A.M. realizing I've been awake for almost 3 hours, I am so tired.
I am tired of being alone, tired of being closeted, tired of having no one in my real life to talk to about my struggles. Tired of having no one to turn to when things get bad. I know I have my husband but I cant talk to him about this stuff without him starting shit, I can never talk to him. My sister is cis and het so she cant doesnt understand either, she will try but she doesnt get it. I just want someone who knows what is like to just realize you arent the same. Someone who knows what its like to look in a mirror and not see yourself because that person is not the true you.
But anyways. I hope Day 4 is better.
being in a relationship right now feels like my leg is caught in a bear trap and i need to gnaw it off. i feel so stifled.
I LOVE LESBIAN SEX AND LESBIAN YEARNING AND LESBIAN FOREPLAY AND LESBIAN INTIMACY AND LESBIAN FUCKING!!!
The fact I can roll around in bed with the prettiest girl with the softest skin and the softest moan. Ugh. Thank you god. This is what I almost missed out on in life and that’s just CRAZYYY!!!
Day 2
I need friends because it is very sad how little social interaction I have in my life. Like a once a week call from my sister is not cutting it anymore. I am fucking lonely as shit! Yes I have my kids but 3yr olds dont hold the best conversations
About me
So a few things about me. I am 26 years old, I am a parent to 4 awesome kids, I am married to a man, and I am still very much in the closet too afraid to leave. I tried to come out about 2 years ago to no avail, life after just settled back down as if nothing happened. But I dont want things to end like this. I will come out one day hopefully before I am 30. That is my goal, I guess.