Cactus

{26 Tranmasc Nb Lesbian } Hey I am still pretty closeted and not out to anyone in my life other than my sister. This is my blog or whatever of my life.

[cactus-ash]

No one fucking gets it!!

Like its so easy to just leave a marriage with No money, No place to live, No support system, No car, No skill set, and No job!

No one gets it when I say I have nothing! I will be luck if I get to leave with the clothes off my back Or my phone!

I don't know what to do and people arent helping by saying just leave its easy....

If anyone has any words of comfort of anything... it is very much appreciated.

[cactus-ash]

As I stated earlier in my post, Or I think I did. My sister is the only person I am out to. And she is pushing me to come out and leave my husband but I dont feel ready for that. I feel bad that she says I am just making excuses to not be happy or being a coward.

I like I dont know im just pushing it off. But I have nothing where I am, I have no one. She makes it seem easy that I can just leave without a second thought. And just move across the state.

I want to go one day but I just dont think I am there yet.

Especially without everything in place first....

[cactus-ash]

How Does one go about building a support system for when they leave their husband because they are a lesbian?? Like if anyone has a guide let me know.

[cactus-ash]

Day 30

I havent posted anything since day 5 and I feel bad for the lapse. I am as well as I can be Still in the same situations as before. Watching Steven Universe and that makes me feel happy. I havent been in a good place, Like mentally. I'm going to post more. First thing I need to do is try to build a support system.

[cactus-ash]

Day 5

Its a beautiful rainy day. I dont think I am going to leave my house today. Which is fine since I dont leave my house much anyways. I dont know what to write about today.. I had some weird dreams. I always have weird dreams I want to write about but never do. Maybe I should now. Also Why do people just assume I want to be a man because I am transmasc???? I am sure some transmasc people want to but I dont.

[cactus-ash]

Starting to realize that my mental health is not great. Like I knew it was bad before but its been 2 years and I have good days. But I am not okay.

[cactus-ash]

I am terrified of losing all the people I know When I do decide its time for me to leave. Im terrified of everyone hating me since we live in a very rural conservative area. All the Lgbt+ opinions they have are very negative, Especially concerning lesbians and trans people. I dont know what to do or how to feel about it all.

[cactus-ash]

Day 4

I missed Day 3. It was pretty uneventful day and nothing to blog about. But as I sit here awake at almost 6 A.M. realizing I've been awake for almost 3 hours, I am so tired.

I am tired of being alone, tired of being closeted, tired of having no one in my real life to talk to about my struggles. Tired of having no one to turn to when things get bad. I know I have my husband but I cant talk to him about this stuff without him starting shit, I can never talk to him. My sister is cis and het so she cant doesnt understand either, she will try but she doesnt get it. I just want someone who knows what is like to just realize you arent the same. Someone who knows what its like to look in a mirror and not see yourself because that person is not the true you.

But anyways. I hope Day 4 is better.

[cactus-ash]

Finding out you are queer late in life is hard, like the fuck am I suppose to do with the life I built?? I have a whole ass husband! What do I do with him now?? Just lose my best friend? Shit keeps me up at night...

[cactus-ash]

Dysphoria is really kicking my ass today.. I'll be fine, right?

[cactus-ash]

Day 2

I need friends because it is very sad how little social interaction I have in my life. Like a once a week call from my sister is not cutting it anymore. I am fucking lonely as shit! Yes I have my kids but 3yr olds dont hold the best conversations

[starviolets-deactivated20210918]

from a fellow neurodiverse & nonbinary & prospective convert lesbian:

happy lesbian lovers day! 💖

[ ID: The “I wish all…” Bugs Bunny meme reading: I wish all black lesbians, trans lesbians, asian lesbians, nonbinary lesbians, jewish lesbians, he/him lesbians, muslim lesbians, fat lesbians, neurodiverse lesbians, and disabled lesbians a very pleasant and safe lesbian visibility day. ]

( bi/pan “lesbians” do not interact )

[cactus-ash]

About me

So a few things about me. I am 26 years old, I am a parent to 4 awesome kids, I am married to a man, and I am still very much in the closet too afraid to leave. I tried to come out about 2 years ago to no avail, life after just settled back down as if nothing happened. But I dont want things to end like this. I will come out one day hopefully before I am 30. That is my goal, I guess. 

[cactus-ash]

Day 1

First day of me writing shit about my life because I’m kind of sad and lonely. 

That’s a lie I am not lonely. I think I am always surrounded by people. 

[cactus-ash]

Happy Lesbian Visibility Day! To all my Lesbian, Wlw sibling out there. 

-From Your Transmasc Nb Lesbian sibling!

[alfvenwave]

Happy Lesbian day of visibility to all lesbians but especially trans/nonbinary lesbians and lesbians of colour ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*