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Fire Island, NY

#sand and shadow selfies #the sun gave me stilts #beach daze #rosieposting #laterposting

something I think it's easy to misunderstand or flatten when talking about/portraying grief is how often it's the good things, happy times that make you feel sad. Not that some external force toward happiness is something I feel like rejecting--that feeling happy in myself brings up sadness.

When people have hardened and don't seem to want to be happy after a lot of loss, I have to imagine it comes from this.

I can be triggered/activated by things that depict loss a little too close to home, and that can surprise, but ultimately it's an easier thing to handle.

It's different to be sad because all my siblings are getting together and there are babies and I'm excited to have everyone together, but then have a rising panic about something going wrong only to realize that I want to cry. Because not everyone's going to get to be there.

#grief #loss #idios blog tag #personal #laterposting #also a reduced capacity for smaller bad experiences is not always lashing out in sadness but burnout in a way for that resilience