Often, in my days, I look at my calendar and plan out what the next week looks like for me. I just looked at the last couple months of school. I want to pause time. I want to do well in school, in my work, in my relationships, in myself. Everything is racing ahead of me and sometimes I just sit--I just sit and do nothing in hopes that time will stop. Everything keeps going around me. Everybody continues to work on their assignments, text their crush, read their feed, eat their orange, memorize the time-space compression theory; nobody else stops with me.
If I hold onto this couch as tight as possible, time will still not stop. If I linger under the soft blankets in the morning, the bus will not wait for me. My skin wrinkles, my legs grow hair, my nail polish chips.. all over the course of time. I'm struggling to work with this abstract, intangible, constructed aspect of our culture today.
If I'm late to see you this week, or I'm late to your class. I apologize, it's not personal. I'm only having trouble aligning myself into the big and small hands to control the moments of my life.