#lav thinks

[lieutenantism]

i want to examine jean and harry's tendency to glorify their own suffering to a self destructive degree (long post + some of this is speculation and my own interpretation, do with that what you will).

harry is shown throughout the game to be someone who wants an audience to his pain, a witness who can observe the amount of damage to himself he can get away with. the game itself starts with this.

whether you interpret it as masochism or anything you want, there's no denying that harry thinks his pain makes everything he does justifiable, and it also makes people sympathize with him which in turn earns him more people to manipulate and pry things from (see: human can opener). so along with weaponizing his identity as a cop, he also weaponizes his (self inflicted) agony to get what he wants.

like here when rené gives him his medal after sarcastically diminishing his own suffering to seem like nothing in front of harry's self imposed pain. he obviously doesn't believe that, but indulges him for the sake of being rid of his drunken ramblings. it works regardless, because you can pawn that medal later for some money.

harry's obsessed with the idea that his suffering is noble and meaningful, that it will make him stronger, feared. sometimes he views it as art, something to make a story out of; something meaningful. this idea only gets reinforced by his interactions with civilians and others giving into his whims (except jean), so much that he starts actively seeking it out, believing that it does make him stronger.

his suffering is self-inflicted, it's a way to make himself feel in control of what happens to him after everything with dora, it's a way to prove to himself that he can take much worse, that he doesn't need anybody, which leads us to the line i created this post over.

harry wants to get worse to prove that losing dora isn't his worst pain. he wants to get worse to feel like he's got a grip on things for once, he wants to get worse because at least the pain isn't coming from an outside source he cannot control, at least it's his doing. so he romanticizes it, he finds strength in it, makes art out of it, makes kim and jean and whoever he can find witness it, because at least he's the one embarrassing himself, at least he's the one betraying himself. the betrayal isn't foreign, and for that it feels safe.

jean on the other hand, likens himself to harry in an attempt to establish emotional closeness, as well as to make him remember him, and their partnership. his suffering is in no way the same, but it is to a certain degree, self inflicted. his 7 year long clinical depression that doesn't seem to leave him, (hinted) drug abuse and the way he works out to cope is a little healthier than the way harry inflicts his pain upon himself, which is a sentiment jean echoes.

jean, like i said in other posts, believes that he's better than harry, that at least he's "keeping it together", even though he's not that better off. perhaps his outbursts are less frequent, less violent. however, he's still easily irritable, obsessed with his own pain and drawing attention to it even ironically, which he does QUITE A LOT, and of course, nervous and fidgety. perhaps he internalizes a lot of what he should be venting, but the stress is visible on him, in his body language and the way he stands tense at all times, the way he picks at his patchy beard or bites his nails or chainsmokes... etc. he's only keeping it together in terms of Not Being Harry Du Bois. when he says he "tries", he means he doesn't actively do anything to worsen his pain, as harry's on that mission anyway. jean sees that as trying; making minimal effort to improve his life (working out) while still keeping the habit of smoking with the same state of mind. matter of fact, he makes excuses for himself when it comes to it, so much that he believes that drug abuse is a lot more benign than alcoholism, only because he does it.

despite there being no concrete evidence of jean's drug abuse other than martin luiga's tweets, and conclusions i drew from his fidgety demeanor that resembles an addict's, this line does drive me to believe he says this due to how he normalized his behavior that he doesn't mind if harry takes drugs, as long as he doesn't drink. in jean's mind, drinking is the most abhorrent thing anyone can do, because harry does it and it ruined him. in jean's mind, drugs are fine, because he does them and he's better than harry anyway. so drugs are miles better than the drink, and all is fine if harry does them. who cares? jean remains better, because he doesn't drink. 'my suffering is cooler than your suffering', 'my substance abuse is cooler than your substance abuse'.

they both love to show off their pain, make it into art; harry does it with glamour, jean does it with cynicism. they'll both make no effort to get better, but jean won't attempt to get worse; harry will, because he knows he can get hurt more, be stronger. and the thing is that that's how jean gets worse, by proxy. harry's self destruction wreaks havoc on jean too, professionally and emotionally since he loves to liken himself to him so much, but will always think himself better than him. but the truth is that he's just more forgiving of himself than he is of him, which is mainly a result of a cumulation of disappointments and a poor and unhealthy attempt at self love.

[lomlwolfstar]

how i think being in a relationship with draco would be

[lieutenantism]

the tragedy of jean vicquemare's character is that he's written to be forgotten, be it out of spite or consequence. he's there as a placeholder for people harry elevates to godhood, perpetually stuck as a false prophet. he remembers the best and the worst of him as he recounts those moments that sound like static to him. most of his actions for harry happen where he doesn't see them, or are dissolved in the alcoholic bender that makes him lose his memories, rendering them null. he ceases to exist as soon as he's out of harry's sight, the person he knew is no longer there which he can't seem to accept and so, he perceives harry's act of living a life without him as a betrayal, even if the latter didn't intend for it to come out that way.

[lieutenantism]

there was a post on here talking about how jean would be terrible with kids in contrast to kim and harry and i can't help but think of how shallow that pov is, considering how you don't possess enough information about jean to make that judgement.

would jean be bad with kids? i don't think he would be.

the only instance we have of him interacting with a child is when you partner up with cuno, and i think that still doesn't give us enough room for judgment given the fact he was extremely frustrated with harry at that moment, so much that he barely acknowledges the kid. when he does though, he uses him against harry, as another sin to add to the record. jean claims he would've never let harry partner up with a child, that he's still better than him in that regard.

but he's only better at protecting children as long as he doesn't have to take care of them. jean is trying to shelter cuno from sacrificing his life to law enforcement while simultaneously dooming him to a fate much worse than that, even if he knew that he had nothing. but jean is also a jamrock resident, he knows what's it like to have nothing, he lives among people who have nothing, he quite literally says it which feels personal, almost like he was that kid at some point. perhaps there was a time in his life where he was cuno, and joining the police was the only way out. after all, he doesn't want cuno to be a cop because he thinks he's too young and too childish for it, because he believes kids with nothing shouldn't join law enforcement to survive. after all, this is the same jean that kept the mural.

when jean interacts with cuno, he has an air of carefulness about him; he respects the child, to a certain degree. even more than he does harry, which is telling. unlike harry, he doesn't immediately try to assert himself over the kid, i would say it's because he has experience with children like cuno. after all, he does assess him and then speaks to him politely, which means that he's already done it before with other children from similar backgrounds.

contrary to popular belief, jean is an extremely patient individual. however, the game takes place after he's had enough of harry, therefore we never get to see him patient, although there are many, many, many references to that in his interactions with others for those with the literacy to find them. for example, here when cuno's eagerly explaining the encounter with the deserter and he's barely making sense, jean's doing his best to understand the kid although both him and harry provoke him. i've talked about jean's nervous tics in another post, and how jean needs to physically steel himself whenever he feels like he's losing control over the situation (in this case, he rubs his temples). yet, compared to harry and kim's first interactions with cuno, i think jean did well.

after he gets around to having him become a cop, he treats him like a peer more than a kid because he is going to be one of them, eventually. he never lacks respect for him, even if he still thinks he's a mere kid, so i don't really understand where the "jean would be bad with kids unlike harry and kim because he'd pick a petty fight with them" sentiment came from, given the fact harry can canonically attempt to shoot a child, physically assault another, and pick a fight with them (and lose).

and kim doesn't even bother to speak to them, probably because he's had similar experiences and learned that it's better not to try with such children, which is something i wouldn't put past him. after all, kim rarely challenges the status quo or the system that's failing these children, if anything he aims to protect it. these children are mere collateral damage to him, in my opinion. he barely even acknowledges them throughout the entire interaction with them, and only expresses disdain if you punch cuno because it's "far from normal police conduct", not because you shouldn't physically assault a 12 year old. the most he does when you try to shoot cunoesse is putting a hand on your shoulder to tell you not to, he doesn't disarm you or even try to.

so all in all, i don't think jean is bad with kids. he doesn't lack empathy or respect, doesn't think they're anything other than children, doesn't physically assault them or tries to, and most importantly he tries his best, if we consider the clinical depression and the responsibility he bears when harry's not well enough to work and the excuses he has to make for him in front of their superiors... etc. i mean, imagine having a coworker who always shows up inebriated try to convince you to take in a child to enroll in the academy knowing very well he's not old enough for it so you'd have to falsify documents for it (another responsibility to add to the pile), and the guy recommending him never has his wits about him. pretty crazy! i wonder how everyone would react.

[lieutenantism]

a very interesting (and endearing, at least to me) detail about jean's character is how he tends to fix himself during a confrontation. (long post ahead)

despite the fact he looks just fine, he does it to self-soothe more than anything, because he knows he has no control over the situation. so if he can't get through harry, at least he's in control of how he looks. and he can look BETTER, more put together than harry, so he makes sure to show him that. every time.

constantly readjusting, correcting, dusting himself off every time he's confronting his former partner because i think he has a severe inferiority complex (since harry outranks him and refuses to accept any promotion, which makes jean perpetually stuck as a satellite-officer, tied to a self-destructive man who's also good at what he does + harry has had a chance at a love that's so redeeming that he pictures her as the game's equivalent of God, a love that jean desperately yearns for so he hates harry for blowing it, and hates himself for never finding such a love despite the fact he's more put together than harry, or so he claims) that flares up every time harry's in the vicinity. i don't think jean has problems asserting himself when harry's not around, though. we've seen that here.

jean's perfectly capable of being authoritative, and has power over his colleagues, contrary to popular belief on this website. of course, provided harry's not there.

because he'll start slipping every time. his body language is also incredibly stiff, i'm assuming it's to seem like he's composed, but that falls apart when you notice how many times he struggles with his breathing, how many times he has to collect himself.

naturally, since kim also outranks him, jean behaves the same way with him although less emotional. he loses the spite, turns a little more submissive, though his pride doesn't completely disappear, like authority indicates. i also believe it's because kim didn't address him properly, therefore jean didn't feel the need to extend more than basic respect towards him.

it's very interesting to see, since he seems to have this ongoing inner conflict between his pride and his self-hatred. believing he's better than harry, yet crumbling at his presence. laying down and taking it, then suddenly revolting. being in control until the reason you're forced to take control shows up, then suddenly you're not in control anymore and you have to fix your hair and your tie and dust your suit and cough to look like you have your shit together. to prove that you're better. jean's trying to tell harry that he's BETTER than him! that's why he does all of that shit! he's terrified of ending up like that! he's even more terrified of the fact that despite being the mess he is, harry IS better than him! HELLO!

[lieutenantism]

how to be a dog by andrew kane.

[lieutenantism]

i'm currently thinking about how jean loses himself completely to harry. just dissolves entirely. very little sense of identity left outside his partnership with him, which i find so intriguing. i mean, it's the definition of codependency, but that doesn't make it any less interesting (long post, again).

"i won't let my life unravel because of this." is just so insane and melodramatic to me because WHO is that man to you, jean? and why is his alcoholism the reason for your life unraveling? jean takes on harry's drinking problem as a problem of his own, a threat to his life before harry's, even though the drinking doesn't affect harry's ability to do his job, and jean acknowledges that as well as everyone else in the major crimes unit.

but why does he have such a big problem with harry's alcoholism? why's he the only one out of the task force who seems to care obsessively? because the one before him failed to save him, and he feels as though it's his responsibility now. to jean, harry's life is divided to three parts; before him, during him, and tragically, after him.

the fact jean puts himself in the same position as dora, harry's ex, tells you enough. almost as if he considers them to be the same, in terms of responsibility for harry's wellbeing. he's cleaning up her mess, he seems to think. she was way before my time, as though they hold the same significance to harry. of course, this isn't entirely jean's fault. both him and harry share the guilt of their twisted relationship; harry's guilty of getting too personal with anybody within arm's reach.

and jean's guilty for wanting to clean up a mess that he didn't make, and losing sight of himself and his true professional duties in the process. so it goes like this; they partner up, harry's bad at drawing the line between personal and professional relationships and jean's even worse, harry goes on benders every week and jean witnesses them and tries to pull him out of them relentlessly, which then leads to whatever fucked up partnership they had, right before martinaise. the question is why did jean feel the need to save him? because he projected onto him severely.

they're both broken men; mirrors of each other, though jean will never say it out loud. he sees himself in harry, and since he can't save himself and everyone's given up on him, even the professionals, he decides not to give up on harry. in a way, jean's trying to prove to himself that he's not a lost cause through sticking by harry's side through it all, because if even the most lost of causes manages to have at least one person who's there for them at all times, who says he can't have one too? why must he be labelled as the anomaly? if harry du bois could be saved, so can he. he maintains this "i have my shit together, i'm better than you." persona during the entire confrontation, when he isn't. like i said, harry is everything jean works hard in order not to become, yet he still manages to lose his sense of identity while "saving" him and only becomes "harry's partner". that's all he is. nothing but a safety net, there to catch him at all times.

that's why he becomes extremely defensive when you choose the "kim's cooler than you." option, because you're practically robbing him of his identity. throughout the entirety of the game, he keeps repeating: "i'm your partner", to reassure himself more so than anything else, and what the game does here is very clever. you first hear him say that on a call, so distant and away from you; he cannot convince you that he's your partner even if he tried. then, he says it when he's in an idiotic disguise that you didn't recognize, and quite frankly it's making you uncomfortable, it's hard to take him seriously when he looks so stupid so you don't believe him, again. then at last, when he confronts you, and he's himself. then you think it sticks.

but it doesn't, and you dismiss him again to ask about the others. i've always found it perplexing how there's no "how can you be my partner?" option during the confrontation. you can ask about mikael heidelstam for fuck's sake, but not your partner. simply because you don't believe he is, at least not anymore. he's just a very angry man who was in a stupid disguise, and that's all you can ask him about. isn't that so insanely tragic? when you think about how dismissive the "confrontation" is? and jean's lashing out that way because his whole identity is hanging in the balance? no matter what jean tells harry, there's no click, no lightbulb flickering moment, nothing. jean tries everything, it's painful to see, really. the "i didn't lie to you. no one lies to you." and his lines to judit and trant where he's like "i told you, it's typical harry behavior. it's our shitkid." and so on are all attempts to prove that he, jean, knows him, harry, better than anyone else, even himself. he KNOWS him, which is why harry has to need him. he has to keep him. as his partner or whatever the hell it was, because nobody else knows him or will ever get to know him that way.

jean's response to harry telling them "i don't wanna be in your unit." only further proves it. "i'm your partner, i answer for you when you're not there." considering the fact harry and jean had begun to blur ever since their partnership came into being makes the line funnier lol. jean had locked himself up in a prison of his own making, of course with harry giving him all the means necessary to build his own cage beforehand. it was a matter of time and conditioning, and severe loneliness. every crime of harry's feels like one jean is guilty of.

[lieutenantism]

having to come to terms with the fact that if harry got better it was partially thanks to kim and his patience which eventually taught harry to get better for himself. dhmu. the narrative is so unfair to jean in this case but that's why i love it. that's why i love jean. yes your partner whom you gave hundreds of chances to never got better with you but only got better when he forgot about you. and yet!!! and yet you accept that even if it's devastating!!!! i've just seen someone on here say that unlike jean, harry is trying to get better and i can't help but think of how jean would get stuck in his ways after harry's recovery. i think it's interesting to think abt... the roles reversing. bc what would be the point of jean's 5 year old saviour complex now. it was pointless from the start if all harry needed was patience from a stranger. he was never gonna get better w you jean.