Look, do you know how it feel to have yrs of hard work, put many things and ppl you love aside, be out in the hottest of days and coldest of nights, all that shit amount to NOTHING.
Lazyflo Rants
What am I talking you might be saying? Well, yesterday I found out that I'm back to the weight that I was like 2 years ago. As in, overweight. I was like 160 lbs about a month and half ago. Seeing all that progress go to waste has had me maldinggggg. But I realize that I have dropped the ball in life 2 months ago.
This kinda was a wake up call to get back to taking care of myself for that I have severely lacked of. I think that's why I began to hate myself again. Just felt miserable with myself and being. Hopefully I'm able to keep to my word to do better for myself. Bc in order to love others, one has to love themselves first.
In Love?
Love is so beautiful. But sometimes I don't understand it. Is it love at all even? I wish I could explain my situation with my love life but obviously it's of private matters. But to explain it to best of my ability, do I truly love the person I'm with, or am I just desperate to keep someone, just anyone, close to my heart?
All I want is to give my love to someone and be loved back. Am I perhaps too young to understand? Maybe blinded by lust? Have low confidence in myself? Or is it them that's the problem? I just wanna be happy and share my happiness with someone else.
To embrace our flaws and perfections. Be the reason to continue living. Share our feelings of defeat and victory. To love unconditionally. To tag along each other when lost in our paths. To... go to an arcade and win a Pac-Man plush outta a claw machine.
Does love die?
Again, love is so precious and beautiful, but could it last long? I've fallen in and out love with many ppl. Why is that? It's like a candle in me burns out. It all just becomes dark and I can't feel a thing. And I've seriously considered to just give up completely. I just can't keep going in this cycle of being enamored and have the will to do anything! To just end up feeling hopeless for myself.
Idk what to do. I don't know if I even care at this moment. Love is hard. And love changes.
Conclusion
I wanna do my best in being happy and confident with myself. I wanna show true love and be shown true love back. Or maybe I don't.