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𝐢𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐭, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝐢𝐭 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

vampire hunter!billy the kid x fem vampire!reader

cw// vampires, blood, injury, gunshots, temporary character death, small hint of feeding, implications of sex/smut, some heavy angst at parts, does not follow any timeline from the show as it is an au set in a loosely based universe of vampires/vampire hunters, it's a VERY long fic but it's my magnum opus and i will never write anything better than this, some lore around vampires involved but explained

Being dead, or rather undead, was a strange existence. Your heart remained a now meaningless vessel in your chest. Never to beat again as you were forced to walk the earth for eternity. More than most losses you endured when you were turned, you missed the feeling of the sun beaming down on you for hours on end. You knew your skin was far too friable for more than an hour in the sun, a downside of your new state of being that left you living in the shadows, always trailing, never taking the lead. Five years ago, you had been changed down to your very soul, and months after that, you ended up in Lincoln County, chasing a dream that would only cause you pain.

From the moment you stepped into Lincoln, you could recognize the mass number of vampires roaming the street. It was a problem the sheriff worked hard to deal with his army of hunters, a band of outlaws who turned in the bodies of vampires for another day of freedom from a jail cell. Billy was a hunter. You knew that years ago, but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave Lincoln and, consequently, him. There wasn’t a night that went by without you seeing him, standing by in the shadows and making sure he never got in enough trouble to meet a fate as terrible as yours. Tonight was no different. Having watched him leave the bar to retire to his room, you chose to roam the streets aimlessly, eyes on each hunter you managed to pass by secretly.

Vampires knew they were hunted. They’d watched the bodies burn in the streets as people cowered in fear, never certain that the silver of their bullets would finish the job until the bodies were no more than ash. You’d known the signs of a silver bullet all too well now. Friends were a hard thing to keep in a town like Lincoln; the renowned hunters were known to kill their prey and go back for their bodies when it was convenient for them. That left you to find one too many friends dead in the street, purple veins creeping out from the wound and eyes a cloudy white. To help with the vampire’s dilemma, it had become common knowledge to signal to one another when a hunter was close. It was this signal that had you rushing through alleys to get away from a hunter who had caught sight of it.

If you still had a beating heart, you’re sure there would be a pain in your chest only matched by when you had been turned. You could die right here if you weren’t fast enough. Every new step you took felt heavier than the last as if each was destined to land you right in the hunter’s grasp. The alleys between the buildings got narrower as you reached the heart of the town, giving you less room for a swift escape. Your shoe stuck against a rock was the last thing to sign what you assumed was your ticket to the burning pile for the night as a calloused hand grabbed your own and pulled you flush to the stone wall. Suddenly, his weight was against you, holding you in place with his forearm beneath your jaw to keep it closed and stop you from biting him. But, as quickly as you had been caught, your world came crashing down as your eyes met two blue ones.

It was Billy. Your Billy. The Billy you thought was sound asleep in the boarding house. Your chest heaved against his while you both were frozen in place, and his eyes darted across your face. It was like he was checking each feature of your face to ensure he hadn’t imagined you, that it wasn’t some spell he was under that made him see you against him instead of the vampire he had thought was in his hold.

“A-angel?” his voice was quiet, hesitant even, as his grip loosened just enough. You knew that if he had seen the newest feature hidden beneath your lips, he wouldn’t be so careless as to let you free even a bit. But you took his ignorance to your advantage when you ducked your head down and ran as fast as you could, pushing your body to take you toward the woods. He wasn’t supposed to see you. You had managed to make it plenty of years without him catching even a glimpse of you, and yet he had just stared you directly in the eyes and spoken the nickname you’d dreamed he’d call you again ever since the day he left. Tears stung your eyes as you ran, desperately trying to put distance between the two of you when you heard him curse and run after you.

“Fuck- stop, darling! Hold on!” You didn’t want to die by his hands; that had been your greatest fear. There was a cruel reality you were faced with the first night you saw him again after you had been turned. His whole life, every ounce of freedom he had, became centered around the death of what was now your own kind. That was one of many reasons you had to choose to stay away. You wished you could be farther away now as leaves crunched beneath your rapid feet. You could hear him getting closer, and no matter how hard you willed yourself to speed up, it was a fruitless battle. When you felt his fingers graze your wrist, you had accepted the fate you were about to face.

The force on your body from his hand gripping your wrist brought you both tumbling to the forest floor, him landing firmly on top of you, chest to chest again. He could feel every gasp of breath you had to take, but he noticed one thing was clearly missing. His heart was the only one beating between you, and it startled him more than he cared to admit. He could see the pure fear in your eyes, breaking his heart. The girl he had left five years ago was scared of him now, and he didn’t know what he’d done to scare you so severely until his eyes fell to your parted lips and what lay behind them. Fangs. Pointed and threatening, but not to him. You know you wouldn’t be able to bite him to get away; you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you did that.

“Billy… get off me,” your voice shook as you fought to keep the tears pricking the corners of your eyes in. You wouldn’t die crying.

“You’re… Angel, you… When?” he sounded as heartbroken as you were sure you looked.

“Billy, just let me go. You don’t have to kill me. I’ll go. You’ll never see me again. I promise,” you tried to reason with him, trembling beneath him.

“What? No. I wouldn’t… I would never. You’re a-”

“I know. You don’t have to say it. I know.” There was a moment of silence between the two of you, the tension causing you to swallow roughly while you closed your mouth to hide the fangs you knew he was still looking at. He had realized his hand by your hip was rubbing against the small bit of exposed skin with his thumb soothingly. While his heart slowed down against your chest, your breaths started to even out. Even after all the time apart, something as simple as his skin against yours could settle your strongest nerves.

He sat up slowly, hesitating because he didn’t want you to feel trapped beneath him, but he didn’t want you to run. His hand trembled at his side as it itched to reach out and hold you close still, but he refused to scare you away, unable to erase the memory of your fear that was a consequence of him. You pushed yourself up even slower as you watched him closely, unsure if all of this was an act. While you had always been close by, you were never near enough to know how much he had changed from the boy you knew five years ago.

“How long have you been a…” his voice trailed off, confident that he didn’t yet have the strength to say the word hanging over both of your heads, “When were you turned?” He settled on that question instead.

“It doesn’t matter. You don’t need to know.” He frowned at that, unable to decide if your refusal was because of your fear for your own life or not. Another long moment of silence stretched between you two, and he desperately wished he could go back five years and make the two of you the same people you used to be. He knew he had changed. So many years of hunting vampires did that to a person regardless of who they started as, and now, to his greatest horror, you were the very thing he had to hunt for his own freedom.

“How long have you been hunting?” you were nearly silent with your question. In reality, you knew the answer. It hadn’t been long after he had to go on the run that you’d found him in Lincoln. He didn’t need to know that, however.

“Five years.”

“That’s a lot of vampires, Billy.”

“And I’d still never kill you,” he reassured you firmly, more confident in those words than anything else in the world. He couldn’t help the image that flashed in his mind now. Your body limp in his arms, silver turning your veins a sickening dark purple and eyes clouding over as he begged you not to go. He’d lost you once before; he was determined to make you feel safe with him to stay again.

“I have a cabin not too far from here. Maybe you could… Would you stay with me for a day or two? I haven’t seen you in so long. It’s a safe place. No other hunters know where it is,” he pleaded, needing you not to run away like he had all that time ago.

“You don’t stay in town?” it was a question more to cover your own story you knew he may ask about. You’d have to come up with a story, something plausible, about why you were in Lincoln and how you two never crossed paths before then. Knowing Billy as well as you hoped you still did, he wouldn’t be able to handle the fact you’d be so close to him for five years.

“Most nights, but the bed at the cabin’s more comfortable than the boarding house anyways.”

“Billy, I don’t know if-”

“Please… Angel, please.” Your lungs constricted at the nickname slipping past his lips yet again.

“Pretty sure that name doesn’t work on damned souls.” You had grown up surrounded by the warnings of the souls that no grace or cleansing would be able to save. You never imagined you’d be one of them, however.

“You’ll always be my angel.”

~

You had begrudgingly taken him up on his offer to stay in the cabin. Every part of you screamed that it was a bad idea; you had managed to stay out of trouble by keeping your distance, but sleeping in the same room every night may be the final nail in your last coffin. He had promised you safety while utterly unaware that you were the one ensuring his own for years. However, the cabin felt safe in a way you don’t think you could remember in your distant past. It was small but by no means cramped. A full-size bed had been squeezed into the corner where you lay every night despite your insistence that Billy takes it instead. He resigned himself to the small couch across the room in front of the fireplace, and you swore that every moment apart tugged on your chest like a string trying to bring you back to him. You knew you’d have to cut that string one day to save you both.

Whenever he left to hunt, he asked you if you’d be there when he returned, and while you tried to tell yourself to go, you always reassured him you would be right there. You waited a few minutes every time before following after him; only once you knew he had no intentions of turning back. It became a routine unknown to your hunter, always straying just far enough behind not to be caught in action but close enough to know he was okay. You returned to the cabin before he could every afternoon and waited for him to come through the door with a small smile.

“Everything okay while I was gone?” He always asked when he came in as he set down his things and prepared for your favorite part of the new routine. Sunset was the one time you could truly enjoy the last moments of the sun before it disappeared beneath the ground. Setting just fast enough not to worry about burning as you walked with him. It was a comfort you knew many years ago but felt almost foreign now. You still welcomed it back with open arms as your hands brushed with each bump of his shoulder against yours. As it happened, a blush brightened both his cheeks, and your chest tightened. He’d tell you about the places he’d been to over the years, ones he unknowingly had taken you to as you followed him through the state, always ending up back in Lincoln.

He always left out specific details; you noticed that immediately. He spoke of each trip as a vacation, not one mention of vampires or the true meaning of the excursions. You were certain he did this on purpose; it was more comforting to imagine the both of you as any two “normal” people. His eyes no longer stuck on the sight of your fangs, and you did your best to ignore the silver bullets that peaked out of the barrel of his gun before he left in the mornings.

“You comin’?” Your head snapped up to the sound of his voice. Seeing him standing with his feet in the river in front of you made you feel uneasy as you realized your predicament. He hadn’t tried to cross the river with you before on your walks; he would have been as unsuccessful then as he was now.

“I can’t… Running water.” His eyebrows furrowed at your explanation as you pointed to the water moving around his feet, clearly unaware of the dilemma you faced at that moment. Vampires were damned souls, unable to be cleansed – unable to be saved. Running water was a way to cleanse the soul your mother had taught you. Walking through that water would only cause you pain for your disgraceful existence. Billy walked back over to you, stepping out of the river as he brushed your hair back, worried by the frown you couldn’t quite force away.

“What’s going on?” he spoke so softly you were sure it would have been carried out into the breeze before you could hear it if you hadn’t listened so closely.

“I can’t cross or step into the river. The running water can’t cleanse my soul. Nothing can,” you whispered, scared to remind him of the differences now starkly present between you two.

“Oh.” It was one small sound but it tore through your chest all the same. Was it embarrassment coursing through your system? You couldn’t be sure because as quickly as he had stuck a knife in your heart, he removed it by placing your hand in yours and taking you away from the river.

“Then let’s walk over to the north. The trees get way taller over there.” There he was. The Billy that always knew the right thing to say.

~

“Do you need to feed?” Billy asked one night after your sunset walk, “I can… Well… I don’t know how to help other than offer myself honestly. But I would if you need to. I haven’t seen you feed since you’ve been here.” You had been feeding here and there, whatever person was willing, while you followed Billy along during the day. Few people in Lincoln would let a vampire feed from them without putting up a fight, but those who did were highly trusted amongst the vampires in town. The sheriff may have wanted your kind eradicated, but when someone had a vampire’s trust, they were protected until a silver bullet stopped it. Billy had your trust, even if you wanted to say it was foolish to give him, considering his current occupation.

“I won’t feed from you.”

“Why not?” Because you’re my favorite person in this world. Because you’re my best friend. Because I love you. Because the thought of tainting your skin with the scars of who I’ve become makes me sick. All reasons you couldn’t bring yourself to voice. You open your mouth to speak, but nothing comes out as he moves closer, your chests nearly touching when you swallow roughly. If your heart still beat, it’d be racing in your chest.

“Do you know how much I missed you those five years apart? Do you know how much I thought about you?” his voice was barely above a whisper, and you willed yourself to feel trapped, but you had no reason to either. He wasn’t holding you in place. He wasn’t blocking your exits. He gave you every chance to run, but your feet kept you planted in front of him. You shook your head in response to his questions.

“I should have gone back for you.”

“Don’t say that.” It hurt too much to hear. He wouldn’t been fast enough. He wouldn’t have gotten back fast enough to stop what you knew was inevitable now.

“I should have, angel.” There was that damn nickname again. The same nickname that made you fall in love with him as kids. The same nickname he called you moments before he kissed you the night before he left to run from the law. The same nickname that you wished you would hear as you lay in the dirt dying after a vampire attacked you in the street.

“I’m here now, aren’t I?” your voice shook as you spoke, unsure when the distance between the two of you closed so much. You could feel his breath against your cheek as his hand came up to brush your hair back and cup your jaw.

“For how long? If I feed you, how long will you stay?”

“Billy.”

“Tell me. How long do I have you?” Forever. You could stay forever. You could live a hundred lives with the man before you and it would never be enough. You shudder at the feeling of his thumb rubbing up to your cheekbone. It still felt foreign after a week of late nights talking and subtle touches, touches that left you yearning for a life that was no longer yours. His other hand slipped down your side to rest on your hip, thumb rubbing the small skin he revealed beneath the hem of your shirt again before pulling you flush to his chest.

“If you feed from me, will you stay another night?” he sounded hesitant, maybe even desperate in a way. He prayed that you still felt the same way you had before he left, remembering the devastation in your eyes when he walked away from you before. He wasn’t making that mistake again.

“You don’t have to feed me.”

“But if I do…”

“I shouldn’t stay.” It hurt you to say as much as you were sure it hurt him to hear.

“But you could. I’ll keep you safe. Make sure no hunters find you. I’ll protect you ‘til the day I die.” You thought about the day he’d inevitably die far too often. Even if you managed to protect him until he was grey, you’d still outlive him. You’d still have to watch the man you loved turn to food for the soil.

“I’m not worried about myself, Billy.” You knew the dangers that being a hunter had to begin with. But a hunter who was protecting a vampire was a death sentence to him. You couldn’t imagine what the sheriff would do if he found out. You’d be killed, likely hunted, with the reward of a truly free life. Billy would be sent to a jail cell to rot or the noose. There was no happy ending for the two of you; you knew that more than anyone else.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of his thumb running across your lips, causing you to part them on instinct. Your lips were paler than they used to be, he thought. He had a brief wondering of what they looked like when you fed. He knew vampires were often more messy with eating, if you could call it that at all instead of feeding, than humans. The image flashed in his mind of your lips covered in blood, not your own, but the blood of whatever your prey ended up being. That’s the image that had him slipping his thumb into your mouth to trace over one of your fangs.

Your eyes fluttered shut at the taste of him against your tongue. Then, for reasons you’re unsure you could wrap your head around, he pushed his thumb down on your fang. You heard him hiss so quietly at the puncture of his own skin first, then, a moment later, the taste of his blood hit your tongue, and your eyes rolled back. You knew it was supposed to taste no better than metal, but it was the sweetest flavor you’ve ever had. Trying to stay still and stop yourself from taking something you couldn’t give back, you stood in his hold.

“You don’t need to worry about me, angel. Let me care for you.” He moved his thumb past your fangs to let you suck on it gently. Your body melted into him. You weren’t just connected by a string on your chest; you were his. Leaning into you, he brushed your hair off your neck with his free hand before his fingers danced along the two small scars in the crook of your neck.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, startling you as your eyes opened to look up at him, thumb still resting between your lips as the blood leaking into your mouth slowed to a stop. Your eyes never once left his face while he pushed your bottom lip down, blood trailing behind his thumb as he drew it from your mouth. He couldn’t think straight at the sight of your lips red with his blood. He would gladly make himself your prey, but now he moved before his mind could voice that, cupping your face as he leaned down to press his lips to yours.

It was familiar. It was home. You were five years younger at that moment, a girl kissing the love of her life in the dark of the night. You’d love him until a silver bullet took you to the flame; you’d love him still as you became nothing but ash. He kissed you with a fervor that took the air, the only life source you had left, right from you as he took small steps toward the wall.

“Should have gone back for you,” he mumbled against your lips as he pressed you into the wall, “I regretted not turning back every day. Still regret it now that I’ve got you back.” Every word echoed in your mind. He thought of you, and even if it wasn’t as much as you thought of him, that was more than enough.

“This won’t work, Billy. We both know that,” you murmured, but you were sure the meaning behind your words was lost with every new movement of your lips against his. You were drowning in him, pressed impossibly close as you kissed him like it could bring you back to life.

“I’ll make it work. I should have made it work years ago,” his voice was low by your ear as he pressed kisses along your jaw, “I won’t make that same mistake again.” You knew you should run. You were playing with fire, but he was still the boy who kissed you all those years ago. You could tell he’s had practice by the way he kissed you. His looks weren’t ignored by the girls of Lincoln, having watched the few times he took one of them back to the boarding house before. You found yourself grateful for that as he ran his tongue along the tips of your fangs, not cutting his tongue but taunting you silently while your knees threatened to buckle.

Your hands tangled into the hair at the back of his neck as you tried to bring him even closer, albeit unsuccessfully. You’d remember this feeling for centuries to come. Billy- Your Billy pressed against you and kissing you like it would kill him not to. This was what you wanted to remember whenever you’d meet your demise.

~

Life became surprisingly domestic over the following weeks for you and your hunter, despite the voice in your head that told you to run more and more with every day. Sunset walks turned into regularly making out by the river, and Billy never once tried to make you cross it again. You sat at the river bank as he told you how much he missed you and held you closer than you think he ever had before. His hands felt so big against the small of your back as you straddled him, making sure not to touch the water, and it wasn’t until a small chill set in the air that you forced him to turn back to the cabin to light a fire for the night.

You didn’t eat like he did, needing blood more than anything else, but that didn’t stop him from throwing a few quick, flirty glances toward the baker’s daughter for a free pastry or two. You rolled your eyes fondly when he’d set the small bag down on the kitchen table and tell you he brought you home something to eat.

“Unless there’s blood in that bag, you really didn’t have to go out of your way.”

“You may not need to eat like I do, but that doesn’t change the fact that you still deserve a sweet bite occasionally.” You knew what he did to get the pastry that tasted like pure sugar on your tongue, but rather than being upset, it was endearing to you. You knew by every single one of his actions that he had no intention of entertaining anyone else with his love, but he was still willing to play the handsome hunter and provide you with any kind of luxury. He shocked you more when he brought home a small pillar candle.

“It’s bayberry,” he explained as you watched him light it once you two prepared to call it a night. You knew that bayberry candles were a hard commodity, one of the finest simple luxuries in the country with a sweet smell that reminded you of home. But you weren’t sure why it mattered enough to spend what little money he had to spare.

“It reminds me of that perfume you stole from your mother when we were kids. I try to keep one around all the time but haven’t been back to the cabin recently before you.” Oh. The little things he did made you understand that perhaps he had really thought of you when you two were apart.

“First time I smelled one… It was like you were with me again. I wasn’t so lonely when it was all I could smell.” Oh. It was these moments that made him leaving every morning harder. Watching him put on his belt and hat, silver bullets tucked safely into his gun on his hip, before he pressed a kiss to your forehead and told you he’d be back. It was always the same heart-wrenching feeling that you followed him into town with. You knew there was a price on his head that could only be lessened with each body he turned in, and yet, you wanted him to stop. You wanted him to put down his gun and live a life with you. It wasn’t logical and far from realistic, but you swore you’d kill the sheriff if that’s what needed to happen to fix his fate.

The argument was coming, as sure as the sun rising in the morning. You had known the dam would break open, no longer able to hold back your feelings about the situation, and you’d both be left to pick up the pieces.

“What happens when someone follows you home? When a hunter comes here and kills me, Billy?” you tried desperately to get him to stay at the cabin, eyes pleading as you held on tight to his wrist. He knew you meant well, that you just wanted him there with you and out of potential trouble, but the fact you had questioned the safety he offered you at the cabin had hurt.

“What happens when I don’t meet the sheriff’s quota, and he locks me up?” he tried to reason with you. He didn’t have a choice. This was the life he had to live to get any chance at being with you. He would kill every other vampire on this Earth for one more day with you, and turning them into the sheriff was his payment. He never considered what would happen when he’d eradicated all the vampires except for you, but he was confident he’d still do whatever it took to keep you by his side.

“I wouldn’t be able to protect you from a jail cell, angel.”

“But I’ve protected you this whole time! For five years, I’ve protected you! Not the other way around. I’m still protecting you now!” It came pouring past your lips before you could stop it. All your cards laid out as he took a step back, hurt flashing in his eyes as he absorbed the meaning behind your words.

“...what?” his voice was nearly silent, tearing you in two.

“I meant-”

“Five years? You’ve… this whole time? …five years.” You could hear him processing the information as his voice wavered. You had hurt him more in this moment than ever before, and you couldn’t take it back.

“Billy-”

“When were you turned?” That piece of information was one you were far less willing to give over. It was the final nail in his coffin, and you knew it. It would kill him to know.

“Billy, I told you-” you tried to shake your head.

“No. Tell me the truth.” He stood taller, trying to pry the information out of you. While he would have looked menacing to anyone else, you could see the pain in every limb and crevice of his being. You wanted to beg him not to ask, not to open up the wounds that still lay deep under your skin. Your wounds would only cause him to bleed as well.

“Billy… you- I can’t…” He stared you down, desperate for answers that you knew he wouldn’t want once he knew them. This wasn’t something he would forget, just like you couldn’t forget.

“You used to walk me home every night… then you left.” It wasn’t clicking in his head; you could see the confusion in his eyes.

“How… when?”

“Billy-”

“Tell. Me.” He got more stern, his walls coming up as he felt more and more uneasy. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes as you finally gave in.

“You’d left that morning, and I… I walked home alone that night. A vampire saw me and… I couldn’t fight them off. I wish I had just died, Billy. I didn’t want to become this. I’m so sorry,” you admitted, watching his face fall even more as his knees started to give out. He clutched the chair next to him before sinking into it unsteadily, trembling with a quiet “oh my god” and resting his head in his hands to fight back tears. He hadn’t even been gone 24 hours before you were turned. He had abandoned you, left you behind the morning after finally kissing you, and you had been turned before the dust even settled that he had kicked up with his departure.

“When did you come to Lincoln?” Another question you desperately didn’t want to answer, but you figured the worst was already out there.

“My parents kicked me out a month after I turned.” His eyes snapped up to you as he put everything together, his tone turning from devastated to angry in just a moment.

“So you’ve known where I was for five years? You saw me for five years and never once approached me?” Each word was laced with venom, an anger you never had directed at you before but one you knew you had earned.

“I protected you for five years, Billy. The vampires you hunt could kill you if you aren’t safe.” That made him stand.

“And the hunters who go out with me could kill you! The same hunters that you’re worried about following me home! Why the hell would you stay if you didn’t want me?”

“Didn’t want you? Billy, I stayed because I wanted you! Because I’d rather be forced to watch you grow old than have you die in my arms now! Or worse, be turned! You don’t want this life I have now!” you shouted, needing him to understand that it wasn’t a choice you made easily. You had suffered through five years of wanting him more than anything in the world, and it was that reason alone that you couldn’t abandon him even after he had done that to you. You watched with a broken heart as he kissed girls who weren’t you, fingers ghosting your own lips and remembering the feeling of his kiss before he left. Staying was the hardest decision you’d ever made, and Billy didn’t seem to understand it.

“You should have told me. You should have gone up to me.”

“Don’t you think I thought about that? I tried, Billy. I tried to and it was a mistake to run into that night when you caught me. I was careless.” You swear his eye may have twitched at that admission. He had spent weeks thinking that life had finally given him a bone after so long by bringing you back into his life, undead or not. Yet, you had thought it was a mistake.

“You should have tried harder. You were selfish to put us through this,” he hissed, hands balled up at his side as he tried not to raise his voice anymore.

“I was protecting myself. I was protecting myself from the fact that you spend every day trying to kill my kind, whether it's the kind I want to be or not. I was protecting myself from my feelings for you and failed. Because the second you held me in that alley, I was fucked. I didn’t want to remember your touch because it makes knowing what will happen eventually so much worse,” your voice was breaking, and Billy’s heart was already shattered with each new word you spoke, “Do you know how badly I wanted to see you after everything? I had been turned the same day you left, and a month later, my family kicked me out. All I wanted was you. All I wanted was my best friend. I didn’t even care that I loved you more than I’ll ever know what to do with. But the first thing I saw was how you’d moved on, laughing and playing poker while girls flirted with you.”

“And I’d have rather been with you!” he shouted, desperate to get you to understand that you had seen it all wrong. He hadn’t moved on. He drank and distracted himself, but he never moved on.

“Oh please, Billy, don’t lie to me! I wasn’t enough to stay for back then, and I’m even less now.” He flinched back as if you had hit him. Perhaps you had, in a way. He had wanted to stay with you, but he couldn’t find a way for it to work. From the moment he left that day, he knew it was the wrong choice, but the alternative would only drag you down with him. However, his attempts to save you had only made everything worse. He moved to grab his hat from the table before you could stop him.

“Are you kidding me? You’re still leaving?” you were exasperated, emotionally spent, and heartbroken all in one. Billy turned back to you from the door and looked just as hurt.

“I need to think, and I- I know you don’t want me hunting, but if I don’t bring a body to the sheriff, I get thrown in jail. It’s not a perfect life, but it’s as close to a free one as I get right now without being on the run.” You didn’t get a chance to respond before he closed the door behind him. You stood frozen for what felt like years before your knees buckled, and you fell to the floor in silent sobs. He had left again; you couldn’t blame him this time. You didn’t follow him to town. You couldn’t move from your spot on the floor as each sob racked your body in a nearly painful way. The cabin grew deathly silent, and you sat there long after you had run out of tears. You only looked up from the floor when you heard a horse approaching, and a glimmer of hope swelled in your chest that Billy would forgive you.

~

It was quiet when Billy came back. A part of him feared he would return to the cabin empty, you having run into the night after everything came crashing down around you both. You had always been close by, but he never knew. He was so alone all that time, and you were… you were alone too. The thought crossed his mind. Staying away couldn’t have felt great; he knows he wouldn’t have been able to do it. He would have caved within the first week- the first day- hell, the first hour. Regardless of whether he agreed with your decision, he could acknowledge it wasn’t one you made easily.

He was taken out of his thoughts at the sight of hoof prints in the dirt below him, ones that he knew didn’t belong to him. No one ever rode out here; it was too deep in the woods. The only thing around for miles outside the town was the cabin.

The cabin.

The cabin he’d left you in… without a horse.

His heart clenched in his chest as he urged his horse to move faster, pleading to the same gods that damned you to have mercy on you this one time. He’d run. He’d rather be on the run for the rest of his life than lose you again. Suddenly, the quiet was far from comforting. It was suffocating and as lonely as he remembered it was months ago. He called out your name when he could see the cabin in the distance, but there was no response, his voice echoing back at him as his chest hurt in a way it hadn’t since his mother passed. Please let her be safe. Please let her have protected herself. Please don’t take her away from me again.

He skirted his horse to a stop when he got close enough to take in the sight awaiting him on the porch. Your body limp across the steps and unmoving, any life, damned or not, draining out of you as he jumped down. No. No, no, no. Your eyes were open; he could tell that much as he knelt next to you, only a small breath of relief in his lungs when you blinked up at him with a quiet whimper.

“Billy…” your voice broke off as you choked on the pain radiating through your chest.

“‘m here. ‘s okay, angel. C’mere, I’ve got you.” You cried out when he moved you from the steps to his lap, and his heart shattered for the second to last time as he noticed the dark purple dancing up your skin from under your shirt. Silver… let it be a mistake. Let me wake up and try again. I’ll do better next time, I promise. He felt helpless as you tried to cling to him weakly, trembling with each tear that stained your cheeks. He couldn’t stop himself from staring for a minute as he memorized your face one more time. Your eyes, your cheekbones, your eyelashes, your lips… He never wanted to forget a single detail.

“What happened?” his voice broke the same as his heart, and even your trembling started to die with the rest of you.

“A- a hunter… He said- said he followed y-you.” There was nothing you could have said that would hurt him more, but he knew it wasn’t your intention. You were right. You had been right. Someone had followed him and killed you. He couldn’t yet decide if getting to hold you for your last moments was a blessing or a curse. He leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead, tears falling against his will as you melted further into him, the pain finally leaving. You’d get to pass in peace.

He remembered his mother’s death. The dead of the night took her as he held onto her. This was entirely different, but her voice still echoed in his mind.

Water will cleanse your soul and provide you safe passage, my boy. We’ll all meet again in the next life.

The river. You couldn’t cross before, but surely, as you got closer to the end, whatever gods could see you two now would forgive you. He may not have believed in them before, but he’d pray to whatever god would listen to give you more time in this life or the next.

“Angel, I’ve gotta pick you up, okay?” he spoke softly, hoping he wouldn’t cause you more pain after it finally subsided. He felt sick as you didn’t fight him on it. You weren’t gone; he could see the silver making its way further down your arms and up your neck, however. Every step felt daunting, one step closer to death.

“I know, sweet girl. My angel baby. ‘m here. You’re gonna be safe,” his voice wavered more with each word, trying to soothe both of you as he felt you grow weaker in his arms, “I’ll make sure you get to see my ma. She’ll take care of you.” You could only let out small whimpers in response, wanting to tell him it was useless. You were never going to see a peaceful afterlife. The end would be nothing but an endless void.

You heard the river as you two got closer. You knew what he wanted to do, and you were too weak to fight the hope he had deep in his bones. He couldn’t save you from this; he couldn’t save you five years ago. But as you slipped further from him, you wanted to hope too. You bristled at the feeling of water against your back as he kneeled in the river. It didn’t hurt, but it surely wasn’t comfortable. Yet, as he squeezed his arms around you tighter, like he could save you if he just held you close enough, all you felt was him. All you felt was the boy you’d loved for longer than you could remember. It was just your Billy one last time.

“I’ll stay right here, angel. I’ll stay here with you as long as it takes to know that when I die, you’ll be waiting for me.” He brushed your hair from your face, hands wet from the water around you two as you hiccuped on the air you still tried to draw into your chest.

“I- Billy-” you tried harder than ever to get words out as your body started to go. Your heart, beating or not, didn’t want to leave him. You didn’t want to leave him.

“You… you made me feel a-alive again.” He couldn’t hold his tears back any longer, however fruitless his previous attempts had been. Letting out a gut-wrenching sob as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“You made me feel like I wasn’t alone anymore,” he admitted brokenly. His heart shattered as your body started to still; you were leaving him. He couldn’t stop it, and every fiber of his being begged whoever could listen to take him too. Let me go with her. Let me keep her safe in this next part. Please. I’ll do anything.

Then it all stopped.

You were a dead weight in his arms. Your eyes glassed over. You weren’t breathing.

No. No, no, no, no. Please. Anything. I’ll do anything for her. Just let me have her back.

His heart screamed with each sob, holding you so close he was worried for a brief moment he was hurting you. Kissing your forehead, he rocked you gently, begging you to come back, to breathe again. He wouldn’t survive a life knowing he’d never see you again. Everything flashed in his tear-filled eyes. The girl who flirted with him shamelessly while he helped his mother work. The girl who sat out under the stars and taught him every constellation she could remember. The girl who held him when his brother died, who held him even tighter when his ma followed shortly behind. The girl he vowed to protect. The girl who kissed him like it would kill her not to.

The girl he left in tears when he ran from the law—the greatest regret of his life.

“I love you. I love you, angel. I love you,” he chanted, each syllable cracking him open more and more. It felt like years passed as he sat there in the water, not once loosening his grip, terrified that even your body would float away and never be seen again. He would bury you. He wouldn’t let them burn you. You deserved so much more than that. He’d dig you a grave under a big tree by the cabin. He’d spend every cent he could scrounge up for a headstone worthy of the girl it would sit atop.

Then something moved.

You moved. He couldn’t be sure if it was the river or you, but he wiped his tears quickly before smoothing out your hair. His hand rested against your neck as he spoke.

“Angel?” It was a shot in the dark, a plea for you actually to have survived. It was met with dead ears, however. You didn’t move again. You were just as still as before. Then he felt something against his hand.

Thump, thump, thump. It was faint, but it was there. A feeling he hadn’t felt for five years. A feeling you hadn’t felt for five years—a heartbeat. He could only stare for a moment, pressing two fingers firmly against your pulse point and letting out a small gasp when there was something to feel. Your lungs filled your chest with a breath, and he swore that you took the air from his lungs straight to your own, his lungs constricting with anticipation.

“Open your eyes, baby. If you’re here, I need you to open your eyes.” He needed it to be real. Not something he was making up in his grief. Your fingers twitched in the water as he watched the gloss fade from your eyes before you blinked up at him. Neither of you moved momentarily, overwhelmed by the reality you both faced. Your body didn’t hurt; the pain in your chest from the bullet was gone, replaced by the steady thumping of your heart. He just stared, taking in every color in your eyes that had been stripped away only minutes ago.

“Angel?”

“Billy?” you croaked, the best sound he’d ever heard.

“Hi, baby,” he breathed. Thank you. Oh, thank you. He wasn’t sure if he was thanking a god or his ma, likely the latter. It was her voice in his head that told him to take you to the water. You moved as quickly as you could to sit up and hold him, burying your face in his neck as you felt your own heartbeat against his again. It was everything you had begged for as you died moments ago. Another chance. One more chance at a life with him. His arms wrapped tight around you, letting you move your legs to wrap around his waist as he smiled harder than he thought he may have ever before. You moved back to pull one of his hands to rest on your chest over your heart.

“I’m… Billy.” He nodded in response.

“I know. I feel it. I feel it, angel.” You couldn’t wait a moment longer before you cupped his face and pressed your lips to his, desperate to feel him. Desperate to feel like the human you were again. His hand wrapped back around your back as he pressed you flush to him. You moaned softly into his mouth, giving him the perfect excuse to dip his tongue past your lips. You felt it drag across your teeth, but this time, it didn’t catch on anything—no more fangs.

“Those are gone, sweet girl. You won’t hurt me,” he mumbled against your lips, reassuring you as you melted into him, letting him move beneath you to get you two out of the river with a quiet, “Don’t want you to get sick by staying in the water.” You two didn’t make it past the river bed before he laid you down in the grass, pressing himself close atop you. He needed this all to be real. He needed you to be real, and when you tugged on his hair to keep kissing him, it was one more reminder that it all was.

“Billy,” you moaned softly as he moved down to your neck, kissing every inch of your skin like it would make you any more alive than you already were. He couldn’t stop; neither could you. You didn’t want him to either. It all felt right. Every slight roll of his hips down against you as he cherished you beneath him made you feel more than you had in years. Your hands slipped under the hem of his shirt, pulling with a desperate plea that he quickly listened to. One of his hands moved back to the neck of his shirt to pull it off after you undid the first button for him.

Your hands shakily moved down to your own shirt, still wet from the river, before he sat up to help you. He pressed soft kisses along your bare shoulders before laying you back down, tucking his discarded shirt underneath you, and peppering kisses down your chest. You shivered at the feeling, heart pounding out of your chest in the most unfamiliar way as you placed your hands on his shoulders to slow him down.

“Billy, my heart- it- oh, it hurts,” you cry softly, no real pain behind your voice. His mouth moved down to your chest, kissing along your collarbone to reach your heart, pressing open-mouth kisses over the organ now working again under your skin.

“Poor thing hasn’t beat for me in a while, huh?” You smiled at the tenderness in his voice as he licked at your skin with each new kiss.

“It’s always beat for you. Even when it was just in my head,” you stated firmly. It was true. There was never a moment, beating or not, that your heart wasn’t his. Your hands carded through his hair before tugging his head back up to yours, wanting to kiss him still. You didn’t think you’d ever grow tired of kissing him, of his lips on yours. He was yours as much as you were his, and now he had been the one to bring you back to life.

“Billy, I’ve never… I h-haven’t… I always thought it would be you, so when we s-separated, I didn’t…” you stuttered out when his hand brushed past the hem of your pants. His eyes widened as he realized the meaning of your words.

“You’re still…” You nodded in reply.

“I am. There aren’t a lot of people who want to have sex with a vampire anyway. Not normal people, at least. Some people are weird about it in a-” He cut you off with a kiss, not wanting to hear the details of those who sought out vampires specifically for that reason. He had heard of them, and the thought of you with one made him sick. Suddenly, a pang of guilt hit his chest.

“I’ve had sex before,” his voice was quiet, almost ashamed.

“I know.”

“I wish I had waited for you.” He meant that, and you can hear it, the regret dripping off each word.

“I’m glad you didn’t.” You really did mean that. As much as you hated watching him bring girls back to the boarding house, you knew it was an escape for him for some time. “Now you’ll know what to do with me.” You tried to reassure him, and you watched a slight smile tug at the corners of his lips.

“I have learned a few things… should I show you, angel?” You nodded desperately, the heat pooling between your legs becoming nearly unbearable as he moved down your body, leaving sloppy kisses across your skin. You trembled as his hands gripped the hem of your pants, and he looked up at you in question, waiting for your okay. He never stopped kissing each inch of skin that he could. Kisses on your ankle as he pulled your pants off. Kisses down your shin as he adjusted himself in his pants. Kisses along your inner thigh as he looked up at you.

“I love you,” he declared, voice low and just for you. You thought your heart couldn’t beat faster, but with each heavy breath, you were proven wrong.

“I love you too,” you breathed out before he ducked his head lower, reaching a hand up to your stomach to offer you to hold.

“Tell me if it’s too much or uncomfortable, okay? I’ll stop immediately.”

“I will,” your voice was nearly a moan in itself at the feeling of his breath against you. You thought you knew pleasure before, but the second his mouth connected to your body, you knew only he was capable of giving you it. This was Billy. Your Billy. He’d be the only man ever to make you feel like this.

~

“I’ll miss the fangs,” Billy whispered as you tucked yourself closer to him, bare skin glistening with sweat the same as his. He draped his jacket over you, having grabbed it from the side of the river where he discarded it earlier, holding you close as his feet brushed the water. Your legs were exposed and soaking up each ray of sunshine through the trees, something you’d wished to feel again for so long.

“Oh, shut up,” you laughed softly as you smacked his chest playfully.

“What? I can’t think you looked hot, angel?” he teased, looking down at you with an adoration that wasn’t foreign; it was comforting that you knew it, that you knew only Billy looked at you like that.

“Shut up, Billy Bonney… before I have to bite you,” your voice was nothing more than a seductive whisper, and had he not just spent an hour cherishing every inch of your body, he’d be flipping you back over to prove his love even more. He could wait until you two were back in the cabin, until he could make love to you in a bed.

“Ooh, please do. It’ll feel really good now.” He laughed with his whole chest as you smacked him harder, looking up at him with a smile that he swore made the world stop turning even if just for a moment. You were his girl. No longer undead. Just his. He would protect you until you both were old and grey. He’d hold you in your shared bed as you both drifted off to sleep on your final night. He wouldn’t let you go this time.

“It wasn’t a mistake, Billy. I may not have meant for it to happen, but I don’t regret you seeing me that night,” you spoke softly as you rested your chin on his chest. A small smile tugged up on his cheeks as he smoothed your hair out and took in the sight of you.

“I know, angel. You thought you were protecting me. I thought I was protecting you by leaving all those years ago. We were both wrong. That’s okay.” You wanted to hate how understanding he was after your harsh words that morning, but it just made you melt into him more. You were safe. Your heart was beating. You didn’t have to hide anymore.

“I’m done hunting,” he proclaimed, “We can run. We’ll go to Mexico or- or past that if we have to. I’m running again, but I’m not letting you go this time. I’m not leaving you behind. I don’t know where we’ll end up, but if I have you, that’s more than enough.” You moved to press a kiss to his skin as you moved one of your hands up to brush his hair from his eyes.

“Take me someplace warm. I missed the feeling of the sun on my skin.”

“I’ll find you somewhere you can lay out in the sun all day, angel.” This was it. This was your ending. This was how life was supposed to be. The last five years were a cruel nightmare in your past but your future was so bright. You had a home, unmoving and steady, in Billy’s arms. The same arms that held you and begged the world to give you back. It had worked. By some miracle –or his ma beyond the grave as you knew he’d like to believe– you two knew your story wasn’t over. Your heart started beating again, which the two of you would never take for granted.

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