Forever.
A fic for my OC, Leon, and an angst about Spy coping with the death of Leon’s mother and how he’ll have to raise Leon on his own.
Spy traced the rim around a glass of bourbon, holding a bundle of soft blankets in one arm, and sulking. The same record playing for nearly four hours straight into the night, he kept picking up the needle and pulling it back to the beginning. Another few minutes of listening before restarting again.
He yanked his mask off, rubbing his face and pinching the bridge of his nose. He glanced down at the little bundle of blankets, a baby boy all curled up, gripping his papa’s shirt and suckling a pacifier in his sleep. Spy kissed his baby’s forehead, holding him close as he adjusted in his sleep.
He flopped back into his chair, pouring himself another glass as he readjusted his arms, keeping his baby at rest. A tear shed as the last few notes of that one song played… The song she loved. He tried to wipe the oncoming flood away, but soon enough, he was sobbing between sniffles as tears landed on the cheeks of his baby.
His son, startled, began to cry, then wail, quickly on his own, fussing as his father hugged him closely. “Come now, please, do not start crying… Leon, baby, hush.” Spy mumbled between sobs. “I do not know what you need, just please… Only for a little, smile for me. Your smile. it is all I have left of her. And that stupid, dumb little song she loved. Just smile for your papa, you remind me so much of her… I want her back.”
Leon’s wails continued as his father rocked and cradled him, pacing around the room, the song playing for the near hundredth damn time in a row… She’d hum to it, sing and dance to it, Spy would join in, swaying with her, off-beat, but in their own world, unaffected by everything.
No assassinations needing to be fled, no intel to gather and report back with, no hiding and cowering away. Just them, their baby, and that dumb Dream Lover song…
Leon wasn’t hushing, merely crying louder into inconsolable wails and screams and gurgles. Spy sighed angrily, defeated, tired, exhausted from it all. That’s all Leon did, wailed, screamed and slept around his dad. Around his mother, he was a whole different baby, he’d giggle, play, even dance with his mother in his own ways.
He needed her… Both of them. Spy rubbed the bridge of his nose again, putting his hand to his forehead and trying to soothe the pounding migraine from the screaming mixed with the alcohol. “Fine.” He grumbled, “Be this way. Wail for mommy. Let your father suffer in this hell. You will be wailing forever. She is gone. Forever. Throw your tantrum! Crying will solve nothing!”
Of course Leon didn’t understand, still crying, his knuckles halfway in his mouth. Spy looked down at his son, taking a deep breath in before setting him back down in a bassinet. He couldn’t handle it.
He loved his son, of course he did, what kind of parent would he be if he didn’t… But sometimes. Nights like these. When Leon’s mother had been out on a mission, or just having her own time to herself, Spy found it hard to care for Leon. All he did was screech and squeal - how could he find peace in that.
He took a cigarette from its case, lighting it far from the bassinet as he grabbed Leon’s pacifier from the ground; it had fallen from his mouth as Spy paced.
He looked at the binky, then back at his baby boy. A furrowed brow. “I-I wish I could go back and convince her to never take that job. To take a break and rest. To stay with us and…” He swallowed, holding back tears. “To never leave us… To never leave me, alone, with you, to raise on my own.”
Leon had stopped his tantrum, sucking on his fist, still sniffling and in a stir.
“Papa did not mean to get frustrated with you, dear…” He kissed Leon’s forehead, placing the pacifier back into his baby’s mouth. “I am still grieving… To think you have no idea what is going on… Makes me want to shield you and protect you like this forevermore.” He sighed and picked Leon up again. Standing him on his lap while swaying him and slowly bouncing him.
“Even if she is not here for you, mon fils. I am, and I always will be… Forever, and ever. Mon petit bebe prince.” He kissed Leon’s cheek, another tear streaming down his face as he hugged his son tighter… Afraid of letting him go.