୨c I'LL BE OKAY
⤷ tags: wanda maximoff x reader, fluff, angst, 1.4k words ⤷ author's note: originally wrote this for squealing santa as an anon but i was lowk too shy to post im crine
"i'll be okay."
"i'll be okay."
"i'll be okay."
those were the words that you kept telling yourself.
but you weren't okay. and you just might never be.
you woke up drowning in your own cold sweat, hyperventilating like there was no tomorrow, the nightmares burning into the depth of your mind, grabbing away every ounce of sanity you had. there you were, cold and vulnerable, shivering in the blankets which had you sweating but freezing cold at the same time. every time you tried to fight the feeling of being petrified, you failed miserably. and every failed attempt made you tremble in fear.
what is wrong with you?
an avenger, the second youngest one on the team, barely older than peter by a few months. you should be old enough to deal with fucking nightmares. peter would never be like you.
what is wrong with you?
you were trained to do this, shooting enemies and doing heroic missions. all those years of training as a shield agent- why is this so hard for you?
what is wrong with you?
you fucking fought your way to be an avenger. you went from being a normal low rank shield agent to this, outshining millions of other agents- why couldn't you deal with a single, normal mission?
you fought to keep your eyelids open, but they felt like they weighed a million pounds. soon enough, your eyes closed into a deep trance once again, as your latest mission (or nightmare, for that matter) floated right in front of your fatigued eyes.
"RUN, Y/N! GET OUT OF THERE!" as you heard rogers say distinctly in the earpiece. you bolted, twisting through the maze of endless science products.
behind you, you heard loud footsteps chasing you. at least forty men, you supposed. probably armed.
BANG! your knees near collapsed at the unmistakable sound of gunfire.
okay, they were definitely armed.
you swore under your breath as they caught up with you. you were fast, but not fast enough for a literal stampede of forty armed men.
dodging bullets, you managed to get through the door, sunlight temporarily blinding your eyes. you squinted, jumping down the balcony, feeling the sinking feeling in your stomach and expecting the all too familiar avengers aircraft to catch you perfectly as you landed.
it wasn't there.
screaming and flailing your limbs hopelessly against the air, it was you versus gravity.
guess who won?
"oh shit."
"y/n! thank god!" steve's voice ringing in your ears. your head was pounding and you were pretty banged up.
"what the fuck was that? weren't you ready to catch me in the air, like we planned?"
"i'm sorry, the helicopter broke down and i crashed straight on the ground right as i saw you dive off." steve stared at you apologetically. seeing your bruises and scratches, he scratched his head sheepishly.
"i'm fine." you reassured him.
but you weren't fine.
you had succeeded in failing your mission and nearly killing yourself in the process.
the dive of your stomach as you jumped down without a single worry in the world, the bone striking fear when nothing caught you, the terribly morbid feeling of being a fingertip's length away from death itself? it didn't just go away.
not to mention the mind-numbingly guilty feeling of defeat when you didn't grab the science vials and the forever unsatisfied urge for every mission to be a success. you failed.
sure, you knew the risks of being an avenger. but never had you ever been so close to death. and as ridiculous as it was, you had never failed a single mission before.
and there you are now, crying and clutching at your chest helplessly, as you fought to forget those simple memories that would haunt you forever.
"y/n?" you heard a voice call out.
you jumped, turning. you hated that others could see this vulnerable side of you. normally stoic, unaffected y/n, broken down because of a few bullets and a little fall. pathetic.
you would never be accepted by the other avengers. you didn't have superpowers, nor anything special. even the other human avengers were brilliant. you weren't badass like natasha, or phenomenal at archery like clint. you were just you. normal. boring. you.
"wanda?" you whimpered, trying to hide the trembling of your voice.
"are you okay?" her soft voice sliced through the tension. you could've burst into tears at the gentleness.
"yeah." you took a deep breath and sighed.
"it's okay to... talk to me, you know."
you stiffened, sitting up straight. "i don't need to talk to you. i'm fine."
"y/n." wanda stared at you straight in the eyes. honest and loud.
you didn't return the look.
at this point, you could feel the tears pounding out of your eyes. you were a mess. looking away in embarrassment, you rubbed at your eyes furiously to stop the long overdue tears from running down your cheeks.
"i'm sorry, i-" you were a loss for words as you tried to pull yourself together.
to be seen as a mess in front of your idol, wanda maximoff, was too much too handle. you sobbed, embarrassment flooding into you as you felt her gaze upon you.
wanda's lips pulled into a reassuring smile as she held out her arms, raising her eyebrows as if asking for permission to hug you. you hesitantly nodded.
you practically melted into her embrace. wanda couldn't help but let out a giggle at your reaction. you playfully glared as she rubbed her hands up and down your back with ease.
she never asked about what happened, or why you were crying. never forcing your boundaries. but her message was clear: i'll be here for you no matter what.
at that moment you felt like you would finally be okay.
until the fingers started rubbing at your sides.
you could feel every one of her fingernails pressing gently into your hypersensitive skin, triggering the ticklish nerves. you tried not to squirm away, too shy to tell wanda what she was doing to you.
as she continued to rub on your sides, the tiniest of squeaks left your lips.
wanda's fingers stopped.
time stopped.
you gasped inaudibly.
"you're ticklish?" the dreaded question left wanda's mouth.
oh god.
you could practically feel wanda's smirk burning at the back of your head as you covered your face bashfully with your hands.
"no?"
wanda scratched her fingers up and down your sides, eliciting a stream of squeaky giggles.
"this is adorable," she stated casually, smirking at your whine.
"look at me, you dork. you're amazing, no matter if you have superpowers or not. it doesn't matter how great you are at fighting, or how many missions you've failed. we love you for who you are. about the post-mission traumas, trust me, i've been through plenty of them. not to mention the time when hydra experimented on me and pietro, and even the time when pietro-" wanda swallowed hardly before continuing.
"there are always some things we can never get over. some losses. some pain. it's all part of life and we can't escape it. so the only thing we can do is push through." wanda said as she wrapped her arms impossibly tighter around your torso.
"i'm not telling you to just brush it off. but you're not alone, y/n. i hope you understand that. everyone here understands what you're going through, okay?" you swallowed, a lump in your throat forming.
"you can talk to us, you know? you don't always have to be reserved and private. we're a family here and that's what matters. we can help you. all you have to do is learn to trust."
"trust." you echoed. "i can do that."
"great." wanda's face broke into a smile. "now let's get you tucked up in bed."
as you dove back into your bed that wanda had thoughtfully changed the sweaty sheets of, you were afraid once again. you wanted to call for wanda, but it seemed unnecessary. you didn't want to seem like a baby.
"trust." you said to yourself. "WANDA!"
and that night, wanda maximoff, the scarlet witch, crouched uncomfortably next to your bed, insisting that she was okay. she held your hand until you fell asleep, brushing your hair out of your eyes, holding you tight.
the next morning, you whispered to yourself, "i'll be okay."
and for once, you really believed it.
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