Lunchtime Larceny
House steals Wilson’s lunch and pays for it dearly but, not exactly as soon as Wilson hopes.
Lee: House 🏡
Ler: Wilson 🖊️
Word count: ~1800
“Uh…I was eating that..”
Wilson drew, a dotted triangular outline from his sandwich nearly visible in his hand.
House took a bite as he took a seat across from Wilson, barely looking up for just a moment.
“Yeah, and now I am?”
House flatly replied, taking another bite before opening a file.
“Anyways, picture this…patient comes in presenting with a fever of 104.6 and no sense of taste or…..”
Wilson cut House off as he snatched the sandwich back from him. He took a large bite that caused half of the toppings to spill out onto his lunch tray, leaving a trail of mustard on his cheek.
They sit there in an uncomfortable kind of staring contest for what felt like an abnormal amount of time. House breaks this silence by wiping the mustard from Wilson’s face with his thumb, licking it off while keeping the eye contact. Wilson angrily looks away, a red hue covering his face.
“I win~”
House retorts, snatching up his file and the yellow bag of [undisclosed brand] chips on Wilson’s lunch tray before making his way back to his office with his spoils of war.
Wilson was left with nothing more than a misshapen pile of sandwich, a single carton of orange juice and a revenge plot forming in his head.
As the end of their shifts approached, House was still entirely boggled by the case. His head completely buried into the file with several infectious disease books scattered across his desk. He threw his signature tennis ball between his hands as he ruminated on what could possibly be causing this strange array of symptoms.
He was so focused, in fact, that he didn’t hear his door creak open…
He didn’t hear the blinds draw closed or the lock of the door clicking in time with the clock….
He didn’t hear the shuffling of umber dress shoes across his old carpet…..
He didn’t hear Wilson duck down and sneak behind his office chair……
And he certainly didn’t expect to feel ten digits digging into his sides
“AAHAhaAha!!! Shihihit!!!”
However, because of how unexpected this was, Wilson’s eye was on the receiving end of a tennis ball being thrown at Mach fucking 9.
“OW! God Dammit!”
Wilson stumbled backwards, clutching to where the ball landed.
“Shihihit! Sorry! Sohorry!”
House attempted to apologize, reaching out a hand to help Wilson while simultaneously poorly holding back his laughter at the situation.
“Are you though?? Jesus Christ, did you play softball as a kid or something?? Trying to throw a home run at midnight, Jeter?”
Wilson joked as House handed him an ice pack to prevent swelling.
“No but, I did play Lacrosse”
House flatly replies, moving the pack to check Wilson’s eyes with a flashlight.
“Do the thing you do when you need to pass a DUI test.”
Wilson obliged, looking back and forth, up and down.
“No signs of damage but, you might have a shiner in the morning on my behalf. Sorry about that…”
House apologetically expressed, letting out a sigh of relief. He placed the ice pack back onto Wilson’s face, holding it there while running his thumb across Wilson’s temple.
“It’s ok, I shouldn’t have snuck up on you like that. Maybe a grand entrance next time?”
Wilson jived as they began to make their way to the garage.
“Yeah, roll out the red carpet and get Chase to play the bugle for you. I bet that Aussie bastard knows how to!”
House chuckled, pressing the button for the elevator to take them down.
After the ride home, they took their designated spots on the couch and placed their legs on the table in perfect time with one another.
House set the TV to the recently recorded monster truck rally and poured himself a glass of scotch.
As they settled into the noise, Wilson innocently (😇) drapes an arm over House’s shoulders.
He responds by leaning into the touch, his own hand landing onto Wilson’s chest.
“Aww, look at you being all lovey dovey for me~”
Wilson purred into House’s ear, eliciting a stifled giggle from him.
“I just felt bahahad for striking out a non-existent batter your faAEEECE!”
House squeaked as Wilson’s left hand began to tap into his neck.
“Funny enough, I almost thank you for it. It gives me alllllll the excuse I need to doooo….this!”
Wilson shot his other hand down to House’s stomach, moving his other tapping fingers down to House’s collarbone. House erupted into bright titters, immediately wrapping his arms around his torso to protect himself from the attack.
“Ah ah ah! You can’t hide from this!”
Wilson teased as he snatched up House’s wrists with one hand to pin them above his head, straddling his waist (avoiding pressure on his leg ofc, he’s a villain not a monster)
“Nononono!!! Plehehehease!!!”
House squealed, pulling his arms down as far as they could go.
“Oh no, I insist! You’ve earned it, you sandwich-stealing-cocky-grin-wearing-precise-aim-having-prick!”
With each pause, Wilson tweaked a rib on alternating sides.
“WAHAHAHAIT!! *SNRK!* WIHIHILSON!! WIHIHILSON!!!”
House nearly shrieked, moving side to side in a vain attempt to block.
“That’s my name! Don’t wear it, or yourself, out, mKay?”
Wilson cheekily responded, moving his hand to ride House’s shirt up to just below his chest.
He began to draw light circles into his tummy, slowly making his way downwards.
“Eeehehehehee!! Wihihihilson! Plehehease!!! Ihihihit tihihihihickles!!”
House pleaded, the lightness of Wilson’s touch driving him mad.
“That’s the point, now..this is for stealing my sandwich…”
Wilson abruptly squeezed House’s right hip, causing House to dissolve into boisterous laughter.
“This is for taking my chips…”
He then squeezed the left one, eliciting a similar reaction.
“And this…”
He releases House’s wrists to squeeze into both hips at the same time with varying speeds.
“Is for blacking my damn eye!”
He leaned down to pepper House’s tummy with an absurd amount of kisses, tossing in the occasional short raspberry to really get him.
And get him it did..
“WIHIHI*SNRK!*HIHIHILSON!!! NOHOHOHOHO!!! PLEHEHEASE! *SNRK!* I’M SAHAHAHARRY!!!”
House gripped into Wilson’s back, unable to cope with the combined tickly sensations.
“I don’t think you are..I mean there just wasn’t any seriousness in that tone at allll. I don’t quite believe you.”
Wilson sits back up, now drilling House’s hips with his thumbs.
“NOHOHOHO!!!*SNRK!*IHIHIHI *SNRK!* REHEHEALLY AHAHAM!!!”
House cackled out, his arms going limp into the couch.
“Then prove it, I want to hear…”
Wilson places one hand gently around House’s throat and the other hand directly over House’s sternum.
“Just how sorry you are~”
Wilson tightens his grip around his throat but, just enough to keep House still for the quick tapping that began at his sternum.
House begins shriek and thrash under Wilson, however, his screams are cut off by the hand around his throat. He quickly realized that in order to be able to breathe, let alone laugh, that he couldn’t move an inch.
“See, I wouldn’t do that, Spazzy. Wouldn’t want me to not be able to hear your apology, would we~?”
Wilson teased, running his free hand under House’s chin.
“Thihis is bullshit! Complete and utter-ah!”
House is cut off by Wilson squeezing ever so softly around House’s neck, cinching off his arteries with a devilishly sweet smile.
“Ah ah ah, that’s not very nice, is it? I want a real apology, before you can no longer speak. You have 30 seconds, better make ‘em count~”
He releases his arteries but, keeps a gentle hold on House.
House takes a deep breath, his eyes rolling to the back of his head momentarily from the blood rushing to his head.
“I-I’m sorry, I really am sorry. At least for possibly blacking your eye. If you genuinely wanted an a-apology for taking your lunch, I suppose we could go to somewhere nice for lunch tomorrow? My treat, I mean it..”
House looked up at Wilson with the sweetest look he had ever given anyone before, his piercing blue eyes glistening with stars.
“That’s…probably the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me..”
Wilson stares back at him, his own eyes softening as he released his hand from House’s neck.
“Yeah, and it only took me losing oxygen for a sec.”
House joked, running a hand across his own neck.
House can’t do this for very long though as he feels Wilson’s hands shoot under his arms.
“Too bad that, I just want to torment you even more now. You look soooo cute when you’re overwhelmed~”
Wilson admits, scribbling into House as fast as he could muster.
“BUT IHIHIHIHIHI *SNRK!* I APOLOGIZED!!! *SNRK!* WHIHIHIHI *SNRK!* WHY????”
House practically yelped, his laughter echoing through the dusty yellow light of the living room.
“I just told you why! Were you not listening, hmmmm?”
Wilson takes this opportunity to turn the volume of the television up a few notches, keeping a hand firmly squeezing into House’s top ribs.
He leaned in directly in front of House’s face, noses millimeters from touching each other.
“I want to watch you squirm and beg for mercy…Not for an apology or revenge or anything like that…
Just to watch you suffer~”
Wilson squeezed up and down House’s ribs, occasionally shooting down to tweak his hips.
“So…suffer~”
As House’s laughter rang through the room, tears of mirth were forming in his eyes. His whole body going limp beneath Wilson.
“Aww, what’s the matter? Not gonna put up a fight? Not gonna yell at me? Nothing left in ya??”
Wilson teased, drilling into House’s sternum with one hand and clawing into his stomach with the other.
“WIHIHIHIHIHI*HIC!*HIHILSONNNN!
PLEHEHEHEASE!!! IHIHIHIHAHAHA!!I CAHA*HIC!*HAN’T!!”
House shrieked, tears now fully flowing down his face.
“Of course, you can. You don’t quite have an option right now, do you?”
Wilson innocently (😇) asked, moving to dig his index finger into his navel and clawing his other fingers around it on his tummy while continuing the drilling.
“NOHOHO*HIC!*HOHO!!! PLEASE!!
PLEHEHE*HIC!*HEHEHEASE!!!”
“Please what? I’m already tickling you to bits here, what more do you need? Hmmm? Hmmmmm?”
Wilson teased, switching to vibrate his fingers into House’s ribs.
“PLEHEHE*HIC!*HEHEASE!! NOHOHOHO *HIC!* NOHOHOHO MOHOHORE!! PLEAHEHEASE!!”
House begged with everything he had left in him.
After a final squeeze to hips hips, Wilson finally ceased and began to help rub out any ghost tickles.
“AHahhaAha*hic!*hahaha!! Sthihihill tihihihickles!! Quhihihit ihihihit!!”
Unfortunately, House still giggled up a storm as his nerves were still entirely activated.
“Ok, okahahay! Goodness, you ok? I didn’t….overstep, did I?”
Wilson asked, getting up to grab House a glass of water.
“Nohohoho! You-hehehe! You’re fihihine, it was just…”
Wilson returns with the water and House takes a sip, thinking of what to say next.
“Overwhelming, I guess? But, not…in a particularly..bad way?”
House admitted, his face burning red
“Good, did you have fun paying for your sins at least?”
Wilson asked, pulling House in close
“I…”
“I plead the fifth…”
Authors note:
I had a TON of fun with this one! It was prompt 37 from the list and I took it and freakingggg ran with it. So, let me know what you all thought and as always,
Stay Tuned! 📺