#lesbian realization

[squabblingoblin]

I used to read this book series called "The Song of the Lioness" by Tamora Pierce, about this chick Alanna, who dressed as a boy to go to a school for knights (a hyperfixitiation of mine). I think it's a four book series but I wouldn't know because I stopped reading it after Allana started giving away her identity and having sex with men in like the 3rd book. Which should have been a very, very, very, very obvious sign I was gay end rant.

[alter-q]

lesbian realization makes a lot more sense when I think ab how I go out of my way to buy comics from the store owned by a beautiful 45 year old butch. And know her work schedule. And the fact that I haven't dated a man in years and tend to go on like one date with them and find basically any reason not to continue going out with them. And the fact that all of my "idk I might not be aro, every once in a while someone actually causes feelings to stir in me" have been non-men. And that all the men I've been attracted to have later come out as nonbinary or trans women. And that the only reason I didn't date women more is that I don't like being treated like "the man" when I'm genderqueer. And all my pregnancy dreams involve a woman getting me pregnant.

But I think the distance from being a lesbian is somewhat due to the queer cultural view of lesbians being overwhelmingly white. It feels like the only way to be a black lesbian is to be an earthy-nature-loving femme with long locs, or a very very masculine stud. I feel like in terms of fashion and expression I present more like a fem gay guy. I often get read as a trans woman which isn't like offensive, it just feels weird.

[ratscraftz]

Throwback to the time I had a "crush" on one of my guy friends and the way I realized I actually didn't is when he upright said he didn't like me and I felt relieved