Growing in Freedom: Part 2
Lesson #3: You have all that you need when you need it.
With the highlight event of the year (Beast of the South East 2014) happening within two weeks of my arrival, I was submerged into the job without delay; Between apartment viewings and furniture shopping, I was learning names and asking for favours by the end of the hour. Relationships aren’t built on credit, but I didn’t have time to cash in on trust and respect I haven’t yet earned. We had a show to put on, and expectation bore its heavy weight mercilessly on my shoulders.
We pulled off a successful event, but not without collateral damage. At the end of the award ceremony, Dan Aderton walked up to me and said “I don’t even believe in stress, but this weekend has been trying to say the least,” I was stunned. Having moved from one of the busiest capitals in the world, stress epitomized my day-to-day experience. We glorify being overwhelmed; squeezing in catch-ups and multi-tasking on the trains became the daily expression of maximizing time. It never felt like we had enough time; if you did, you weren’t making the most out of life.
It took me a few conversations to truly understand that the stress originates from feeling inadequate. To feel overwhelmed is to measure a task at hand against the tools you have to complete it, and realise that you come up short. I saw the success of the event as an indicator of my worth as an employee; crippled by the fear of being seen as inadequate, I worked overtime to compensate by putting pressure on the people around me. In being transfixed at covering up the holes in my armour, I failed to honour the people around me by allowing them to lend a hand. I was trying so hard to win their approval and validation that I robbed them of the opportunity of showcasing their talents and abilities.
Inadequacy comes from the imperative to be self-sufficient. It gives birth to pride in the way we carry ourselves, and breeds fear in being discovered to be anything but good enough. When we live out of fear and pride, it becomes hard to celebrate the people around us because our view is always turned inwards.
The lesson: To need is fundamentally human. To be able to ask, “Will you help me?” is to recognize another person’s talents and ability to be useful to you. It’s a position of strength. “You have all you need when you need it” is not a call to be self-reliant. It is my plea to you to live with open hands. Learn to give and receive freely without defence or judgment. The moment you learn to honour another person by receiving graciously, there will always be help wherever you go, and you will have everything you need when you need it.
And if you still don’t get what you need, maybe you don’t really need it after all.
Lesson #4: If you build it, they will come.
The second last lesson I want to talk about came from none other the man himself, Mike Mogard. He once compared us as polar opposites - I believed that we needed a crowd before we built a house. He believed that if we built the house and threw a party, people will come. With this analogy, we tackled building Asia Championships together. It was an unprecedented effort to unite five fitness events around Asia to support the growth of a sport we love and recognize the talents of the people within it. We did a little bit of both - we laid some bricks and put out flyers, mixed some cement and called our neighbours. Over a humid weekend in June, we crowned our first champions in Asia’s largest warehouse gym, Training Ground Bangkok. Today, we both own and operate a dream that we’re excited to work on every single day.
If you build it, they will come.
I believe this a little more everyday, but not on blind faith. I’ve seen this lived out in all types of scenarios with the Mogards. As a regional competitor and one of the best in the game, Mo’s work ethic is incomparable. If he’s not training or coaching, he’s working on his mobility or squeezing in a few reps of shoulder rehabilitation work. He’s laying the bricks. Show up. Do the work. Victory is unearthed through the hours of labour no one sees on Instagram; it’s what qualifies you to get on that podium, and remain. It is how you win, without relying on the hardware as proof.
The lesson: Whatever you’re building - a business, a relationship, your life, build it with intention. The breakthrough you’re waiting for may not come in the size or form you’re expecting, but it will come in proportion to your willingness to build when no one is paying attention.
---
Final part to the freedom is lesson #5 and where I’m going next. Brunei, you’ve been so very good to me.