Late Night Shenanigans
What do you do when the pieces that make you who you are are scattered and tossed every which way, nowhere in sight? Can’t obviously call out a search party, ‘cuz if anything they’d just tell you to get over it and move on with your life and that these are all concepts you came up with in your head. Dispel, dismiss and move right along.
I was reminded today of all that’s been lost & gone. I was reminded tonight that justice rests very heavily on the shoulders of hope. The greater the number of times your belief in it is stricken down, the more that hope dulls and dwindles away. I was reminded today of all that I possibly can’t and won’t ever have, which was kinda bittersweet. Tonight I was reminded of innocence, and how and how it can be snatched away in the blink of an eye. Tonight I was reminded of Job and I was reminded of Sita and it made me wonder about sacrifice. What truly is sacrifice? Is it worth it? Or is it just a boat load of mumbo jumbo that only keeps hurting you & that nobody honestly gives a shit about, but have a good laugh about when they see you struggle?
Tonight I was reminded yet again of how foolish I am to even think that something like karma exists. Well even if it did, there’s probably a good chance I won’t be around to see it take it’s course of action. Tonight I was reminded that ‘letting go’ is a path that leads to the death of who you once used to be, and where you transform into either the polar opposite of who you used to be...and how you really don’t have a choice to be who you want to be, because everyone has a framework of you they expect to see. Let’s be real, not meeting any of those framework criteria leads to comments about how you should move on, or you should quit letting things get to you. How detachment from a situation is freedom. But then again, if we detach from it all, then what’s the point of living?
Tonight I was reminded that the kind of person I am, holds no value at all. In fact, I’m being asked in many ways to sacrifice more of me, to shut out the parts that cares, that gives a damn. When I try to state how those are crucial parts of who I am, that’s really all I have left of me, I’m reminded of how naïve & foolish I’m being, and how the world has no space for fools. I guess the world has no space for dreamers, fools with a heart and noble intentions..most definitely there’s no space for someone as tainted as me with the mind of a dreamer and the spirit of a fighter.
Tonight I was reminded, in the big picture of things, loneliness doesn’t scare me it’s just the reality waiting patiently for me, in fact, it has much patience as I do. Tonight I was reminded, in the battle of good versus bad, bad always has the upper hand, while good keeps getting strangled just a little bit more.
So tonight I watched, as I saw piece after piece of me scatter and flutter away with a sense of finality. Oh boy this should be fun.