Dearest Autumn,
It feels weird to write to you so publicly because I think you know my heart and everything I would want to say so much better than I could write in this letter. You know you are like one of those friends for me who feels like a constant in my life. To think that I didn’t know you before 2017 is so unbelievable because it feels like your love, warmth and acceptance has always been around. Or at least that it’s intensity and well presence is so strong that I can’t think of a time when I didn’t have that. I know I’ve said this to you before but I have to say it again – you came into my life right around when I was losing all hope in friendship. My heart had never been broken so cruelly before – and it had been broken many times – and they always told you what to do when love breaks your heart but never when a friend does. A friend isn’t supposed to do that, right? They aren’t supposed to break your heart – they are supposed to be the ones by your side when someone else does. I would have lost all my faith in friendship if it weren’t for you, so thank you with all my now fixed and then broken heart.
You have read only a few classics despite being a book lover. Is that why we connected so well? Haha cos same! I remember talking about this and I mean other than To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee and The Catcher In The Rye by J.D Salinger, I really really really don’t like any other classic and just can’t get myself too. I almost finally read Pride and Prejudice last year but I never finished it. I did love parts of it but it just didn’t flow for me – it was written over 200 years ago and I don’t think my brain warms to that kind of sentence structure. Maybe I’m just unpolished. Who knows! (I know you would deny this <3)
And ooo I can’t whistle either! Though I really wish I could. My co-worker can and she just randomly starts to when I think she’s feeling bored or sleepy. She whistles to the tunes of her favourite songs. Though you know what I would use my hypothetical whistling skills for? To scare the shit out of people. You know what I mean, right? You can totally be in a big, empty house or a deserted street at night and just be in some dark corner and whistle in a creepy manner when someone walks by. I am getting my teenage creepy parts back and I don’t know what to do with it.
I remember when I first thought of The Love Project back in 2017, you were one of the first few people I asked the question – what does the word love mean to you? And I still remember the answer. And it’s lovely to see that it’s consistent with your answer now – So many things but mostly being there the best you can and even when you can’t, wanting the best for them. Being considerate of another’s needs and a warm, joyful yet peaceful feeling. And it also warms my heart to know that you love the way you talk about love. Since I’m lucky enough to receive it, I know you back each of those words 100% by your actions and consistency and I respect and appreciate that so much!
I have so much more to tell you but that’s a whole different letter. And I know you’re hurting for a bunch of different reasons and yet you shine so brightly unwaveringly. That strength, internal sense of peace and love that you have for life, yourself and the people you care about is serious goals. I love you. I may not know what love means to me just yet but I know that all that’s positive, real and pure inside of me, I always send your way out in to the universe. And I think…I think maybe that’s what love means to me.
Love always, Nikki
PS I just read the poem you shared with me, the one you write for your niece. It made me super emotional and on the verge of tears. You’re a super awesome poet and an equally awesome aunt. Thank you for letting me be a part of her life and sharing moments from yours and hers with me. They have always made me feel so loved and also in a weird way capable of loving. If that makes sense. I love you and dear Z 💜💜💜
I wrote this letter for @autumnsunshine10 based on some questions she answered. You can read the questions and Autumn’s answers here.
You can also check out the other love letters in The Love Project here.
