#letter 76

[k-joisu-blog]

Dear LuHan,

Did you change your hair color?

I miss you! Always do. Lol. I want crabs too.

Love, K.Joisu

[letterstotorikelly]

Letter #76

Dear Tori,

I went to the show at Madison Square Garden when you opened for Ed Sheeran and you were absolutely amazing! You inspired me because it showed that you could get past something so major.  I watched your audition and i'm pretty sure that Simon is kicking himself now for not believing in you.  About a year ago, my group of friends decided that I was no longer good enough and told me that they didn't want to be friends with me anymore.  That was a major blow to my self esteem and it is now really hard to trust people because of how long I had been friends with them (it was ten years.) People tell me just to "get over it" and to "grow up" but it is really hard because you have the constant reminder of what happened to you in your head whenever anything happens.  I have friends now but i'm still afraid of being left behind.  I tend to lock myself up in my room or just in my head.  My thoughts will get the best of me and it is really hard but that is life.  I just need to deal with it, i guess.  Your song Paper Hearts really gets to me and honestly, it made me cry the first time I heard it.  My favorite line in it is when you say," Everything is gray under these skies, wet mascara. Hiding ever cloud under a smile when there's cameras." because it basically describes my life but the 'cameras' are friends or teachers or parents.  My mom worries about me sometimes but I always tell her that there are more important things for her to worry about like my little brother.  He is afraid because my dad is out of work.  I just want to be little again with no fears or regrets or scars. I use poetry and music as a way to let things out and for a while, all of my poems were dark and honestly, just downright creepy.  I regret wasting my time and talent on dark poetry like that because I can't show it to anyone without them worrying about me and what goes on in my head.  There is no way to explain how I write or why I write, I just do.  I go to a private school and it is very good and there are times when I feel like I don't belong there because I am not smart enough.  I guess I have ranted and told you enough of my problems... I hope you read this but goodbye for now.

Love,

Kayla or www.l-o-v-e-will-p-r-e-v-a-i-l.tumblr.com

[misguided-adventures-fanfiction]

[aconduit]

- Ana

This is the final letter from the stack written between 2009-2010.  But not the last letter Ana ever wrote to me, nor I to her.

[letterstoohio-blog]

Letter #76: Why Don't You Like Me?

Dear Ohio,

I am no longer a slave.

Your approval means nothing to me anymore. I have lived in fear of you not recognizing what I do for so long, that I have done nothing. You don't read my blog, you don't listen to my music, you dont watch my youtube videos... 

And that's ok.

I used to think that the number of views, likes, follows, and comments was a direct correlation to the quality of my work. So not true. It's a reflection of how many people that like my type of art have been exposed to what I do. I have a brilliant mind and innovative ideas.

I no longer need you to tell me that my art are good.

I will change the landscape of music forever. I will paint this world with my words. I will dress the universe with my love. No one will ever see anyone like me again. I am unique. I am special. I am one of a kind. Your acknowledgement of these qualities or refusal of them does not mean they do not exist.

Thank you for ignoring me!

It has served as a great teacher. It has made me tougher, so much tougher. Thank you for being closed minded to my type of art. I know now to save my breath for those who know what I'm talking about. I tried to sell you something that you have no use for. And for that, I apologize and I understand why we don't get along.

Who cares about what you think?

You don't know what I was put on this earth for. Who am I to let you tell me what I was made for? How dare I disrespect my Creator by letting you tell ME what I'm capable of! HA! Why have I been waiting on you to tell me to do my job? You aren't my boss. You can't even pay me. You don't even decide if I am on your payroll. 

YEEESS!

It's cool if you think what I'm doing is cool. I want you to think that it's cool. But! That's where it stops. I don't need you to like it. I make art because it makes me happy. I make art because I need to or I'll go crazy. I make art because it helps me make sense of the word. I make art because it is what I was born to do. Otherwise, I would wither and die.

One day you'll see me.

..But until you get your glasses, I'll be right here making art. I'll be getting better at it everyday. Thanks again for ignoring me. It has made me so strong. I'm not afraid of people not liking me anymore. I expect it now. I really cherish all the people who support me. They are special. I am cautious of those people who pretend to like my brand now. I see their lies disguised as money ;which is gateway to slavery.

I already to you that I am no longer a slave.

If I never see you again, I want to say thank you once more. By degrading me for so long, I had to teach myself how much I'm worth. I had to look myself in the mirror and tell myself that I am better than I was being treated... and that I'm not as great as they will tell me that I am in the future. You gave me my swag back. Well, you helped me take it back. And I am forever grateful.

I hope you live before you die,

Antoine Edmonson