Letter #78: Stand Your Ground
I came face to face with the big bad wolf, and I didn't flinch. I stood my ground against low self esteem, peer validation, my fear of not performing at every show, my fear of people not liking me.
While I assume that it was a routine conversation for most artists, it was a pivotal moment in my life, career, and relationship with Jesus. It was such a HUGE victory for me and every independent artist out there.
Remember when I said was no longer performing for free?
Someone wanted me to perform at a showcase last minute for free. They needed a favor because some artists had flaked on them. I was more than willing to help out, just not for free anymore. I didn't feel that it was worth my time. I've performed in front of that crowd before and it's clear that they are not my audience.
I told them my rate and they didn't think that I was worth it.
Now here comes the anxiety. "I really love performing, but I can't endure another year of performing for free every week, physically and financially. Then again, I'm not famous, so who's going to pay me? If I ask them to pay me, I'll lose out on the relationship because they won't like me anymore, and I can't take it if people don't like me. Am I asking for too much?"
In steps my faith of what God asked me to do...
To trust Him to provide for me through making money from performances. So, I take a leap off the cliff and let God catch me in His arms. It did not feel good to be laughed at for asking to be paid for my services, but that's where believing in yourself comes into play! I know that I am worth what I asked for (and much more) and the value of what I offer is priceless! The number of people who know who I am or the number of people who come to see me does not and will not ever validate how much I should be paid for entertaining an audience.
At that moment I felt a shift in myself, in my spirit.
Suddenly, I was not enslaved by low self esteem, fear of not being paid for my work, or missing out on shows anymore. Just because they don't think that I should be paid to perform, does not change the fact that I should be paid to perform. I think that as artists we let a lot of people degrade and devalue the hard work that we put into our craft. You deserve to be paid.
I thank God for hearing my cry and sending Jesus to set me free from my captives!
It will not be easy. However, I am determined to do it God's way! It doesn't feel great all the time, but I have to trust the process if I am to get what I have prayed for and what God has for me. While they walked away from the conversation looking at me like I'm dumb, I walked away grinning from ear to ear.
Well, it's because they don't have the same inside trader knowledge as me. They didn't hear God tell me what He told me. They may not know that everything that God says comes true. I don't mind looking and sounding crazy.....for now. I'll look like a genius later. But, you and I know that it is Jesus who is the genius.
I hope you live before you die,
