After my gruesome battle with sleeplessness and temporary insanity, I’ll have you know that I successfully slept for 7 hours straight. Not without the help of extreme fatigue, of course. I gave myself some nice warm bath in the evening, read a little, browsed the internet, and a bit after midnight I felt myself giving in to my inviting bed. I put on some music suggested by one relatively concerned citizen, closed my eyes, changed positions a couple of times because of this freakish backache that I’m still suffering from, and gently dozed off.
I woke up at 7:11 am and the first thing that came to mind was a cup cake. I know. I wasn’t starved, I just thought of it’s round, moist, chocolatey, sprinkly goodness the moment my eyes snapped open. But a cup cake is a generally happy thought regardless of your preference, and I took it as a sign that it’s going to be a good day. (Don’t jinx it for me now.)
So! I am in the mood to write. Forgive me if this is going to bore the heck out of you, I just need to channel out some positive vibes from my fingertips.
My cousin tagged me on this article online. It was Kobe Bryant’s letter to his 17-year old self. Now, unless you’ve been living in another planet or some totally remote area on this globe, I doubt this name doesn’t ring a bell to you. But just to be fair, you may read more about him here.
The man has come a long way, career-wise, life-wise, everything-wise. I’m not really a fan; I still love ol’ legend, MJ (and because I love him, please read on him here) but nobody can deny the guy’s got talent. And the entire social media has gone a frenzy over his retirement this year. Anyway, I was touched by the article, and I wish he really wrote the letter at the time and took it to heart. Could have saved him from a few bumps. Who knows?
So it made me wonder, what would I have said to my 17-year old self?
Ooooooof. That was a touchy age for me. Everyone knows this for a fact. I turned 17 in 2005. 17-year old Mary was fresh out of high school and 6 months pregnant out of wedlock. If anything, I’d just shut my mouth and give her a good smack on the head. (haha, just kidding!)
God, I made too many boo-boos, and I don’t think I’m done making them so far. But here are a few ideas that would have helped the younger me.
I wish I listened to my parents more.
Evidently, this tops the charts. I know this comes across as an advice from a parent to a child, but I never really thought about it until recently. Even after I had children, I still felt like I did the right thing, standing my ground and being hard-headed just because I want to prove my folks wrong. I mean, I don’t think my kids are a mistake. I love them with everything I have and don’t have. But admittedly, things would have been a lot different, and perhaps better, had I listened to my parents more than I did.
I wish I knew that love ain’t all that it was made out to be.
Teenage years, you are surrounded by peers pairing off, and you’d find yourself out of place if you didn’t join the band wagon. Having a boyfriend was some sort of rite of passage. The long and whispered phone calls. Sneaking out at night. Monthly anniversaries with your number printed on his basketball jersey. Young love is just all-so-sweet, making your heart pound double time. But pay attention to science. It is the heart’s primary function to pump blood. It’s supposed to beat. Don’t make it out into something else and think that you have found your soulmate this early on. Remember this: “Hindi lahat ng unang unang tibok ay pag-ibig sa tuwina.”
I was always a home body. I was fine staying in, curled up in bed with a good book. I can stay in my room for hours on end. I rarely ever go out, so I don’t really have a lot of friends other than the ones I made in class back in high school. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. Having a few good friends is more than enough. But I still feel like I missed out on meeting a lot of good people. So I say as long as you are responsible enough, go out as much as you can. See places, go to parties, have fun while you’re at it. We are never the same age twice.
I wish I made wiser choices.
Look, whatever place you’re in right now at any point of your life, is nobody else’s fault but your own. You are accountable the moment you started shading those boxes. I wish I realized back then that every choice I make would make a difference later on in life. The only deciding factor for me then was my satisfaction. Never mind if I was unhappy, at least I was satisfied. What I didn’t realize was that satisfaction is subjective. It varies, it is influenced, it changes over time. Give a couple of things a bit of second thought. It can be as petty as what you’re going to wear to the prom, or as big as what major you’ll be taking up in university. Be wise in every choice you make, because most choices are only ever made once.
I remember making plans for my big debut as early as 12. I always looked forward to my birthday every year, because it meant I was one step closer to 18. I laid down plans in my head: beautiful baby pink gown, a tiara on my head, 18 roses, a big ball all in honor of my coming of age. But things drastically changed; I started desperately waiting for the day I turned legal because I thought I would finally be free and my parents would lay off my back. Neither happened though, because at 18, I was already a mother, and I was lucky enough that my folks still pushed me to go to uni. I think we all go through that phase, always in a hurry to grow up. Don’t. Just don’t. Savor every moment and take your time. Make every second worthwhile.
I wish I stayed in school.
Yep. You read that right. I still wish it every single day. It was too late when I realized what I took for granted. I had all the means to finish up and get a degree. My parents were ever supportive and never once pushed me to get a course of their liking. Although they believed I was intellectual, it was never, ‘Study to become a doctor.’ or ‘Take up nursing.’ They knew that writing was my strong suit, so they welcomed my decision to take up Mass Communications with a smile. Quite frankly, they were just happy that I obliged to continue my studies. It didn’t work out so well after a while though. I made the choice to try and start a family of my own. Before long, I had to start working to live, and I got stuck in a career I don’t really care about. Not that working at a call center was bad, but to me it was just about paying the bills and laying food on the table. Back home, not having a degree pretty much limited my options to a height that I had to settle. I’m lucky enough having ended up in a country where skills and experience weighed a bit more. Somehow, I still feel like a degree is just a validation of some sort. A lot of greatness in the world came from college drop outs, mind you. But there’s only too much to learn as the world progresses, and education never hurts.
I wish I appreciated more.
I was raised pretty comfortably. Went to private schools from nursery to college. My daily allowance in high school was enough to feed a family of 4 in a full day. I always had the latest things and never had to use the same bag or shoes the following year. Never had to pay tuition late, or got behind on a project or an exam. I am not exaggerating when I say if my parents had to lay down a red carpet everywhere I walked, they would have. I had it easy. Boy, was I in for a big surprise. I’ve had to learn the hard way, had to start earning and sweating for every bite I get. I know this is a given. Everybody has to start working eventually. But I never realized how ferocious life can be until I had to go out and experience it myself. And then I started to miss the good old days when I had everything laid out in front of me. Always appreciate and be thankful for what you have. I’m not only talking about the material things. Value the people who loves you unconditionally, and respect the effort they put into your well being.
I wish I wasn’t so naive.
A great deal, I was. I wasn’t ignorant, no. I was fairly smart in fact. But I guess my naivety came from my dense attempt to try and reclaim my innocence that I lost so early on in life. I felt like it masked my darkness. I had so many shadows lurking in my head, and I was clueless how to console myself. Maybe you can say I was confused or stupid. I had no means of telling the fine line between kindness and just being plain credulous. Keep in mind that people may be kind, but it doesn’t mean they’re not going to hurt you. Nobody can protect yourself better than you can.
I still burn from the nightmares of my childhood, it still hurts. But I don’t think I’m as naive as I used to be. I’m still kind, I know. But the rough edges made me wise beyond my years.
Mary in her late 20′s is still trying to figure things out one day at a time. I am utterly treading my way carefully towards 30 in high spirits. I’m still partially hard-headed, and I still make rowdy decisions every so often. But what have you got to learn if you don’t make mistakes?
Okay, my back is starting to kill me, so I guess I’ll give it a rest for now. Perfect cue to remind me that I’m getting old, yeah?
