#letterstoeve

[acuarias]

the time of letting go has arrived...

[acuarias]

Since dealing with death loss and a breakup, i've been having a hard time searching for a place to put all this love i'm carrying with nowhere to go.

[acuarias]

today, grief feels heavy to carry.

[acuarias]

Another day swimming in the sea of grief,

I'm imagining the day i finally graduate, knowing that i won't receive a hug from her. I wish she had seen me achieve big things. I would have loved to have her besides me on that special day, because all i am today is thanks to her.

[acuarias]

05

Letters to Eve.

Hoy pude apreciar tu olor nuevamente, buscando entre tus sabanas que aún preservan tu aroma. El sentimiento familiar vino acompañado de un sabor agridulce y confuso, porque aunque la ola del duelo me ha hecho sentir mucho en diferentes maneras, esta fue diferente. No sé como explicarlo. La calidez fue cosa efímera, convirtiéndose en una hincada en el pecho y un puño en la garganta. Sentí la necesidad de volver apreciar esa esencia, pero desde tu regazo o pecho, en un abrazo con mimos.

Realmente me cuesta pensar que ahora me tengo que conformar con un pedazo de tela que huele a ti y en la que unos meses más dejará de estar también.

[acuarias]

04

Letters to Eve.

"When I miss you, I'll knock every night on the door of my dreams".

Memory of the Moon by Astro.

It had been a while since you last appeared in my dreams. Thank you for visiting me today. I missed seeing you full of life, hearing your voice... And just... seeing you and being with you. In previous dreams, even though you were in front of me, I was aware that you were not real and that you were already gone. I remember waking up screaming and crying from those. However, this one felt different. This time, I lived in the reality of my dreams. The universe allowed me to enjoy you as if it were just any Sunday we used to have when you were here with me. Definitely miss those, so I hope we get some more, even if it's in the dimension of my dreams.

Until we meet again. Hopefully soon.

With love, tu querida niña.

[acuarias]

03

Letters to Eve.

Six months have passed since you're not here. I am still hurting. I'm still upset with life and with god for taking you in that way, for making you suffer. God could have been kinder to you. You were such an angel... It is still difficult for me to accept that you're not here, that you no longer exist, that everything is over. Every day I think of you, every night I dream of you, so vividly. You're still there in my mind, here in my heart. I still feel you with me. I feel your love so deeply, Evelyn. It's sad that I got to understand and appreciate so many things during your sickness and after your death. All you had for me was love and support, as a loving mother would have for her child. I regret not appreciating all that during those times, I took it for granted, and now it's the biggest loss of my life. I miss you, I miss your love, your acts of service, your wise words, your unconditional support, your kisses, and hugs. I miss laughing with you, doing crafts, decorating, cleaning, studying, helping you with work stuff, the long conversations, your company, your advice, going to the stores together, and even now going to church with you is a beautiful memory that I will always cherish. Those walks back home with you and grandpa were so warm, I felt so protected, loved and spoiled. My world was complete.

As time passes, I get to know and understand more about your personality, your life, your taste, your hobbies, and your fights. I got nothing but admiration for you. My love gets bigger and bigger, and I feel closer to you. I realized all the good things I am are thanks to you (and must accept that in some not-so-positive traits too, haha). And the thing is, we are similar in so many ways... If I had noticed it earlier, perhaps we would have enjoyed so many new things together, had wonderful conversations like we did in the last few months. Despite your condition, I enjoyed last year. You looked too bright, happy, and excited about everything... So if there is something that gives me comfort, it is that you also enjoyed everything you did those months. You did what you wanted, ate what you wanted, dressed as you wanted, bough what you wanted, and after a life of working hard and raising us, you deserved that rest and spoiling time.

I hope one day the memories I have of you are not a pinch in the heart, but for now, I will keep crying while I am missing you.

With love, Yaya.

[acuarias]

01

Letters to Eve.

Perdón por subestimar el amor que sentías por mi, perdón por no darme cuenta del amor intenso que sentía hacia ti. Siempre supe que eras una persona importante en mi, reconocía todo lo que hiciste por mi y como me moldeaste para ser todo lo bueno que puedo ser hoy. Lamento no haberlo demostrado más.