Dear Past Lover,
Dear Past Lover,
Sometimes I sit here and I wonder if you ever think about me. I see that you are doing well and that is good. I don’t wish death upon you and I don’t wish for you to have a bad life, I actually wish the best for you. It has taken me time, and prayer after prayer to fully be able to forgive you. I have accepted things the way that they are and I know we are only human. We both did cruel things to one another that God is not proud of us for doing. You were never meant to be my enemy, you are my brother in Christ and I will always love you. A part of me is still broken; I spent many of my days with you and with your daughter also. My heart created a spot for both of you. I will never forget those moments. Now that I have realized it is time to let go, I am okay and I am stronger now. I wish there was a way that I could apologize to you, I pray that when the time is right God will allow for that chance. I realize now that we were just not meant for each other, but I latched on and so did you for the wrong reasons, until finally it all crumbled down. In all honestly I know things happen the way they did in order to get us away from each other. It was the only way I was going to let go, and God knew that. You see, I have never been through so much pain from one human being in my life. I have never been one to cry and break down in the floor and sob over a man…but with you that happen. I cannot explain our past relationship and I have to say I never want to re-live that experience again. It was a life-changing event in my life, to love and not be loved back. I realize now I cannot make a man love me or care for me. I remember the times, I would tell you “I love you “and you could not say the same. You would just stay silent. I remember the times we would be lying together in your bed and all I would want to do was hold you, feel your touch and love on you, but you would just push me away. You did not want me cuddling beside you, you did not want my touch and you did not even desire to kiss me. Let alone tell me you loved me. Still to this day, I don’t know how someone could be so emotionless, but you were towards me and there was nothing I could do about it. The codependent in me just wanted you to love me, and I just wanted to fix you. I wanted to heal you of your broken heart and in reality the only one who can do that is our God. I realize now I was trying to play a role of God and have all control over my life and our relationship. I was determined to make things work, just like I always have everything else. I have always strived in everything I have done. Success after success, I always have made things happen. Although with our relationship, it was never really meant to happen. I forced and forced it until it finally crumbled to bits and could not be recovered and mended back together. I now know I cannot make someone love me and that is one lesson I have learned that I will never forget. I have also learned that God answers prayers, He answered mine by giving me the strength to finally break away from you So past lover, I want you to know, I do not wish bad on you. I do not wish anything more than for you to have a God filled loving life. My wish for you is happiness, not only for you but your daughter also. I might not be in love with you like I once thought I was, but I do love you and I pray for you. I pray for you a lot, and those times I get overwhelmed and upset at you because I remember all the bad that was in our relationship, I pray to God an ask him to continue to give me the strength to forgive you, because we are only human. I hope one day I will have the chance to tell you in person that I am truly sorry, and I still have hope that one day you will tell me you are sorry also. At this point God holds it all in his hands. God knows both of our plans for our lives and he will always be there for us. I pray that your relationship with Christ has become stronger through this overwhelming time in your life. I know I have a stronger relationship with God now, he is healing me and he is fixing the Swiss cheese holes in my heart. Turns out all along, I was looking in the wrong places for love…But I have found it and it is with God. He loves me so much and I love him like I have never loved a man before. It is because of him that I can forgive you. Past lover I know you were not a mistake in my life, but we were not good for each other. I pray you find your one true love, the one you would do anything for, the one you would love to grow old with. Do not lose hope in love; place your hope in our Lord. He loves you just like he loves me, and he always will. He will send us both the person we are meant to be with when the time is right. So for now this is all I have to say, I could say more but really it is time to stop. I just want you to know, I still think of you, I forgive you and I wish you the best.
Sincerely,
The One Who Got Away
