note: there are A LOT of scenes in this one, but they are all important in one way or another in terms of notability, character-building, etc
Dubenich: I’m sorry Mr. Ford, sorry, I know who you are I’ve, uh, excuse me. I’ve read all about you. I know for example that-that when you found that stolen Monet painting in Florence you probably saved your Insurance Company what 20-25 million dollars. Then there was that identity theft thing and you saved your insurance company I don’t even know how many millions of dollars but I just know that when you needed them… What happened to your family is the kind of thing--
Nate (slams glass down): You know that part of the conversation where I punch you in the neck nine or ten times? We’re coming up on that pretty quick.
- - - - -
Dubenich: I’m serious. Look, look at the people I’ve already hired. Do you recognize any of these names?
Nate (going through file): Uh, yeah, I’ve chased all of them at one time or anoth-- Parker? You have Parker?
Dubenich: Is there somebody better?
Nate: No, but Parker is insane.
Dubenich: Which is why I need you.
Nate (laughs): No. I’m not a thief. (closes file)
Dubenich: Thieves I got. What I need is one honest man to watch them.
- - - - -
Hardison: I’ve been doing this since high school, bro, I’m Captain Discipline.
[Flashback]
(New York City Hotel, Five Years Ago)
Manager: They came straight from the airport and up to their room.
Security: So you never actually saw any of them then.
Manager: No, but the credit card numbers checked out.
Security: Break it down!
(Doors open to reveal Hardison sitting on a couch drinking orange soda while three beautiful women dressed as Princess Leia fight with lightsabers)
Security: Does that look like Mick Jagger to you?
Hardison: This is not the room you’re looking for.
what a fucking GEEK oh my god
like, his flashback is so tame compared to the others???
like, his version of criminality is hanging out with cosplaying pretty girls and watching them fight with lightsabers, all under the guise of pretending to be mick jagger
- - - - -
Hardison (holding up an earpiece): It’s a bone-conduction earpiece mic, works off the vibrations in your jaw.
(Hardison tosses it to Eliot who holds it to his ear)
Hardison (whispering): You can hear everything.
Eliot: You’re not as useless as you look.
eliot being subtly impressed with hardison is my religion
- - - - -
Hardison: I don’t even know what you do.
[Flashback]
(3 Years Ago Eliot, wearing glasses and drinking from a mug of tea, enters a room full of men in Belgrade, Serbia)
Eliot: I’m here to collect the merchandise.
(Most of the men pull guns. Eliot takes a long sip of his drink. Outside, the windows flash with gunfire. Moans and the sound of a body falling fill the air. Inside, Eliot calmly takes another drink. One man sits at a table surrounded by bodies that litter the ground. He places a baseball card on the table. Eliot smiles)
am I the only one that wants to know the context of this???
- - - - -
(Parker drops down between Eliot and Hardison, hanging upside down from scaffolding)
Parker: Can I have one?
Hardison: You can have the whole box.
(Hardison holds the box of comms up for her. She takes one and pulls herself back up)
Eliot: What are you going to do when she finds out you live with your mom?
Hardison: Age of the geek, baby. We run the world.
Eliot: You keep telling yourself that.
(Parker puts the comm in her ear, smiling)
ot3 moments from day one baby
also eliot goes from ‘baby’ to ‘oh god, I’m baby’ in 0.0000005 seconds
- - - - -
[Flashback]
(19 Years Ago in Kansas City, a ten year old Parker stands in her living room watching her foster parents fight. The foster father turns to Parker, holding a stuffed bunny while the foster mother stands in the background, crying)
Bill: You thought I wouldn’t find this? You don’t get bunny until you do what I say. So be a good girl or, I don’t know, a better thief. (walks out of room)
Foster Mother: Bill!
(Parker walks outside and down the walk. Behind her, the house explodes. She hugs her bunny and smiles)
for the LONGEST time I thought she blew up the house with her foster parents until I saw that john rogers confirmed they weren’t home at the time
also this gives HEAVY insight as to how even the smallest part of Parker’s childhood was
abusive, emotionally manipulative, etc
- - - - -
(Parker adjusts her repelling gear, caressing it as if it were a lover)
Parker: Last time I used this rig, Paris, 2003
Nate: You talking about the Caravaggio? You stole that?
- - - - -
Eliot (examining earpiece): Is this thing safe?
Hardison: Yeah, it’s completely safe, it’s just, you know, you might experience nausea, weakness in your right side, stroke, strokiness.
Eliot (puts earpiece in): You’re precisely why I work alone.
shut up eliot you’re about to be so far gone for them it will be amazing
- - - - -
(Parker dives off the roof)
Parker: Yeehaaaa!!
(Eliot and Hardison run to the edge and watch her fall)
Eliot: That’s twenty pounds of crazy in a five pound bag.
what’s the opposite of foreshadowing? because I’m thinking about the long goodbye job and it’s reference to this (also the SIGNIFICANCE in that episode in how both hardison AND eliot repeat this line, finishing one another. because they both are on the same wavelength by that point, so in tune with one another and in constant awe of parker.)
- - - - -
parker just ??? drops the fucking glass ??? onto the sidewalk below ??? like ??? what if it hits someone ???
- - - - -
Nate: Okay, you got any chatter on their frequencies?
[Electrical Room]
Parker: No. Why?
[Unfinished Office]
(Nate checks records)
Nate: There’s eight listed on the duty roster, there’s only four at the guard post.
[Electrical Room]
Parker: I can’t even tell how many guys are in the room. How can you tell who’s who?
[Unfinished Office]
Nate: Haircuts Parker. Count the haircuts.
[Electrical Room]
Parker: I would have missed that.
[Unfinished Office]
Nate: What?
[Electrical Room]
Parker: Nothing.
mastermind father and daughter in episode ONE
- - - - -
we love to see eliot beat up four guys in the time it takes hardison’s bag to fall to the ground
- - - - -
Eliot (empties gun and smiles): That’s what I do.
(Hardison looks impressed. Behind him, the door clicks open. He and Eliot smile and enter the server room together)
the FLIRTING ENERGY in this scene
- - - - -
Eliot: Did you give them a virus?
Hardison: (chuckles) Dude, I gave them more than one virus.
hardison doesn’t half-ass, pass it on
- - - - -
Parker: Problem. Those guards you ganked?
[Electrical Room]
Parker (looking at monitor): They reset all the alarms on the roof and all the floors above us. We can’t go up.
[Hallway]
Eliot: Every man for himself then. (starts to move away)
Hardison: Go ahead I’m the one with the merchandise.
[Electrical Room]
Parker: Yeah, well I’m the one with an exit.
[Unfinished Office]
Nate: And I’m the one with a plan. Now I know you children don’t play well with others but I need you to hold it together for exactly seven more minutes. Now get to the elevator and head down. We’re going to the burn scam.
[Elevator]
(Eliot and Hardison enter an elevator and begin changing their clothes)
Hardison: Going to Plan B.
[Unfinished Office]
Nate (packing his things): Technically that would be Plan G.
[Elevator]
(elevator doors open and Parker runs in. She begins changing while the men look away)
Hardison: How many plans do we have? Is there like a Plan M?
[Unfinished Office]
Nate: Yeah, Hardison dies in Plan M.
[Elevator]
Eliot: I like Plan M.
there are SO MANY things about this scene I want to discuss but here are the top ones:
1- nate calling them out as children? amazing
2- eliot and hardison canonically changed in the elevator together BEFORE parker dropped in, but they weren’t necessarily looking away in a backs-turned way when she came in (when they were still getting finished getting dressed)
3- parker being completely nonchalant changing with two men in the elevator? she must not really care about being naked in front of other people (as seen later in what I think is the morning after job (?), for example)
4- the boys look away to be polite but there is definitely interest in BOTH of their faces
5- so this is what the burn scam entails
- - - - -
parker takes shotgun while the two boys are in the back. I need to see the scene of them awkwardly sitting together in the back. possibly bickering.
- - - - -
Nate: All right, all right. The money will be in all your accounts later today.
Hardison: Anybody else notice how hard we rocked last night?
Eliot: Yeah, well, one show only, no encores.
Parker: I already forgot your names.
Hardison: It was kind of cool, being on the same side.
Nate: No, we are not on the same side. I am not a thief.
Parker: You are now. Come on Nathan, tell the truth. Didn’t you have a little bit of fun playing the Black King instead of the White Knight, just this once?
(they all walk away in different directions)
smh you’re all 0.000005 seconds away from becoming a family
“no encores” my ass
+ I love how hardison is the FIRST one to (immediately) bring up how awesome they worked as a team
- - - - -
(Nate walks slowly down a toward a large room where voices are coming from)
Hardison (holding gun): You mind telling me what happened to the designs?
Eliot: What makes you think I know what happened? Stupid.
Hardison: Look, forget you man. You did it when we were coming down from the elevator.
Eliot: Yeah, that makes sense doesn’t it? You had the file every second.
Hardison: Hold up Kujo, I did my part, I transferred the files.
Eliot: You better get that gun out of my face...
Hardison: What did you do?
Eliot: …or else I’m gonna feed it to you.
Nate: Hey!
(the men turn, Hardison pointing the gun at Nate)
Eliot: Did you do it? You’re the only one that’s ever played both sides.
Nate: Yeah, you seem pretty relaxed for a guy with a gun pointed at him.
Eliot (looks at Hardison): Safety’s on.
Hardison: Like I’m gonna fall for that.
Nate: No, no, actually he’s right, the safety is on.
(Hardison looks at the gun and Nate grabs it)
Nate (to Eliot): You armed?
Eliot (shakes head): I don’t like guns.
(Eliot looks pointedly past Nate’s shoulder. Nate turns, pointing the gun at Parker who is holding a gun on him)
Parker: My money’s not in my account.
(She walks around Hardison, raising her gun as Nate lowers his)
Parker: That makes me cry inside in my special, angry place.
Nate: Okay, Parker. (slowly reaches out to lower Parker’s gun) Now did you come here to get paid?
Hardison: Hell no. Transfer of funds man. Global economy.
Eliot: It’s supposed to be a walk away. I’m never supposed to see you again.
eliot could have IMMEDIATELY taken the gun away but it made hardison feel safe so he was humoring him
and how easily nate took the gun away? interesting, for a former insurance agent
“you armed?” “no, I don’t like guns” eliot sweetie I love you
also parker’s entrance tho
- - - - -
Nate: Then the only reason you guys are here is because you didn’t get paid. And you’re pissed off. (laughs) As a matter of fact the only way to get us all in the same place at the same time is to tell us that we’re not. Getting. Paid.
(a look of realization goes through the group and they all start to run. Nate opens a garage door and directs them out. Hardison trips on the stairs and Eliot pulls him to his feet)
Nate: Come on, come on, get up. Let’s go, hustle. Go.
(the others exit and Nate looks back to see a ball of fire headed toward him)
eliot: I hate you all, I work alone, I don’t care about any of you
eliot 0.000005 seconds later: hauling hardison off the ground so he doesn’t die in an exploding building because ‘I guess he’s by boyfriend now’
- - - - -
Nate: Have we been processed?
(Eliot waves ink covered finger tips at him)
Eliot: They faxed our prints to the State Police.
[Hospital Room B]
Hardison: Yo, if the staties run us man, we’re screwed.
Parker: How long?
Hardison: Thirty, thirty-five minutes depending on the software
- - - - -
Nate: Parker! Get me a phone. What we’re going to do is, we’re going to get out of here together.
Eliot: This was a onetime deal.
Nate: Look guys, here’s your problem. You all know what you can do, I know what all you can do, so that gives me the edge, gives me the plan.
[Hospital Room B]
Parker: I don’t trust these guys.
[Hospital Room A]
Nate: Do you trust me?
Eliot: Of course. You’re an honest man.
Nate: Parker, Phone.
[Hospital Room B]
Parker: This is gonna suck.
(she sticks her fingers down her throat and bends over)
Hardison: Oh. Hell no
the amount of times eliot brings up that it was supposed to be a one-time thing is HILARIOUS considering just how fast he imprints on them lmfao
also how they all immediately trust him, I’m soft
- - - - -
(Parker nods compliantly. The doctor and nurse leave the room. Officer checks her handcuffs then leaves. Parker and Hardison hold up the phones they stole. After a quick glance, they switch phones. Parker holds up the keys she stole and tosses them to Hardison before standing up and talking to the vent into the next room)
domestic pardison
- - - - -
(Hardison leads Eliot to a police cruiser that Nate and Parker are already inside of. As Hardison guides Eliot into the backseat he hits Eliot head on the top of the door frame. Eliot turns and growls at Hardison)
Hardison: Walk it off. Walk… get inside. Get inside.
(Eliot gets in the car)
I love chaotic (pre)boyfriends
- - - - -
Eliot: I’m gonna beat Dubenich so bad that even the people who look like him are gonna bleed.
Parker: You won’t get within 100 yards. He knows your face. He knows all our faces.
Eliot: He tried to kill us.
Parker: More importantly he didn’t pay us.
Eliot: How is that more important?
Parker: I take that personally.
Eliot: There’s something wrong with you.
okay to be fair eliot at least is open to and listens to parker’s reasoning before concluding she’s crazy
- - - - -
Eliot: What’s in it for me?
Nate: Payback, and if it goes right a lot of money.
Parker: What’s in it for me?
Nate: A lot of money, and if it goes right, payback. Hardison?
Hardison: I was just gonna send a thousand porno magazines to his office, but, hell yeah man, let’s kick him up.
these characterizations are so on point
- - - - -
SOPHIE’S INTRO LMFAO
+ how everyone else is horrified but nate just looks entranced
- - - - -
[Flashback]
(In Paris seven years ago, Sophie is cutting a painting out of a frame with several empty frames nearby. The door burst open and Nate enters with a gun in hand)
Nate: Freeze.
(Sophie grabs her gun and shoots Nate in the shoulder. He responds by shooting her in the back. They both clench at their wounds)
Sophie: You wanker!
so are we, as a fandom, EVER going to talk about this scene ???
- - - - -
(so apparently there’s a 250 text block limit for posts on tumblr so I guess I have to make more than one post for this now. the following part will be reblogged on this post immediately after. reblog that version instead please lol)
