notable moments from The Miracle Job
leverage 1.04
Eliot: That was the worst night of my life.
Parker: Come on, man, you've been in worse situations.
[Flashback]
(money is thrown on the table while a man loads one bullet in a gun and spins the barrel. He points it at Eliot’s head and pulls the trigger. Eliot flinches, but the gun does not go off)
[Leverage Kitchen]
Eliot: No. no, that was the worst.
what a dramatic little bitch
,,, also I’m always down for wacky eliot flashbacks
- - - - -
Parker: That’s St. Nicholas?
Hardison: Yes.
Parker: Santa Claus has a church?
Eliot: He’s not Santa Claus.
and the saga of parker loving christmas beGINS
- - - - -
Hardison: You think that we just gonna walk into some random tunnel and find some cholos just all yoked up? You know?
Eliot: Hardison—
(gang bangers follow Eliot and Hardison into the tunnel)
Hardison: "Yo, holmes, let me fix my do rag..."
Eliot: Dude, quiet. Listen. (turns around) Boys. We don't want any trouble. All right? We just want some answers.
Gang Leader: How's this answer?
(the Gang Leader holds his shirt aside to show the gun tucked in his waistband. Eliot reaches out and puts his hand on the gun, cocking it)
eliot’s bde move? how the fuck do you even RECOVER from that???
(another gang member pulls a gun and points it in Eliot’s face)
Eliot: You seeing this, Hardison?
Hardison: Yeah, the--the situation has my attention, yes.
Eliot: You see that's why I don't like guns. They have a specific range of efficacy. See, most guys make one mistake. They get too close.
(Eliot grabs the gun and head butts the gang member, emptying the gun and dropping it on the ground)
eliot hates guns and I love him for that
Eliot: Who rolled... a priest?
Gang Leader: We didn't beat up no priest. We are not monsters.
(Hardison notices a third gang member moving restlessly. He hits the man in the shoulder, and the man goes down in pain. Eliot grabs the gun from the Gang Leader’s waistband)
Hardison: Dislocated shoulder's a biatch. Priest gave him that.
Gang Leader: You beat up a priest? (looks at Eliot) Do you mind?
Eliot (hands him the gun): Be my guest.
Gang Leader: (points gun at gang member) You got a long penance ahead of you. Start by answering the man's questions. Now!
Eliot: Who hired you?
Gang Member: I don't know. I got a call on my cell with an offer, and I called him back after the job was done. He paid me. That's all I know. I swear.
Hardison: You got a number?
(Gang Member pulls a piece of paper from his pocket and hands it to Hardison)
Eliot: Can you do something with that?
Hardison: Seven digits. I could find you on Mars.
Eliot: Gentlemen, we'll leave you to your internal affairs. Come on.
(they walk away, out of the tunnel)
Hardison: How 'bout that? Man, you-you see me?
Eliot: He was injured.
Hardison: Well, somebody got to fight the injured. Shoot, that's my niche
me too hardison
also LMFAO eliot is so done with you you’re lucky he already has imprinted in you
- - - - -
Sophie: What is that you just took?
Grant: Xanax.
[Construction Site]
Grant: For my nerves.
Parker: Actually, caffeine. With a dash of dextroamphetamine.
(Hardison looks at Parker in surprise)
Eliot: You gave him speed?
Hardison: He beat up a priest.
hardison and eliot went from scandalized to mmm, seems fair REAL QUICK
- - - - -
Eliot: How do you know all this stuff?
Nate: I went to school with father Paul. to, uh...seminary school.
(they enter Nate’s office. Eliot hands Sophie a cup of coffee)
Eliot: So you dropped out of priest school to become a -- an insurance cop? And now you're the leader of a band of thieves. Nice.
I love eliot
- - - - -
Hardison: Y-you-you’re a catholic who wants to fake a miracle. I’m pretty sure that puts us in moral-sin territory.
Eliot: So now you're religious, too?
Hardison: No, no, I’m not denominational. It’s just, I never do anything my nana said "don't do." This, what we doin', it just don't seem right.
additionally, the hardison loving his nana saga begins
- - - - -
Nate: Give Hardison anything he needs.
Hardison: As long as I don't have to do anything immoral.
Nate: Ah, absolutely not. No, I just need you to figure out, you know, how to fake a miracle.
(Eliot laughs)
Hardison: We all going to hell
eliot being a little shit to hardison? always iconic
- - - - -
Grant (entering room): Yes, ma’am, thank you for your opinion. (hangs up) Ok, I just received a threatening phone call -- from a nun!
G O O D
- - - - -
I love the shots where the ot3 walks together they cute as hell
- - - - -
Hardison: Hell fire, damnation, et cetera. You know what? I’m gonna step over here, so when the good lord throws down on all of y'all, I don't get hit by the lightning.
Parker: Wasn’t Zeus the one with the lightning?
hardison having a freak out meanwhile parker’s just trying her best
+ bonus: another hidden talent of parker’s is that she knows obscure things like greek gods
- - - - -
BIBLETOPIA
+
tomas is so fucking done with andy
- - - - -
Hardison: Bibletopia?
Sophie: The man cannot be stopped!
Parker: It’s like everything we throw at him just makes him stronger.
Eliot: Kind of admire him, though. My nephew would like Bibletopia.
Hardison: Oh, no, see? This is what happens when you mess with god. He raises up your enemies with his right hand, and he smites you with his left.
ELIOT META: he has at least one sibling and a nephew fic writers take n o t e
poor hardison is having a Time™ in this episode
- - - - -
Hardison: I hope this is the part where you suggest prayer.
Nate: No, the weeping statue of St. Nicholas is not gonna be stolen. It's gonna miraculously disappear in the middle of tomorrow's mass.
Sophie: I’m sorry?
Nate: In front of the priest, the Vatican, the entire congregation.
Sophie: Have you learned nothing, Nate?
Nate: How much does the statue weigh?
Hardison: About 900 pounds.
Nate: Good.
Hardison: I am so sorry, nana.
let hardison REST
- - - - -
both the boys clipping the gear on parker? thievery hijinks ot3 domesticity
- - - - -
HARDISON AND ELIOT DID THEIR FIRST HANDSHAKE
- - - - -
the little girl calling parker an angel? same
- - - - -
eliot hyping up the crowd lmfao
- - - - -
Grant (to Sophie): Kristi, save me, huh? You can spin this, right? instead of, uh, "felony," maybe soften it to, uh, “controversy" or something.
(cops continue to pull Grant away as press follows)
Sophie: You know, when you say "controversy," I always hear "attention”.
*john mulaney voice* sophie is a bitch and I L O V E H E R
- - - - -
(Nate looks at the candles along one wall and walks over to them. He lights a candle as the rest of the team waits. After a moment he rejoins them and they walk toward the door)
Hardison: Look at that. Saved a church.
Parker: It’s like Christmas. See? I told you St. Nicholas is Santa Claus.
Sophie: No, he's not, Parker.
Parker: Well, who is he, then?
Sophie: St. Nicholas… is the patron saint of thieves.
the team is always there to support each other pass it on
+
patron saint of thieves? ICONIQUE
