Levi Ackerman Scenario.
SCENARIO: You and your boyfriend, Levi are relaxing at his home. All is well until anxious thoughts begin to appear in your mind, triggered by past memories. You let it all out and tell Levi of your trauma. He listens.
Note: This one is extremely personal and the trauma may seem detailed because it’s what happened to me. I wanted to write it out as a way to cope and it helped. I often feel really anxious and dirty when I think of what happened. I wanted to write this and find comfort through a character I love. Maybe there are some lines of his that may seem a little OOC but well, this is fiction and my writing. Creativity happens. Some people write him as a really aggressive asshole. Some write him as a gentleman. We’re all different in fan-fiction writing. I’m not a perfect writer of personalities and always looking to improve! So basically, be kind.
I decided to post it because someone else may have experienced the same things as me and might also find comfort through Levi. Besides, it’s nice to just think of Levi as your boyfriend. Even if you haven’t experienced it, I hope you still enjoy this piece. My writing is really rusty, especially since this is the first time of me trying 2nd POV. Please feel free to let me know about your thoughts!
Word Count: 6,526.
Modern!AU.
Trigger & Content Warnings: NSFW. Talks of sex, pressure, manipulation, trauma. I don’t like to view it as a form of sexual assault but you might… There’s a cute moment, too. I swear!
His long fingers are gently brushing through your hair, the tips of his nails tenderly scratching along your scalp and it coaxes you further in the relaxing headspace you were already floating in. Your boyfriend, Levi is sitting comfortably on the couch, long legs stretched out with his heels resting on the pillow that lays on the coffee table. Levi is known to be short, which he is. There’s no shame in his height but his body proportion? Perfect. Something you always admired. It’s a free day for you both in the bustling city. Levi didn’t have to go to work and usually on your free days, you spend time together. Usually, you both go on simple dates, still getting to know each other. You remember being so nervous for the first few dates, thinking that Levi will be like someone else and dive headfirst into things. ‘Cause, your mind has shifted to think men are scary and it’s best to follow whatever they say. Right?
You’ve only been dating for a few months now and things have been— well, perfect. Too perfect. It’s nothing you’re used to. Levi has been a gentleman. He never pushed for anything. He eventually asked you to be his girlfriend but that was that. No detailed conversations of what he wants and about the future. It’s as if he left it up to you to decide when to talk. It truly was at your own pace. Then why is there a fluttering sense of panic settling in your chest? Why does your throat feel tight and you’re completely dreaded by guilt?
Your fingers come up to gently rub at your throat, head tilting to lovingly nuzzle against his stomach, breathing in his comforting scent; often smelling like his favourite tea. “What are you reading?” You ask softly, not wanting to interrupt but, something inside of you is rapidly bubbling to boil and your head felt like it’d explode if you don’t fill the now uncomfortable silence.
“Mm. A book.”
A small snort escapes you, amused by his overly simple response. You quickly glance up at him and despite his eyes scanning across the words on the pages, the corners of his tiers were curled slightly to firm a subtle smile. Your heart is easily swayed and couldn’t help but wiggle up until you were sitting and pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek. Levi has never been an openly affectionate person. Prefers it in privacy rather than outside but still, he happily accepts it when it comes to you. He initiates his affection by setting down the book and bringing a hand up to carefully cup your rosy cheek, pressing a kiss to your lips. The love is there, even when those three little words weren’t whispered between you both yet. Neither of you is ready. You both like to take things slow.
Still.
The same thoughts swirling in your mind. The same memories of someone else and leaves your skin crawling and leaving you unsettled. Levi is a man. Don’t all men want—.
“Why don’t you want to have sex with me?”
The words suddenly escaped you and leave you feeling frazzled, leaning back and eyes shifting down. The guilt is back, your fingers gripping onto the flesh of your arms. This isn’t what you needed to talk about deep down and you knew that but, it’s what you started with. “I just— Did I do something wrong?” You continue to nervously blabber out, not giving time for Levi to speak. You look up and you could tell he wants to when his brows knit together to form a frown of concern, lips parting to speak but again, your still too quick and your hands are now clutching at the shirt, trembling.
“It’s all— It’s all my fault, isn’t it? I did something to put you off? You’re a man. I know you’re a gentleman but men are driven for sex, right? That’s what I’m supposed to be used for?”
“Y/N.”
His voice is so soft and calm, coaxing you to lean in as his toned arms easily wrap around your trembling frame. It’s like Levi could read your mind, knowing you have no bad intentions from your questions and that something deep down must have been traumatic to leave a scar like this. A scar that leaves you questioning relationships and people when you don’t even mean to. His fingers curl around your shoulder from behind, firmly holding you against him.
Tears threatened to spill and you couldn’t hold it back anymore. Everything was too much. Things were going perfect and something deep down switched and now leaving you feeling hurt and drowning in all kinds of torturous thoughts you’ve had before. “Levi, I—.” You cut yourself off with a hiccup and tears glide down your cheeks, leaving them all red and blotchy as your crying becomes hard and loud. If it wasn’t for Levi holding you and keeping you grounded, you probably would have passed out from struggling to breathe.
Levi is a man of few words but whenever he speaks or shows his thoughts through actions, he’s powerful. His lips ghost against the top of your head, one hand soothingly rubbing along your back as you curl up against him. He knows that it isn’t time to talk just yet. It isn’t time to ask for answers, even if he’s clueless as to what exactly happened to leave you feeling broken like this.
You felt like you fucked up. You never wanted to be broken or have forms of trauma that people usually just shrug off as experience to grow from. Not everyone can grow. You definitely couldn’t. Not by yourself. You’re dependent and you hated that about yourself.
Still.
Levi is comfort. He’s the epitome of it when it comes to you. “It’s alright, hm? You don’t need to tell me right away. Whenever you’re ready and feel comfortable, we can talk it all out. You can tell me what’s going on or what has happened to you.” Levi murmurs against the top of your head and it only encourages you to bury your face against his firm chest and breathe in deeply once more.
His favourite tea smells so good. Like home already. You begin to calm down. Not exactly all the way but the tears didn’t spill out and you only sniffled quietly. You pull away with a small pout, glancing to see Levi is smiling softly and with fondness. This is the man you’re falling in love with. You know that. He’s never going to be like that man in the past. You just crave reassurance. You’re weak when it comes to yourself, seeking reassurance to feel okay. If only you would remember that Levi would be more than happy to give it whenever you needed. ‘Cause, it’s not just all about you and helping you. You don’t realise that you help him in so many ways. You help each other grow with the love and care you give to each other.
Levi is cautious to not do anything heavy physical wise. Only doing what you lean in for. Innocent pecks on the lips between the chuckles and sniffling. Hands tenderly stroking along your hair before they grip your legs to guide them over his lap, one arm wrapping around your waist. You think it’s okay to talk now.
Levi gazes at you with his half-lidded grey eyes, allowing you to timidly play with his fingers. He thinks it helps you stay grounded and relaxed. He didn’t want to push but he did want to check. “Ready to talk?” You nodded your head.
You stay silent for a minute or so. You know you’re not going to make sense. How could you with so many thoughts running through your mind? Your breathing in time with his before you finally open your mouth to speak.
“I’ve never had a lot of experience before.”
Levi stays quiet, not encouraging you to push on. Encouraging you to take your time. He knows when to talk. He reads you well.
“Before you and I decided to finally start to try going on dates, there was someone else... A guy. He’s older than me. I mean you’re older too, but, well. I had no experience. He was nice to me at work, helping me when I was feeling anxious from something stressful.”
You pause, tightening your grip on Levi’s warm hand. You feel him squeeze back.
“I ended up having this small crush cause I thought he was, you know. Nice. A good man. We ended up befriending each other over the internet and I was shy talking to him. He asked if I wanted to play a game and so we did.”
Levi’s thumb gently strokes your hand, managing to calm you down to continue.
“It was fun, I guess? I like games but he joked about kinks and made sexual comments. Deep, deep down it put me off but this is the first time I was experiencing something, you know? I felt like I had to continue it, just so he doesn’t feel guilty for making me uncomfortable as well...So it’s my fault— We ended up discussing sexual things but it was just that. A discussion. Nothing like dirty talk. We continued to talk. There was a time when he sent me a picture of something meant to be innocent but his bulge was in the photo, too. Anyways, I ended up saying I think he’s great cause he helped me at work and he asked me out on a date. I said yes. I thought back then, I’d never get another shot.”
You glanced nervously up towards Levi and you could visually see him tensing up but it only makes him tighten his hold protectively. You bring your knees up to your chest as you lean against him, a shaky breath escaping.
“So we went on our first date. It was okay but— He kept mentioning the future and it sort of...” You pause, wondering if you could even word all the emotions you felt during this period in your life. It was fleeting but still so heavy. “Messed with me. I was thinking, finally, I found someone who wanted me for once and I could run away from my insecurities but I was also scared of how fast it all seemed to go. He’d mention sex on that first date, too. Saying there’s no pressure and we’ll go at my pace. You’d think that was good of him, right? Even if it was weird to mention it on the first date? He— He also kept— Whenever we were walking and talking, he kept mentioning how difficult it was for him to walk cause he was— You know— He was hard.”
You kept stumbling over your words, feeling nervous as they escape and Levi breathes harshly through his clenched teeth, both of his hands now coming down to cover your hand in your lap. His hands are warm. It made you feel so small yet so safe. It was silently reassuring. He still didn’t dare to interrupt. Even if he wanted to tell you that it’s okay to keep going, that he’ll understand. So, you do.
“It’s like I convinced myself at first to be okay with it. To think of it as flattery that he’s always hard and he’s telling me, even if nothing remotely sexual is happening. He’d apologise and say his mind is in the gutter but then I’d feel bad and say he can do whatever, that I don’t mind. I didn’t want to give my first kiss on that date but I did. He wanted it and so I gave it. It wasn’t like he forced me but there was just this subtle amount of pressure and even though he kept saying there isn’t, and we can take our time, it was still there. He.. kept wanting kisses and even tried for the tongue but I managed to say no. Then he once again mentioned that we’ll go at my pace and there’s no pressure. I hypothetically asked him what if I didn’t want to do something for even a year and he jokingly said that’s too long but, I don’t think he was joking, right?”
Your voice is breathless and your eyes meet his. His eyes hold yours, never wavering. “No, Y/N. I don’t think he was. Did more happen? Tell me, what happened to leave you in so much pain.” Levi asked cautiously. He’s a good boyfriend. You know he is. An awkward laugh escapes and you didn’t think it was possible to curl up even further on him.
“I thought the first date was a success. Who cared if I look back and think about how uncomfortable I was. It’s my fault for thinking it was okay... Making myself think it was okay and to find flattery in his behaviour, I mean— It must be flattery, right? Like I’m put to use—.”
You pause and exhale out softly. Too many thoughts. You could never get everything out in one night and you can only hope that Levi understands that.
“We went on two other dates and talked in between. He always asked for kisses and always wanting to try making out. Texting me or talking to me, it was always the same thing coming out. Sex. That we’ll go at my pace. That I make him hard. That I turn him on. Still my pace and no pressure, though. That we will have a future and be together. It was sort of— suffocating. It’s like again, my mind forced myself to find the positives in it all. Be grateful that someone wants me. That it’s good of them to be like that and I should please them. Even if it was exhausting that the conversation always ended there. I’d tell myself to go out with him because it means I won’t be alone forever. He’d preach about respecting me and still, going at my pace but how he wants to go further than holding hands and simple pecks on the lips.”
You feel Levi’s thumb tenderly grazing against your flushed cheek, wiping away the tear that escaped. You couldn’t look at him. Shame was beginning to drown you and leave you struggling.
“On one of our dates, I eventually gave in and accepted to make out. He said we’ll do it away from the public eye and I just followed him... I followed him in the city until we ended up somewhere dark and private. I was so— So nervous, Levi. I told myself to just do it because it will make him happy and that’s the only thing that matters. Not me being worried or the memories of all the sex mention in the back of my mind. It couldn’t be pressure just cause he kept asking. I told myself I wanted this. To not be a loser anymore. So, he said he’ll guide me in making out. I felt like there was no guidance at all. He kissed me very— aggressively and shoved his tongue down my throat and I didn’t know what to do? I don’t know how to move my lips or what to do. I stood there and pretended to enjoy it. Forcing myself to make sounds and not mind the hair-pulling or groping. It’s all a part of it and I need to accept it. I accepted it. He got so into it and— horny. We sat down and he guided my hand to feel his— I wasn’t ready and he didn’t push too far but it still left me feeling confused. Surely I wanted it if I let it happen? Who cares if I felt awkward and uncomfortable. I wanted it. Experience. He asked me to be his girlfriend but I managed to ask for more time.”
You couldn’t stop yourself as you choke on your tears. They cascade down your cheeks and you’re unaware of Levi’s heart is breaking slowly from hearing this. Some may think this is pathetic of you but Levi knows trauma and pain comes in all shapes and sizes. The male presses a kiss to your forehead before pressing against yours. “There’s more, isn’t there? He didn’t— Did he?”
You could hear the concern in his voice. The secret tone of anger lingering and you frantically shake your head.
“There’s more but not like— that. This behaviour continued. The same erections when he walked. The same always wanting to touch me even when we’re at work. Somewhere I didn’t want to do any affection but he always went for it and I was too scared to say no. He would touch my thigh under the table or lean in for a quick kiss. I allowed it. All the same. The same statements of we’ll go slow as I want. The same no pressure. The same shit, every conversation. It’d always end up in that direction. I’d end up talking dirty cause he wanted it. I’d tell myself that I like it cause I’m doing it. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t like it and yet, I did. I did it. Later on, I’d be angry at myself.”
You feel unstable. If it wasn’t for Levi, you know you would have spiralled, feeling dirtier than you do now. Filthy and pathetic. Fragile and broken. All your fault. A hand is resting on top of your head and you look around Levi’s apartment. It’s comforting. It really is like a home. Books leftover on the coffee table. Perhaps the only thing in his apartment that seems unorganised, simply because he’s reading multiple ones through the week before they go back on the neat shelves. Not a speck of dust. You’re looking away from Levi when you continue.
“Our last date happened. We had dinner. It was nice. Same conversations still. Always ending up in that direction somehow. We had dessert. Same thing. The food was nice. He was nice to me. No pressure. Always the same nice tone. The same one when he helped me at our first meeting at work. A nice guy. He is nice. I mean it’s my fault, I shouldn’t feel like this. We ate quickly and it wasn’t too late. He recently moved into the city and kept mentioning through the date that he feels dirty from work but that it’s okay cause I’m not ready to go back to his place to hang out further. I felt bad. He’d mention there’s nothing to do but walk. Again, mentioning it’s no pressure to go back to his place. I ended up saying it was okay to go back to his. He asked if I was sure and I just went yeah! Nothing to do! So— We went back to his. Was I nervous through the journey? Yeah. I just kept clinging to him cause it’s what he liked.”
You pause. Can you even continue? What if Levi thinks ill of you? What if he gets disappointed in you? You stare off into space, almost feeling blank if it wasn’t for the thoughts screaming so loudly in your mind and leaving you paralysed. There’s a squeeze to the back of your neck. “Y/N. You don’t have to continue but the space is open for you to do so if you want to.” Levi states with caution. He seemed to have avoided using certain words. That there’s no pressure to continue. It makes you smile momentarily for his carefulness and ability to read you like you were his own picture book with bold words.
“His room was small. Still messy because of no time to unpack. I remember it so clearly. All the boxes, clothes discarded and how his desk is next to his bed. Vividly. I ended up sitting on the edge of his bed and tried to avoid how he took his shirt off to feel less dirty. He ended up sitting next to me and this— I don’t remember what happened before it all. I really don’t remember what we talked about. I just remember his brief touch before he was standing again and asking if I wanted to see his cock, hands on his belt. He has a face where he knows how to look kind, you know? He never had experience before me and was super damn eager. He asked for consent to release his cock from his pants and that’s a good sign, right? Consent in anything. Who cares if I was nervous. Again, I told myself I wanted this, even if deep down I was wishing I was home and watching movies. I ended up saying it’s okay for him and so he— showed me. Nothing spectacular or special. I didn’t know what to think. I mean I should be excited that he— He showed me his cock. I should be thankful I’m getting th-this experience.”
You begin to stutter, struggling through your words as your chest begins to feel tight. You feel anxious. You feel so guilty. You keep telling yourself you wanted this during that time because he said there’s no pressure. It’s your own pace and you ended up agreeing to whatever he wanted. Your fault. The tears feel warm on your cheek but you take a deep breath to continue despite your heart breaking along with your boyfriend’s.
“He asked if I wanted to touch it, so I did for him. He was clearly happy from seeing his expression so I sat there and just continued to touch his— I didn’t know what to do. All I know is that he wanted this and if I expressed I didn’t want to, he’ll blame himself for everything and be upset. I couldn’t let that happen. He— He ended up laying down next to me and asked if I wanted to use my mouth and so I did, Levi. I used my mouth on his... cock.”
Your voice breaks, the palms of your hands pressing against your own closed eyes and your body shakes. Levi is quiet, toned arms wrapping around your body to keep you against him, hands carefully placed on your side. Levi closes his eyes tightly, containing his anger from hearing what you been through, already knowing it’s bad but desperately praying it doesn’t get worse than what it already is.
“He’d pull on my hair so much and I kept trying to please him with my mouth. I wasn’t thinking of him as I was doing it. I was fantasising about being away. Being somewhere safe but it— It couldn’t distract me from how fucking dirty I felt deep to the core. How grossed out I felt from tasting his cock. I was desperately praying it wouldn’t go further and he wouldn’t try for more...”
You pause, face burying into the crook of Levi’s neck for a moment, head tilted slightly so your words weren’t too muffled as he gently strokes along your side, your legs tangled with his gorgeous pair.
“Thankfully, we thought we heard the front door and he panicked about his roommate being home and so he went to check. For that moment, it stopped and I was so fucking relieved. I was so relieved, Levi. It stopped but I was so worried he’d want more when he was back. He didn’t but he asked if he could do something to me but, thankfully I was on my period. I vaguely remember him pressing down on me as he cuddled me and I’d just giggle to force myself to seem like I liked it. I’d tell him things I think he wanted to hear since I already know how sexual he is. He’d spank me and eventually, it was late and I could go home.”
Your head now rests on Levi’s chest, fingers curling into his shirt.
“I was happy when I got home, only to soon feel so dirty. My hair was so tangled from him pulling it too much and I cried out of pain as I tried to brush it out as carefully as I could. I’d message him goodnight to be polite but that night, I spiralled. I was crying and feeling so panicky, I ended up crying to friends and being worried about STI’s through oral sex and then having to calm me down and tell me that I’ll be okay. I—.”
You feel so dirty again. Your mouth clogged up with filth. It’s like this every time the memories come back, no matter how many months it’s been. You can’t kiss Levi with this mouth nor even speak to him. He deserves better. You whimper, hands clasping over your mouth and your eyes closing tightly. Your gagging is muffled and Levi is alarmed. He manages to shift your position so you’re sitting next to him and he’s twisting to face you. Both of his firm hands coming up to pull yours away, the glass of his watch glinting beneath the light.
“Y/N, what is it? What’s wrong with your— Do you feel dirty there? Is that what happens when you relive these memories?”
Anyone would think Levi doesn’t care. He always has a face that people explain as void of emotion but you could see it all. He cares. He cares about you and trying to understand. He wants you to feel okay and cope with these events in whatever way possible. Levi is smart, as well. You’re feeling dirty again, especially when it comes to your mouth. The one place the past male’s private parts have been. You feel disgusting. You are disgusting. Your mind being cruel and replaying the scene of your mouth on—
“Let’s go wash our mouths out together, yeah? Feel nice and clean. Remind you that you are clean.”
Your eyes widen from his words. You never thought that this would happen but you remember your boyfriend is a man of few words and shows his love through such gestures. Though, you think he’s perfect with words, too. Levi stands up straight, hands taking hold of yours properly to pull you up until you’re standing. Levi didn’t need to do anything but he wants to, again in his subtle ways. He guides you down to the bathroom, your eyes glancing at the few paintings that are upon his hallway’s wall.
The bathroom light is almost blinding when it flicks on, revealing the completely clean bathroom. Towels folded neatly and not a single item out of place. The short male’s arms wrap around your waist as he easily hoists you up onto the counter, giving your thigh a brief squeeze and you watch the prominent veins in his arm appear as he rolls up his sleeve. He uncaps the mouthwash, filling up the cap to the brim before he offers it to you.
“Remember to not drink it, tch. Wash your mouth until you feel better. Until you feel clean.” Levi watches you take it, smiling softly before allowing the refreshing liquid to feel your mouth. You watch as he does the same for himself until you’re both swishing the liquid around your mouths. You continue it for a long while, using this as a method to make yourself feel mentally clean and free from the horror of that night. Levi’s arms are crossed and it seems he’s not daring to stop until you do. You do have a good boyfriend. Even when you sprung such a sudden question, he’s still waiting patiently for you to finish before he speaks.
You spit out the mouthwash and he follows. Soon enough, he’s opening the cabinet under the sink to grab a new toothbrush for you to hold onto it. He gently squeezes toothpaste on the bristles before he’s once again doing the same with his one. A soft giggle escapes. A genuine one as you feel like you’re slowly cleansing from your torture. You begin to brush your teeth, fingers lacing with his free hand. The silence is comforting once more, tasting mint as the bristles glide along with each tooth, across your gums and even your tongue. He seems so serious even when he’s brushing his teeth and you playfully swipe your thumb across his bottom lip to collect the foamy toothpaste.
Eventually, you both spit it out into the sink and rinse your mouth once more with water. “Alright, open. I want to see every tooth spotless and shining. No dust.” Levi jokes despite his monotone and you grin before opening your mouth. “Ah!”
He’s leaning in as he pretends to inspect but what he’s hoping for is the sense of feeling clean within you. Not feeling so tense and upset. He presses his lips once more to your cheek. “Alright, love. How did this end?”
Levi’s muscles flex as he lifts you with ease, arms carefully wrapped around your thighs and not daring to move closer to your behind and you flick the light off as he walks back to the couch. “It may seem small to other people but it’s something big that happened to you, Y/N. That’s what matters. So don’t worry, just let it out of your system.” He calmly states, coaxing you to relax further against him. You still feel the sense of panic of needing to finish everything but your mouth at least feels okay. It doesn’t feel like it’s infested with invisible filth. Levi lowers you onto the couch and you decide to sit crossed-legged, facing him. Levi crossed one leg over the other, leaning back into the couch but, his posture still naturally straight, waiting for you to tell the rest; to get it all off your shoulders.
“My friends managed.. to calm me down. You know when someone is feeling panic, it’s like all logic flies out of the window? It was like that. I could be sensible about anything. I just felt dirty.” You mumble, fingertips brushing against your lips. “Then I guess things changed between him and me. He was suddenly really busy with work and then I also avoided him as best as I could, despite him being at work. He’d apologise for not talking to me a lot and I’d just quickly brush it off, pretend it was all fine. I ended up having a breakdown at home and practically stumbling out of the closet to my Mother about being bisexual, something I didn’t want to do but, I just felt so damn messy. I’d cry often to my friends, whether about this or something else. I was just incredibly fragile. No word from him still. I was so relieved like I was free. I didn’t have to hear about how we’ll go at my pace, or that there’s no pressure. I didn’t have to give him any more firsts.”
Levi’s slender fingers are brushing through your hair once more. It’s a routine at this point. Something soothing whenever you speak. Whether you’re anxious or not. As you thought before, he’s not overly affectionate but it’s small moments like these that are special. The corners of your lips manage to curl up to form a soft smile, gazing down at your hands.
“Eventually, he tried to ask me out to go on a walk and I felt panic. After weeks of crying and leaning on my friends, I couldn’t handle it. I ended up rejecting him and telling him I’m not ready for anything and he was relieved because he wanted to end things. We ended it peacefully and I felt free for a moment but, it still doesn’t change the fact that these memories come back like hellfire and remind me. Remind me that I made myself do these things when I didn’t want to but, then another part of my mind is belittling me, telling me I wanted to do it since I did do it. It also hurts that I did it and suddenly, he was busy and not interested. I kind of felt used and tossed aside despite him being so nice. He’s so nice, yet I think all of these things. He’s insecure himself so I know he’d bash himself if he ever heard that this was traumatic for me..”
You trailed off, realising you finally reached the end. Thoughts may linger about how you feel when your mind is triggered to remember. How you feel suffocated and filthy but, it’s out. Your boyfriend knows. You glance up, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for asking you such an absurd question and then breaking down.” You mumble quietly and Levi laces his fingers with yours. You avoided eye contact. “Look at me, Y/N.” It’s a command. Oddly gentle and holding affection. You shift your gaze onto it, noticing that his stare is firm despite the warmth they carry for you.
“To answer your question, I do want to have sex with you.”
Oh. It prompts a small snort, cheeks becoming rosy as he decides to answer the question first. That’s Levi for you. Everything in order. Levi shifts to snake an arm around your waist and pull you in close. “Thank you for telling me but I need you to know a few things. He’s not nice. Not in my eyes. What he did, I don’t care if he was overly excited because a girl became interested in him but he’s not nice. If he truly cared about you as he said, sex wouldn’t be the first thing on his mind. He’s a man. Not a wild beast. Sexual intercourse is nice. It can be fun. It can be loving and intimate with your partner but it’s not the most important thing. It seems that he viewed you as some female object to finally get off with instead of using his own hands. A degenerate.”
You naturally flinch at the dark-haired male’s harsh words but soon you feel yourself becoming happy. Levi is speaking his truth and it makes you think that you’re not the one in the wrong. Besides, flinching out of surprise from your boyfriend’s bluntness doesn’t mean you don’t find him attractive for doing so. You quite like it. “He may not know because he’s too dumb and selfish but, what he did was a form of manipulation. Intentional or not. In his mind, he had a goal he wanted to achieve. It’s not natural to bring up those topics every single time you both talk. I think it’s pitiful to even mention it every week in a relationship that’s beginning to blossom. No pressure and yet, he put so much pressure on you. He manipulated you and if I knew him, it would take a lot of my control to stop myself from punching him in the face. He has a nice facade and a childish mindset. You say he’s older and he behaved like a teenager. He’s the dirty one.”
Levi breathes in deeply, pressing his lips together. A man of few words and yet, he wanted to ramble for once. This meant a lot to you and he understands why. You rest your head on his shoulder as he decides to continue. “He manipulated the entire situation and pressured you from the beginning, I need you to realise that. I’m sorry that you felt forced to do things you didn’t want to do. Your mind will play tricks on you, whenever it comes alive but I need you to remember that just because your mind is telling you that you wanted to do it because you did, you didn’t. You’re not dirty, either. Whenever you feel dirty, let me know. We’ll wash our mouths together. Make our routine to help you cope.” His tongue darts between his lips, hand stroking up along your side soothingly. “This was traumatic for you and it doesn’t matter what anyone else says. Trauma works in different ways for people. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Tch, look at me rambling for the first time in my life but. I’m sorry this happened, Y/N. This man is scum and I’m sure deep down he knew what he’d achieve by talking about it all the time and always pushing for more. He manipulated you, as I’ve said. The pressure was truly alive. Thankfully, he didn’t reach his end goal but he still left a deep scar.”
Levi pauses, leaning forward to adjust his novel straight, his other hand now resting on your knee. There were other things he wish he could say. His other thoughts and opinions on the man but he decided against it, not wanting to hurt you further. Besides, he thinks you know deep down. He hums for a moment before he opens his mouth to speak. “I’m your boyfriend now. This may sound triggering and I’ll avoid certain words but, I’ve never mentioned sex or asked for it simply because I do believe it’s up to you. It’s up to you for when it happens. Every step is up to you. I won’t be mentioning it until you think you’re ready. Whether it’s within a month or a year or even twenty years. Even, never. I value sex in a relationship but I value you the most. I can live without it and find joy with reading a book and you leaning on me. Understood?”
You couldn’t stop your smile from growing, the tears in your eyes now from happiness and relief. You nod your head eagerly, fingers curled into small fists. “Understood, captain!” You joke lightly and it prompts him to nearly choke on his spit and break his calm demeanour. Levi thinks he might like being called that. He rolls his eyes, leaning over to cup your cheek and press a loving kiss to your lips. It only lasted for a few seconds.
“Right, I’m going to make a cup of tea. Want one?”
You watch as Levi pulls himself off of the couch and you bring your knees up to your chest, hugging them as you smile, nodding. “Yes, please.” Levi hums in response. “Manners. I like it.” The dark-haired male places his hand briefly on the top of your head before he finally moves to make way to the kitchen. Your heart flutters, resting your chin on the top of your knee as you smile. You feel free. Crushing weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. Levi didn’t have to do any of this and yet, he did. He listened. He comforted. He reassured. He helped you cope. He gave his own opinions and views. He cared. A man of few words is often looked down upon and yet you love everything about him. His calm personality. His gorgeous appearance; from his grey eyes to his chiselled jaw and toned figure. You love his attitude towards life and relationships. You love how he’s so different to everyone. Every rare affectionate moment special. You could go on inside your mind about what you love and feel like you could never end. You are falling in love with the best man on the planet. Levi Ackerman.
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