#lielabigail

[lielabigail]

Turning 30 IS a milestone for me - as shallow as that may seem. I'll prolly stop counting my age going forward. LOL I thank God for putting me where I am right now for I know that this is exactly where He wants me to be. If you are still in my life at this point, I'm pretty sure you are gonna stay for good. . . Thank you to everyone who went out of their way and who spared the time to greet me via social media posts, phone calls, text messages and in person. To those who exerted time and effort to buy me gifts, cakes and sweets, I appreciate all of it so much! To those who are miles away from me, I super appreciate you remembering and greeting/surprising me in your own unique and awesome ways. . . I guess it's true what they say - the older you get, the more you tend to appreciate even the simplest things. Again, thank you all so much! I am closing the chapters of the first three decades of my life - it has been both exhilarating and at times, exhausting. LOL Now, on to the second part; I'm pretty sure it's gonna be one heck of a ride, but I WAS born ready!

[lielabigail]

*Posting this in advance; hiatus shall commence on New Year’s Eve* (01.01.17 – 12.31.17) I do not exactly remember when I started using social media and blogging platforms… Was it 2004 when I signed up for Friendster and MySpace? I was only 13! Then came WordPress, BlogSpot and later on, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr. I was pretty much a late bloomer in terms of Internet usage. While my classmates busied themselves with ‘chat rooms’, I was basically just reading books – I wasn’t much of an online talker. Typing to communicate was such a chore. I’d rather talk over the phone – at least I get real-time responses. What actually appealed to me was blogging. Since I have always wanted to be a known author or writer, I fell in love with the thought of having an online channel and online readers – from all around the world! I have made decent relationships with friends I’ve met online, and if not for the Internet, I wouldn’t be able to cross paths with them. However, I can say I am not happy with how I spend my time on these social media platforms. They are so entertaining and sometimes, annoying – depends on what’s currently happening with the rest of the world. I long for those days when checking my messages is not the first thing I concern myself with upon waking up. I have never really counted how many ‘likes’ my posts get – and I wouldn’t want to reach that point. Some people do, no matter how much they hide it. I become easily affected with comments that people leave on my posts, even if some of them are just trying to be funny but the jokes are delivered wrongly, or they just simply do not tickle my fancy. I feel attacked when people who aren’t decent enough to tell me off talk about me openly on their profiles. I feel off when I see killings and other crimes on my dashboard. Little by little, I get consumed with all the concerns of the world and it’s not doing well on my psyche. Some people might think that I am being inordinately dramatic but I’d like to believe that I’m just choosing to address this issue that is social media and I’m starting with me. I know that there are certain aspects of me that I need to work out on such as patience, love, understanding and generosity to name a few and I can only improve them by being more ‘present’ offline. I have nothing against social media platforms, but what I am against is the fact that I fail to see them as just that: platforms. How many hours have I wasted scrolling what I considered to be ‘interesting’ and ‘encouraging’ or ‘eye-opening’ posts by both friends and strangers? I started noticing that the posts I like are not even that significant – it was more of a reflex thing, a force of habit. With this year-long hiatus, I am hoping that I would once again appreciate what I see, both online and in person. I am excited to have decent conversations with people who would exert effort and time to just reach out to me. I know not a lot of people use their emails nowadays and this is also why I’m choosing to communicate through emails. I am actually against having to use Skype and Viber but I just can’t cut ties with my relatives and bosses, can I? Though, the thought is quite tempting. Kidding. So, with that said, I pray for each one of you to have a better year than this one we just had. We lost a lot of good people, dealt with a lot of negativity, handled a lot of crap, and tried to make sense of certain events and circumstances. However, we also fought some great battles, made amends with people who matter, took once in a lifetime opportunities, indulged in deep conversations, embraced possibilities, and improved some aspects of our lives – just like what we do yearly. With this hiatus, I am sure to miss out on a lot of information – both good and bad, significant and trivial. But that’s actually what excites me the most, to be honest. I pray you find more ways to be productive and social – not just online. May you be filled with positivity and strength to face the hardships that the new year has in store for all of us. May you continue to live, love, laugh, and just be the real you despite what the rest of the world say. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!

[lielabigail]

Africa

“ I hear the drums echoing tonight But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation She's coming in, twelve-thirty flight The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation I stopped an old man along the way Hoping to find some old forgotten words or ancient melodies He turned to me as if to say, "Hurry boy, it's waiting there for you"

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do I bless the rains down in Africa Gonna take some time to do the things we never had”

This song, this band, that place~

[lielabigail]

How I Witnessed Murder

Earlier today, someone was shot just 3-4 steps away from me (literally, footsteps away from me). After 2 hours, I'm still shaken. I still can't wrap my head around this.

The incident happened in an instant, and I didn't realize what was happening until an older man pulled me closer to him, away from the victim. The moment that gun went off, it not only deafened me for a time, it literally shut down what little alertness I have that early -- 5:21 a.m., to be exact.

I know I'm not the only one who has experienced this, others were even younger than me, but it was just such a normal Monday morning. It was just a typical day wherein I was still just getting over the short weekend I had. I had a lot of concerns going on my head, the many worries I had for the rest of the week. I was just consumed by my life, I never saw it coming that another life was about to end in a few seconds.

The moment she hit the floor, and the first sight of blood came to view, I felt too helpless. I wanted to help, but all knowledge I had just flew out the window. I couldn't move. I can't believe the whole thing happened in less than a minute, but for me, it seemed like days. I was only able to mutter 'Lord..', not even knowing what I was praying for, exactly.

Suddenly, too many thoughts came rushing in. 'What if he missed the target and hit me, instead?' or 'What if the bullet pierced through and hit me, too?' or 'Was it burglary? He could've chosen me as his victim, my laptop is with me.' and many other selfish thoughts. I immediately felt bad for still thinking about me, and thought about the woman and how quickly her life ended before my very eyes.

As I got inside the bus, the driver and the conductor were talking about her. Apparently, they knew her, as well as the man who shot her. She was seeing another man, and she was leaving him. I thought to myself, 'I think I'm watching too much of How To Get Away With Murder." Still, I was absolutely traumatized. It's just so different when you witness all of it.

I walked away with such a heavy heart. I wanted to help, but really, what can I do? The security officers were ushering the bystanders to just keep on walking, myself included. So, I did just that.

As a nurse, I'm used to victims being rushed to the hospital due to gunshots, but I was never prepped to witness such a thing. God forbid, I will never be ready to see another man taking another's life---innocent or otherwise.

Whoever that poor woman was, whatever she did, she didn't deserve for her life to be taken in that manner. Let's pray for her soul, the justice she deserves, and every other thing you can think of praying for.

Always, always pray before leaving the house, or before doing anything else, really. I am constantly reminded of how life is too short, so I pray that we all realize that, and be thankful of the life we still have, for others can't say the same for themselves.

[lielabigail]

New Nurse Hits

Day 1: I wrote something earlier while I was waiting for our lecture to start: "I feel like an ant. Not even the fire-type. Nope. Probably the tamest, most non-aggressive type of ant. Suddenly, the world I'm moving in felt so huge that just one wrong turn might lead to my being stomped on continuously until there's nothing left of me, not even a little bit of my sorry ant body like what happens when you squish a real ant in real life. Can this black ant turn into a fire ant eventually? Can I actually be one of the giants in time? I'm not going to stomp on the other little ants, I swear." My thoughts at that exact time I left the OB ward earlier today. For a nurse who has no actual hospital experience aside from my years I spent as a student nurse, I can't help but feel a little belittled being exposed IMMEDIATELY, before being oriented and all. However, the belittling feeling passed as soon as it came for God answered my prayer of being surrounded with people who aren't arrogant enough to slap my face with their experiences. There was one, though, that didn't really appreciate my being 'new' but I really hope this person loosens up in no time for I know she can be of so much help in my growth as a nurse. If she doesn't warm up, then I'll just have to challenge myself more until such time she does. Haha! [I'm thinking of starting this new 'series' (I don't really know what to call my write-ups, LOL) entitled: New Nurse Hits. Feel free to give your welcomed suggestions and/or violent reactions!]

[lielabigail]

Week 5 of 52

NOTE: This is serious. My father is a seaman so I never really got to see a lot of him when I was growing up. He was away most of the time, working hard for us, and he has missed a lot of special occasions because of his occupation. It’s the price overseas workers have to pay, in exchange of giving their families a better life. However, I’m not writing this to talk about my wonderful father. Not now, at least. I am writing this to talk about one of my grandfathers. He is Papalolo to me, and to a lot of other people who have known him to be the cool grandfather that he is. He used to work for the Philippine Navy in his younger, stronger years, and he was also an overseas worker for another few years. He and my grandmother, Mamanana, frequented the Philippines, though, so I would often see them despite them working abroad. When they were here, they would always take me out on dates. It was a must for the three of us to watch whatever was showing in the cinemas, and it became a yearly thing. Papalolo would drive me to the major events of my student years (graduations, proms, college nights, board exam days, debuts, etc.). He's always willing to take me to and from anywhere. I always saw, and will always see him, to be the strong, brave soldier that he was. For me, he will always be able to protect me. For me, he's not just my grandfather, he's one of my real-life heroes. However, even the strongest ones have their weak moments. Even the best fall down, and even the bravest fear for what's to come. My grandfather is of no exception. It pains me to see him ailing, trembling, and just weak. It just breaks my heart to know that I can't do anything to ease his hurt, when he excelled in doing just that when I was younger. I don't even want to think about my grandmother, my aunts and uncles ---- his wife and children. I don't want to even start with the pain THEY'RE feeling. I don't want to go there. Please do include my grandfather's recovery in your prayers. Please pray that he regains and maintains his strength after his treatment, that he doesn't feel too much pain, that he keeps trusting God and His plans. Please pray for his family, that instead of being stressed out in the process, and taking it out on each other, may we just all come together in making things better for Papalolo, and that whatever happens, we'll all remain a strong and bonded family, just like how Papalolo raised us all to be. Asking for miracles at this time might be a long shot, but I'm still asking, anyway.

[lielabigail]

Week 4 of 52

Kae Davantes, 25, was robbed and murdered last September 8, 2013. Kim Pham, 23, was ‘savagely’ beaten (also the cause of death) last January 17, 2014 because of an accidental photobomb in a nightclub. Whether the motive was money, or an uncontrolled rage, the point is these women lost their lives over something senseless. A lot of people die each day because of petty things, and I feel infuriated that the evil around us creates fear in our hearts. Sure, we pray each and every day, but there are those times wherein you can’t really help but feel scared that you might encounter the same fate. I push these thoughts aside for I should know better, but then again, there are nights wherein I let those fears overcome me. Then, I pray some more. How can people easily take others’ lives? The women I mentioned were at their prime, worked hard to get to where they are, endured stress and adversaries to be who they were before their lives were taken prematurely from them by random strangers. I’m sure a lot of others who worked even harder also lost their lives to people who knows zilch about what they’ve been through. It’s frustrating to know that most of us fail to give the due concern that we should be giving to one another. It can be a friend, a relative, a colleague, or just a random stranger who can mess the future up for us, and all because we fail to care, because we fail to draw the lines to a certain extent. I have always had high hopes for humanity. Nowadays, though, I can see that’s it’s easier to break-up a friendship, a marriage, a relationship, or any form of bond, really. It’s easier to lie, to act innocent, to bully others, to be insensitive, to get angry, and to bring others’ down in exchange for something that’d be beneficial to us. Simply put, it’s easier to be selfish just to save one’s ass, and to just get what one wants. Long gone are the days wherein strangers help you out without expecting (no, asking) for anything in return. I miss those days wherein you can leave your things and expect them to still be where you left them. I miss having to commute at any given time without fearing a series of unfortunate events on the way to my destination. There are nights wherein I’d wake up to strange sounds, and automatically think that I’m being robbed, with heart palpitations and all (could also be that I’ve just been drinking too much coffee). My point is, I am not fearing that my own life would be taken so brutally (well, there are those brief moments), but I am more concerned of what the future holds for us, of what it has to offer to my future children. Not thinking ahead, but when you are at this stage in your life, you can’t help but be concerned of these things. I am not liking what the world is turning into, and I wish I could help out in turning it the other way around. I guess the question is: How do we actually do it?

[lielabigail]

Week 3 of 52

The past week, I was tagged as mean, a grammar Nazi, a perfectionist----basically a cyber bully. For a few days, maybe I was, because I tell you now that I was having fun bashing a particular person who, fortunately for her own sake, isn’t a friend of mine. The reason why I was doing what I was doing is because she openly claims to be better than me just because her weight is average (or below) and mine is obviously over, over the top. It’s so true, I even find it funny. I wasn’t about to let her get away with that now, was I? So I started attacking her grammatical errors (which, by the way, is just really sad considering her self-confidence in claiming she’s better than me, and her guts to speak ill of me first). People found it funny, especially those who are just like me, a little sensitive when it comes to misspelled words and misuse of the English language. Hey, I do this for a living, please.

  It was fun while it lasted, yes. I was about to continue having fun with her and her errors (I tell you, she has plenty) but a sincere reminder from my oh-so-kind-hearted boyfriend led me to do otherwise. The lesson I got from that is you should never avenge in the same manner. She blatantly attacked me online, and I did the same. If you would think about it, I was actually on the same level as hers which is, of course, something that I didn’t want. You have to be on the upper hand at all times and, yes, even if it means having to keep silent amidst all the criticisms and negativity being thrown at you.

  Sure, making fun of others’ mistakes is entertainment at its finest but only up to a certain point. I’m not perfect, I know. I make a lot of grammatical errors, too, but the only difference is that if I get mocked for it, I wouldn’t really give a rat’s ass about it. Again, be on the upper hand.

  People will always have something negative to say about you. That’s why we live by the principle of not being able to please everybody. The trick is to not be too sensitive just in case your bullying ricochets and hits you right in the face. But, hey, it won’t really hurt to proof read the thoughts you post online, would it? Peace!