Jun 9, 2017
Life's rough and some of us are just not strong enough
Me, my messed up self
seen from Qatar
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Life's rough and some of us are just not strong enough
Me, my messed up self
The Second Door
Definition of Insanity
Song: Gyakuten Saiban - The Fragrance of Dark Coffee
I’ve finally graduated from university in 2014, and after the ceremonies, with my head up high I toasted with my fellow class mates that we’d reach the highest of highs and nothing can stop us.
But as time passed by all the promising job offers that I scuffed at vanished, graduate school seemed like extra work that I couldn’t afford to do.
The job I had at the time was leading me nowhere, and I quickly figured out that having a degree didn’t mean much in the age of ultra-competition. No matter how much work experience you had, finding a job of your liking seemed like a luck of the draw. I was running out of options and my dad offered a job that I dreaded, helping with the family business. The lowest point came when I couldn’t even land a job at Fido as a sales representative. I felt despair as each day passed by, and was close to giving up everything.
During my worst of hours, my best friend Barry decided visit from Kelowna and take me out to our usual hangout spot at SFU.
“Sh*t, it’s cold here, never realized that it’s cold at night during the summer.” I sat down on the concrete stair case, on top of the hill where you can see the whole Burnaby area.
“Yea, but it’s nice here, do you miss school? This spot especially? The night really brings out the lights, eh?”
“Haha, I can barely see in the dark, but I sure did miss these concrete walls. I really missed smoking here with you. How’ve you been?”
“A lot actually, I might be coming back permanently.”
“Sorry bro… Rachael coming too?” I asked sheepishly.
“Nah, we’re done. I wanna forget all that in Kelowna…”
The silence filled the night and we eventually started on our third pack of cigarettes until Barry opened up again.
“You know, I tried everything, but nothing… everything is going to shit. The grind is beating me. How about you?”
I can see my breath in the cold weather now, but I don’t feel cold anymore.
“I can unequivocally tell you that I’ve f*cked up. I don’t know how or when it happened, but I’m about to lose it. I actually thought about ending it all with an overdose.”
“Maybe we’re just not meant to be? Or we’re barking up the wrong trees? What do you wanna do with your life?”
“What? I don’t know, that’s why I wanted to end it.”
“How about we make a pact? We figure out what we really want out of life and pursue it? Graduation doesn’t mean that we’re getting everything we wanted, right?”
“You know what, you’re right. Let me think about that, it might take long time to find out.”
We laughed till we coughed uncontrollably. That night we figured out that we sometimes try to open the wrong ‘life’ doors at the wrong time.