An Overseas Love Affair (Or, How I Went From Miss To Mrs.)
This is a long overdue and much needed entry but school really hit me outta nowhere in April and hasn’t stopped. Everyone is just trying to make it to summer holiday at the end of this month which still feels like a million light years away. We haven’t had any vacation days since Golden Week and it’s the longest stretch without a random weekday off we’ve had since I arrived. (I think.)
My one year Japanniversary is coming up in August and I’ll have a totally separate post to sum up all that’s happened in the last year, but there is one major event that needs (and deserves) it’s own entry.
I’ve thought long and hard about how to approach telling the story of my overseas marriage. (Yep, that’s right. I got married.) I had everything from a very detailed and third person point of view story, right down to a simple Q&A that was about as bare bones as you could get. But nothing seemed quite right...
So I decided on a simple recounting of the events that lead me up to March 22nd, 2019. (My wedding day.) It may not be spectacular in any way, but to me, it’s the story of how I met my husband. Which is pretty spectacular in and of itself. Enjoy.
The first time I saw Jacob Goodwin Griswold I was sleep deprived, dehydrated, sweaty and exhausted. I was back in my suit sitting in a new hotel conference room in Kyoto City waiting for the next, of what seemed like a never-ending supply of workshops, to begin. I had no idea what I was doing in Japan and was 100% ready to call everything off and fly back home to the States. I missed my family, my cat, my friends and my boyfriend. I was depressed and anxious. As I was sitting there I noticed this guy over in the corner by the table set up for our Prefectural Adviser and Board of Education JET Coordinator. He didn’t particularly stand out in any way. He was tucked up behind the table and the wall, not really talking to anyone, more so observing than doing much else. I didn’t know why, but in that moment I knew I needed to talk to him. Eventually.
I patiently sat through the mandatory information sessions, waiting for this mystery man in the corner to reveal himself when finally, after eternity, he got up and walked to the center of the room to give his presentation. I have to be honest when I say I don’t remember much about his workshop, which makes it seem unmemorable (which isn’t true!), but be reminded dear reader that I was incredibly jet-lagged and still trying to fully comprehend my new life in a foreign country. You could have had Garth Brooks up there singing and still wouldn’t remember much of it.
What I *do* remember though is the way he talked. Low and soft, with a lisp. That lisp was about the cutest thing I’d ever heard in my entire life and I hung on every word. I remember the way he pushed his glasses up his nose, his hands on his hips as he talked (like a football coach on the sideline). I remember the passion in his voice and the eagerness with which he spoke. He exuded confidence and energy, but it never came off as cocky or self-absorbed. Here was a man who genuinely loved teaching. I sat in rapt attention.
Then, it was over. 30 minutes seemed to fly by in the span of 5. There was another workshop but all I wanted now was the 10 minute break we were going to get afterward. That was going to be my chance...
Ah, I think it’s very important for me to pause just a moment and tell you, my lovely reader, that what I felt for Jacob upon first seeing him wasn’t exactly love. I left for Japan in a very committed and loving relationship, which I was already preparing to return home to in a year’s time. What I felt for Jacob was more of a...pull? As if a string was running out of the center of my chest and straight over to Jacob’s. I wanted to find out what that string meant...
So I did. During that 10 minute break, I went over to the head table to ‘‘casually chat with Leah’‘ and I also just-so-happened to introduce myself to Jacob who also just-so-happened to be nearby. I found out there was a dinner for everyone afterward and so I made a mental note to try and seat myself somewhere in his vicinity. So imagine my surprise (and secret delight) when he sat himself down right across from me later that evening at the restaurant. Dinner was filled with amazing food and drinks, laughter and good conversation. For the first time in 5 days I felt...normal. Jacob kept me in stitches as he ribbed my gullible new roommate and friend while I tried not to seem too eager to ask him questions about himself as I wanted to come off as cool and unassuming. (Which I really don’t think I managed to do but let’s pretend I did for the sake of my ego.) At one point during the meal, Jacob bet he could keep me in Japan more than a year. I scoffed and wished him good luck. I was out of there the moment my contract was finished. He calmly told me he had 8 months to change my mind and I secretly began to wonder if he would... With dinner finished and paid for, talks of heading to a karaoke bar began. A small part of me wanted to go, but the larger part of me was exhausted and knew I had to give my speech to the head of the Board of Education in the morning, so I politely declined amidst protests and peer pressure. I bid everyone goodnight and thought that would be the last time I would ever really see or interact with Jacob having NO idea what the future held.
Looking back I do wish I had ended up going. But maybe if I had things wouldn’t have happened the way they did...
I’ll fast forward a couple of weeks now to (you guessed it) another conference. This one was solely for us new AET’s to receive advice, support and criticism on the self-introductions we would be doing in another week or so once classes started again. Again, it was a lackluster day full of information and meeting like activities which didn’t do much in the way of making my eventual first class any less scary. I saw Jacob throughout the day and we talked during the breaks. We had lunch with another AET at a curry restaurant not far from the conference building and made plans with a handful of other AET’s (both new and seasoned) that night after closing remarks. I was already looking forward to it.
We ended up a hot wing place in the heart of downtown touristy Kyoto. Having had a few pregame drinks at the 7-11 across the street while we waited for our table meant that I was feeling free and uninhibited. So naturally I plunked myself down next to Jacob in a booth only meant for 4 people, 6 maximum, but was now housing almost 10. It was cozy in a way that only being surrounded by good people and being slightly tipsy can be. More drinks were ordered and I reveled in the ‘‘loud foreigner’‘ stereotype as we laughed and talked trash on the conference we had just come from when suddenly I felt a hand on my arm and a mouth close to my ear.
‘‘Do you ever do the small things for people and then wish they would do the same for you?’‘
Everything stopped. I whirled my head to the left and came face to face with searching brown eyes, inquisitive and imploring. No one, ever, in my entire life and asked me that before. It was a secret desire I had never divulged to anyone and yet here was this guy I had only known for a few weeks who had seemingly plucked it out of the ether. I sat there slack-jawed. How does one even reply to a statement like that aside from the one word answer of “Yes.”?
The rest of the night was a blur. After wings we all went to a karaoke bar next door. (It against my better judgement seeing as how it was a Thursday night and I had my first day of work the next morning and it turns out I had every reason to be worried.) Eventually it got to the point where myself and Julianne (the other Tango Prefectural AET) HAD to go. We were cutting it close already catching the last train in a city we didn’t know so Jacob walked us out, hailed a cab and gave us money for the fare to the station. I protested saying we would be fine but he insisted and I felt as if I needed to let him win this one. Julianne and I managed to make it out of the city but got stranded about a 30 minute drive from home at 11:30 PM at a small outdoor station with no attendant. With only one working phone between the both of us, and literally NO idea where we were, Julianne and I were up sh*t creek without a paddle. But guess who was frantically working with another AET on the other end trying to call a taxi company to get us home? Jacob. It was the first (but not the last) time he would help me. (Clearly we made it back and lived to tell the tale. Humorously now...)
For the sake of the length of this entry, I’m going to condense the next few months into a paragraph or two. After that ill fated train station debacle, Jacob and I didn’t really talk much in the first couple of months I lived in Japan. I was too busy trying not to quit every single day and also work on a relationship that clearly wasn’t going anywhere. I would message him from time to time or see that he had text to check in on me. It was nice to know he was there, even if it was sporadically at first. August and September came and went. Then October hit me like a sack of bricks and after a series of personal life issues I was worse off mentally and emotionally than when I first arrived in Japan. It was at this point when Jacob and I started talking more frequently. At first it was the typical “getting to know you” type questions. Where’d you grow up? What’s your favorite food? Are a cat or a dog person? The usual. As time went on we began to delve deeper into who we were as people and it turns out we were a lot more alike than we cared to admit. That’s not to say we don’t have our differences though. (He likes pit bulls and mastiffs while I’m more of a teeny, tiny, snuggly cat person...) The similarities kept piling up and October finished in the blink of an eye. Suddenly I was staring down the barrel of November and the upcoming Skills Conference at the end of the month. At this point we were talking every single day and I found myself looking forward to our daily messages. It was about a week before the Skills Conference that it hit me...I was in love with him.
The anticipation that had been building at the thought of seeing Jacob again was much more than one friend getting excited to see the other. It was something much deeper. And so, on the morning of November 30th, I boarded the train bound for Kyoto City and hoped my feelings weren’t one sided. (I had a sneaking suspicion they weren’t.) Not many people know this but Jacob and I share the same birthday. Yep. We were both born on November 30th exactly 8 years (and some hours) apart. It’s a strange little quirk not many couples can claim which I think is pretty dang cool. We had agreed that neither one of us was going to get the other a gift so of course I had to break the “no gifts” rule straight away. I arrived at the conference hall clutching the bag of cookies I had made the night before and sheepishly looking around the crowded auditorium for a head of curly hair. I noticed one of my other friends first and immediately went over to her. We began chatting and a few minutes into the conversation I noticed him. He was wearing a purple shirt and grey wool coat and he looked so cute. I frantically motioned him over and before I could even present the cookies he says “I got you something for your birthday.” while pulling out a fun sized candy bar from his pocket with the most satisfied and self-assured grin on his face. “I got you something too.” I replied, handing over the bag. “They’re homemade cookies.” The look on his face was priceless. I’ve never seen someone so crestfallen at receiving a birthday present before.
Now, before this particular conference, Jacob and I had made a bet. I bet him that he couldn’t go 24 hours without being mean to me. Up to that point, Jacob was notorious for making fun of anything and everything he could about me. From my overalls to my use of a weighted blanket. He didn’t care who was around or listening. He liked picking on me. So, the bet went like this: If he could be nice to be the entire day and won, he got a prize of his choosing. However, if he *couldn’t* be nice to me all day and I won, I got a prize of my choosing. This is important to the story because it will come into play later on in the narrative.
Although I didn’t see Jacob much that day during actual conference hours, every time I *did* see him he would compliment some part of my outfit or personality. It was weird because I was so used to him being mean that it felt...unnatural. I was impressed by his determination to win. And he actually did really well. He even ran back across the street to pick up the scarf I had dropped on the way back from our lunch break. I was beginning to become genuinely worried I was going to lose...UNTIL we were taking the train to the city after the conference. I don’t remember what the exact comment was, I just know I was drunkenly talking about my ex when Jacob let loose a rather nasty aside that caused our mutual friend to drop his jaw and utter a rather surprised “Damn...” I could by the look on Jacob’s face he couldn’t believe he’d said it either. The regret and guilt were plainly written right across it. I had won.
The rest of the evening went by in a haze. There’s so much information I want to share with you, but this post is already bordering on needing a sequel so I’ll skip to the next good bit which is my trip down to Kyoto City in December. After the conference, Jacob and I began to seriously plan a visit for me down to the city. I had already made plans to spend the New Year’s holiday in Nara with my Japanese grandparents but I had days prior to that with nothing to do. So, I decided to cash in on my bet winnings. And what was that, you may be wondering? I told Jacob he had to take me to dinner before we went to see Wreck It Ralph 2. That’s right. I made him take me on a date. Which I happen to think is quite clever if I do say so myself. I’ll never forget how nervous I was to see him for the first time after our birthday. Whenever Jacob and I had been around each other before, there was always someone with us. This was the first time we would hanging out by ourselves and I wasn’t quite sure what to do...
I really needn’t have worried so much because it was the best week and a half of my life. We ended up watching Wreck It Ralph all in Japanese and I (in an impressive moment of bravery) made the first move when I snuggled in close halfway through the movie. My New Year’s Eve plans in Nara ended up being canceled due to an unfortunate death in the family, so Jacob and I made a spontaneous trip to Kobe where were went ice skating, walked down by the port and rang in 2019 by visiting our first shrine of the New Year. It felt as if I was living in a dream and I never wanted it to wake up from it.
But, as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. The end of the winter holiday was quickly approaching so I suggested Jacob come up to Tango for a few days before we both had to go back to our respective schools. He had never been to that area of Kyoto before so he quickly agreed and a day later we were on a train heading North. The first night we spent in Tango together I got a little too big for my britches and had more whiskey than I should have. After falling asleep while peeing, I apparently made an impassioned speech about wanting to have “little potato people” with him and staunchly decreed that we were going to get married. Jacob gently spoon fed me water and agreed. And that’s when I knew.
For you see, dear reader, in my experience, love tends to sneak in. It hardly ever kicks down the front door, but rather shimmies up the drain pipe and slides open a second story window before slowly lowering itself, soundlessly, into your domicile. I was 100%, without a shadow of a doubt, head over heels in love. But this love, was a different kind of love than any I had experienced before. It was a comforting love. An effortless love. A natural, make you feel good from the top of your head to the tips of your toes, kind of love. And it was all mine.
Those who are closest to me will vouch for the fact that I NEVER wanted to get married or have children. The mere thought of marriage was an idea that gave me a queasy feeling in my tummy. (Don’t ask me what the thought of children did...) Yes, I had talked of marriage before with various long term and serious boyfriends in the past...but that was only because it seemed like the next logical step in the relationship. It wasn’t necessarily something I wanted so much as an unspoken agreement that it’s what came after you checked off a number of other boxes. That’s just how these things work. So of course when I slowly started to tell my nearest and dearest that I had met the man I was going to marry and we were, in fact, going to get married their responses ranged from genuine delight and happiness to downright disbelief and incredulity. My parents were obviously against it as they had never met Jacob before and had really only heard me seriously talking about him for about 2 months at that point. Their answer to Jacob’s question for approval was a firm and resounding ‘’NO.’’
I love my parents, and while we have our differences, I value their opinions and advice. But that’s exactly what it is. Opinions and advice. Jacob and I talked everything over after his conversation with my parents and decided that getting married was the best thing for US. We didn’t want to wait to make other people feel comfortable because it wasn’t about them. It never was. So, we decided to elope. Getting married in Japan was fairly easy all things considered. There was some paperwork involved which required a trip to the Consulate for some notarial services, a few witnesses who didn’t mind putting their information down on paper and on March 22nd, 2019 we screamed into the Minami-ku City Hall parking lot 10 minutes before they closed. Why the 22nd you ask? Well, in all honesty it was the only day both of us were off from work. The City Hall isn’t open on the weekends or holidays and if we didn’t go on the 22nd we had no idea how long we would have to wait. Neither one of us wanted to take the chance so we agreed the 22nd was best. The entire affair lasted about 25 minutes (thanks to the two kindly Japanese City Hall workers who stayed past closing time to help us fill out a form we forgot (and might have been more excited for us than we were)) and cost us roughly 300 yen for the marriage license.
And suddenly, I was Mrs. Griswold.
Was it the wedding of my dreams? Well, I’m not really sure because I never planned out a wedding for myself before. The furthest I ever got was putting a few photos of dresses I liked in a folder on my desktop marked ‘‘Maybe One Day’‘. Somehow though, the way Jacob and I did it was perfect and now I can’t imagine anything different. (He was in a suit for work and I wore my overalls. Fitting, right?) I was never one for fancy dresses or big events. Heck, we didn’t even have rings picked out but that didn’t matter to me because the most important thing was getting to spend the rest of my life with Jacob as his wife. Everything else was just...extra.
I am so lucky to married to the most kind, genuine, caring, gentle, sweet, intelligent, passionate, funny and witty man. We have so many things in common but are still our own individuals. I married my best friend and my confidant. Everyday is a new adventure to journey off into with him. He’s my sidekick and I’m his. Four months of marriage have passed in blissful happiness. The hardest thing about our relationship at the moment is the distance between us, but even that is minuscule compared to strength of the love that we have. I could go on and on in great detail about Jacob, but the only way to truly know someone is to meet them. Our biggest goal right now is getting back to the States in order for both of us to meet one another’s respective families and friends. It’s a bit backwards, meeting after the fact, but neither Jacob nor I have ever really done things ‘’by the book’’. We hope to return for Christmas.
In the meantime, I am going to go ahead and wrap this post up. Enjoy some photos of us and feel free to ask questions about anything that seems unclear or that you might want additional information on. I’m an open book!
The only way we could fit the entire fountain in the picture...
Yakiniku date with the most handsome man in the world. (Who never judges how many grilled meats I eat...)
Jacob was known at his former school as a very strong drinker...
Enjoying the gardens of Okayama Castle.
A candid from a Ritsumeikan school trip that I love and is currently my LINE chat background.
Y’ALL. His mother WILLINGLY gave me this photo and I’ve never been the same since. The shirt. The hair. The tiny patch of chin fuzz!! ‘Lil high school senior behbeh Jacob.
The poor guy’s curly hair fell victim to the humidity in Okayama...but that peach shaved ice certainly helped him forget all about it.
