My long winded artists statement that I need to shorten but I like it so I'm posting it. A.K.A My justification for being a selfish artist
I have been an artist my whole life. I have also failed many times in making an art career for myself. It’s been a choice over stability or passion. I have chosen stability because it was the smart choice. The realistic choice. The passion and joy I get from creating goes on the back burner. I cannot trust myself to achieve these things because of my severe adhd and some other possible undiagnosed learning disabilities. I tell myself that complacency can just be as good as happiness. Then I get burned out. Miserable. Too tired to think. Too depressed to create. I ask myself, “What good is a job if it keeps me from the passion that fuels my very being?”
So I try again. An uphill battle in this consumer world we live in. I need to brand myself. Condense myself into an easy to spot package on the shelf. I try to force myself into those pants only to realize that I just don’t fit into those size jeans. I follow advice that alienates me from my art. “The cute octopuses sold. Can you make more of that?” And on the opposite side, “Your work just doesn’t have a message behind it.”
I have never been able to achieve my art career. I however have an arsenal of skills at my disposal. I’ve taught myself watercolor and oil painting. I’ve figured out what mediums I can put together. I’ve learned digital painting and how to combine it with traditional media. I’ve practiced anatomy to be able to draw some risque poses. I have learned to sculpt with model magic because I wanted to know what a crystalized pink eye would look like. I’ve whittled glue sticks to look like crystals. Making my own costume props is a piece of cake. I enjoy drawing my friend’s characters. I love drawing fanart. It’s not the end product that matters for me, it is the act of making it.
My work may not be marketable. My work may not be a political statement. But I really don’t care because truthfully I didn’t make it for you. I made it to keep myself alive. That is the value of my work.