Light of Lothal Chapter 14 Lost and Afraid
Kallus knew nothing about parenting or raising children, yet here he was, adopting a child who had just lost his parents and was now being hunted by the Empire that he worked for. It was insane, but Kallus didn’t regret his decision for one second.
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“Lyste I can-“ Kallus frantically began, but before he could finish Kanan charged him swinging and knocking him to the ground.
“Kanan no he’s a friend!” Kallus cried. “He knows about Dev!”
“You should have started with that,” Kanan grumbled as Kallus ran over and kneeled down next to Lyste who stared up at him, groaning in pain.
“Lyste are you alright?” Kallus asked.
“I thought we were friends,” Lyste groaned. Kallus chuckled and helped pull Lyste to his feet saying,
“Sorry but we need to get Dev and get out of here, where is he?” Kallus hurriedly asked.
“Kallus…he’s….gone,” Lyste said, unable to look him in the eye.
“Gone- what do you mean gone?” Kallus demanded, heart hammering in his chest.
“He ran away,” Lyste said. “After we got the news of your supposed death he locked himself in his room and when I went to check on him he was gone.” Everything went numb as the words processed in his mind. Dev had run away and was now defenseless and certain he was dead. Why would he run away? Did he know how dangerous it was for him? If anyone found out who he really was, he’d be killed without hesitation.
Even if Dev’s true identity was never discovered, that didn’t take away the danger of a young child living on the streets alone. Winters where extremely cold, it was nearly impossible to get a regular supply of food, not to mention the scum who lived in the shadows, preying on the innocent and truly desperate. If they didn’t find him soon, they would more likely find his body.
“We have to find him, quickly!” Kallus cried, anxiously pacing across the room. the last time he’d felt such terror was back on Onderon as he helplessly watched his men get slaughtered before his eyes….this time though he wasn’t helpless, he could do something this time. He refused to let anyone else he loved die. He’d lost too many people already.
When his men were killed, he’d promised himself he’d never let himself get attached to anyone ever again, but then Dev came along and ruined it all; and he’d never been happier for it. Dev had brought light into his dark world, brought joy and happiness into his life after he’d been so sure he’d never have it again, he refused to let the Empire take that away from him again.
He was afraid, terrified even, he refused to let that fear overcome him, he needed to focus on saving Dev. Fear would only slow him down, make him sloppy.
“Why?” Lyste asked. “I mean why the sudden rush to leave?”
“Did they tell you what happened on Lasan?” Kallus softly asked.
“…no,” Lyste slowly said. “Did something bad happen?”
“Tarkin…he ordered the destruction of Lasan….ordered every Lasat be killed-“
“Are you sure?” Lyste asked. “I mean would the Empire really-“
“They marked a child for death Lyste!” Kallus snapped. “Does this really surprise you?”
“The Empire has never done these things bef-“
“That we know about!” Kallus said. “The Empire could be just covering all of this up!”
“Do you really think that?” Lyste asked.
“I don’t know what to think,” Kallus admitted. “Nothing makes sense anymore!”
“You where there, maybe they attacked because the Lasat attacked-“
“No, we attacked, they defended,” Kallus whispered. “I can’t raise Dev in a place like this! We have to leave and get as far away as possible.”
“That will be easy for you both to do since the Empire doesn’t care about an orphan and they think you’re dead…” Lyste sighed.
“We could find a way to get you out quietly too if you wanted to come with us,” Kallus gently said, imagining what it would be like, the three of them could go to a world far away in the outer rim where there wasn’t much Imperial presence, they could get a small house and raise Dev together- together. He liked the thought of that. They could be a family, together. They could never replace Dev’s parents, but they could do their best to fill in for them.
“N-no!” Lyste stammered. “No I can’t leave. The Empire would know and they’d hunt me down and execute me for treason!” Kallus could only stare at him for several long moments, the thought that Lyste might say no never even crossed his mind. Lyste coming with felt so right, like he belonged with their little family.
“You’d rather work for an Empire that murders innocent people?” Even if Lyste didn’t want to help raise Dev, why would he work for an Empire that’s done so much harm to so many innocent people? Lyste was a better man then this!
“If they come after me they’ll find you and Dev and kill you both!” Lyste cried. “I can’t let that happen!”
“But-“
“This is my choice Kallus,” Lyste firmly said. “Now go find Dev.”
“Lyste-“ Kallus began, reaching out to Lyste. It wasn’t his job to protect Kallus, he was more than capable of taking care of himself, of Dev. Lyste didn’t need to force himself to stay-
“Kallus come on, we don’t have time for this,” Kanan snapped, grabbing his arm and yanking him back. “He’s made his decision and now we need to go.”
“Goodbye Lyste,” Kallus whispered.
“Goodbye,” Lyste mumbled, turning away from Kallus. Lyste refusing to come with him, stirred up an emotion inside of him he was painfully unfamiliar with. He wanted to beg Lyste to come with him, to get as far away from the Empire as physically possible, but he knew he couldn’t force Lyste, besides, he had to think of Dev now. Whatever he was feeling for Lyste couldn’t distract him, Lyste had made his decision, he had to respect that decision and move on. Kallus took a deep breath, and shoved the strange emotions deep down. It was almost frighteningly easy to do.
“Come on Kanan, I think I have an idea where Dev may have gone,” Kallus said before turning and walking out the door, not once looking back, unable to see the wistful look Lyste sent over his shoulder at the door as it shut behind the pair. His focus was solely on Dev.
Don’t worry Dev, I’m coming.
----------------------
He’d forgotten how cold it got at night on Lothal. He’d gotten used to the warmth of his new room. Dev had let himself get comfortable in his new life, a mistake he didn’t intend to make again. After the Empire took his birth parents he should have realized they wouldn’t let him be happy with his new family. He could never be happy, never have a family, he knew that now.
It would be better for everyone if he stayed in this cold lifeless tower, alone. Where he couldn’t get close to anyone and get hurt again. He was safer in isolation, you can’t miss anyone if there was no one to miss. But he had people to miss, so many people, why did everyone he loved have to die? His parents, his papa? A few treacherous tears leaked out of the corners of his eyes that he furiously wiped away.
Dev curled up on the cold ground, clutching Mr. Muttonchops to his chest. He knew he should ditch it, it made him think of his dad, both of them, and those where things he didn’t want to remember, but every time he started to toss his, his stomach would twist up painfully and he found he couldn’t do it. Despite telling himself otherwise, he didn’t want to forget Mr. Kallus, he was the first person to be kind to him after his parents died, he’d protected him and shown him love and kindness in a cruel, dark world.
He didn’t know anything about being a parent, but he’d been willing to try, for Dev, a little orphan he’d only met a few weeks earlier. For a moment, he’d made Dev believe that maybe, just maybe the Empire wasn’t as bad as he thought, that maybe their where good people who were looking out for everyone. But only Mr. Kallus and Mr. Lyste had been kind to him, the others were just as bad as his parents had told him. Cruel and uncaring, tossing him out like he was nothing after Mr. Kallus’s death- Dev clutched Mr. Muttonchops close to him, desperately trying to keep the painful memories at bay, but unable too. He didn’t want to be alone in the cold dark tower- he wanted to be in his home with his parents or his new home with his papa in their warm embrace.
Wishing for them back though wouldn’t bring them back- he was all alone now, and he had to accept that. There was no one here to comfort him, and their never would be. He needed to forget his families, both of them, and find a way to move on. He was all alone now, but he would survive. His parents had always said he was strong and could survive anything.
“You’re such a brave boy,” His mother said, running a hand through his hair. “No matter what happens, know we love you, so so much.”
“We need you to keep being brave for us okay?” His father said. “And always have hope.”
He didn’t feel brave, or loved. Had no hope. What was there to hope for? He hoped his parents would come back, but they never would, he hoped he could have a new family with Mr. Kallus, but now he was gone. All he wanted to do was curl up in a corner and cry. He desperately held in the tears though, brave boys didn’t cry, and he would be brave, for his parents and his papa. He wouldn’t cry, and would never let himself love again.